It echoed in the now-empty room, mocking him. It reverberated in his body, crawling inside until it’s situated inside his heart. The sound of laughter. His laughter.

He walked around the familiar room and traced the cracks on the walls. He walked to the window and ran a finger on the sill, gathering dust. It had been a while since he went here. Five years, he mused. But he still knew the exact places of the furniture.

There, on the side, was where their bed was. It was a queen-sized bed and their most prized possession. A few feet away were his study table and his chair. On the other side of the room was the dresser they shared.

He couldn’t help but smile bitterly as he remembered things he should have not.

He walked to the spot where the bed was and closed his eyes. He sat down on the floor and imagined what should have been, what could have been.

“Kris gege!” he would call out adoringly and wrap his arms around the older male, who would be working on his report. And Kris would tell him, “Go to sleep.”

He would pout, but he would lie on the bed. But he would secretly wait until his lover had switched off the lights. He would wait until he could feel his arms around him, giving him warmth. It had always made him feel safe and sound and loved.

Some days, he would find a worn-out Kris sprawled on the bed. He would tiptoe inside the room and quietly lie on the bed. But then his lover would wrap his arms around him and say, “Zitao, what took you so long?” Kris would bury his nose on his neck, breathing in his scent. His breath would hitch and he’d whisper, “I’m sorry, gege.”

“Don’t say sorry,” Kris would tell him. “I love you.”

He would smile and tell him, “I love you too.”

Their breathing would even out as they slip into a blissful slumber. Their dreams wouldn’t be as important to them anymore for they would be each other’s dreams.

He opened his eyes when he felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He hastily wiped it away and stood up. He shouldn’t be thinking about this now. He dusted his pants. He belatedly realized how filthy the floor was. He left the bedroom and all the memories, but the warmth embraced his body, refusing to let go.

When he went to the kitchen, he was once again attacked by nostalgia. He could see the regular-sized fridge on the side. He could see Kris trying to cook up a decent breakfast for him and failing miserably. He would walk to him and laugh. He would give him a swift yet sweet peck on the lips and greet, “Good morning, Kris gege.”

“Mornin’,” he’d say with a light blush on his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I tried to make you pancakes, but-“

He would cut him off with a kiss. “Hey, seeing you cook is better than pancakes.” He would grin playfully and Kris would return it. They would forget about breakfast. He’d think, Who needs breakfast when I have him?

He sighed as he placed both hands on the countertop. “What happened? What happened to us?” he asked out aloud, but he knew that there was no use asking. The deed was done.

He looked around the kitchen one last time and spotted a crumpled piece of paper lying on the floor. It was where their fridge was once located. He picked it up and placed it in his coat pocket. He didn’t know why he did it.

He left the kitchen, but unuttered playful nothings clung to him.

He checked the bathroom. He stifled his laughter as he remembered his childishness and refusal to shower alone. If things had not gone awry, what would have happened?

“Kris gege, I want to shower,” he would tell him.

“Then shower,” Kris would tell him. He would be engrossed on his paperwork, like always.

He would wait for a while. His lover would then stand from his chair and pull him to the bathroom where they would shower together. Whatever he would be doing, he would leave it to shower with him. It wouldn’t only apply to showering. He would leave everything for him. Kris had always done it.

So, he wondered why things turned out the way they did. What happened?

He walked to the living room and he felt the wind out of him. This was his least favorite area in their whole apartment. This was where they had their first and last fight.

This was where he found him standing with his bags on the floor beside him. This was where he told him that he was leaving.

“Zitao,” he had said. He had only entered the apartment. He had stood, frozen in shock as his mind swirled with endless questions. “Yes?” he had asked uncertainly.

“I’m leaving.” His response was curt. Short. And it explained nothing.

“Why?” he asked. Tears gathered in his eyes. He hated how he was so quick to cry. He felt so vulnerable. Before, it was alright because Kris was always beside him to protect him. But now that he was facing his protector, he felt helpless.

“Take care of yourself,” he told him. He picked up his bags and tried to walk out of the room, his shoulder accidentally brushing his.

“Please don’t leave me,” he whimpered. Tears streamed down his face. He latched onto his arm and refused to let go. “Please. I’ll-I’ll change. Just tell me what’s wrong with me.”

Kris faced him angrily and dropped his bags. “Nothing’s wrong with you!” he shouted. Then his voice softened. “Zitao, you’re amazing. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

“Then why are you leaving me?” he wailed. He tightened his grip on his lover’s arm. “You-you promised that we would be together forever. You promised. You said you would never walk away from me.”

Kris just stood there silently. His eyes were closed and he couldn’t read the expression on his face.

“You told me you loved me. You told me last night.” He was hysterical now. Their neighbors could probably hear him, but he didn’t care. “What happened?”

But the taller man still did not utter a single word. He did not do anything. He didn’t brush off his hand. He didn’t push him. He didn’t walk away.

“All those years we spent together, do they mean anything to you? Do you care about me? About us?” He shook him to try to get an answer from him. Kris had always been the silent and stoic type, but his personality was frustrating him. “Do you even love me?”

That was when Kris snapped. He opened his eyes and stared at him. Kris' eyes conveyed a thousand words, but he couldn’t understand the language.

He waited for an answer, but the taller male just stared at him. He wanted to tell him to say something, anything, but before he could utter another word, Kris had picked up his bags. He had pulled his arm away and started to walk away.

“Kris, I love you.”

Kris had stopped. He had thought that he would turn back and hug him, but he didn’t. He had resumed walking and walked out of the apartment. Kris had walked out of his life.

The memory was so fresh and so painful. Tears ran down his face, but he didn’t try to wipe them away. Five years had passed since Kris had walked out on him, but it felt like it happened just yesterday. The pain was too much to bear. He could feel it tearing his heart into tiny pieces.

He could still remember every detail on his face and body. He could still remember his scent. He could still remember the taste of his lips. He could not forget.

He missed running a hand through his hair. He missed interlocking his fingers with his. He missed tracing his face with a finger. He missed kissing him softly on the lips. He missed sleeping beside him. He missed the warmth, the security, and the love. He missed him.

It had been five years, but he still couldn’t move on. He still thought about him. He wondered how he was doing, what he was doing. He wondered if had moved on and gotten married. He wondered if he was happy.

He still loved him. So much that it hurt him. He couldn't do anything about it.

He couldn’t fly without his wings.

-----

A/N: TIME IS TAO AND FLIGHT IS KRIS!!!

I hope you guys enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!! Please leave a comment or subscribe if you can!! Thank you!!

And, if you're wondering what the paper is or what's written on it, I don't know either. Nobody, except for Tao (SM and members) and Kris, knows. But it's about why Kris left. So I'm kind of leaving you in the dark, just like what SM is doing to us. You (we) can only guess. Once again, thank you for reading!!!