The first time that Henry tried to say it was when his hyungs took him out for a drink for no apparent reason and he just downed his third glass of whiskey, gathering all of his courage from the small glass on his hand. He fumbled for his phone, easily finding her name on the long lists of contacts and pressing the call button.

It rang and rang until her voicemail picked up and Henry cursed under his breath and hung up. He took another sip of his drink, sighing.

“I love you.” He mumbled as the alcohol burned his throat.

The second time that he attempted, they were on his couch and his lips were attached to hers. She sighed contently against his mouth, fingers tangling with his hair and Henry thought that maybe, this was the best way to say it – with the warmth of her skin on his hands as they went under her shirt; with his lips leaving imprints on her neck, her jaw, everywhere he could reach; with his heart hammering inside his chest and with his mind tangled with a thousand ‘I love you’s that he’s too afraid to say out loud.

So he settled for that.

He hates himself sometimes.

The third time was on Amber’s birthday and he had gone all out in preparing dinner for the two of them, complete with candles and roses. Amber had pretended to gag at all the cheesiness and threatened to leave if the food wasn’t good. Henry laughed, clammy hands pulling out a chair for her.

Henry was fidgeting throughout dinner and he’s about ready to spill the contents of his stomach if he doesn’t say anything soon.  He had this practiced. Those nearly three hours in front of the bathroom mirror weren’t for nothing. Gen almost had a heart attack when he woke up at 3AM with him mumbling nonsense in the bathroom.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Henry looked up from his food and suddenly, he’s having second thoughts. The last time he said I love you to a girl, she ran off and cheated on him. Although, he’s sure that Amber was not the type to cheat, there’s no guarantee that she won’t run out and leave.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Stupid, stupid Henry.

After that failed attempt of bravery, it took a while before his fourth try. This time, Amber was sleeping over. It’s already two in the morning yet sleep refused to take over him. Not when Amber was lying beside him, arms wrapped around his torso and head snuggled on the crook of his neck.

Her steady breathing fanned his neck and he shut his eyes tightly, letting the feelings on his chest grow stronger. Henry’s not stupid. He knows that he has to say it sooner or later. Still, fear crept inside him even though he knew that Amber would never ever do what he thinks she’ll do. But he wants to say it without second thoughts, without fear, without hesitation. So for now, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, a soft, almost inaudible I love you falling from his lips.

The fifth time, he didn’t even know how it happened. All he knew was that he was waiting for Amber to turn up for their rehearsal and when she walked in, wearing that hoodie that she nicked from his closet, she smiled at him and Henry’s breath got knocked out of his lungs. God, she’s so beautiful.

It came out before he could stop himself.

“I love you.”

Amber froze on her place. Time seemed to have stopped and silence ensued.

“…in that hoodie.” He ended up saying to save himself. “Hey, isn’t that mine?”

Amber raised an eyebrow but he ignored her, going over to the center and practicing the dance moves, all the while pretending not to feel her gaze burning a hole on his back.

For the sixth time, he thought of writing a letter. He figured it couldn’t be that hard. If he could pour his feelings out in a song, a simple letter wouldn’t be any different, right?

Dear Amber,

I know you’re probably going to kill me once you read this because it’s cheesy and cliché. But please believe me that every word written in this letter is nothing but the truth.

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time suppressing my feelings. I’m sure you’ve noticed. You always notice. But you didn’t say anything. That’s good, I suppose because I’m the one who’s supposed to say something. Something important.

Amber, I love you and everything about you.

I love it when you smile, when you laugh, when you say my name or when you call me an idiot. I love that little mole that you have just above your lips. It’s almost unnoticeable but it’s there and I love it. I love your stupid grin and your teeth. I love that scar on your legs because it reminds me of the time you got into a skateboarding accident and I had to carry you home. I remember you falling asleep on my back and as I listen to your steady breathing, that’s when I realized that I was in love with you.

I want you to know that I’m serious about us. I don’t want this to be just a fling because goddammit Amber Liu, I’m in love with you.

Henry put the pen down and sighed.

The letter ended up in the trash can.

All Henry remembered in that moment was the confetti. Lots of them. They were on the stage floor, on his hair; everything was just covered in confetti. He remembered red against white, the fabric of his hometown’s flag felt comforting against his skin. He saw her walking towards him and just like all those years ago in New York, the flag hovered over them, shielding them from the prying eyes of the crowd.

Henry took this moment to say what he has always known.

“I love you.”

There was a split second of silence before she grinned and said the words that he’s been waiting to hear.

“I love you, too.”

The flag falls.