Present day:

Kyuhyun wants to say something to his defense. He kind of wants to say it was Ryeowook who made him feel worse or how all of them made him feel lonely. But he can’t, he doesn’t know what he wants to say, he isn’t sure if it is okay for him to open his mouth and say what he needs to say.

Ryeowook sighs and studies him.

“His name was Kibum, right?” Kyuhyun pipes suddenly, his voice cracking and Ryeowook blinks.

“What?”

“The boy… whom Donghae was with, right?”

Ryeowook nods a little uncertain and Kyuhyun takes a deep breath.

“Are they still together? Or yet?”

Ryeowook snorts and Kyuhyun almost can say he catches a smile.

“Why are we talking about Donghae?”

Kyuhyun wants to scream, he wants to scream because it was Donghae who kept pushing and pulling them forward and apart, but he isn’t sure to whom he is referencing to. They had always been kind of an awkward trio, he, Ryeowook and Sungmin.

“But yeah, they are together.”

Kyuhyun nods and looks at ceiling, thinking what to say next. Ryeowook says nothing, like he knows Kyuhyun is going to open his mouth yet again. Kyuhyun gulps when he lowers his gaze to meet Ryeowook’s.

“But. Wasn’t it you helped me get over with it?”

Ryeowook blinks. And blinks again.

And Kyuhyun wonders if Ryeowook ever realized how important the older male is to him.

-----

Year and 23 days ago

Meet Lee Donghae who knows more than everyone else

His name was Kibum. He was short and silent but his smile was bright. Kibum smiled at him and Kyuhyun smiled back, bowing a little and Donghae laughed at his awkwardness. Then suddenly Sungmin was there, smiling knowingly and Donghae slapped him on the shoulder and Sungmin giggled somewhat mockingly. Kibum just smiled at them and said they’re just friends. Kyuhyun watched as Sungmin elaborated how he knew Donghae was stalking Kibum on internet to which Donghae laughed sheepishly and pushed him almost too hard but then Ryeowook was there, hands on Sungmin’s shoulders, steadying him.

Kyuhyun watched as Sungmin smiled up at him, thanking silently and Kyuhyun needed to tear his eyes away. And then Sungmin was punching Donghae and as Donghae dodged (hiding behind Kibum), Sungmin slipped and fell but Kyuhyun was standing on the way and he caught the older man. Sungmin grinned, kind of awkwardly and Kyuhyun just knew it wasn’t the same kind of grin as with Ryeowook and soon enough it’s the petite man who helped Sungmin up, laughing at his clumsiness.

Kyuhyun his lips and tried to act nonchalantly.

“I didn’t know you’re part of the music department too.”

Ryeowook switched his gaze to him and Kyuhyun tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“Oh. Well, you really never asked.”

Kyuhyun missed the way Donghae winced at the tone of Ryeowook’s voice but he had the sense to lower his gaze a little, as in some sort of apology.

“Ah, don’t be mad at him Ryeowookie,” Sungmin piped in and Kyuhyun tensed his jaw.

“I’m not mad, why would I be mad, but yes, I’m also part of the music department. The second year.” Ryeowook’s tone was anything but friendly and Kyuhyun wondered if Ryeowook really was mad at him.

“It’s so sad we’re not in same year”, Sungmin pouted and Donghae decided it was the time to retort something Kyuhyun didn’t catch and soon those three were laughing over something and Kyuhyun realized how Kibum had disappeared and he was left feeling lost and alone.

****

****

Kyuhyun knew he was acting like an idiot. He heard his phone rattling somewhere but he wasn’t going to pick it up. He knew it must have been Minho, and he knew those abused rings of door bell were from Minho too. He had been avoiding going to school for three days now. He still did his school work and answered Sungmin’s call because he needed to sort his stuff as his guide but he didn’t feel like actually getting out of the bed.

And Minho knew he was just pretending to be sick, that’s why the male was yelling right now at his answering machine, to make him open up the door. Kyuhyun sighed and buried himself deeper into the covers.

He somehow assumed that going to new school would gain him some new friends, he wasn’t that socially incapable but it seemed like those couple of days off of school at the beginning, had done the damage. And now what Changmin wasn’t talking to him, he was lonelier than ever.  And he had kind of wanted have those upper classmen as his friends too but somehow things had gotten suddenly so complicated. After the concert at the mall Ryeowook had been sort of impassive towards him (thou Kyuhyun kind of couldn’t figure out why) and Sungmin was as nice as ever but his crush on the cute upper classman didn’t make things any easier.

Also because all the nice upper classmen seemed to be friendlier with each other than with him, sharing jokes from high school and inside jokes, oh how Kyuhyun hated those. As Sungmin had told him, he and Donghae were high school friends. Donghae blabbered to him how he and Ryeowook were roommates for Donghae’s second and Ryeowook’s first year, so they were close.  Ryeowook was Sungmin’s childhood friend and Sungmin knew Hyukjae since they both used to play football when younger. Hyukjae even had some connections to Yunho’s little clique.

Kyuhyun hated feeling left out. He hated being lonely even if he had a group of awesome people around him to who wanted to make him feel welcomed. He knew none of them meant anything bad but , he couldn’t call Changmin because they weren’t talking and everything. Kyuhyun slammed his hands to the pillow, wanting to smash something, wanting to make this frustration go away.

****

****

It’s Donghae to whom he finally opened the door.  Minho had blabbered about his avoidance since Ryeowook had actually tried to call and left a message, asking if he was okay and if he was sick and needed something.  Donghae was the one behind the door when Kyuhyun got out of the bed on that Wednesday and skipped into his apartment, chatting happily about his everyday life, Hyukjae’s new dance moves or Ryeowook’s new song.  Donghae was the one to whom he admitted kind of having crush on Sungmin.

Donghae laughed at him, punching him on the shoulder and making sure to get him go to the school next day, and the day after and so on. And Kyuhyun went to school, Donghae holding their hands together.

“Hae, I don’t think that’s good for the rumours”, Hyukjae laughed and Kyuhyun tried to kick him but Donghae was still holding him and Hyukjae just stood far enough, grinning mockingly at him.

“And I don’t think Kibum will look this as a good sign.”

“Kibum knows my heart belongs to only him. Kyuhyun just needs some love and love is sharing!” Donghae pouted, hanging on Kyuhyun’s arm and Hyukjae rolled his eyes.

“Oi! Ryeowookie! Kyuhyunnie is out of the bed, come and show him some love!”

Kyuhyun watched as Ryeowook stopped his steps (like he had tried to get unnoticed by them) and finally walked up to them, smiling somewhat forcedly.

“Are you sure you are okay, you look a little pale.”

Kyuhyun nodded, trying to figure out why Ryeowook was acting like he was.

“I’m just tired, that's all.”

“All you do when you're sick is sleep, how can you be tired?” Hyukjae mocked and Kyuhyun tried to kick his shin but the older man just laughed, jumping out of the way and Kyuhyun ended up stumbling and Donghae yelped, since they were still glued by their arms. It got super awkward when Ryeowook tried to prevent them from falling by grapping Kyuhyun’s arm.

“Well, aren’t you cozy!” Sungmin laughed and Kyuhyun felt his face heat up. Ryeowook, still holding his elbow, pursed his lips together into a thin line. He let go of Kyuhyun and turned to Sungmin.  

“What took you so long?”

Sungmin grinned, rubbing the back of his head, tilting his head to the side and Kyuhyun averted his eyes from the cute act.

“You know, Kangin kept talking and you know he is when he starts…”

Ryeowook rolled his eyes, already moving away from them. “Only because you’re you. Now come, we have wasted enough time.”

Sungmin pouted. “But I haven’t said even hello to them…”

Ryeowook might have actually growled, and stomped away, muttering something like “you know where to find me”. Kyuhyun casted a curious look at Donghae, who had let go of him by now and was staring after Ryeowook with sorrowful eyes. Sungmin blinked.

“What did I do?”

“Aaah, nothing! We’re being annoying!” Donghae piped, rushed to give a quick hug to Sungmin, before almost running after Ryeowook. Kyuhyun turned to Hyukjae, waiting an explanation. Hyukjae shook his head.

“I know less than you do.”

“Wookie has been kind of down lately”, Sungmin stated, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. Kyuhyun gulped and turned yet again look anywhere else than Sungmin. Hyukjae hummed, agreeing.

“Isn’t he your best friend, you should know.”

“Well he doesn’t tell me everything!” Sungmin pouted, seemingly offended by that. Hyukjae laughed.

“Really? I thought you share everything!”

“We do but lately…” Sungmin paused and Hyukjae sighed.

“I hope it isn’t because of the stress. Last time he crumbled… I don’t want that to happen again.”

That picked up Kyuhyun’s interest and he blinked at the two older men.

“Crumbled?”

“Oh, he got super stressed last year, at the spring. He barely ate and one day he just fainted. I thought he was going to die! He was so pale!” Sungmin whined, shuttering.

“Yeah, he is naturally petite. You should have seen him”, Hyukjae murmured and they all watched as Donghae jogged back at them, grinning stupidly.

“He is fine! You should go, you need t finish that report.”

Sungmin sighed relieved and waved at them. “See you around!”

Kyuhyun nodded and watched as Sungmin jogged out of the sight.

“That is super pathetic, don’t you think?”

Kyuhyun jerked away from his staring and both Hyukjae and Donghae were grinning at him. Donghae thou, looked a little sad somehow.

“What?”

“You should confess already”, Hyukjae stated and when the bell rung, they all wandered off to their own classes, Hyukjae’s words hunting Kyuhyun’s mind.

****

****

He didn’t confess, he didn’t even plan to confess.

Because he kind of knew it would be in vain if he did. He wasn’t sure if Sungmin would feel the same way about him (he didn’t want to find out) and that was the main reason why he stayed fine by it, only being able to shyly avert his eyes when Sungmin did something cute in present of him.

Hyukjae said he was obviously crushing over Sungmin and everyone (expect Sungmin himself) could see it. Kyuhyun wanted to argue against the older male but the way Ryeowook yet again stomped away from them when Kyuhyun was being totally awkward in the present of Sungmin and the way Donghae smiled sadly only demonstrated that everything Hyukjae said was true.  It was those times when Kyuhyun wished he was in terms with Changmin but seemed like Changmin was fine by not having him in his life.

Donghae on the other hand, planned it.

It’s all because of Donghae and Kyuhyun cursed him when he mumbled his words to Sungmin who just blinked, those beautiful eyes so round and bewildered. Not surprised but still somewhat caught off-guard.

And Kyuhyun saw it before Sungmin even said anything. He could see it from the other’s eyes. When Kyuhyun had gotten his words out of his mouth, Sungmin had smiled but there had been this painfully sad glint in the older one’s eyes. Kyuhyun felt his heart breaking. Sungmin looked like he considered touching his hand but decided against it and smiled instead. Smiled so prettily it didn’t help Kyuhyun’s situation at all. And then, finally, Sungmin opened his mouth.

“I’m sorry Kyuhyunnie, you are dear to me but not in that kind of way. And I’m… kind of seeing someone.”

Kyuhyun heard himself answering with kind of a dull voice.

“It’s okay, hyung. I understand.”

He knew he was smiling thou.

“I hope this won’t affect our friendship. Because I like you as a friend. A lot.”

“No it won’t.”

And they smiled, smiled and smiled but they both knew it hurt inside. 

------

11 months and 12 days ago:

Meet Kim Ryeowook who tries to act like how a good hyung should

It kind of didn’t make sense to Changmin at all. But on the other hand he hadn’t been that best friend he was supposed to be to Kyuhyun. Oh, he still was mad at Kyuhyun for saying all those stupid and jealous stuff about him but somehow he knew it was partly his fault too. Yunho just laughed at him, holding him closer and said that Kyuhyun’s problems weren’t Changmin’s to deal with. Changmin disagreed and tried to push older one off him but without an effort. Jaejoong looked at them somehow disapproving and Yoochun mumbled something about friends who are what will always be there when everything else crashes.

It made Changmin look like a bad person because he had no idea why Kyuhyun’s smiles looked so sad and tired these days. He had no idea why Kyuhyun made himself busy with everything. It seemed like Kyuhyun didn’t want to let himself to relax and think. It seemed like Kyuhyun had something he didn’t want to think even if it cost his health. 

And even thought Yunho tried to stop him, when Changmin saw the school’s best source of rumors Kim Ryeowook, he cornered the older male in order to know how or what has been messing with his dear Cho Kyuhyun.

****

****

It kind of didn’t make sense to Kyuhyun at all. But on the other hand he welcomed it with open arms. He had been missing Changmin and when the other boy suddenly called to him and ordered him to come to the mall with him, he said yes. This was a chance for Kyuhyun to say he was sorry and that he had been missing his best friend and that they never should let a guy come between them.

But when they meet up Kyuhyun was suddenly hit with a realization. Somehow Changmin knew. Something in his friend’s eyes told him that Changmin knew. About everything. But he didn’t pry, they went around couple of game stores before heading to the internet café for snacks and good rounds of games.

“Kyu, now tell me how you have been? Not too much stress?” Changmin asked when they sat down with their hands full of snacks from the cafeteria.  Kyuhyun smiled a little, thinking now is the time of prying then.

“Everything has been good. We will have this pair project coming up next month.”

“Do you already know who are you going to be paired up?”

“Not yet. And I heard Jaejoong is going to be there too.”

“Oh yeah! I heard about it from Yunho! I’m happy for that guy.  I mean, he is talented with designing but I think composing is what he truly loves to do.”

Kyuhyun nodded and then they fell into silence. Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if Changmin had forgiven him for earlier and if this was only a pity action because Changmin knew. They hadn’t talked almost at all after the fight and then suddenly this.

“Changmin.”

Changmin blinked and glanced up from his snacks and Kyuhyun knew that Changmin had been waiting for this, waiting for him to start.

“I’m sorry. I know I said some stupid things, I just…”

Changmin nodded and Kyuhyun knew Changmin wouldn’t interrupt him, he would let him have his time. And it’s alright, it was Kyuhyun’s fault anyway and somehow they both know he needed to get it all out.

“I… just thought I was losing you but… I.. am sorry, really. “

Changmin smiled and Kyuhyun knew he was forgiven. He took a deep breath.

“You are my friend and… I need you.”

“I know. You are my friend too. No man can come between us.”

Kyuhyun nodded and sniffled. Changmin rolled his eyes.

“Are you crying? You look like a actually. No one is worth of your tears. What happened?”

 He wanted to hear Kyuhyun to say it. Kyuhyun could tell it from the other one’s eyes. He wanted Kyuhyun to be honest with himself.

“I… got my heart broken.”

*****

*****

Kyuhyun didn’t know why he said yes to Donghae’s invitation to join a football match. Kyuhyun was actually surprised when he spots not only Changmin there but Ryeowook too. He was told that the petite man wasn’t that fan of sports either. Yunho was there too, stretching already when Kyuhyun arrived. He recognized Hyukjae’s red hair from all the way other side of the field and Siwon was tall enough to be spotted nearby, and Sungmin was there too, chatting up with someone Kyuhyun didn’t know. Minho waved at him and Kyuhyun waved back, watching his friend to chat with a group of boys, Kyuhyun assumed they were also some first year students. Changmin must have told Yunho since before they started to form the teams, the older man patted his shoulders gently. Kyuhyun gulped, avoiding to look at where Sungmin was standing, feeling Ryeowook fidgeted next to him on the bench. They formed into teams and what made Kyuhyun happy was the fact that he was in same team as Sungmin, he wasn’t sure if he could have survived to play on opposite teams.

It started to rain middle of the game. Ryeowook and some first years run for their lives and Hyukjae laughed at them but jogged after them anyway.  Minho called them and Siwon scored while Donghae danced on the forming puddles.  Kyuhyun was exhausted. He never had been this exhausted and it’s not all from the running after a freaking ball. It’s hard to breath and he stopped middle of the run because he just couldn’t run. It hurt too much.

He saw how Sungmin stopped and turned towards him, noticing him leaning on his knees but Kyuhyun hoped, prayed, that Sungmin wouldn’t come to him. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. He heard how Siwon called the game off and then there were approaching steps. Kyuhyun kept his eyes closed when a hand landed on his back and rubbed gently, calmingly.

“You okay?”

It’s Ryeowook and Kyuhyun dared to open his eyes.  Rain was getting heavier and he saw how others jog from the field, Sungmin was being chased after by the nameless man he had been talking with at the beginning of the game.

“Yeah. Fine. It’s. I.”

“Straighten up. That’s how it’s easier to breath.”

“But--”

“I know it hurts but it will get better.”

Kyuhyun didn’t know if Ryeowook meant only the breathing or if the other man was also aware of his broken heart.  He probably knew, Sungmin would have told him. Ryeowook helped him and with two or three calming breath Kyuhyun felt better already. Rain was running down on his face and when he looked at Ryeowook, the older man smiled and brushed some raindrops of his face.

“You look kind of miserable, you know.”

Kyuhyun blinked and his lips formed into some kind of a nasty smile because he felt like crying and laughing at the same time. And he knew that the rain couldn’t hide his tears. He let out a hollow laugh and Ryeowook pulled him closer, into a hug, gripping the back of his shirt. Kyuhyun took a ragged breath and thought of running.

“Kyuhyun, it is okay to cry, you know, to let it out.”

And Kyuhyun let it out and cried. He cried like he had never cried. He clung to Ryeowook’s wet shirt and Ryeowook held him when shakes of sadness went through his body. He cried until it started to get dark and wet stains were only from the rain.

___________________

To be honest, I have no idea where this is going. Or I do but I have no idea how the get there lol. So sorry if this is messy and... messy. 

Thank you for all your lovely comments and subs! ;w;