dear baekhyun,

this is for when you can't sleep at night and i can't be there beside you.

i miss you but don't cry, okay? i'll be home soon.

sweet dreams and i love you, baek.

yours always, chanyeol.

track one : when you can’t sleep at night

This isn’t the first time Baekhyun’s had to sleep and wake up to find himself alone, nor is it the first time he’s had to be without Chanyeol. There’s a space beside him on the bed, but it’s empty and bare and Baekhyun absolutely hates it.

There should be arms around him, promising him sweet dreams for the night and breakfast in bed in the morning. He should have his head resting on Chanyeol’s chest, listening carefully to the sound of his warm heart while he adjusts his breathing to match the rise and fall of the other’s. It’s the only way he can comfortably sleep, using the rhythm of their hearts as a lullaby and the embrace of the other’s arms around him as a safety blanket. Chanyeol should be there to whisper i love yous until they seep into Baekhyun’s dreams, chasing away his nightmares.

That’s the way it’s always been. Night and day. There is no Chanyeol without Baekhyun and no Baekhyun without Chanyeol. They’ve been in love and together for so long - practically two halves of a whole for good eight years of their lives - it’s only understandable for him to be up all night with repeated thoughts of Chanyeol Chanyeol Chanyeol because he’s alone. He’s missing a piece of him, the biggest piece, and therefore the most important, and it hurts Baekhyun to think that he won’t be home for a while.

Chanyeol is away on the other side of the country to start his new project as a music producer and Baekhyun has to be without him for a week. There are nights when Baekhyun cries his eyes out at the thought of being alone, and not even a tub of ice cream is enough to cure the temporary hole in his heart where Chanyeol belongs.

You’re gone 6 days and 23 hours too long. I miss your big dumb face already.

Baekhyun waits every time, though. He’s consumed by their love and it’s become all he knows, so he waits for the boy who has given him so much and always asks for nothing in return. He decided long ago that he didn’t want, didn’t need, anything else to complete him.

Tonight, the absence in his chest still remains.

Just a little more to go.

He plugs in his earphones and presses play, winding the blanket around him until he’s cocooned in a thick mess, breathing in Chanyeol’s scent and wishing for morning to come so that the number of days he has to be without his other half is lessened by one.

track two : drifting

Chanyeol kind of confesses on the most important night of nineteen year old Baekhyun’s life as a freshman. It’s his mid-year performance for the solo studies module in his music major and he’s pretty much as nervous as his very first university interview.

Baekhyun’s waiting backstage behind the curtains, gripping onto the slippery material with unsteady hands and faltering breaths. The audience begins to swim in slowly and he watches as each seat fills with faces he doesn’t recognise but have come to see him. He’s tense as . The lyrics and notes and beats float in a random mess in his head while his heart attempts to beat itself out of his ribcage at the underlying worry he’d forget all of it as soon as he gets up on stage. The sweat covering his forehead with heat didn’t particularly help how hot he felt in his formal suit. It only makes his throat feel dry.

“Jesus, Baek - I don’t think it’s appropriate to have a shower before your performance.”

Anxiously, he turns his head away from the curtain and his eyes meet a wide-eyed figure of hope, holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand.

“Chanyeol, oh my god.” His voice comes out shaky and his hands slip away from the curtain. He runs to the other boy to wrap his arms around him in an embrace and immediately, the unease sitting in the pit of his stomach began to dissolve.

“Woah - you’re dripping with nerves.” Chanyeol chuckles in a low breath, swinging his free arm around the smaller boy. “You alright?”

Baekhyun snorts, shaking his head. “I feel like I’m going to die.” He eyes the flowers in Chanyeol’s hand until the latter laughs and hands it to him. He raises an eyebrow. “For me?”

Chanyeol winks. “Who else could they be for?”

“Thank you.”

They stand still for a moment, only a few inches apart, and Baekhyun is choking in heat with his heart hammering but his head is slightly calmer with Chanyeol’s presence. The lyrics make sense to him, pieced into the correct rhythms while the beats pound through his veins and he almost stops shaking. Almost.

Chanyeol suddenly closes the space between them to hug him again, this time with both arms, and Baekhyun thinks despite the tightness, it was comforting. He leans his head on Chanyeol’s chest and breathes him in. His stomach settles, the terrible unease replaced with the flutter of wings.

“Baek,” The taller says, a soft and hushed murmur in his ears, “You’ll do great, okay? You’ll get up there in just a while and you’ll play the piano and sing your heart out. You’ll be amazing.”

“Will you be watching?” Baekhyun pretends he’s not hopeful. The slight rise in pitch at the end betrays him.

Chanyeol chuckles and he smiles. “Always. I didn’t come here just to watch you bathe in your own sweat, of course.”

“Wait for me after the performance, yeah? I think I’ll collapse in the middle of the campus on the way out.”

“I was actually planning on not leaving the auditorium until every last person in the audience was out - but sure, whatever you want.” Baekhyun manages to breathe easy with this, knowing Chanyeol would be there.

There’s an unspoken feeling between them that they both know of and acknowledge with pride, and neither is exactly oblivious. It’s comforting to be able to feel what the other feels without having to voice it and for Baekhyun, it’s perfect. It’s always been like this, ever since the first day they met, and it’s become a habit to be comforted by the simple presence of each other. Baekhyun no longer feels nervous for his performance, but for something else.

Chanyeol unwinds his long arms from around Baekhyun to look down at him straight in the eye, a massive grin on his face that makes Baekhyun want to wear sunglasses inside because either Chanyeol uses too much whitening toothpaste or his smile is just naturally that blinding. He decides it’s both and the sudden desire to kiss him right then and there surges through him.

“I like you when you look at me the way you do.” Baekhyun whispers, wanting it to be too low for only Chanyeol to hear but not too silent that it lingers unsaid. He blushes but doesn’t hide it. “It gives me confidence. I like it a lot.”

The grin never fades from the other’s face but instead gets wider until it manages to reach his eyes. “I know. I’ll only ever look at you, Baek. If you get even more nervous out there, just look for me in the front row. Sing to me.”

Every song I will ever sing would be to you, for you, he wants to reply but there’s an announcement somewhere in the background calling his name. His eyes widen and the nerves begin to seep in again.

Chanyeol reaches for his hand and squeezes it tight, eyes gazing at him with reassurance. It takes him a while to move - a part of him wants to skip his performance altogether - but seconds later when his name is called a second time, he swiftly pushes himself up on his tiptoes and kisses Chanyeol on the cheek.

He didn’t know it could even be possibly for the wide-eyed boy to get even more wide-eyed, but he laughs when Chanyeol’s eyes look as if they were about to bulge out. Baekhyun’s heart is full of content and he buries his nose in the flowers given to him before setting them down on a table.

He grins at Chanyeol as he starts walking back to the curtain, suddenly more than ready to perform. Despite the many hours of repetitive verses and sleepless nights he suffered to perfect his solo, he doesn’t think the amount of effort he put in could outweigh the confidence, love and strength Chanyeol gave him in order to be able to go out there.

Chanyeol reaches for his hand right before he disappears onto the stage and kisses him gently on the lips.

“You probably already know, but I love you. And I’ll take it that you were kinda mine from the start just like I’ve always been yours, but officially - will you go out with me?” Chanyeol’s wide smile leaves an imprint amongst the lyrics in Baekhyun’s head and the electricity between them has never been more sharp, more prominent until now. Finally, he thinks, but this was meant to be.

The third call for Byun Baekhyun echoes in his ears. He risks the seconds by answering Chanyeol with a kiss and he leaves for the stage, pride and confidence flowing through him from head to toe. He looks back when the curtain slowlty closes to see Chanyeol’s face one last time before he becomes a face in the blur of the audience.

Baekhyun sits on the piano stool, hands trembling as he places them on top of the keys. His eyes shoot up to the audience before he starts and it doesn’t take him long to find Chanyeol, who’s grinning ecstatically, and he has to fight the smile creeping onto his own face.

He aces his performance without a single mistake and the standing ovation when he finishes brings tears to his eyes. He immersed himself in his music, got lost in the flow of the melody and the lyrics of his heart’s song and now, he spends the rest of the night somewhere in the auditorium seats, getting lost in Chanyeol’s kisses.

track three : i’m yours

Chanyeol comes home from his office one night and crashes into sleep on the white leather couch straight away. Baekhyun comes home at around midnight, eyes finding his worn out figure curled up into cold fabric. He tip-toes into their bedroom to throw his bag onto the bed and reaches into the closet for a large blanket. Returning to the living room, he’s careful not to wake the sleeping figure when he gently places the blanket over him. Chanyeol twitches, but doesn’t wake.

Baekhyun sinks to the carpet floor beside Chanyeol, propping his chin up on the couch to stare at him. He mentally sighs, cursing their jobs for having them come home late, both tired and unable to talk to each other until morning as one would usually be asleep when the other came home. He wishes Chanyeol would take it easy on himself sometimes. He wishes he didn’t have to spend so much time in the office most days because late hours meant that Chanyeol had no one to come home to.

But they make it work, somehow. It’s never put a large strain on their relationship of five years but Baekhyun worries that in each other’s absence, something could go wrong. They have no problem with communication because neither can shut up when they’re together, shooting into endless conversations of their day when they’re free. They text and call a lot when they can, but it’s always Baekhyun’s worry that they’d never get enough face-to-face time to make it work.

He traces the tired lines on Chanyeol’s face and carefully leans forward to plant soft kisses on Chanyeol’s eyelids. “Sweet dreams, Yeol.” He whispers, running a hand through the sleeping man’s hair.

Chanyeol wakes up the next morning to find that Baekhyun had fallen asleep in what looks like an uncomfortable position, sitting upright and leaning on the couch. He battles with himself if he should wake him or not, but figures it would be more comfortable if he did.

He lightly shakes Baekhyun awake until the smaller’s eyes flutter open with sleepiness on his eyelashes and without a word, scoots over on the couch and pulls him up beside him. Baekhyun yawns and closes his eyes with a smile on his face as he’s wrapped in Chanyeol’s warmth. Chanyeol kisses Baekhyun’s nape and buries his face in his hair until he too, falls asleep again.

track four : latch

Before Baekhyun started university, he was set to do a degree in politics. His parents were very against the idea of him studying music, despite praising him for his singing talents. Music, they thought, held no future prospects for Baekhyun and that he’d be better off becoming a political figure, earning money and gaining fame as a rising name in society. They expected bigger, better and more successful things for him and ultimately, they forced him into a corner.

It was a hard summer before his first year, dreading the term with stress and confusion while at the edge of breaking down because for eighteen years, he’s only ever done what his parents wanted him to do.

Baekhyun’s grandmother was the one who changed his mind a week before he was set to start. The only figure in his life who fully supported him in his dreams and ambitions, she was a lovable woman who often let Baekhyun win at bingo every Sunday when his entire family would gather to play. He admired her a lot for her wise antics and bubbly personality that never really matched her age.

“I don’t care about what you do after you graduate.” She had told him. “Your teachers won’t care, no matter what they tell you so don’t even bother. You shouldn’t care about what you do afterwards either nor what your parents will think because what counts is how well you do it while you’re doing it. Music is in your heart, my dear Baekhyun. Don’t let your dreams go to waste because they restrict you - you’d in those political debates against old geezers, anyway. Lean on me for the rest.”

Her words were golden wisdom to his ears for they were exactly the words Baekhyun wanted and needed to hear. He decided to forever be grateful for her push because a week later, he sent in a request to switch courses.

He gets a phone call from his mother somewhere in the middle of his third year, her voice broken and torn to shreds in breathlessgasps over the phone. She brings news of his grandmother’s passing and his mind turns into a blank easel, void of any emotion and voice as soon as he hears. She hangs up after he croaks a hollow goodbye, unable to register anything around him fully as he’s stripped bare of his surroundings.

Chanyeol finds his boyfriend with his pen in his hand, ink staining a growing black hole on his sheet of paper. As he looks into his eyes, he finds that they’re lifeless and the shine he loved to see the most every day isn’t there anymore.

“Baek?” He approaches, careful and weary but worried nonetheless.

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun whispers. The knuckles on his hand turn whiter and his eyes open wider, mind so blank he’s completely forgotten about making notes for tomorrow’s project presentation. But there’s no room for that, he thinks, because a star in his life has just died and her words from three years ago ring loud and clear in his ears. He wouldn’t be here if weren’t for her.

“I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t go home to see her last break. I didn’t tell her I love her. I didn’t tell her thank you.” It’s hard to swallow with a throat so dry and he knows the bottle of water sitting at the bottom of his back wouldn’t be enough to satisfy the pain that clawed in every cavity of his body.

Chanyeol puts his hand over Baekhyun’s, carefully setting down the pen. Baekhyun’s hands are shaking when he lifts them up so he pulls his seat away from the table to lean down in front of him. Now he holds Baekhyun’s hands in both of his, tight and secure as if to tell him I’m here, it’s okay. The loss of light in his own light’s eyes and the words he previously muttered were enough to tell him exactly what was wrong. He never knew his grandmother, never had the chance to visit and meet her, but from Baekhyun’s stories of her he could tell she was a star bright in Baekhyun’s skies.

“She didn’t get to meet you.” Baekhyun says, almost mouthing his words as he loses his voice somewhere along the way when tears build up in his eyes and within seconds, they fall without warning.

Chanyeol pulls him down to envelope him in an embrace that said everything in that moment. The other wraps his limp arms, heavy with mourning, around him and Chanyeol squeezes his trembling body. He tries to fight back his own tears that were about to fall just by hearing the sound of Baekhyun’s choked sobs, allowing his boyfriend to spill the pain of his heart out onto his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Baek. I'm so sorry.” he says, swallowing hard. “I’m here, okay? I’m here.”

He holds Baekhyun’s nape with his hand and lightly brushes his hair with his fingers, something he always did to smoothe the other. He figures it isn’t much for a situation like this, but if he could do anything it would be to try and comfort Baekhyun.

Baekhyun is silent for the rest of the hour he spends sobbing in Chanyeol’s arms. They have classes for the rest of the day but neither can bring himself to stand up and go to them so instead, they spend three hours huddled in an empty corner in the library. Baekhyun curls into himself, arms around knees pulled up to his chest with his forehead leaning on them while Chanyeol has his arms around him and his chin propped onto his head to try and give him warmth. The smaller’s shoulders shake with silent sobs and it breaks Chanyeol’s heart in two to hear them, but this is pain and Baekhyun’s pain is also Chanyeol’s pain, and there’s no better way to deal with it than to let it all out first.

They return to Baekhyun’s dorm when his crying dies down a little and the he drags Chanyeol down onto his bed until the taller is shielding him away from the rest of his room and the rest of the world. He nuzzles his face into Chanyeol’s chest where he feels safe, trying hard not to start crying again. Chanyeol plants kisses along his head down to his temple, his nose, his cheeks and stops when he gets to his lips.

“I’ll always be here, Baekhyun.” He whispers.

Baekhyun can feel the tears pounding at the barrier he put up to stop them and he tries harder to prevent them from falling. He grips Chanyeol’s shirt with his hands, moving closer and close to him until there’s no longer a centimeter between them. He wants to forget about everything for now and lose himself in the one place he calls a home away from home and Chanyeol simply lets him, even getting lost with him because if one hurts, so does the other.

Chanyeol shuts his eyes and prays for Baekhyun’s grandmother, hoping she’ll find peace as he promises to take care of her grandson. He prays that his love will be enough.

“I love you so much, Yeol.” Baekhyun speaks up for the first time in hours and it sounds so raw from the crying. “I love you.”

Chanyeol manages to crack a small smile, even if the other couldn’t see it. There’s warmth pooling in his heart and it adds to their embrace. He kisses Baekhyun’s forehead, praying that it will all be okay soon. “I know, B. I love you, too.”

It hurts more than Baekhyun’s ever imagined, but he’s never imagined losing anybody in his life before and it eats him up from the inside, all the unsaid goodbyes and regrets of not being able to tell his grandmother he loved her, not being able to tell her more about Chanyeol. Pain grazes at his ribs at the single thought of her and how she was his figure of support when his own parents couldn’t be, a breath of fresh air away from the cloud polluting his future. He’s sorry for all those times he missed out on going home because of vocal practices and recitals, unable to say hello over the phone or through texts. More than ever, he’s sorry for always being a burden because he relied on her for everything.

Most of all, he regrets that he’ll never get the chance to tell her how amazing it is that he’s studying music because of her, but maybe he can show her. He imagines telling her how close he is to achieving his dreams, on the brink of graduation and setting out for the future but she’ll laugh her twinkling laugh at him and tell him, ‘No, love, Chanyeol is your dream now. You’ve already achieved it.’

And the best thing is, she wouldn’t have been wrong.

track five : can’t help falling in love with you

Rewind back to their first day at university and Baekhyun’s moving into his single room at his chosen dorm complex. Across the hall is Kyungsoo, his best friend who fortunately shares the same passion and dream of becoming a singer as Baekhyun, moving into his own room. Kyungsoo’s arms were full with two large boxes labelled Soo’s Stuff stacked on top of one another and Baekhyun watches as his tiniest friend (he’s not exactly tall himself but he secretly likes to brag that he has an inch or two over Kyungsoo) manages to lift their weight without a single sweat on his head and a strained vein on his neck.

“You’re tiny.” Baekhyun points out as if it was new information. “Yet look at you…”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow expectantly, leaning on the doorway with the boxes still in hand. “What?”

“You have the strength of a beast and a voice that could move mountains. How do you do it? What’s your secret?”

The shorter boy rolls his eyes, stepping inside his room and placing the boxes down. He dusts his hands and turns to grin at Baekhyun. “What? There’s no secret. I’m really just that good. I’m hella cool!”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at him and scoffs. “No, Kyungsoo, no. One, never say ‘hella’ again and two, your collection of Pororo underwear is no secret to society so you’re not as cool as you think.” Kyungsoo blushes and tries to interject but Baekhyun presses on, “I’m honestly starting to believe you take age-defying steroids or something.”

“Baekhyun, that’s stupid.” Kyungsoo walks into Baekhyun’s room and casually lies down on his bed. His friend just gawks at him from by the door. “I work out sometimes and I’m a very good student when it comes to vocal practice. Unlike someone I know who spends a lot of time playing video games.”

It’s Baekhyun’s turn to blush slightly because Kyungsoo’s right on point. Baekhyun will argue that League of Legends is a very addicting game that requires all of his attention at all possible free times. “Wait - you work out?”

Kyungsoo sniffs nonchalantly, tilting his chin in the air. “I may have lifted some weights from time to time in the last few weeks. Back in the summer I’d go for morning runs and do some yoga with -” Then he stops and his eyes widen at his own words. Baekhyun immediately smirks, knowing that there was something he wasn’t meant to say but almost let it out.

“Yoga, huh? And with who?”

“I’m going to go unpack my boxes now.” Kyungsoo gets up from Baekhyun’s bed and heads back into his own room but the other boy grabs his arm and snickers in his ear.

“Oh, so you do yoga with Kim Jongin?”

Kyungsoo shrieks like a banshee and runs away from him, shutting his room door closed but not before shouting an endless string of curses at Baekhyun’s existence.

He just stands by his door and cackles to himself. Kim Jongin was one of the juniors the two were closest to in high school, the dancer to their melodies and the subject of Kyungsoo’s affections. He’s sure that if Kyungsoo didn’t chicken out with his confession on graduation day that Jongin would have officially made a move - but Kyungsoo didn’t know that Jongin had returned his affections all this time.

(Of course, if they still do yoga together then maybe things have changed and they do more than just yoga together now.)

Baekhyun finally decides to stop lazing around and start moving his boxes inside when a tall, gangly guy dressed in skinny jeans tight enough to catch Baekhyun’s attention, a hoodie and a snapback appear walks up to Kyungsoo’s door, a sheet in hand and his eyes fixed on it.

He stares for a few minutes as the guy just stands there, the aspect of moving in already forgotten. “Can I help you?” he asks and he’s greeted by eyes just as wide as Kyungsoo’s when he turns around. And his eyes weren’t the only thing that took Baekhyun aback - the wide grin he sports upon seeing Baekhyun has him almost swept off his feet. He thinks he’s handsome; tall, red hair that was slightly a bushy mess underneath his snapback, and bright-eyed with a smile that feels like sunshine to him.

“Hey, I was looking for my dorm room and I’m -” He waves the sheet of paper in his hand and Baekhyun attempts to walk over to him as calmly as possible to read it.

He smiles up at him. “Yeah, you’re at the right place. You applied for a shared, right?”

The handsome guy nods, grinning back. Baekhyun’s just about to faint. “Yep! Is my roommate here already?”

Baekhyun opens the door for him and sees Kyungsoo folding his clothes on his bed. The latter turns around and looks as if he’s about to yell more curses at Baekhyun concerning Jongin but holds himself back, turning a little pink when he sees a tower standing in the doorway.

“Hey, Soo! This is your roommate -” Baekhyun stops abruptly, realising he didn’t ask for his name.

The guy ducks his head in and waves, smiling. “Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun makes a mental note to look him up on Facebook later.

“Do Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo gulps, wiping his palms on his trousers. “Oh my god, you’re tall.”

Chanyeol chuckles and Baekhyun silently chokes on his own saliva because dear god his voice can go even deeper. “I get that a lot. You’re pretty….short.”

Baekhyun snorts. “He’s a dwarf.” He mutters, only to get a pair of balled-up socks thrown at him. “An average-height dwarf.”

Chanyeol walks in, taking off his snapback, and Baekhyun stays back. His hair’s quite messy from the back and for a moment, he wonders what it’d be like to run his fingers through it. “Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo!” He greets, bending his knees slightly (a lot) to envelope the smaller in a hug. Kyungsoo laughs comfortably but awkwardly pats his back because he feels bad Chanyeol has to almost crouch to reach him.

Baekhyun’s covering up his giggles with his hand and Kyungsoo throws him a dirty look. He raises an eyebrow and mouths tell me about your yoga sessions with jongin later? and gets a pained sob from the other as a response.

When Chanyeol pulls away, he turns to Baekhyun. “Sorry, I didn’t ask for your name - or formally introduce myself earlier. Are you two friends already?”

Baekhyun smiles. Chanyeol’s a polite guy, he’ll give him that. “I’m Baekhyun and nope, I do not know this Kyungsoo kid who is he and what is he doing here!”

He swears he’s in heaven when Chanyeol laughs loud, almost a roar, thinking he could get lost in the cheerful sound but Kyungsoo’s face is so dark that he almost gets chills down his spine.

“Unfortunately, I’ve known Baekhyun since middle school and even more unfortunate for you, he’s living in the room across us. I would say he’s my best friend but he’s a bit of a .”

“You’re living across us? That’s cool! We could all hang out together.” Chanyeol grins and Baekhyun just can’t help but grin back. The happy vibes radiating from him is too contagious.

Kyungsoo’s mouthing no no no behind Chanyeol’s back and Baekhyun’s eyes gleam mischievously at this. “I’d love to, Chanyeol! You, me and Soo Soo here. We’ll be the best of friends!”

Chanyeol walks over to him to ruffle his hair and Baekhyun’s blushing because of the close proximity. The only unfortunate (or was it fortunate? Baekhyun sees it as both) thing is that he’s facing Chanyeol’s chest and he’s close enough to smell the scent of musk on his clothes. Maybe the unfortunate thing is that he has to look up in order to meet Chanyeol’s eyes but maybe it’s also fortunate that he’s short and Chanyeol’s tall, absolutely perfect for hugging height.

“Just come over whenever you want, Baekhyun!” he smiles at the smaller boy. Kyungsoo coughs from behind, muttering incoherent things but Baekhyun can’t hear him over the echoes of Chanyeol’s booming voice in his ears because wow, that’s a sound he’d like to hear for forever.

He (reluctantly) walks back across to his room to start unpacking, a certain voice unable to leave his mind. It’s when he’s about to close his door to hide the clutter does he see Chanyeol watching him from his room, eyes focused with a gleam that Baekhyun can’t comprehend - but he finds himself in that moment wishing it to be admiration. There’s a stutter in his heartbeat and a little lump in his throat but he sort of likes it. He’s not entirely used to the feeling, but maybe experiencing new things would be a good thing for him.

He shuts the door with a silent click and with a hand over his hammering heart, butterflies crawling their way from his stomach to his chest, he decides there’s something in Park Chanyeol’s eyes that he wouldn’t mind getting lost in.

track six : northern wind

Baekhyun teaches private vocal classes on most weekdays and often stays until eleven in the evening doing business administration. When Chanyeol has more free time at work or at home, Baekhyun’s phone is bombarded with text messages and missed phone calls from him and despite scolding the other for disturbing him during work, Chanyeol never stops.

Sometimes, he spends his twenty-minute breaks rereading their messages and frowning at himself for never messaging back when he gets heartfelt texts from his boyfriend. It’s unfair on his part, that much he knew, but what could he do when he has his own work to do too?

He’ll never clear out his inbox, though, because Chanyeol’s texts are what keep him going through the day. Yet he never fails to think about how hard Chanyeol must be working, how hard his actual job is. Baekhyun isn’t the type to send messages like him, he isn’t the type to voice his cheers and be a foundation of motivation. Chanyeol doesn’t mind, but Baekhyun does.

He’s not the greatest boyfriend, but he doesn’t know how to change.

from: chanyeol

to: baekhyun

[09:21am]

i hope you didn’t forget to eat your breakfast! i’ll get some takeout on the way home and wait for you before eating.

from: chanyeol

to: baekhyun

[11:45am]

O M G, just saw kyungsoo at the store and he was holding hands with jongin. they’re still going strong, like us! nothing’s changed, hehe. except we do yoga much better than them.

i miss you, b!

from: chanyeol

to: baekhyun

[11:59am]

beep beep! it’s 12pm and this is a daily reminder to eat a proper lunch. i hope you didn’t forget your money but even if you did, there’s a packed lunch in your bag. i hope you like tuna!

(Baekhyun often forgets to bring his wallet to work but the first time he found the lunch Chanyeol packed for him, he was more than grateful for the other’s caring habits. His stomach was pretty grateful too.)

from: chanyeol

to: baekhyun

[12:20pm]

your break must be over, right? i hope you had a good lunch. can’t wait until you get home and we can eat takeout together ;n; i really miss you, baek.

from: chanyeol

to: baekhyun

[2:00pm]

[attachment: imgheart4u.jpg]

this has to be my last text for now because jongdae’s just called me in for an impromptu meeting. i hope i won’t be long. call me if you can and help me get out of it? just kidding. work hard and try not to strangle any rebellious kids, that’s kyungsoo’s job. fighting!

see you soon, little love.

He takes this text as a chance to make up for his lack of expressing his feelings, an ability that keeps dragging him down as it grows over time, and decides to send one to Chanyeol for once.

He could say he’s sorry for all the times he doesn’t return his messages or his calls, but he could also say he’s not sorry for opening every picture his boyfriend sends him and saving it to his camera roll. He could write an essay about how he’s sorry for losing his spark as Byun Baekhyun, the once fun and laughter-inducing kid-at-heart, but he could also write an essay about how thankful he is for Chanyeol, who always assures him that he’ll never lose his light as Chanyeol’s Baekhyun.

He doesn’t exactly know what to send because there’s too many things he wants to say, but he settles for something simple and hopes it’s enough.

to: chanyeol

from: baekhyun

[2:07pm]

don’t forget to iron your shirt.

i love you.

It’s been a little less than five years and despite time changing the world around them, Baekhyun’s sure that Chanyeol is and always will be the only constant thing in his life.

track seven : the sea and the rhythm

Legs are tangled in sheets, arms are wrapped around each other’s bare skin as Baekhyun’s body arches up into Chanyeol’s touch as he peppers kisses down the side of Baekhyun’s neck. Surrounded in each other’s heat - sweaty and sticky and tight - Baekhyun thinks this can’t get any better. Chanyeol’s whispering his name into his own skin again and again, at the base of his jawline and Baekhyun bites his lip in satisfaction. He winds his fingers into Chanyeol’s hair and brings his face down for a searing kiss and it burns his skin, tongues and swiping along lips and he moans Chanyeol’s name into his mouth.

Chanyeol s into him fast and deep, his name leaving the other’s lips in groans and whispers and Chanyeol’s about to lose himself from the sound. He watches Baekhyun come undone beneath him, slick with sweat and the smell of , and he falls in love even more. He kisses the smaller man fiercely just to feel his moans against his mouth and Baekhyun comes with an I love you against his lips.

track eight : symphony

In less than a year after graduating from university with a degree in Music Technology, Chanyeol gets a job as project assistant for SM Entertainment, South Korea’s biggest entertainment company. Fortunately for them, the pay is amazing and it’s enough to support both him and Baekhyun alone, but the latter still pushes his boyfriend to let him pay for half of everything they own with his more than average pay as a music teacher. His dream has always been to be a singer and although teaching isn’t ideal, he’s still singing and it makes him happy. The money left over from their salaries are saved in their bank savings, ready for the future.

The only downside to Chanyeol’s job is that it requires him to travel a lot, often for a week or more. At first, it didn’t seem so bad. Chanyeol was only needed on projects for less than a week and he found himself getting promotions by working hard and honestly, Baekhyun’s the proudest he’s ever been of his other half, but it didn’t help that distance came as a price.

A few months after getting the job, Chanyeol was set to go to Japan for one of SM’s idol projects and he’s assigned to be the manager of the whole thing. It meant two months away from Baekhyun in order to get the project running first. Baekhyun never says that he’s unhappy about the whole thing but his love overrules his selfishness.

“I’ll always be proud of you, Yeol.” he says on the night before Chanyeol leaves. “You’ll do well out there, I know it. You work hard and you deserve all the praise, all the promotions - you deserve the best.”

They’re both lying in bed with Chanyeol’s arm around his waist and his head resting on his chest, hand playing with his lover’s shirt. He tries to bite back the tears he’s been holding in for more than week, not ready to show Chanyeol in fear that he’d throw his big chance away just to cure the pain in his chest. Baekhyun thinks it wouldn’t be fair on him. Chanyeol’s always been selfish when it comes to him but this time, he has to be stronger than before.

Chanyeol’s silent for a few seconds, his calm breathing warming Baekhyun up as he reaches down to plant a kiss on his head. “I just don’t want to leave you. I never want to leave you, Baek.”

The latter smiles weakly. “We’ll always be together, idiot. In here,” he taps Chanyeol’s chest where his heart is, “and in here.” he reaches for Chanyeol’s hand and places it over his own heart. “You’ll always be with me.”

“But it’s two months. The other projects were usually two weeks or less. Two months with you is two months without me. We both know it’ll be hard to cope.”

Baekhyun lifts his head up from Chanyeol’s chest to look at him, his eyebrows creasing at the tone of worry seeping into his voice. “Hey, Park Chanyeol. When you were gone those times, did we keep in touch?” The other nods. “Did we make sure to take care of each other even though it was over the phone?” Another nod. “Did we lose each other during any of those times.?” Chanyeol shakes his head without hesitating. “Then we won’t lose each other now and two months has nothing against what we have, okay?”

Chanyeol looks straight into his eyes and he knows he’s searching for hints of doubt and sadness. He only finds the latter but he doesn’t say anything about it. Baekhyun is both amazed at how well he can try and convince Chanyeol it’ll be okay, yet he never takes his own advice and he knows that he’ll turn into a tearful mess once Chanyeol leaves in the morning. He continues to hold back, though, for Chanyeol’s sake.

“I love you.” Chanyeol whispers into the night, still staring at him. Baekhyun cracks a wide smile and leans his head back on his chest, closing his eyes as he hugs Chanyeol closer to him. The other responds by wrapping his other arm around him, squeezing him tight, burying his face in his hair. “God, Baek. I love you so much that it hurts and how the am I going to manage two months without you?”

“Stop worrying about that, Yeol, you can do it. When you come back, forever is ours again.” Baekhyun’s whisper fades into the night and he decides he’ll crack soon if they stay on the topic. He can’t allow Chanyeol to see his tears. He murmurs one last I love you before he allowing himself to drift off, wishing for dreams of Chanyeol.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, just stares at the ceiling with his eyebrows scrunched up together deep in thought, reluctant to close his eyes in fear that the boy in his arms will disappear. He’s still awake even when the clock flashes 3am. He has to leave for the airport at 7am and unfortunately, the time was way before Baekhyun normally wakes up on a weekend. He decides not to sleep at all.

When Baekhyun wakes, the space beside him is empty save for a white folded sheet of paper. Chanyeol’s almost legible handwriting occupies the space and Baekhyun picks it up with the incoming ache in his chest undeniably throbbing.

to B. I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this and there’s others scattered around our apartment, so I hope you’ll be able to occupy your free time finding them. It was hard to sleep because I was scared of leaving but one look at you sleeping, all lovely as usual, was all it took to motivate myself. Even as I write this, I’m missing you. See you soon. - C

Baekhyun grabs breakfast and tries to drown the silence haunting their apartment by putting his headphones in, SNSD’s Gee on full volume. He opens one of their cupboards to find another letter.

Hey, B! You’re 23 and you still buy cereal from the kids’ section. I have to admit it makes me want to cry when I wake up thinking we’ll be having bacon and eggs (that’s us!) for breakfast, but instead I go out to the kitchen to find two bowls of star shaped chocolate cereal drowning in milk. You big baby. Japan will have better food but it won’t be the same as our breakfast.

There’s another letter in their shared wardrobe after taking a warm shower. He opts for one of Chanyeol’s shirts, wanting to be surrounded by the other’s scent, and he finds the sheet of paper underneath the folded clothes.

If you’re reading this, you’re wearing one of my shirts because you miss me so much. Or you’ve ran out of shirts. I highly doubt that so I’ll flatter myself by saying it’s because you miss me. Anyway, what’s mine is yours and I hope you wear it anyway. I love it when you wear my clothes but it that I can’t be there to see you in them right now. It’s like there are pieces of me with you, even when I’m not actually there. I’ll be home soon. I love you.

p.s. please wash the socks I’ve hidden in the bottom drawer...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I didn’t want you to get mad at me for not washing them straight away.

He finds exactly eighty-two letters scattered around their home and it takes him over a week to find them all. Chanyeol enjoyed being cryptic enough to hide them in places Baekhyun would never think of, the latter only stumbling across them accidentally (take inside Baekhyun’s phone case and underneath the unused -but always full- fruit bowl as examples). He even finds one stuck to the ceiling in their bathroom.

The final letter is stuck to the back of their bedroom door. He fails to notice it until one week and four days after Chanyeol’s departure but he decides it’s the best one of all.

B, I’m stupid for never telling you this before - i should have told you years ago - but thank you for existing. you light me up in so many ways, even when you do the littlest of things. I fall in love with every single thing you do and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. I’ve always been afraid of the dark but you’re my pillar of light. I’m not afraid when I’m with you so thank you always, little love. - C.

track nine : everything

They stand side by side on the day they graduate university and Baekhyun doesn’t realise Chanyeol’s managed to slip his hand in between his until the the entire student body throws their caps in the air with a cheer. Amongst the flying black hats, golden tassels jumping with them, there are two hands clasped tightly around each other, fingers gripping onto a love that they’ve never known before.

This is Baekhyun and Chanyeol, three years and eight months into falling deep for each other. The smile that surfaces onto Chanyeol’s face and the I love you that Baekhyun mouths are the only things that tell the world that they’re still falling. Neither of them thinks they’ll ever stop.

Baekhyun pulls his giant into his arms after the ceremony, mumbling incoherent things into his chest. (Chanyeol never fails to laugh, finding it absolutely adorable that his boyfriend’s so short he can’t even hear him.)

“We did it, Yeol! We graduated!” Baekhyun yells over the crowd that begins erupting in cheers and congratulations.

“We did it.” Chanyeol echoes, breathless at the sight of the other’s smile as his eyes turn into crescents. “We did it - together.”

“But what happens now?” the smaller man suddenly pouts, eyebrows scrunching together in thought. “University is done and we have our degrees - we have to look for a job, maybe start hunting for an apartment. Oh my god, Chanyeol, we don’t know how to cook! Do you think we’re capable of cleaning an entire apartment by ourselves? I hope Kyungsoo ends up living close because I think we’ll need to hire a maid -”

Chanyeol chooses to shut Baekhyun up with a deep, sudden kiss and the other yelps, arms thrashing around him until he finally gives in to the bliss and endless goosebumps. It’s weird, somehow, how it always feels like the first time whenever they kiss, as if Chanyeol’s lips were alway meant for Baekhyun’s just like the way their hands entwine together - perfection.

Baekhyun goes limp in the other’s arms and Chanyeol has to snake an arm behind him to steady him, laughing as he pulls away to lean their foreheads together. “If we’re going to be living together, let me do everything. I don’t think Jongin will like it very much if we pester Kyungsoo to be our housemaid. Actually, Kyungsoo himself would kill us if we did that.”

Baekhyun pouts again and as a result, he gets a small peck on the lips from the other and he’s weak at the knees with his heart knocking erratically in his chest. “We can’t do anything, Yeol.”

“We can learn how to do it all.” Chanyeol grins. “I don’t even care if the trash piles up with the laundry or if we have to eat takeout every day. As long as you’re with me, okay?”

With a deep breath and a smile to match the happiness settling in his heart, Baekhyun nods and tiptoes to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek. “Okay. You’re cheesy, but okay.”

Chanyeol laughs, his voice like honey in Baekhyun’s ears. “I know. So, what do you say to our future together? You and me?”

Always. “You and me.”

Nothing can compare to the promise laced in his words - a vow for a love that will last a lifetime.

track ten : love song

Baekhyun’s cleaning up their bedroom on the day Chanyeol’s meant to come home. He has to make sure every nook and cranny of the room is clean and sparkling, only the cleanest and the best for his love. He’s excited from his head to his toes at the simple thought of his return and he can’t keep his silly grin from surfacing onto his face.

Two weeks has passed and Baekhyun hopes Chanyeol did his laundry before coming back so that he wouldn’t have to do it for him.

(He also hopes for a souvenir but knowing Chanyeol, he would probably receive ten different kinds.)

At around 4pm, there’s a familiar knock on the door. It’s gentle and quiet, but Baekhyun’s ears perk up from the bed and swallowing his excitement, he rushes to get up and out to the door. Thoughts of joy and internal screams flow through him as his hand grips the door handle, but he can’t bring himself to open it. He’s too excited. Behind the door in front of him is Park Chanyeol, the man he loves with all of his heart and mind, and it strikes him strange that he feels like this every time the over comes home from a trip. It takes him a while, but when he hears another knock on the door, he snaps out of it and grins.

He pulls the door open and his eyes go wide as Chanyeol drops half a dozen plastic bags from his hand, shaking his backpack off of his back and kicking his luggage out of the way to run the tiny distance between him and Baekhyun.

A soothing warmth envelopes him and the empty spaces from Chanyeol’s absence immediately fill up with content and adoration. Chanyeol squeezes him tight and he laughs despite not being able to breathe properly. He hugs back with just as much reverence and he’s thankful that, finally, he’s back where he belongs - right in Chanyeol’s arms.

“Welcome home, Chanyeol.” He says, breathless but wishing for time to stop. “I’ve missed you.”

“Home.” The other says slightly absentmindedly, planting endless kisses on Baekhyun’s head. “You’re here, Baek.”

“Yes, yes I am.”

“I’m home.”

“You’re home.”

It’s comfortable, Baekhyun thinks, and a little adorable how Chanyeol always sounds like he’s discovered the cure for a (love)sickness when they meet again and it never fails to feel like the first time. Baekhyun feels like a child seeing stars up close for the first time in moments like these, wonder lighting him up from the inside out.

Chanyeol pulls away from their embrace to eye Baekhyun up and down, looking as if he couldn’t believe the sight in front of him. “Byun Baek.”

Laughter spills from Baekhyun as he watches his boyfriend and he cups Chanyeol’s face with both hands. “Chanyeol, baby, look at me.” When their eyes meet, Baekhyun’s breath hitches - the last time he saw those big brown eyes was two weeks ago. They were beautiful then, but even more beautiful now. “Welcome home, my love.” He stands on his tiptoes - always on his tiptoes - to kiss Chanyeol on the mouth with every ounce of love he has, smiling as he does so because god it’s been too long.

Chanyeol finally returns back to earth and Baekhyun when he kisses back but with more passion than the other expected. His lips were hard and electrified with yearning, sending heated sparks down Baekhyun’s spine. He shudders, but smiles.

“I love you, Yeol.” he mutters against his lips. He leans their forehead together and they breathe in each other’s scent until they’re out of fresh air. Their fingers find themselves somewhere in the middle of it, entwining with longing and satisfaction.

Chanyeol opens his eyes and his eyelashes meet Baekhyun’s. The soft flutter of them have the butterflies in Baekhyun’s stomach flying, tickling his insides. There are goosebumps running along his arms and his heart is about to burst, but he loves every single thing Chanyeol’s touches do to him.

He plants a quick kiss on Baekhyun’s lips and they get lost in each other’s eyes all over again. “I’m home.”

Baekhyun is used to Chanyeol leaving but he will never be used to the empty space in the bed beside him, and an empty apartment to match. With much practice over the years, they’re used to saying see you soon rather than goodbye because they both know, no matter what, they’ll always come back to each other.

That’s the way it is when you’re in love and you’ve been in love for a great number of years, always revolving your worlds around each other. It never stops.

Chanyeol will always come home and Baekhyun will always be there to welcome him.

Seven (and a half) years down, forever more to go.

aka baekyeol living their fairytale love \o/

thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed this ;A;