“Yeoli hyung! Yeoli hyung! Yeoli hyung!” the 10 years old Myungsoo hyung who just ran out from his room hopped on Sungyeol hyung’s back when he was playing a video game in the living room, half choking him with his tight hug around his neck.

The 11 years old Sungyeol hyung grinned, showing his gummy smile as he paused playing the game to glance at him. “What is it, Myungsoo-ya?” he ruffled his hair playfully. Witnessing the scene with my own eyes, I swallowed my jealousy down right away.

“Nothing.” Myungsoo hyung leaned his head on him, snuggling. “Just continue the game. I want to watch you play.”

“Why don’t you play with me here?” Sungyeol hyung tapped the empty space beside him, the exact place where he shooed me from half an hour before.

Myungsoo hyung shook his head. “No, I just want to watch hyung play.” He shrugged.

“How can I play well if you’re clinging on me like this?” Sungyeol hyung chuckled. Myungsoo hyung replied him with a wide grin before he laughed along with him.

Meanwhile behind them, on the couch, there I was, the 9 years old me who had been watching the affectionate scene between my older brothers all along. I had already been used to it, being left behind by my brothers. It’s just a part of my daily life.

I had tried every single way to make Sungyeol hyung looked at me. And all of them ended up as major failures. In the end, I concluded it myself that there’s nothing could make Sungyeol hyung cared about me.

Sungyeol hyung had always been that kind of person from his early days. He had been explicitly showing his dislikes—more likely hates—towards me, probably since I was born to this unfair world. Somehow I could bet that he had wished for me to go die while I was still in eomma’s womb. He had never liked the idea of him having siblings. He just wanted to have everything for him only, just him, the one and only Lee Sungyeol. And that just showed how selfish he was.

I had borne all the harsh treatment from him. The innocent young Sungjong had started experiencing hardships on his early days, swallowing all Sungyeol’s insults on him every time their parents weren’t around. I bore it all, I did.

Been years living under his pressures, I grew to acknowledge Sungyeol hyung’s hate on me. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, my nature couldn’t lie that I still craved for his affections, just like how other siblings normally did to each other. But back to the first condition, my relationship with him wasn’t even close to normal.

Everything changed when a boy named Kim Myungsoo joined our family. It was all started with Sungyeol hyung’s sudden stupid demand which once again fulfilled by our parents as the world had been unfair to me since forever.

It was Christmas. I was 7 and Sungyeol hyung was 9. Our family went to an orphan for a charity with some of our dad’s colleagues. Hyung and I were sitting side by side, forced, while the adults were talking with the caretakers. I noticed hyung squeezed himself to the edge of the couch, not even wanting to make a contact with me as he explicitly showed disgusts towards me all along.

There were some kids around our age playing soccer on the yard. At first I thought it was just me who saw them through the window, turned out hyung did too. His active side somehow was triggered as he slowly slid off the couch before sneakily went out to play with them. Meanwhile I, who had always been that kind of shy kid, couldn’t do anything than watching hyung started interacting with them from afar, hurt as I was being ignored again.

About an hour later, he got back to the room, dragging one of the boys to eomma. That’s when he launched his stupid demand which electrocuted me right away.

“Eomma, meet Myungsoo! Eomma, I really love this kid!” hyung excitedly claimed while his arm was still hugging the innocently smiling Myungsoo beside him. “Eomma, can we take him home? Please?”

Since everything had always been hyung’s centered and always been unfair to me, undoubtedly the answer was a yes. And that’s how it all happened, simply stupid and ridiculous.

After since Myungsoo hyung joined us, I couldn’t prevent myself from feeling hurt every time I saw those two hyungs interacting affectionately while I was just there staring at them with hidden jealousy that I couldn’t express. Being honest I didn’t hate Myungsoo hyung since he was actually kind to me. Although he always stuck to Sungyeol hyung—as well the opposite, he never minded to play with me, just only if Sungyeol hyung didn’t catch us playing together and keep him away from me—also not forgetting to accuse me for trying to steal Myungsoo hyung from him to gang up against him.

But there had been one thing that hurt me the most. It was ironic knowing Sungyeol hyung loved Myungsoo hyung more than he loved me, his real blood related brother, his brother from the same parents. Well, that wasn’t even close. He didn’t even love me at all. I found it amazing, yet hurting, to see him loved Myungsoo hyung that much since I had never seen him treated people that kind. Moreover, I had never experienced it even once.

Eomma and appa noticed the two of us always went into quarrels like almost every single day, but they never minded it. And those quarrels were being won by hyung since he always succeeded on framing me as the criminal, setting me up using his bright yet tricky mind. And those quarrels also led to eomma and appa’s lectures on me for not being bad. And I really thought the definition of bad had changed after since.

Myungsoo hyung’s presence among us didn’t help much either. Again, Sungyeol hyung would always persuade him to be on his side as he kept talking bad about me nonstop. Myungsoo hyung couldn’t do much to go against him, but I could see in his eyes that he didn’t really want to side with hyung and go hostile on me although that didn’t always happen. There were always time where he went into his cute mode and clung on hyung throughout the day, forgetting me behind like I never existed among them for the thousandth time.

“Hyung, let’s buy some sweets,” Myungsoo hyung asked him later after he had agreed to sit beside hyung to watch him continued playing the video game.

Like what I had expected, it was a direct yes from hyung to his favorite one and only dongsaeng. They got up while I was sitting still on the couch, doing my homework, pretending not to hear anything.

“Sungjong-ah, come on come with us!” the smile which was formed on my face from Myungsoo hyung’s invitation just lasted for a few seconds since Sungyeol hyung already made a face at me, but Myungsoo hyung didn’t notice it and he took me by the hand.

Sungyeol hyung started getting busy with Myungsoo hyung right away when we went into the convenience store at the end of the street, purposely took him away from me and left me behind as usual. I just sighed at the bitter reality knowing there’s nothing much I could do. We were then standing in a row, facing the sweets shelf in admiration.

“What do you want?” asked Sungyeol hyung.

I should’ve realized that he mustn’t be asking me and wouldn’t ever be asking me that. “Lemon candy.” Those words innocently slipped out of my mouth as I stared at a stack of lemon candy boxes.

Sungyeol hyung hissed. “I wasn’t asking you,” he scoffed. “What sweets do you want, Myungsoo?” he purposely mentioned Myungsoo hyung, stressing it too as he mockingly smirked at me.

I felt like crying, but my tears had already dried out from his harsh treatments on me that nothing came out from my eyes. I just stood still beside Myungsoo hyung with my head hanging low.

“Lemon candy, Hyung.” Myungsoo hyung’s answer surprised me since I had never seen him ate some. I looked up right away, finding him secretly smiled at me.

Sungyeol hyung frowned. “Lemon candy? Since when you like lemon candy?” he clearly doubted his answer, but nonetheless he still took a pack of it for him, a bar of chocolate for himself, and a handful of hates and disappointments for me.

“I like lemon candy. I just rarely eat it and I’m in the mood to have it now,” explained Myungsoo hyung as we walked towards the cashier.

I went out the store first, leaving them who were doing the transaction. I was actually standing in front of the store, but the boring surroundings made me innocently walked across the street which leads to our house. I just crossed half part of the street when suddenly a hand grasped the back of my collar before I was being dragged to the sidewalk.

“What the heck you think you’re doing?!” Sungyeol hyung barked at me with all his might. I flinched as I stared down on my feet. “Don’t you remember what eomma said about crossing the street?! You should wait for me!” he continued since the youngest didn’t argue—like he would even dare to talk back at him.

Myungsoo hyung was standing awkwardly behind Sungyeol hyung, wanting to calm the oldest down, but he’s sure he would be the next victim of his anger if he dared to do it although it was a rare scene to happen.

Sungyeol hyung clicked his tongue. “Don’t think that I actually care about you, I never. I’m just forced to keep my eyes on you for the sake of rewards from eomma. Note that,” told him. “Being honest, it would be good to see you got hit by a car instead. Why don’t you just go die, Lee Sungjong. I hate you.” He spat at me.

“Come on, Myungsoo-ya.” He already turned at Myungsoo hyung and started walking with him who couldn’t stop glancing back at me, worried. “What are you doing? Just ignore him!” Myungsoo hyung nervously nodded before he started distracting himself from the tense by playing with the tip of his shirt.

I clenched my eyes shut for a moment. That wasn’t the first time hyung told me that. I was slowly getting insensitive by those words. Like what I had said, I bore it all.

I went straight into my room when we got back to our place. Sungyeol hyung took Myungsoo hyung to watch TV on the couch with him, not even glancing at me who walked past them. I threw myself on the bed before I reached out to get my puppy doll in anger.

“You really look like Sungyeoli,” I muttered lowly, gritting my teeth. Glaring at the innocent doll, I squeezed its ears and smacked his head hard for times. “You want me to die, huh?” I remembered how mad I was that time although everything he did to me weren’t any different with the ones he usually did. I felt like crying for the umpteenth time, but my tears were immune already. I couldn’t cry. I was mad, I wasn’t sad.

Later, I was half asleep when there were knocks on my door, caused me to stir in my sleep. The door had flung open, revealing Myungsoo hyung who peeked into my room. “Sungjong-ah~!” he went in and closed the door behind him before he landed himself above me whom lying on my stomach.

“What are you doing, Hyung,” I grumbled, not yet fully awakened. “Ya, get off of me!”

Myungsoo hyung rolled to his side, but he didn’t release his hug around me. “You’re so cute.” He started annoying me playfully to wake me up, but I didn’t budge. “Ya, let’s play together.”

“I don’t want to. Moreover Yeoli hyung will steal you away if he sees us,” I mumbled. He had sat up beside me while continued trying to wake me up.

“Don’t worry. He’s fast asleep on the couch. He wouldn’t know about this. Hurry, wake up!” he tapped my back for a few times. “Here, for you.” He passed the lemon candy Sungyeol hyung bought for him.

I jolted up, completely awakened by the candies in my sight. “Hyung, how if Sungyeol hyung found out about this? He’d get mad at me!” I snarled in a whisper. “He would get mad at you as well!”

But Myungsoo hyung smiled at me instead. “He wouldn’t. Just take it,” told him.

“No way, Hyung. You should just take this with you. He bought it for you, not me.” I couldn’t help to panic since I really didn’t want us to get into another trouble. “What will you say if later he asks you where these candies have gone to in a flash?”

“Haish, why do you have to make it hard?” Myungsoo hissed. He took a piece of tissue from my desk and lay it on the bed. He poured out almost more than half of the pack onto it without ado. “Okay, that’s for you.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “But Hyung-“

“Just shut up and take it,” he muttered. “Enjoy.” He showed his best eyesmile at me. I was about to thank him, but he had already walked out since I took too much time being agape. Awkwardly smiling at myself, I took one to be put inside my mouth and hid the rest in my drawer.

“Myungsoo-ya!” Sungyeol hyung’s shout made me jolted as I was watching the TV later that evening while we’re waiting for our parents to come home. “You really have eaten this many?” he took the half emptied candy pack and showed it to the younger who was approaching us in the living room.

“Why?” Myungsoo hyung asked back instead while innocently scratching the back of his head.

Sungyeol hyung in all of a sudden kicked me who was sitting cross legged on the carpet. “Ya! You stole Myungsoo’s candies, didn’t you?” he accused me without a doubt.

I was completely flustered since I didn’t really expect that he would ask me such a question. My mouth was slightly opened, but nothing came out. “I dropped the pack that almost half of it scattered out so I had to throw them away.” Myungsoo hyung quickly defended realizing that he was the one responsible on it. Screw him for not responding on my worries earlier. I had told you it’s gonna be happening.

Sungyeol hyung laughed at his words, “You’re so sloppy!” he playfully ruffled Myungsoo hyung’s hair. I had no idea how he could change 180 degrees at the speed of light. I sighed as I got back on watching the TV, distracting myself from the burning jealousy.

My endless hardships went on until I got into high school. Sungyeol hyung simply hated me more for having me in the same school as him. He even got angry for mom who insisted to put me into the same school no matter how hard hyung went against it.

“You’re so done if you tell anyone that we’re siblings. Remember that, Lee Sungjong. Don’t let anyone knows about us. You’ve ruined my life already. I’m sick of you.”

By that, he left me at our house’s gate on my first day of high school. I rolled my eyes at his last words. Shouldn’t I be the one who get sick of him? I hissed as I started walking a few feet behind him, minding the gap between us.

My heart which had been immune at all of his hatred towards me finally found something that made me hated him back again. It was his enemies and some of my classmates who started bullying me when the rumor about me being his brother spreading out of nowhere a few weeks later. I didn’t care how many times and how bad hyung made a fuss with me, but the fact that he caused so many ruckuses at school impacted on me as well.

Like what he’d promised on the first day of school, I was really done that day. “Lee Sungjong!” I was reading a book in the living room with Myungsoo hyung when I suddenly stiffened head to toe from his shout thundering inside the house as the front door was slammed close. “Who the heck you told about us?” he grasped my collar to make me stand before him.

“I d-didn’t, Hyung. I didn’t do anything.” I stammered in fear.

“Liar!” a loud smack landed on my head. “Couldn’t you stop ruining my life?! They couldn’t know about this that easy! There must be someone who started this all! I asked you once again, Lee Sungjong. Who the heck you told?!”

I clenched my eyes from the stinging pain. “I didn’t tell anyone, Hyung! I didn’t do anything! I really didn’t!” I almost squealed, trying my best to defend although I knew it wouldn’t work.

“Then how could they know about us?! How?!” he snarled on my face as his glare tearing myself to pieces.

I hastily shook my head. “I didn’t know, Hyung! I really had no idea! They bullied me in a sudden while mocking me! I didn’t know about this, Hyung! Really!” I spluttered in panic.

I could feel his grip started trembling in anger on my collar just before another whack landed on my face, causing tears of pain flowing down on my cheek. And that’s the first time I cried again in a long time after being immune of him.

“Hyung, stop!” Myungsoo hyung shouted from the couch in frustration since he couldn’t do anything on us. “You really have to stop! Just please!” he almost cried.

I was being pushed down when Sungyeol hyung loosened his grip in one go. “If it wasn’t Myungsoo who told me, you’re dead already, Lee Sungjong.” He kicked me before leaving to his room upstairs.

I curled myself in a ball on the carpet as I slowly the spot where he hit me. I had already started sobbing lowly in a split second, not wanting to make it loud enough for Myungsoo hyung to hear. Crying never felt that hurt after a long time. And the hurt heart doubled up the pain I felt. I mentally cursed myself for accidentally wrecking the wall of shield I strained in the making.

“Sungjong-ah.” Myungsoo hyung called me in worries. My efforts were all useless since he could still hear me. I opened my eyes to see him carefully slid down from the couch and started groping the floor around him, trying to get a hold of me. “Don’t cry,” he whispered when he finally got a hold of my legs.

He scooted closer to me after I sat up slowly. “I know it’s been hard on you,” he whispered as he pulled me into his warm and soothing hug. My sobs broke again when I hid my face on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do much.” He my back gently to calm me down.

“You’ve saved my life today, Hyung,” I said between the sobs. “It’s been hard on you as well, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for him to disappoint you. I’m really sorry. I should’ve done much that day.” I cried harder while hugging him back tightly. “I’m sorry.”

I was still in middle school when it happened. It started with a quarrel between Sungyeol hyung and me that day. I finally dared to go against him since his idea was plainly stupid and dangerous. I knew I hated him to the level where deep inside my heart I wanted him to die as much as he wanted me to, but I couldn’t take the fact that he’s taking the innocent Myungsoo hyung into the danger with him.

It was him asking Myungsoo hyung to go for a ride around the block using appa’s car. Myungsoo hyung undoubtedly was on my side to go against him on the stupid idea since he was smarter than Sungyeol hyung to think about the real deal of it. The selfish and always be selfish Sungyeol hyung scolded Myungsoo hyung instead and started convincing him how well he could drive, ensuring that nothing would happen and he would be safe with him.

It then left Sungyeol hyung and me in the quarrel. Myungsoo hyung was indirectly constrained to be left out from the quarrel between the smart and the stupid. Later, Sungyeol hyung ended the quarrel which had been lasting for almost 20 minutes with violence on me before dragging the anxious Myungsoo hyung to the garage. I couldn’t do anything else than worriedly watching them leaving the house while kept wishing that nothing would happen on them.

I was then sitting limply in front of a surgery room few hours later. The nightmare came alive. They got into an accident, bad one.

Eomma had been sobbing next to me during the last half an hour. I was too upset knowing that my worries on them were really happening. I felt guilty for not trying harder on stopping them from going as I saw eomma that broken. Being honest, there’s a spark of pleasure inside my heart imagining Sungyeol hyung was probably struggling with his life there inside the room. But on the other side, I really wasn’t ready to accept the fact that the innocent Myungsoo hyung was injured worse than him.

Sungyeol hyung just had to undergo a minor surgery while Myungsoo hyung… he lost his vision from a major head injury. I didn’t understand why the world was so unfair. Myungsoo hyung really didn’t deserve that kind of agony. He had been a good hyung, way a lot of better than my actual blood related hyung, the one who actually deserved the scourge.

What hurt me more that Myungsoo hyung accepted the bitter reality whole-heartedly despite the ultimate shock he got. I was expecting him to get mad at Sungyeol hyung for the rest of his life. Instead, he kept telling Sungyeol hyung who hadn’t stopped begging him for forgiveness that it was an accident and his own misfortune. My doubtful self couldn’t stop considering whether Myungsoo hyung sincerely accepted the truth for real or he actually just loved Sungyeol hyung that much that he already forgave him in such a short time. But no matter which one was inside his mind, I was still not willing to see Sungyeol hyung living happily after the accident.

Turned out my presumption was wrong. I might say that the following weeks were the lowest and worst state of his life. He kept asking for Myungsoo hyung’s forgiveness until Myungsoo hyung himself didn’t know what else to say to the burdened criminal just to stop him from kept doing it. I could see it clearly on Myungsoo hyung’s face that he was actually stressed out from his own current state, but apparently Sungyeol hyung’s endless begs on him had made it worse instead.

Throughout the nights, Sungyeol hyung cried and sobbed in his room as he kept shouting out his regrets and curses towards himself, badly guilty. The only positive thing to me was that he completely forgot my existence. At least I could live my life at ease than having him treating me harshly all the time.

Sungyeol hyung was really busy being mad at his self, leaving our parents and me who had been busy settling things for Myungsoo hyung instead. The situation later went worse for Sungyeol hyung that he got to get some recovery treatments at the hospital for his fidgety mind. Then I understood why God put them that way. Sungyeol hyung hurt more with that guilty title stuck on him.

Sungyeol hyung turned better after the two weeks stay in the hospital. Although that guilty expression was still slightly seen across his face, but he got to smile a bit. That was the first time I felt good to see him smile despite the fact that he wasn’t smiling at me and had still never smiled at me all my life. From that day, Sungyeol hyung poured out all of his attention and affection to Myungsoo hyung without begging him for forgiveness anymore. And of course, I couldn’t and shouldn’t get jealous this time knowing that Myungsoo hyung deserved it all.

My high school days went tougher each day. Those Sungyeol hyung’s haters just couldn’t stop picking on me while on the other side my classmates kept bullying me for being different from hyung. Again, I didn’t know what’s bad from being good. Being told different from Sungyeol hyung just felt like being lectured by eomma and appa, clueless on where I should stand since I was scolded for being good.

All the time I didn’t fight them back. I always endured it no matter how hurt I was. I felt like I could claim the world’s best endurance. Being honest, I could be grateful a little bit to grow up under hyung’s hatred since it had made me turned insensitive on those kinds of things.

That day I just arrived home from school, arriving first than Sungyeol hyung as usual since he always came home late. “Hello Sunggyu hyung,” I greeted when I ran onto him whom I met in the hallway. He was one of Myungsoo hyung’s friend back then at the orphan. He was looking for a job after finishing high school before Myungsoo hyung wanted him to be his daily caretaker while our parents, Sungyeol hyung, and I were outside. “Where’s Myungsoo hyung?”

“He’s in the living room.” He smiled warmly at me. Again, wasn’t it weird to have people who didn’t have any relation to you could treat you better than your own brother?

I nodded in reply. “You may leave now if you want. I’m not going out again after this.”

“Okay then. Thank you, Sungjongie,” he replied. “Myungsoo-ya, Sungjongie is here. Is it okay if I leave now? I have something important to be done.” He put his hand on Myungsoo hyung’s thigh as he spoke to him after we went into the living room.

Myungsoo hyung smiled as he nodded. “It’s okay, Hyung. See you tomorrow. Be careful.”

“I will, Myungsoo. You too, take care.” Sunggyu hyung ruffled his hair before he bid us goodbye and left the house.

I let out a heavy sigh as I collapsed beside him. “How’s school today?” he worriedly asked.

I snorted. “Harsh as usual, but it’s okay. I could still do well. Don’t worry, Hyung.”

“Keep up the good work, maknae.” He reached out to ruffle my hair. “Sungjong-ah…”

“Hm?” I responded in a short mumble. “Do you need anything, Hyung?”

“Uh…” he was hesitating for a bit. “Do you mind to make me a coffee?” he sheepishly grinned at me.

I laughed realizing that he was hesitating for a cup of coffee. “Not at all, just wait here. Coming in a bit,” I said before leaving to the kitchen.

A minute later I already plumped myself beside him. “We ran out of hot water so I’m boiling it first. Be patient, okay?” I giggled.

We were then casually chatting for minutes, but soon I, who mentally and physically exhausted, fell asleep on his shoulder. I was so tired that I didn’t hear the kettle whistling. I had no idea that I could fall that deep in a split second until I didn’t even realize Myungsoo hyung moved me from his shoulder to get up and head to the kitchen instead of waking me up to get it done.

I jolted up in shock when clattering sound and hyung’s scream echoed through the house. My eyes widened realizing that hyung wasn’t next to me anymore. I hastily got up and ran towards the kitchen to witness the awful scene. Myungsoo hyung was screaming in pain while the kettle was already on the floor with its contain already poured out forming a pool under his feet. Worst, it splashed a lot onto his body since I could see some parts of his clothes were damped.

“S-Sungjong-ah, help m-me,” he stuttered. Tears started wetting his eyes.

I looked around in panic, confused on what I should do first. I tiptoed closer to the pool of boiling hot water and helped him moved after getting a good hold of him. It was really hot when my feet touched a bit of it that it burnt mine in a flash. Myungsoo hyung shrieked as he walked with my assistance. His painful screams tore my heart. I decided to lift him to the couch.

I immediately called the emergency for an ambulance. The bottom sides of his feet were completely burnt. My gaze moved up to his calves which partially started reddening. Then my gaze stopped on the dampened shirt of him on his abdomen area. My hand was trembling when I tried to lift his shirt up, not mentally ready to see how it would have been there.

I smothered myself right away after I barely succeeded. The condition there wasn’t much better than his burnt feet. My tears streamed down in a blink. I really didn’t want him to panic more from my sobs.

“H-Hyung, what s-should I do while w-we wait for the… for the ambulance?” I shivered.

“Just accompany me here, don’t-“ he paused to groan, “don’t leave me, okay?”

I reflexively nodded although I knew he couldn’t see what I did. “I won’t, Hyung. I’ll stay here,” I said as I wiped my tears using my sleeve.

His screams which got louder when the emergency team moved him to the ambulance later almost made me fell unconscious. I hastily grabbed my backpack before I left the house with him. My hands were quivering hard as I texted our parents and… Sungyeol hyung. I decided to text them since I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hold myself from sobbing during the calls and I didn’t want Myungsoo hyung to hear that. I clenched my eyes shut while I rested my head on the window, getting nervous on what would happen between Sungyeol hyung and me sooner or later.

With his tears flowing down, Sungyeol hyung went out of Myungsoo hyung’s room. He stomped towards me whom squatting down at the end of the hospital corridor. I hid my face as I hugged my knees. Hyung kicked me to break my hug and pulled me to stand up before he dragged me towards the emergency stairs. He banged my head onto the wall while his hands were grasping my collar, pushing me against the wall.

“Ya Lee Sungjong! You’re so stupid! So ing stupid, Lee Sungjong!” he snarled at me.

No matter how good I prepared myself to face that kind of scene, I still trembled from his shouts at my face. I closed my eyes, flinching from the slap I got.

“You’re so damn sloppy! Where the heck was your brain?! Your carelessness added lots of burden on Myungsoo! He’s suffering more now! He’s in pain! Haven’t you heard how heartbreaking his painful shouts are?!”

That’s the reason why I drifted myself away from hyung’s room. I couldn’t stand it.

I gave myself away to be Sungyeol hyung’s prey since I knew I was on the wrong. I didn’t respond to any words of him. I acknowledged it all. I had to.

“30% of his body is burnt! By you hurting him it means you hurt me too! Don’t you know that?! You broke my heart!” he gritted his teeth as he slapped me again, harder.

“It wasn’t my intention to hurt him! I never wanted to hurt him!” I reflexively defended myself knowing his accusation made the case interpreted in opposite way. “Don’t make it sounds like I purposely did it! It was an accident!” the glass in my eyes finally shattered when I squealed.

“An accident, you said?” Sungyeol hyung snorted. “If you didn’t purposely do it, this wouldn’t be happening! I know you’re always jealous of him all along! I know deeply inside you want to get rid of him, right? I knew it, Lee Sungjong! You should stop playing innocent!”

What made me more irritated was that he put all the blame on me like I was the first person who made Myungsoo hyung lived in pain. While in fact, he had made a bigger mistake that actually caused Myungsoo hyung to suffer for the rest of his life living in darkness. And amazingly he could still manage to be that angry at me.

“Watch your mouth, Lee Sungyeol.” I dared to drop all the formality since I really couldn’t stand his nonsense accusations on me. “If I ever wanted to get rid of a person in this world, my first victim would be you, the selfish and ignorant Lee Sungyeol, the person who was that selfish and ignorant to put someone innocent into danger with him two years ago and now he is blaming other with all of his might without even thinking about the biggest mistake he has done before, the biggest burden Myungsoo hyung has to live under.” I glared at him.

I knew my words successfully jabbed him as his face reddened in anger. I was sure he ran out of words, but he was clearly forcing himself to think hard since losing had never been his thing. Moreover, it was Lee Sungjong he’s losing to.

“Stop bringing up my past mistakes on him!” he frustratingly screamed. “He forgave me already! Don’t bring it up again here!”

“Then why are you making it hard for me here?! I haven’t even got to apologize to him and you already dared to judge me like this! You’ve made a bigger mistake on him so you don’t have any rights to judge me like I’m the worst criminal to him!” I spluttered back at him.

His teeth were rattling as he tightened his grips on my collar. “I said stop bringing up my past mistakes, Lee Sungjong!”

“Just so you know, Sungyeol-ssi, you’re the one breaking my heart for making Myungsoo hyung suffered in the last two years. I love him more than my own blood related brother who never notices me all my life, who never wants my existence around, who never cares about me all along. I spent my early years wasting my time and energy wishing that one person could ever look at me even once and I’m gonna regret it in the rest of my life for doing that stupid thing. I could only wish that Myungsoo hyung was my real brother, not you, the selfish and ignorant Lee Sungyeol. And you just thought that I purposely harmed him? I’d rather harm myself first before I could even think about it even for a split second.”

I earned a hard whack from my discourse on him. And somehow I didn’t regret it. Instead, I smirked at him in satisfaction while my tears were still flowing down on my cheeks. “Angry, Lee Sungyeol? Why? Disappointed knowing that all the time I actually don’t love you?”

“Shut the up! You’ve ruined my life from the start! I never wanted you all my life! I got Myungsoo then you ruined his life as well! You really have no use in this world!” he started spluttering nonsense, cornered. “Just go die, Lee Sungjong! Just go die! You better die!”

The last words he said to me definitely weren’t unfamiliar at all. Those made me, who had been mentally and physically hurt and tired, somehow agreed and felt those were just right.

“Don’t you hear that? Don’t you get that? You better die! Just go die, Lee Sungjong!”

I pushed him away and ran away. I had no idea what I was crying for during the whole trip home. I didn’t know what I was feeling all along either. The mixed feelings inside me just gathered all my tears and forced them out.

Just go die, Lee Sungjong! Just go die! You better die!

His voice resounded in my head before I inhaled my room’s air for the last time of my life.

And I did what he wanted.

 

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A/N:

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