“Mother, I said I’d be fine. Grandma’s house is literally like six blocks away,” a little boy pouted on one fine, sunny day.

“Now, Jeongguk.” The mother fussed, trying up the little boy’s red hood properly. “It’s a dangerous world out there. You have to be very careful, especially since you’re taking these sweets and goods to her house.”

“I’ll be careful mother, don’t worry. I can handle this,” Little Jeongguk snapped, pushing his mother’s hand out of the way before proceeding to slip on his red shoes by the door.

The mother watched warily as the little boy waved to her and left. A man came to the mother, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Jin, our little boy has to grow up. He can take care of himself.”

Jin’s eyes never left her son’s retreating back. “I know, Namjoon. I know.”

Little Red Jeongguk skipped along the dark bricked path, weaving through the forest as happy as his father feels when people call him an actual rapper. Ducking through the low-hanging branches, Little Jeongguk heard a snap of a twig nearby, followed by a low growl. A loud “shhh” followed.

“Who’s there?” Jeongguk called out, hiding his treat-filled basket behind him. “Come out!”

Muffled sounds replied, to which Little Jeongguk had to strain his ears to hear.

“Don’t respond,”

“But, I have to, he asked me to,”

“That doesn’t mean you have to listen!”

“I must!”

And with that, a large, hairy, beastly man came out from behind the bushes, growling. “Hello, little boy.”

Jeongguk eyed the ugly creature. “The name’s...Little Jeongguk. What are you?”

The creature bowed in greetings. “I’m the friendly neighborhood wolf, Hoseok. Where are you headed, Little...Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk sighed frustratedly, glancing at his invisible watch. ”Well, if you must know, I’m on my way to my grandmother’s house. She’s been awfully lonely since yesterday and I’m going to cheer her up.”

The ugly creature gave a bright, hideous smile, cheekbones rounded. “To your grandmother, you say?”

A cough sounded from the trees behind him. The wolf quickly cleared his throat to cover the sound, quickly saying, “Ah. Well. I’ll leave you to it then.”

He pranced off into the trees, while the other voice followed him while calling him names such as fool and .

The naive, stupid little boy continued on his way despite the insignificant incident, happily picking up flowers when he finally arrived at his grandmother’s house. “Grandmother, it’s me, Little Jeongguk!” he called, knocking on the door.

After a pregnant pause, he knocks again, harder. “Grandma please, I have blisters, you gotta let me in,”

A quiet “come in” came from inside the house.

The candles were unlit, save one, when Little Jeongguk came in.

“Grandmother, where be you?”

“In my room,” came the soft reply.

Little Jeongguk walked into his grandmother’s room, up to the bed where the lumpy fat figure lay. “Hello grandmother, how are you faring?”

A deep voice, coming from the bed answered. “Ah, sweet Little Jeongguk. I’ve been so...hungry. I’m not sure what to do,”

Little Jeongguk came closer, cautiously despite his stupidity. He did not recognize that voice. “Oh, grandmother, what big ears you have!”

“The better to hear you with, my dear.” The figure shuffled in bed to turn towards Little Jeongguk.

The little boy peered queerly at the figure. “What big eyes you have, grandmother!”

“Oh, all the better to see you with, my child.” The figure sat up, and the single candle lit the figure for the most part.

“But grandmother, what large hands you have!”

“All the better to hug you with,”

Little Jeongguk took a step back. “Grandmother, what a gross, ugly smile you have!”

“All the better to-wait what the f-”

A crash sounded and the closet door beside the bed flew open, letting a tied-up figure fall from inside.

Little Jeongguk gasped as he recognized the figure. “Grandma Yoongi, is that you? ...if she was in the

closet, then...who...”

Hoseok the wolf leaped out of the bed, revealing the creature in a very unappealing old lady costume and wig. He pulled those off as he bared his teeth.

Little Jeongguk ran over to his grandmother, who was pulling the ropes off of her hands and feet, while the boy rushed to take off cover.

“Your no-good, lonely-, crusty grandfather set this up to get rid of me!” old Mrs. Yoongi grumbled, annoyance spread all over her face.

“Wait, you mean, Grandpa Tae got the wolf to attack you? No wonder the voice I heard in the forest sounded recognizable, it was-”

“Hate to  cut you short, sweetie, but we got bigger problems than your inability to recognize your own family,” the old woman pointed out fearfully at the wolf behind the boy.

“Don’t worry,” growled the ugly wolf. “I already ate up Mr. Taehyung. I was hungry, and he kept nagging me to do this and go that way and do that, I got upset and ate him.”

“Good riddance,” came a quiet snarl.

The wolf continued. “But I’m still hungry. I wonder what it feels like to eat someone such as yourselves,” he purred, coming nearer.

Little Jeongguk put his hands together and prayed for a handsome knight to leap in and rescue them and carry Jeongguk away to live happily ever after when the front door came crashing down.

A short, but strong-built man came running in, with an ax raised in anticipation. Little Jeongguk look in awe as the extremely attractive guy chopped Hoseok the Wolf’s head clean off. The wolf’s body fell like a log onto the floor and the head was kicked away. The man then set his ax down, wiped his hands, and winked at the boy. “That was pretty easy.”

Yoongi carefully stood up on wobbly legs. She clasped her hand over her heart and used her other hand to flip her nearly non-existent hair. “Well, hello mister,” she greeted, thinking the wink was sent to her.

Jeongguk gagged at her as he walked towards the man. “How did you know we were in trouble?”

The man scratched his stubbly chin. “Not sure. I just felt like someone was calling for me, and then there was this halo leading towards this house. I have really good instinct, y’know.” He gave another wink before sticking out his hand. “I’m Jimin. Park Jimin.”

Little Jeongguk gave out a giggle. “I’m Jeongguk. Jeon Jeongguk. Thanks for rescuing me, mister.”

Yoongi draped herself over Jimin the Huntsman. She seductively whispered, “And I’m Yoongi, but you can call me whenever you want,”

FIN

DISCLAIMER: This story isn't meant to portray how I feel about any of the members it is parodying. I do not think of J-Hope as an ugly wolf nor do I want his head chopped off. I don't think of Suga as a girly, naggy, old prune/cougar, nor do I believe that V would a heartless husband who would hire an animal to eat his wife in order to get rid of her. NamJin is real though.