Rain poured down continuously as I walked at the streets. Coldness lingered around me. The rain getting harder and harder that all I can hear is the pouring of the rain around me. The sound of it soothed me. I’m used to it. The coldness. Sometimes, I think that I’m a numb person. Why? Because my whole life I’ve never felt what a warm feeling is. Even the thing called ‘Love’, I don’t know.

My whole life, I’ve never experienced to love. I’ve never experienced the feeling to be loved. I thought that... Will I ever learn what love means?

“Hey, Little Joe...” Chunji barged in as I sat at one of the couches in this so called home. I don’t know if this is what you call home. It’s cold. And I’m all alone. No parents to be with. No siblings to be with. Sometimes my friends come by and go. But most of the time, I’m all alone.

“What’s up?...” I asked as I lit a cigarette in my mouth, then puffed a smoke.

He just shrugged as he shrugged off his jacket that was wet from the rain then threw it at one of the chairs and sat on it comfortably.

“Just to visit my friend...” He said with a smile.

I nodded, knowing that it was just some kind of lie he made up. Probably he did something so crime-ful, or something. Like, beating up random people or selling out illegal things.

That’s what we do in life. That’s how I live. That’s how I survive without the care or love of my mother. Of a father. Or a family.

We’ve been together since I was in an orphanage. He was always there for me. Like a brother.

“Where’s the others?...” I asked, puffing another from my cigarette.

“Dunno...” He shrugged as he helped himself pour vodka on his glass. “Guess, they’re doing their business...”

I nodded then sighed. I let my head at the couch’s armrest hang. “I’ve got no business recently... What am I going to do to survive?...”

“You’ve got us, L.Joe... You’ve got nothing to worry about...” Chunji encouraged with a smile. I smiled back then nodded.

“Thanks bro... But I can’t depend on you all the time... “ I said as I sat up properly then placing my cigarette at the filter.

“It’s okay...” He said then took a sip from his vodka. “That’s what friends for are.”

Yeah. Friends. I sighed then forced a smile. “Really... Thanks...”

He clicked his tongue then chuckled. “No worries, bro...” then his phone rang. He brought it out and read the message.

“Guess I have to go...” Chunji said as he stood up and kept his phone. “I’ve got another business to do... I’ll see you later, bro... Soon, you’ll have business to do too...” He reassured then finished his vodka, got his jacket and left.

I sighed. Guess, atleast I have to search for something to do. Something I can waste my time for.

I stood up and got my jacket and left my cold home.

The rain was pouring heavily outside. And it’s really cold that made me shiver. I just shook my head then go on. I walked at the sidewalk. The rain making me all drenched up. . With this heavy rain, I forgot to bring an umbrella. I sighed. Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. happens and whatever.

As I walked at the corner of the street, I saw a girl and a boy making ruthless things at the dark corner. What the actual ? I shook my head and go on.... Not until I heard someone yelp.

“Help me!...” A girl cried. “Please... Stop...” It sobbed.

Ahh. The ruthless thing... is the guy, isn’t it? I walked back at that corner then grabbed the guy’s collar and pulled him back harshly, letting him hit the wall.

I looked at the ugly mutt that was struggling to get up and glared at me. “The ’s wrong with you? Mind your own business!...” He spat then stood up. He threw a punch, but then I dodged it.

“I don’t care my business...” I grabbed his collar, pushed him at the wall, and letting his head hit the wall hardly.

“Son of a ..” He grunted as he grabbed my collar.

“Well sorry... I’m son of no one. I’ve got no mother...” I spat then threw another punch on his face. His nose started to bleed.  “So off and don’t call me a son of a ... ‘cuz you probably are one.” I kneed his stomach letting him spurt blood.

“Leave the girl alone...” I growled as I grabbed his collar then pinned him at the wall, glaring at him. “Or I’ll let you die using my own bare hands...”

“I’ll leave... Please...” He begged as he spurt more blood. The son of a spurted some at my jacket, and it takes time to take out a blood stain on a shirt. Damn it!

I rolled my eyes then threw him away, making him stumble down the floor. He grunted and stood up. He never looked back again as soon as he stood up, then left.

I smirked as I tucked in my hands on my pocket since it’s getting colder and since I’m drenched by the rain. I sighed then started to walk away, when I suddenly felt a slight tug at my back. I look back, seeing the girl with teary eyes. She was beautiful. Dazzlingly beautiful but fragile.

“What?...” I asked with a not-so-friendly tone.

“I...” She shyly looked down then rubbed her arm. I noticed she’s not wearing a jacket. Just a plain shirt and a long skirt. She looks really fragile and innocent. “Th-Thank you...” She looked up at me. Her eyes teary. It must be scary being almost . Most especially it’s an ugly mutt. “Thank you for saving me...”

I shrugged then smiled at her. “It’s nothing...”

She smiled but then she shivered due to the cold which made her wrap her arms around her. I watched her for awhile. I sighed then shrugged off my jacket then handed it to her.

“It might be drenched and wet, but... It can still make you warm...” I mumbled as I let it wrap around her shoulders when she didn’t accept it.

“I’ll go now... I have some business to do. Next time, take care of yourself.” I said before walking away. She didn’t say anything, so I didn’t turn my head back and continued walking away.

After a few while walking, I heard running footsteps coming from behind me so I looked back. Just in case, maybe the followed me for revenge.

“Wait!...”

My eyes widened as soon as I saw who it was. It’s the girl from awhile ago. I watched her ran towards me.

“May I...” She panted as she smiled at me wearily. “May I ask what your name is?...” She asked she was already drenched by the rain too.

“I...” I tried to protest, but then her smile. Her smile was so captivating and beautiful. “I... I’m L.Joe...”

She nodded then smiled. She brought out her hands, attempting for a handshake I guess. “I’m __________...”

I smiled at her then accepted the attempted handshake. The very first time someone attempted to shake my hand. The first time that someone wanted to know my name. The first time someone smiled at me like that. A smile that I won’t be able to forget.

For a few times that week, I always met her. Everywhere I go. I saw her. I don’t know what that thing is called. I think, it’s the thing they call destiny...fate? Stalking or following me around sounds so unpleasant. Maybe I’ll go with Destiny or Fate.

We were seating around at some kind of cafe I don’t know or I don’t even notice. I mean, I don’t go to such places like this. Warm places are not for me.

“So...” She said as she looked at me and sipped on her warm cocoa. “I remember that time... The time you saved me... You said that you don’t have a mother.... I...” She looked away, not meeting my gaze. “Is that true?...”

“Ahhh...” I nodded as I smirked then rested my back at the chair. “Yeah... My mother left me when I was still a 3 year old kid. She left me for another man...” I scrunched my nose by the thought. I don’t even know why I’m telling this to her right now. “...And then, my father... He abandoned me, leaving me alone at an orphanage... He promised me back then that he’ll go back and get me...” I looked away, not meeting her gaze this time. I looked out at the window. It’s starting to rain again. “...But then he never came back... He promised me that, he won’t leave me alone... But No. He abandoned me. I was all alone.”

My hand was resting at the table, when I felt something warm brush through it. I was startled that I suddenly looked down at my hand. I was dumbstruck. Her hand was holding mine, and she was looking at me sincerely. Her hand was so soft and warm. It looked small and fragile. I felt my chest tightening. I don’t know if it’s bad or anything, but it felt just right. That’s the first time I felt what warmness is like.

I smiled at her then held her hand. “I’m fine...” I said as I lightly squeezed her hand.

She smiled at me again squeezing my hand back. The warmth. I want to cherish it so much.

Days and weeks passed by, and I was always with her. Spending my time with her, as if every minute that passed by were precious. Almost every day I was with her, that I almost forgot I have friends too. That I have some kind of different business I really have to do.

“Yah!...” Chunji and some of my other friends came barging in my house.

I looked up at them as I was watching some kind of junk show on the television. “What’s up?...” I greeted to them chillingly.

“You’ve been hiatus... What’s up? We’re trying to contact you, but no answer.” CAP hyung said as he plopped down at one of the arm chairs in the living room.   

“Hmmm...” I just hummed as a response and ignored what they said. I don’t know why, but business? I don’t care about anything about that anymore. Am I getting much of an ? Leaving my friends and our business? I never knew what the reason is. The reason why I’m getting all so... I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel right now. I’m having mixed emotions. I feel happy... I feel down. I feel happy because I met her. I feel down because I felt like I’m forgetting about my friends. 

“Are you... trying to back out and leave us?...” Ricky asked. His brow furrowed in confusion as he stared at me. This little kid is very soft inside. He might have looked like some kind of from the outside. But he’s really nice. He’s doing it for a living. For his family struggling in life.  I wonder what it felt like to struggle for someone. To do something just to let that someone live with you forever.

“Is something bothering you, hyung?...” Niel asked with furrowed brows. A same reaction from Ricky. This kid’s the same with Ricky. I don’t even know how these guys survived for years doing such illegal things.

I shook my head as I stood up. “No... Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine... I just...” I hesitated trying to find a reasonable reason. “...Nothing.” was all I can think of.

Chunji sighed exasperatedly and brushed his brown hair with his fingers. “Dude... If you’ve got a problem... If something’s bothering you...” He hesitated and looked at me. “Dude... We’re right here. Contact us once. And we’ll be there right away. If someone tried to mess up with you... We’ll beat the out of ‘em with you... We’re friends. We’re brothers for life...”

Brothers for life. Friends. We’ll be there right away. I smiled. Yeah. Why would I leave them? How can that thing ever pass in my mind? Am I some kind of crazy bastard leaving alone my friends? Brothers?

“Yeah...” I nodded with a smile printed on my face. “Yeah.... We’re brothers for life after all.”

Everyone’s face lightened up. They looked at me with relief printed on their faces. Ahhh... So this is what it felt like to make someone happy. It is a warm feeling. So things like this can make me feel what warmth means too.

“By the way... Dude...” CAP hyung said as he stood up from the chair and getting something from his pocket. “Some piece of declared to me that he wanted a fair fight.”

My brows furrowed in confusion. What fair fight? What kind of bull is he talking about?

“What’s that about?...”  I asked, snatching a piece of paper he brought out from his pocket.

A picture. I squinted my eyes as I stared at the picture, trying to reconcile every guy I met these past few weeks. As soon as I remembered. I smirked. It’s the ugly mutt.

“This wanted a fair fight?...” I asked, pointing at the picture then looking at them with an amused face.

Their brows rose up and looked at me with curious eyes.

“Y-Yeah... You know him, hyung?...” Changjo asked. This guy’s been our best fighter, yet our youngest. He’s got a great family. Yet then again, he was being left out. And here he is. Being such a rebellious son.

I nodded. “Yeah... This ty person tried to a girl... In a corner.” I scrunched my nose by the thought. Damn! If I wasn’t there. If I didn’t go out. I wouldn’t be able to save her. She would have been molested. I shook my head by the thought. I can feel blood rushing through my veins just thinking about it.

“I wanted to kill the bastard... But then...” I smirked, shaking my head amusingly. “He backed out, begging me to let him go...”

“Wait... What?... You what?....” Chunji asked in a startled tone. I looked at him. “You saved a girl that was about to get ?...”  He asked with an amused tone.

“What?...” I asked curiously. “Is it bad?...”

Chunji shook his head. “No.. No.. No... It’s not like its bad.. But... Dude... You’ve never ever cared about woman ever since we were kids. Not a single care about them. And now.... Now...” He smirked. “You saved a girl!...” 

“You must have been like a hero back then, hyung...” Ricky smiled. He looked down imagining things like capes and etc. etc. He really is a kid.

I rolled my eyes as I shook my head.

“So, where’s the girl now? Got any contact or something?...” Niel asked with a giddy tone.

I shrugged with a smile as I remember those past few weeks I was with her. “Yeah... Been with her for the past few weeks...” I answered nonchalantly. Until I realized that everyone was looking at me with an amused face.

“What?...” I snapped. Did I say something funny just then? Because I think I didn’t.

“You’ve been spending those past few weeks with a girl?...” Chunji asked with a smirk on his face. “So that’s the reason why you’ve been hiatus...”

My eyes widened. What? So—Wait... What?... 

“What?...” I asked idiotically. What does he mean she’s the reason? I don’t get it.

“What I mean is... The reason you’ve been hiatus, is you’ve been focusing being with that girl...” Chunji amusingly smiled. “...God! I thought you’re starting to forget us... But then you’re just spending  time with a girl.”

“I did?...” I nonchalantly questioned myself. I’ve been spending my time for her for a long time? That long that my friends almost thought that I’m forgetting them?

They all laughed at me amusingly.

“The little kid’s in love, guys! Finally...” CAP hyung exclaimed, clapping his hands slowly as he laughed.

“Yeah~! Hyung’s in love... Oh my! We need to celebrate!...” Ricky exclaimed as he clapped his hands too.

“Waaahhhh!!! Hyung’s in love! Ewww~...” Changjo scrunched his nose in disgust.

“In love?...” I asked them, curiously. That’s what being in love means?

“Yeah~...” Chunji chuckled. “You don’t know?...”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Hmmm...” He tapped his chin as he looked at me. “Do you feel something warm when you’re with her?...”

I nodded.

“Do you felt your chest about to burst out? Or your heart running wildly?”

I hesitated. “Chest tightening is all I felt.”

He smiled. “Ahhh! He is in love!!!” He exclaimed.

“Chest tightening is a sign of love?... What?...” I idiotically asked again.

Chunji chuckled. “Dude... That’s the other feeling of your heart beating wildly...”

I blinked my eyes confusingly then looking away. “So I’ve been in love with ________ the whole time?...”

“YEAH!” Chunji exclaimed. “So what is she like?...”

I smiled as I remembered her vivid image. This time. I felt my heart beating wildly just like what Chunji stated. I felt my cheeks heat up.

“OH MY GOD! He’s even blushing!!! We really need to celebrate this !...” Chunji exclaimed again.

“Can you shut up just for awhile?... Seriously... It’s starting to get irritating.” I stated as I looked down, avoiding his gaze. Damn! This is embarrassing. I can feel  my cheek heating up more.

It’s my first after all.

“Anyway... Guys! Hyungs! Guys! Hey...” Changjo called which made us look at him. “What about the guy that wants to fight?... What now?... Are we going to go or decline it?...”

I smirked as I remembered what the piece of said. “Yeah sure... Let’s accept it...” I smiled cracking my knuckles. “But this time... I’ll let him die.”

After that afternoon, I received a message from an unknown number. I never gave my number to anyone. Well, except for __________.

I furrowed my brows as I checked the message.

‘DON’T MEET WITH THE GIRL. OR ELSE, YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO SEE HER ANYMORE. UNLESS IF YOU WON THE FIGHT, THEN YOU’LL BE ABLE TO SEE HER FINE. BUT THEN, IF I WON. SHE WOULD BE MINE. UNDERSTAND?’

...Was what it said. I can feel my heart beating furiously. I don’t know. But this is the very first time I felt nervousness. The very first time I’m scared. Scared that she’ll get hurt. Scared that I won’t be able to see her anymore. I can see vivid images in my mind. Images that was made by my mind. ________ getting hurt. Or maybe worst.

I can feel a chill ran down my spine as I put down my phone. Then after that message, I received another. I inhaled then brought out a deep sigh and picked up my phone.

‘L.Joe.. Can we meet at the usual place? I’ll wait for you, okay? I have to tell you something important - __________ ♥

No. I can’t. I can’t. Don’t wait for me. Don’t. Please.

I texted her back saying ‘I won’t come. Please. Don’t wait for me.’

After a few minutes I didn’t get any reply from her. I closed my eyes as I brought out a deep sigh then put down my phone.

I have to finish this. I have to kill that bastard. I have... to protect her.

The past few weeks I never saw her. I didn’t receive any messages. Or any of her calls. I have to endure this. I have to wait for the right time. I can see her sooner. I would be with her. I would tell her... How much important she is to me. How precious she is to me. How... much I love her.

I closed my eyes. I can hear the heavy rain pouring down from outside. I remember every moment we were together.

We were at some place. An unknown meadow that I have been going since I was a kid. I always go there whenever I feel troubled... or just lonely. The beautiful green lawn was like it was taken care of. The flowers were blooming beautifully. The sun blazing again, but a few gray clouds were still visible.

“L.Joe...” She called. I look back at her with a smile on my face. She was smiling at me. The smile that I won’t be able to forget. The smile that will always be vivid in my mind. I can feel my chest tightening again.

“What?...” I asked her. She brought out a pink lunch box. I amusedly looked at it. “What’s that?..”

“I made something for you...” She smiled then opened it.  I smiled as I saw a lunch box full with small cookies. I took one and looked at it.

I laughed. “What? What’s this?...”

I looked at her then she pouted. “It’s a cookie. And that’s you on it!...” She exclaimed crossing her arms cutely.

“Me?...” I asked, amused. I looked at the image in the cookie. It’s smiling and the eyes weren’t visible. It shaped like a crescent moon. I smiled. “Is this how I look like when I sm