She blinks as she watches her doctor and nurse peruse her chart at the end of the bed. Her fingers play with the seams of the blanket while she leans comfortably against her pillow ignoring the beeping instruments in the background. She swallows the little amount of water in . It is as if she tries to find a spot in the curtain where she can probably see through but of course, the curtain is not transparent. In the end, she is left with no choice but to continue staring blankly at the only human interaction at the end of her bed.

It has to be fate. The way she notices that little something in his eyes as he glances over at her who immediately looks down at her crisp white blanket. Peeking up to check that his attention was once more on her medical chart but it must be one of those days where her luck is tested. He catches her staring directly into his eyes. She jumps a little inside and swallows whatever liquid is left of her dry mouth. Before he turns away again

“You’re…” the doctor’s fingers freeze while flipping the page of the clipboard.

***

Changmin freezes. Maybe he has never been this still in his life (only) if you exclude that time he felt his heart stop functioning. He musters enough courage to stare that way he always does, as if looking directly past her eyes.

“yes?” he manages the short question without revealing anything.

“You’re…” she knits her eyebrows together and taps her temple with a finger before pointing it to him “You’re Shim Changmin” it happens again, the way he feels as if he needs defribulation then the sudden rush of adrenaline and blood and whatever was left of his body to confirm that he was still alive. Changmin tilts his head stiffly and questioningly. She tries to stifle the evidence of giggles in her voice

“I’m that girl in your high school class in final year. We used to annoy each other.” It takes a few seconds before he displays recognition (with a tinge of was it relief?) in his expression. He pretends to think and nods.

“Yeah” he awkwardly smiles. He hasn’t even tried to use those facial muscles for a while. He clicks his pen, having the tendency to write ‘long term memory perfectly intact’. But the dredging feeling and his inhibitions kicked in on time. “Yeah, Im you still do”

“Hey, you’re not any better” I’m not I don’t feel that way. “Who gave you that pass to become a doctor?”

***

"and that’s how their first date went” he clasps the diary shut giving a smile to his patient. 

“But it already seems like they’re in love…” Yoona tried sitting up a little more.

“They are” he corrects her with a twinkle in his eye. But she is too unaware to notice the hint of something else in his smile.

“I can’t believe such a fool in high school would come up with such romantic stories” she narrows her eyes teasingly. The something else grows more evident when his smile falters but says nothing.

“Is this how you try to pursue girl patients? Oh no, I know you better. How you fool little innocent girls” Yoona is too wrapped up in her teasing trance to realise Changmin’s reactions to her words.

“Well, do you want to keep listening to my stories?”

“At first I really thought you were lying when you first told me your other occupation was a writer/novelist or storyteller. I don’t even remember what it was. But now that I’ve heard the second part of the story, it’s pretty good. In fact it feels so authentic. So please keep telling me these stories Shim” she tries to lean forward, letting the pain from her side seep through her. She winces.

“Hey! You haven’t recovered yet, don’t move around so mindlessly.” He scolds her and helps her back into her original position. 

Sooyoung stops her hand just in time before knocking on the ward door. She cannot help widening her eyes before letting a smile creep up her cheeks. ‘Yoona has got it bad… I must tease… oh?’ she saw the way Changmin reacted before Sooyoung could even register what happened. His words reached her ears, but it was not that that caught her attention. It was the way he said it. Sooyoung’s facial features distort slightly as she tries recalling through her memory of Yoona mentioning about a boyfriend for she had surely not been introduced to one before. But the result comes up as null. But for a normal doctor, it seemed the action seems to be more of an overreaction. But Sooyoung lets it pass seeing that the doctor straightens up and comes her way towards the exit. He sees the tall girl and gives her a polite nod but no smile. Sooyoung begins to believe that he reserves it for her workmate and friend.

“Im Yoona” she calls with one of her brightest smiles she can manage. There was a tingling in nose but she mustered enough willpower to bite the sensation back down. She sniffs but when Yoona looks up with her usual angelic smile, Sooyoung’s willpower wavers a little and she feels the tears welling up in her eyes.

“Unnie!” she calls a bit too loudly and she checks on her neighbours and apologises. The next thing Yoona knew, Sooyoung already has her arms wrapped around her. And Yoona knows her emotional friend has lost her battle over her tears already.

“You naughty girl! You got all of us at the dance studio worrying like death was upon us. And your sisters as well. How could you do this to us?” Sooyoung pulled back and stared at Yoona half accusingly.

“I’m sorry Unnie” the hospitalised one pouts.

“What happened? The moment they said you were hit by a car and were unconscious. I was having lunch with all the girls and our hearts fell out.”

“I don’t remember at all unnie, sorry. It’s like my mind erased everything to do with that day.”

“it’s alright now” Sooyoung her arm. “You’re with us again” she smiles a little but cannot keep it straight.

“Oh unnie stop crying!” Yoona tries to cover the fact that she too was tearing up by laughing.

“You remember us too! And everyone else?” Sooyoung asks but does not notice Yoona’s eyes following the entrance of the same doctor from moments ago followed by a nurse.

“Yes I think so. As far as I know I don’t think I forgot anybody” she giggles jokingly and notices when Changmin’s hand stops halfway when reaching for her neighbour’s medical chart.  She sets the thought aside when Changmin clears his throat and Yoona feels a pair of eyes following where her attention was. Yoona turns back to her friend finding her with an eyebrow cocked up smirking. She immediately knows what her friend’s mind is up to.

“Unnie you know doctors can’t date their patients.”

“But still!” Sooyoung slaps Yoona’s leg. Yoona winces in pain. She curls her fingers into a ball as the pain passes through. They both do not notice the surveying pair of eyes on them.

“OH NO Yoona I’m so sorry” sooyoung rubs the spot she attacked frantically but gently.

“It’s fine unnie. I’m fine” Yoona smiles the best she can.  The unnoticed Changmin returns his attention back to his patient.

“How’s your leg? What will happen? Can you dance? OH no what do we do? OH and the rest of your injuries, how long will it take to heal?”

“woah woah woah unnie slow down”

“My legs are fine. A few fractures. The nurses and doctors say their surprised at such impact leaving me still able to walk. But I don’t think I can dance for long periods of time anymore. So I think I can’t perform. Just instruct. What else did you ask?”

“Where else are you hurt?”

“Oh, just some bruises and scratches here and there” yoona says in a sing song tone pointing in a general direction and brushes it off like nothing. Sooyoung bites her bottom lip and lifts her hand to slap her friend again but catches Yoona’s widened eyes and a pair of hawk like eyes from a bed away. She gulps at the stare.

“Your doctor is scary” she whispers to Yoona earning a giggle.

“Him?” Yoona cannot help herself but to continue giggling. “That’s not what Jessica unnie, taeyeon unnie and Hyoyeon unnie says that he seems like a good match for me” Yoona almost laughs but rolls her eyes sarcastically.

“You know what? I agree with them” Yoona opens to protest. “So you’ve seen all of the girls?”

Yoona nods. “Seohyun and Yuri unnie came along with my parents this morning and yesterday. The other girls came in either yesterday or today.”

“We came every day when you were in coma” Yoona eyes the pile of flowers, fruits basket and food at the end of her bed.

“I can tell” Yoona giggles and Sooyoung joins her.

“Sorry I was over in Tokyo when they said you woke up. I got back as quickly as I could” Sooyoung apologises.

“I waited for you for a whole day yesterday!” Yoona jokes and Sooyoung knows shes forgiven from her friend’s teasing smile.

“Your class misses you” Sooyoung pulls out something from her handbag and hands it over to Yoona. “They all wrote get well soon messages. So you must come back to the studio soon”

***

Yoona readjusts her chin on her supporting hand. Her gaze is steady on her doctor’s face as he continues his tale. Neither the blinding bedside lamp nor the surrounding darkness bothers her as she is drawn in by the narrative.

“You can see her diary entry for that day too” Changmin unclasps the diary in his lap and passes it to her.

“I’m really surprised how you’re so bothered to make the story and even made a diary for a different point of view” she looks up and his expression is just a kind smile. It’s not proud like she expects to have seen.

She brushes her finger over the page feeling the contours made by the dents and bumps of the imprinted ink. “It’s really neat… you never wrote this neat” Yoona looks straight up from the diary and stares testily at Changmin. Changmin was glaring at her.

“Fine. Fine.” she suppresses her laughter “fine.” But she looks up again

“What?” Changmin asks in the way he did when Im Yoona tested his patience back in high school. She grins sheepishly and chuckles nervously while pointing at the diary page.

“It looks like my writing” she cannot read Changmin’s expression except for the angry component.

“All girls’ writing is the same”

“No it’s not. Like my Taeyeon unnie writes more roundly”

“Im yoona do you want to read it or not?” Changmin reaches for the diary. She smiles apologetically and motions to zip .

While she reads, Changmin is lost in his sea of thoughts. He is only pulled back out when she asks

“So nobody knew about their relationship? That’s exciting!”

“She said she didn’t want to scare her parents or friends. He agreed coz he loves her”

“That’s too beautiful for someone like you” she jokes to her high school frenemy. His response surprises her so much she is taken aback to the point she wishes she had not made that comment.

“You’re right. It is” he smiles bitterly. Yoona tilts her head curiously.

“What I mean is that it’s too beautiful for anybody. As in, nobody can afford it. It seems too surreal for real life.” Changmin smiles weakly at best with his half hearted attempt. He widens it “Sweet dreams Im”

“What time are you coming around to continue the story tomorrow?”

“You want to see me?” he turns at the end of her bed and folds his arms on the table. His smirk deserves a pillow thrown at him but Yoona lets him off, relieved that he was out of his previous brood.

“In your dreams” she sticks her tongue out at his leaving figure

“Fine, I’ll meet you there” he plays with her, waving a dismissive hand.

“That will be a nightmare!”

“A beautiful one” he turns and winks at her. She gapes disgustedly at the door. But she stares a few moments longer after he leaves her ward now occupied only by her.

 ***

“Remember the time the guy buried the present in the snow?”

“Yes! The ballerina music box. He couldn’t find it so they spent the whole date finding it together. But then… if I was the girl I would have enjoyed throwing snow at the guy as punishment”

“Trust me they both had fun. Every date was memorable”

“And you know because…. Oh that’s right! You’re the author” she giggles “I thought only a guy as stupid as you would end up making that kind of mistake” she erupted in a fit again. He taps her hand to tell her to calm down.

“Well this time… stop laughing!” he laughed along with her “to remind her of that memory, as a 2^nd anniversary present, he bought a snow dome music box. The ballerina dances in snow.”

“He likes giving her music boxes.”

“She was a ballerina and every time he hears music he thinks of her” he explains intently

“Wait does that mean the guy stops thinking of her when the music isn’t playing?” Yoona asks cheekily. Changmin tries to force that distant memory of a sentence back to its original safe.

“No” he says like he once did “After meeting her, silence was also music to the both of them” he replies as seriously as he can. Yoona tries staring back into his eyes but cannot help letting those giggles flow through her.

“Alright Alright you win author. It is such a sweet thing to say to your girlfriend. But hearing it from you like this is just… weird!”

“It wasn’t weird to them. They found the music box while dancing in the falling snow”

“You didn’t say that last time”

“Did I forget that important fact?”

“If you didn’t why would I ask?”

“Sorry!”

***

He is cheeky like always that oppa. But that’s all part of why I love him…

“Yah Im Yoona can you read it with a little more emotion?” Her doctor complains from the chair beside her bed. His arms are folded and he is giving her a disapproving frown.

“Fine!”

“You can always imagine that you are the main girl and I am the main guy” he suggests half teasingly.

“if that happens…. But that’s all part of why I loathe him to death” she says through gritted teeth and turns to Changmin with a forced grin. Changmin pushes her forehead.

“Keep reading”

Jessica Unnie broke up with her boyfriend today.

“Oh I have a friend called Jessica too!” but she stopped and gulped seeing Changmin’s expression

 She said he was seeing his first love. He did not love her enough apparently. Why is love so fragile?  So he took me down to the beach and let me walk in silence. The breeze was so cold it felt like it was grazing my skin. But his hand is so warm it kept my body thawed. Once in a while, he would do that thing that makes me feel fuzzy inside though it wasn’t that obvious tonight. He would give my hand a gentle and reassuring squeeze to remind me he was there. He would then look down at me and rub my hand with his thumb. And it felt like he was already telling me what he wanted to tell me later that night. “Hey sweetheart, I heard there was a way you could get rid of your worries.” He said that and took out two pieces of paper and a pen. He said that if we write our problems on the paper and fold htem into boats and watch them float away, it would be like we’re watching and waving our problems away as they float away into the water. We tried. But that Pabo. Actually I admit I was silly to actually believe it too! The boats sank of course. It’s paper! What were we thinking. So he just grabbed took our hands out of his coat pocket and began yelling out to the ocean. Our breath made that foggy steam stuff as we yelled and I felt eased. “silly girl you know that our love is different. What they had was not real love to begin with. Well at least not what he had for her.” He tsked as he wrapped his arms around me from behind and leaned his chin on my shoulder. It tickled while he spoke but I’m used to it now. 

“Hey! I haven’t finished!” Yoona tries but fails to grasp at the leaving diary. She is about to continue complaining when he seems to ignore all her words.

“Look” he turns and points outside the window behind him

“the stars look so pretty tonight” Changmin bites his lip at her words. This déjà vu feeling haunts him. he closes the diary to hide those same words that came out of Yoona’s mouth. Changmin reaches his arm out at the window. And acts out a plucking action. He turns back to the wide eyed Yoona. He holds out a closed fist and opens up to reveal what it is in his palm. But her eyes are focused on his. They seemed darker tonight… like the night sky and the lamp reflected looks like the stars outside… she thinks to herself.

“Here’s a fallen star” he does not smile. Just a sincere unreadable expression. Yoona looks down at her own hand. He had placed the little item in her own palm. There was a little crackle. She stares at the tiny candy with a shiny wrapper. She looks back up to him, expecting… she remains silent, waiting… But he says nothing and just pats her forehead and caresses the top of her head. He gets up from his chair.

In that moment, Yoona does not realise how effortlessly she held Changmin’s hand. He stops. She breathes heavily. He does so too, more heavily.

“I remember now…” Changmin’s frozen heart skips a beat. It can’t be…

“What…” he swallows, thinking it would ease his task of replying “…do you remember?”

“Sooyoung unnie asked me what I was planning to do if I couldn’t do professional performance. Other than teaching… so I wanted to ask you…” she giggles to ease her nerves. “If you ever consider publishing this story or finishing it off… can I … help you?”

Changmin turns and gives her a questioning look

“Like be your editor?” he pauses before giving her a shrug.  

“Are you coming around tomorrow… Changmin?” She asks before he moves.

“If you miss my story, no” he stated apologetically “But if it’s me you miss… anytime. Good night Yoona” he smiles and turns. She does too looking at the souvenir from today. 

***

 The doctor enters with a nurse, it is the usual routine. But her smile fades when she looks up from the diary in her lap.

“Sorry, where’s my doctor?” Yoona asks, revealing a little too much panic in her voice.

“Oh” the nurse smiles “Doctor Shim will be on leave for a week. This is Doctor Hwang, she’ll be taking care of you until you‘re discharged tomorrow”

“oh…” Yoona cannot explain the sinking feeling in her chest.

***

They were such a sweet couple and you leave your story is unfinished? Why? Yoona clicks the lid of her pen closed. Closing the diary, she places it on the bedside table.

***

When she returns with her friends to her room to collect her bag, she finds a box on top of the diary. Opening it a little to peek inside, she closes it immediately feeling a tugging in her chest. She swallows that tinging sensation at the building at the back of nose and eyes away.

Because the story was never finished… and …

“This is his writing” she tries to laugh off the weird feeling in her chest. It does not work. She folds the note and places it in her pocket. But she does not let go.

***

Changmin walks up closer to the leaving girls, his eyes not leaving the back of her leaving figure. She turns to the girl beside her, and he sees the silhouette of her alligator like laugh. Changmin manages a bitter and pained smile.

“And… because that was us, Yoona” as she walks out of the exit, it feels like as if she is about to leave his world once again.

***

“What’s so hard Changmin? I still love you, you love me. Can’t we pick up where we left off? I know I was wrong. I didn’t know how to respond when he confessed. It was too tempting when you were hesitating to commit over your mother and studies” Victoria Song spoke as if she did not need to take a breath in between her words.

“No Victoria, I loved you.  It’s past tense. I have someone I cannot lose. Someone I can’t imagine myself living without. I love her more than anything”

“So does that mean you can’t choose between me and her? Fine, I’ll make you choose!” she dragged his hand along.

“That’s not…” he tried to clarify

“Oppa?” the familiar voice reaching his ears seemed to give a punching sensation to the pits of his stomach. He turns to confirm although he already knew. Just from inside the lobby, the only one who ever took his heart had looked at a loss.

Yoona’s line of vision dropped to the linked hands

His body and mind was frozen losing the instincts to respond to the situation.

She loses grip of the lunch bag she was hugging closely to her chest. And the long time prepared plummet to the floor, with a loud thud. There was also the sound of glass breaking. It resembled, to Yoona, the pieces of her shattering heart.

Victoria grabbed onto changmin’s hand tighter instinctively.

Yoona didn’t recall when her eyes began filling with fluid. All she knew was that her vision was unclear and that she had to get out of here. He lied. All guys are the same. Just like Jessica Unnie’s boyfriend. Though her legs were losing power and were weak, she ran past the two as fast as she could.

He managed to miss/let her passing hand slip by, just by a split second, something he never managed to do before. He turns in time, eyes wide, still frozen and sees Yoona lifting her sleeve to wipe her tears. His mind is screaming at him to react. But his body just would not cooperate.

She steps onto the road. “YOONA!”

Changmin tries for countless sleepless nights after to rease the sight and sound he heard next. Though he tried running with all his might. Though he tried calling with everything he had. Though he tried to reach Yoona through his heart like he always did….

There was the beepingof a horn. A loud sound. And shocked gasps and screams. The silence pressed against his ears was not the silence he had come to know, part of the music he discovered with Yoona as he ran towards the motionless Yoona. And seeing his delicate girlfriend in this state, he was more broken than her. It there it was, that feeling like his heart had stopped functioning.

Epilogue

Changmin is pulled out of his painful reverie with the knock on his door.

“Come in”

“Dr Shim, there is a young lady here asking to see you about offering editorial services or something like that. I told her that this is the hospital but she insisted and asked me to give you this.” the nurse brought the box to his table. With once glance, he need not check the contents inside for it was his gift. He returns his attention to his computer screen. The patient record

‘Patient name: Im Yoona. Diagnosis: Selective Amnesia…’

He clears his throat.

“it’s alright, bring her in”

Moments later, even without hearing her footsteps, he felt her presence.

“Come in” Yoona slightly widened her eyes but nodded and silently made her way to the chair and made herself comfortable.

“How can I help you Miss Im?” he asks without looking up

“Please let me be your editor” he finally looks up and she has that pleading puppy dog look he always could not reject. But before he can reply, the unopened box catches Yoona’s eye.

“Yah Shim Changmin, how can you not even open the ….”

“Why would I need to? It’s the snow dome I gave you. It took me a whole day to find one exactly the same…” he catches the frown on her face “as the story describes.” He purses his lips.

“It’s not the same, just look at it. You never know what it is…” Yoona puts her finger to Changmin’s lips to stop him from protesting. “Just promise me, if it impresses you, I get to be your editor!”

He tries staring her down. She narrows her eyes. He does the same.

“Please?” She pouts removing her finger.

“Fine” he folds his arm leaning back into his chair.

“Ready?” she reaches into the box and pulls out the snow dome with the ballerina…

“Oh?” Changmin gasps. He squints at the newly added figurine with the ballerina. She pushes the snowdome towards him with both hands.

“Shake it” and he cannot reject her excited smile. He follows her request. At first, he widens his eyes and gapes, noticing the words at the base of the dome covered in snow and partially by the doctor and ballerina.

‘I miss you’

“Please let me finish the story with you” she says clearly. His expression becomes a playful smirk

“So you missed me?” his hand creeps across the table and catches hers. Im Yoona squeals in surprise.