I failed again.

They told me it was okay, to try again, but they don't know, how many times I've tried, but still failed. I put on a strong front, I smile in front of my friends, I tell them I'm okay, when I'm not. 

No one should see me like this. 

No one should see me break down when I've spent all my life building a wall around everyone.

No one.

I hold it all back until the last bell rings. With pats on my shoulder and forced smiles, I leave the torturous place.

My room is my escape.

I let loose. 

I cry.

I scream. 

The voices around me whisper in my ears, that I'm a 
Failure.

I cover up my ears, frantically shaking my head.

No,no,no, they said that it's okay, they said that I'll succeed.

I didn't want to hear anymore.

knocking sounds on my door started pounding away, worsening my headache. 

No,no,no,please don't come in and look at my broken state.

But for the first time,

I heard someone call out my name.
I heard someone tell me it's okay, to not be okay.
I see the door open.
I feel a warm arm on my shoulder pulling me into his chest. 
I feel mutterings of I love you in my ear and fingers rubbing circles on my back.

For once, I didn't feel alone.
For once, I feel that it's okay to break the walls I've built.

For the person who saw the broken walls around me accept who I really am.
For the person who said that I mattered to him.
For the person who helped me stand up when I fell.
For the person who loved me for who I was.
For the person who helped me succeed in the very end.

The person who never allowed me to say thank you, 

I say it nonetheless.

Thank you, jongin.