"Never more to go astray,

This will be the end today."

- Styx, Renegade

         Hyukjae didn't know how much time passed since he's been there – hours, days, weeks? He didn't know if time even existed in the Underworld. There was one thing he was certain of though: simply being there was taking a toll on him. He wasn't rowing the boat like in his dreams, but he felt drained - as if energy was leaving him with every blink of his eyes. As a result, he chose to collapse near the wall, as far from the river as possible and just lie there until something would happen.

         Charon seemed to stubbornly ignore his presence. Hyukjae tried to engage the God in a conversation in hopes that he might convince the immortal to let him go back - soul or not, he could not stay there forever - but the God was as unresponsive as a stone; he wouldn't even look his way.

         So Hyukjae just sat on the cold ground with his back leaning on the equally cold wall, helpless and hopeless. He did not like this state of lethargy he was currently in, partly because he was sure he was going to fade away at some point and partly because, having nothing else to do, he started to think.

         He thought about his entire life up to that point, analyzing every single detail he could remember in hopes of finding a clue that might've signaled him earlier that he had no soul. He thought about his family: about his parents and how he always upset them and made them worry, and he thought about his sister - oh, how he missed his sister! Thinking about them, he realized with disappointment that he could barely remember their faces, even his sister's - all he knew was that she was very beautiful, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen; his mother must have been beautiful as well, because Sora inherited it from her after all. But he couldn't recall their exact features and he hated himself for it.

         He thought about what Charon had told him and tried to piece the pieces of the puzzle together, but to no avail. There were too many pieces, broken and scattered, and the more he tried to put them back together, the more lost he got. The fact that bewildered him the most though was that his mother had been involved in this - "It is you because of your mother", that was what Charon said - and he couldn't understand how or why and he was dying to know!

         Lastly, he thought about Donghae; smart, sweet, caring Donghae who was probably anxiously waiting for a sign from Hyukjae while Hyukjae was stuck with the dead. There was something else that bugged him more about Donghae though: he liked him. Hyukjae liked Donghae; not in the "I'd like to have with you once or twice" way, but in the "I wouldn't mind going out with you and maybe try having a relationship" one. Even though he knew the younger for only two days, Donghae managed to charm him. How could Hyukjae not like him when he was absolutely perfect? And Donghae confessed that he liked him as well, despite his cold attitude and his silliness. What more could he ask for?

         Hyukjae had always loathed the action of deeply thinking about stuff. It caused unnecessary emotional torment - it was a well-known fact that thoughtful people were unhappy people - and Hyukjae didn't want to make his life even more miserable than it already was. They say ignorance is bliss and Hyukjae lived by that saying.

          He stopped thinking just in time to notice a spirit making its way towards him. It was the spirit of an old man and it still looked human; it probably just arrived in the Underworld.

          "Please help me, young man," the spirit said. "He won't let me get in the boat." He discreetly gestured towards Charon, who was waiting for the spirits to climb the boat.

          Hyukjae glared at him. "I have enough problems of my own. I don't need to deal with the dead as well."

          The spirit looked at him with sad, pitiful eyes for a moment and then slowly made his way towards Charon. Hyukjae watched him speak to the god. He was too far away to hear, but he could still guess what was happening: the spirit was begging and Charon was sending him away. The spirit drifted off somewhere else. Charon surprisingly turned towards Hyukjae and started walking to him.

          "Do you want to get back to the boat now?" Charon asked in a taunting manner.

          "I want my soul!" Hyukjae growled.

          "Some strong will you have there, Lee Hyukjae," the god mocked him. "Unfortunately it is not enough to get your soul back. In fact, if you don't change your attitude soon, you're going to be stuck here until you eventually become a hateful spirit."

          "What does my attitude have to do with anything?"

          Charon looked at him with fake pity. "You poor, poor man ... you can't get your soul back because you are undeserving. Prove that you are worthy of having a soul and you might get it back."

          "I don't understand ..."

          "Mother of all gods, he's not only ruthless, BUT UTTERLY STUPID AS WELL!" Charon yelled. "When was the last time you have helped someone or simply done something nice for anyone?!"

          The question caught Hyukjae off guard and he couldn't come up with an answer.

          Charon scoffed. "That's what I thought ... that old man's spirit came to you for help earlier, didn't he? And you merely sent him away."

          "I can't even help myself! How can I possibly help him?!" Hyukjae snapped, completely forgetting that he was talking to a deity.

          "You see, that's exactly why you'll never get your soul back," Charon explained. "Because you keep placing yourself first, above everyone else. You are selfish, ruthless, empty and rude, and you are not like this because your soul is missing! No, you are like this because that's just who you are! You will never have your soul back unless you prove that you deserve to have one, prove that you're not just a shallow body!"

          With that, Charon left without saying - or rather yelling - another word. Hyukjae stared at his retreating form, speechless and dumbfounded. He never thought of himself to be that kind of person, but he was; he had always been, even when he was young. No wonder they didn’t want to release his soul – he didn’t use it much anyway. Charon’s scolding came like a divine revelation to Hyukjae, opening his eyes to witness his own stupidity. Well ... it was too late to change himself now anyway. He certainly couldn’t do it from the Underworld.

          His eyes landed on the old man who sought his help earlier. The distraught spirit was leaning on the same wall as Hyukjae, several feet away. Something flickered in Hyukjae as he stared at it, like a candle being lit in eternal darkness, and, with the strength he got left, he stood up and walked to the spirit. The old man scooted a little to the left, as if to make space for Hyukjae – even though there was plenty – and Hyukjae sat next to him, bringing his knees to his chest. They sat in silence until Hyukjae spoke:

          “Why won’t He let you on the boat?”

          The old man let out a resigned sigh. “I don’t have anything to pay with.”

          “You have to pay to enter the Underworld?” Hyukjae’s eyes widened.

          “Yes. It’s not much, really. Just a cheap coin is enough … but you have to give the ferryman something. I don’t have anything.”

          Hyukjae pondered for a while, then said with conviction: “I will help you!”

          “You will?” the spirit asked, his voice and face full of hope.

          “Yes. I will row the boat to the Underworld instead of Charon.”

          “But will he allow you to do that?”

          “Of course. In fact, I think he can’t wait for me to take over. He kept pestering me about it ever since I arrived here,” Hyukjae grumbled. “Now, here’s what you have to do: go mingle with the other spirits in the middle of the line so that Charon doesn’t notice you. When it’s almost your turn, I’ll switch places with Charon and lead you away.”

          “Thank you, young man! Thank you so much!” the spirit exclaimed with tears in his eyes and hurried to execute the plan.

          Hyukjae waited a while, until the old man got close to the boat, and then went to talk to Charon.

          “I changed my mind,” he said, hopefully convincing enough. “I want to row the boat now.”

          Charon eyed him suspiciously. His gaze was so intense that Hyukjae was almost sure the god could see right through him. However, Charon stepped out of the boat and handed him the long paddle, a little forcefully, then walked away in the opposite direction.

          Hyukjae gripped the paddle tightly and stepped into the boat with shaky legs. He completely forgot about his fear of deep waters, but he couldn’t back out now. He tried to compose both himself and the boat, which was swaying dangerously on the river’s surface, the rotten wood creaking under Hyukjae’s feet. The spirits also started to get in, the old man meddling between them, and Hyukjae took off. It was crazy, the way he naturally rowed away towards a destination he did not know, when he had never gotten into a boat before – let alone lead it – except for when he was dreaming; his body moved like it was possessed or under a spell.

          While crossing the river, Hyukjae tried with all his might to look at anything but the spirits that were behind him in the boat. Unlike the old man, who still looked human, the rest of them had cadaveric appearances and they didn’t seem aware of what was happening. They were just hovering in the boat with blank faces that looked at nothing in particular, giving them an even creepier demeanor and making Hyukjae willing to jump into the river just to get away from them.

          A small wooden platform appeared into view after a while and Hyukjae unconsciously rowed towards it. The boat stopped by itself when it reached the platform and the spirits slowly got off. The old man lingered in front of Hyukjae though.

          “Thank you so much, young man!” he said. “I am in dept to you.”

          Hyukjae shook his head. “No, you’re not. I owe so much to so many people … this is the least I can do to compensate even a tiny bit.”

          “Won’t you get in trouble for doing this?” the spirit fretted.

          “I honestly don’t know, but … He’s already keeping me locked here, what else can He do to me?” Hyukjae replied, but the man still looked worried. “I’ll be fine. Now go.”

          “Thank you so much once again!”

          The man turned to leave. Hyukjae stopped him.

          “I’m sorry! For earlier …” he stuttered, “please forgive me. It was wrong of me to talk to you like that and I have no excuse. I can’t say I didn’t mean it, because I did. I regret it now though … I realize I was acting foolish and I’m ashamed of myself. Please forgive me.”

          Hyukjae didn’t know where all those words came from. He didn’t even know he’s capable of such sincerity, but there he was, apologizing – to a spirit nonetheless.

          “It’s alright, son,” the old man answered with a fatherly smile. “We are human and humans make mistakes. The important thing is to wake up and realize them before it’s too late. Go on … I forgive you and give you my blessings.”

          No sooner than the words left the spirit’s mouth, Hyukjae’s vision turned black and white noise deafened his ears. He felt the world spinning around him before nothingness took over.

~~~

          A lone young woman was walking the deserted streets with hurried, determined steps in the wee hours of the night. The freezing weather, the angry clouds threatening with rain, the random drunk men stumbling on their feet – none of those could make her turn around and go back home, not even the small bundle tucked safely into her arm, wrapped in thick layers of clothing and whimpering from time to time; her other arm was carrying a basket.

          Her destination was the Han River. Upon arriving, she carefully stepped on the bank and approached the water. She then kneeled on the ground and took out the contents of the basket, strategically placing them around with haste. The small child started crying because of her agitated movements, interrupting her.

          “I’m sorry, baby,” she hushed him. “We’re gonna be back home soon. Everything’s going to be alright, mommy will make sure of that.”

          Bringing the baby closer to her chest, the woman carried on with her task. After everything was in place, she took out a slip of paper from her coat pocket and read the foreign words with a trembling voice.

          Nothing happened. The woman looked around frantically, searching for the tiniest change in her surroundings - there was nothing. She tried to steady her wild beating heart by taking a deep breath, the cold November air filling her lungs with a shudder, and then read the words on the paper again, louder and clearer this time. Still nothing. She exhaled heavily, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She could feel tears filling her eyes and slowly trickling down her frozen cheeks just as the child started whimpering again.

          "I'm so sorry, baby," she sobbed, her head dropping to lean on her child. "Mommy tried ... I really tried everything!"

          "Who dared disturb me?!"

          The mother held her breath at the sudden voice. It was a voice void of emotion, an imposing voice that demanded respect. She raised her head and stopped breathing - in front of her was standing an ethereal woman with a strange appearance; her skin was pale, her eyes were pitch black and her hair flowed on her shoulders like a swift river; she wore  a long dress that hanged from one shoulder.

           "Are you Styx?"

           "I am. And you are a mere human," she answered with repulsion. "I do not deal with humans."

           "I need your help."

           "You need my help?! Not only do you disturb me and make me come here all the way from the Underworld, but you have the nerve to ask for my help as well?! You poor woman, you should be begging for your life right now."

           "I am begging for a life, but not mine ... my son's." The young mother stuttered, but she bravely continued talking: "My son is very ill. They say he's not going to live long ..."

           The goddess raised a hand to silence her. "We do not interfere with human lives, not anymore. I know what you ask of me and it is possible to accomplish it. However, I am not willing to do it."

           "Please, I'm desperate!" the mother cried. "You have children too, don't you? You fought for them as well, strove for them to have a better life, right? Then you must understand how I feel!"

           "It is true," Styx replied, "all that you have said. Very well then. I will spare your son's life. I will grant him invulnerability ..."

           "Thank you! Thank you so much!"

           "But," She stressed, "I will not do it for free."

           "I don't care, I'm willing to do anything!"

           "It is not you who has to pay, but the one I am blessing."

           The mother's joy faded right away. "But ... but he's only a baby. Please, whatever it is I will-"

           "NO!" the goddess thundered. "It must be him! Besides," she continued in a calmer voice, "I am not asking anything of him now. He will repay me when he's older."

           "I don't understand ..."

           "Listen closely! When he turns 20, I will take his soul."

           "What?!"

           "I will take his soul to the Underworld to serve me in exchange of sparing his life," Styx continued, ignoring the mother's distress. "He will not be aware of it. He might not ever find out about it even."

           "But how is he going to live without a soul?!" the mother protested.

           "I am willing to return his soul after some time. I do not need his living soul in the Underworld, only the dead belong there. I am willing to return his soul to his body under one condition: he must prove that he is worthy of it."

~~~

          I jolt up with a start. I inhale a big amount of oxygen and exhale shakily, as if I have been underwater for too long. My whole body is trembling and my eyes move around frantically through the darkness, trying to comprehend where I am and if it's real. Silence surrounds me again, but it's not the dreadful-like silence from before - it's just the usual silence of the night. My eyes eventually get accustomed with the dark and I slowly start to recognize the outlines of my hotel room; I'm in the same bed I went to sleep in.
          I let out a heavy sigh and collapse on my back, breathing still a bit erratic. Only now do I notice that I'm not alone - Donghae is lying next to me, also on his back. He seems to be in a deep slumber and after a few moments of carefully examining him, I become aware of the pressure around my hand, which Donghae is holding like his life depends on it.

          Taking a deep breath and then exhaling slowly once again, I turn my head towards the ceiling and close my eyes.

          What the just happened?
    

~~~

          "Hyukjae? Hyukjae!"

          I wake up later to someone calling my name and shaking me gently. I groan and throw an arm over my eyes, not ready to fully wake up yet. For some reason, I feel like sleeping for a year or two. 

          "HYUKJAE!" the person suddenly shrieks, plastering their body on mine and hugging the life out of me. "Thank God!"

          "Donghae," I groan, "too loud."

          "But, Hyukaje, you're awake!" he says, his voice unsteady.

          "Unfortunately ..." I mumble and try to get into a sitting position.

          Donghae moves away, allowing the movement, but remains close to me even after we change positions; he's actually so close to me that our noses can touch if I move a centimeter and I can feel his breath on my face. The realization of this intimacy between us makes my heart skip a beat.

          "I was so worried! You didn't call and when I came here you wouldn't wake up. I had no idea what to do! God, I was so scared!" He speaks fast and then throws his arms around my neck, burying his face in my shoulder.

          I don't pay attention to his words - I can't. I’m too distracted by the sudden fluttering in my stomach which appears as soon as he embraces me. I haven't felt this in such a long time, I barely recognize the feeling.

          Wait, this means ...

          I grab Donghae's shoulders and push him away with haste, only to bring our mouths together immediately after. Donghae lets out a squeak, but allows me to kiss him and even starts kissing back after a few seconds. Sure enough, the flutters intensify, my heart starts racing and my body turns into jelly. My mind becomes fuzzy and everything is Donghae, only Donghae.

          I have my soul back!

          "What was that about?" Donghae asks after we part. He sounds confused, but a happy smile graces his face.

          "I'm sorry, I just ... I had to be sure," I say and, to my utter surprise, I notice that I'm stammering. Hoping that Donghae didn't notice, I clear my throat awkwardly and try to steady my voice. "Donghae, I do feel now."

          Donghae’s eyes and mouth go wide. “What?!”

          “I feel! I think I have my soul back!”

          “Hyukjae, that’s wonderful! You did it! Oh, my god!”

          Donghae starts jumping up and down and his face is only a wide grin as he embraces me once again, so tight that I can barely breathe.

          “So … what exactly do you feel?” he asks after we break apart, his lips turning to a sly smile.

          “I’m not sure,” I smirk. “I’ll have to check again.”

          We kiss again and Donghae giggles and everything is rainbows and unicorns and fireworks. There’s so much to talk about and still figure out, but right at this moment I don’t give a single about souls or gods or anything supernatural. Right now I just want to live this moment when Donghae is in my arms, glued to me and kissing me back with passion, and I can feel something different than only lust. Everything else can wait.

~~~

          It turns out I’ve been asleep for two days. It’s Friday, the 25^th of July and also my last day in Greece; my last day with Donghae. We decided to spend it somewhere outside, taking into consideration that we’ve been mostly in my room or in restaurants. We’ve been at the beach since lunch, holding hands while walking around the shore with our feet in the water.

          Donghae told me what happened while I was out: he came to the hotel the following afternoon after I didn’t contact him at all and panicked when I wouldn’t wake up. He found Chinaza’s phone number before he could call an ambulance and called her instead. She came as soon as possible and told Donghae that I’m perfectly fine, just spirited away, and that the only thing they could do was wait for me to get back into my body. So Donghae waited and watched over me for two days. Hearing that, I felt bad because his whole vacation was wasted on me and my drama-like life (he is leaving tomorrow as well). Donghae only laughed and joked that I can take him here for a vacation in two if I feel so guilty about it. I seriously promised him that I will do that someday.

          In turn, I told him about everything that I’ve been through in the Underworld.

          “So, after all, it was my own fault that I had no soul,” I say as we take a seat on the sand and watch the sea. “Styx would’ve given my soul back if I weren’t such a scumbag.”

          Donghae squeezes my hand in sympathy. “Don’t be too harsh on yourself, Hyukjae. You were kind of rude, but at least you realized it and made a change.”

          “How did you end up liking me, Donghae?” I ask him, genuinely curious. “I don’t see a single likeable thing at me … except my exceptionally good looks of course.”

          Donghae bursts into laughter and lightly shoves me – it feels like angels singing in my ears every time he laughs. “I don’t know, to be honest,” he confesses. “You give off the impression of a cold person who is actually very warm and loving underneath all the layers of ice.”

          “Am I?”

          “You are.”

          I can barely contain my emotions because of Donghae’s words. Ah, so this is what it feels like to fall in love, I think as I raise his hand and kiss it softly. Donghae keeps his eyes locked on the endless blue before us, but a beam graces his beautiful face.

          “I see you have your soul now, Lee Hyukjae,” a voice says from behind and we turn our heads to be greeted by Chinaza.

          “Yes,” I reply as we stand up and dust off the sand from our clothes. “and I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

          “You are welcome,” she says and, for the first time, she smiles at me; it’s a tender, motherly smile which warms my heart.

          “It was my mother.”

          “Care to explain?”

          “You said you’re curious about what I did that made Styx capture my soul … it wasn’t me, it was my mother. Apparently, I was very ill when I was a baby and wouldn’t have lived long if my mother hadn’t begged Styx to grant me invulnerability.”

          Chinaza gives me a knowing look. “It seems like your mother loved you very much.”

          “She did.” And I only caused her pain and worry.

          “Well, I’m glad to see you back between the living. Donghae has been worried sick about you,” she says and looks at Donghae, who smiles sheepishly. “I’m sure it was not easy being in the Underworld, but at least you have answers now.”

          I frown slightly. “There’s still one thing I can’t explain though.”

          “And what is that?”

          “How come Donghae saw me when I was doing Charon’s work as the ferryman?”

          “Oh, that … I can give you the answer to that.”

          “Please do.”

          “Donghae could see you because you opened up to him,” Chinaza explains. “You do not usually welcome strangers, do you?”

          I shake my head. “No. I used to reject every stranger who approached me. It wasn’t exactly pleasant to make friends and then leave them after some time.”

          “You let Donghae in though.”

          “And I was bloody lucky to do it,” I confess and squeeze Donghae’s hand with gratitude.

          “Farewell, Lee Hyukjae, Lee Donghae,” Chinaza greets us goodbye. “May only good things await you from now on.”

          We wave her off, thanking her and wishing her health and good luck.

          “Did I tell you that your British accent is extremely attractive?” Donghae asks with an endearing smile and I start laughing merrily. “You also have a beautiful laugh.”

          “Why, thank you, Donghae. Did I tell you that everything about you is beautiful and charming and perfect?” I reply, entwining our free fingers as well. “You’re going to wait for me, right? Until I settle everything in London and move back to Seoul? You’ll still want me, right?”

          Donghae smiles fondly. “I’ll want you forever, Hyukjae.”

          “Now that’s just obsessive,” I joke, getting an offended gasp as a reply. Donghae looks so adorably irritated that I can’t help embracing him tightly. “I’ll want you forever as well.”

          He smiles that enchanting smile of his, sending me straight to cloud nine. I can’t resist him so I lean towards him and kiss him sweetly; and I continue to kiss him whenever I feel like it throughout the rest of the day, thinking that this is what Heaven must feel like.

I finished it!!! *happy dance*

I know I promised some clarifications, but it's almost 2am and I have to wake up at 7. I'll write an author's note tomorrow :D