I let the cold water trickle down my body as I think of you. Tears slid down uncontrollably as well... I miss you, so much. Why did you leave me? I want you back. These were the thoughts running through my head. It's been days since I last saw you. When will I see you again? When you're married? When you're happy with someone else? No matter how much I try...I can't help but become selfish. I want you just for myself.

I stepped out of the bathroom and put on my clothes, drying my hair with a towel. I lay on my bed, face up, wondering what to do now. We used to do everything together. But right now, everything just seems so empty.

My stomach suddenly grumbled. Wow. Even my stomach is empty. I rolled myself up and put my skimpy gray sweater on, grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

As I opened the door, a girl was standing by it. She had the same eyes as mine - red, puffy and at the same time, shocked. It was easy to recognize that it was you, despite those sad eyes. 

"Uh... I was just about to knock..." You said. 

"Oh..." I said. "It's nice seeing you..." It was more than enough for me to hear your voice, let alone see your pretty face.

You nodded and looked down clenching your fists nervously. "Kyuhyun?"

"Kye... I--"

"Please, listen to what I have to say..." You cut me. "I... I really don't know how to say this but... I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kyuhyun."

My heart just jumped out of my rib cage. Unable to move, unable to speak. Tears fell once more from my sore eyes as you sobbed in front of me. 

"Kyuhyun-ah..." You continued. "Mianhae... I...was wrong..." You cried in the hallway. "I thought I'm strong enough...but I'm not... I loved you more than I could even imagine. I--"

I could not take it anymore. I could not just stand there and watch you break down in tears. I cut you off and crushed you to me in an embrace.

"Shhh..." I crooned. "Shhh... That's enough..." I kissed your forehead. I cupped your face between my hands. "Look at me," I said. Your watery eyes found mine. "Don't cry anymore, okay? I'm here. I'll be right here."

You sobbed and nodded. You lightly touched my face with your fingers, wiping my tears away. "Oppa shouldn't cry also," you said.

I chuckled and smiled at you. "This is why I love you so much," I said, pulling you into my embrace once again. 

At long last, I felt full again. I feel complete. Immediately accepting you. My heart was leaping with joy, and I'm sure you can feel it against my chest. I was happy once again, for you answered my unspoken prayers.

I wiped your tears away with my thumb and grinned wide at you. "Pancakes?" Was all I said...and that made you grin like a little child. You've always loved pancakes, and I did too. It was after all, our first date's meal.

I grabbed your hand and locked your fingers with mine. I'm not letting you go this time. And I don't think I have the strength to lose you anymore. So I have no intentions to. I pulled you down the hallway and pressed the elevator button.

"Oppa...kamsa..." You silently whispered to me. "After hurting you, you take me back fully."

I lightly brushed your cheek with my free hand. "It's because I love you. Don't worry about it. What matters is that we're back together."

I see your pretty eyes twinkle once again as you sat across me, joyfully eating your pancake with one hand, for I was not willing to let go of the other. 

"Oppa," you said. "Ahhh~"

I opened my mouth and you put in a slice of pancake. I've always loved this sweet side of you. "Delicious!" I muttered with my mouth full.

You laughed at me and squeezed my hand. It's been a while since I saw you smile like this - so happy and carefree, as if everything in life is perfect. I missed that smile of yours. And seeing you like this, makes me wonder. You're my girl, aren't you? My girl who would make me smile everyday. My girl who will wake me up with a kiss every morning. My girl who will be the mother of my children. My girl...who I will love through the rest of my life. You. You are the girl of my dreams.

We walked hand in hand in the park, inhaling the fresh breeze. It's been quite some time since we last did this - to just walk and look at the surroundings. 

"Kyesin-ah," I said. "I... I promise to start a new with you. We'll do all the things we wanted to do. We'll settle all our differences and live happily from then on."

You smiled at me and pulled me to a bench. You sat down, and I sat beside you. You rest your head on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm around you. "Kyuhyun-ah," you started.

"Hmmm?" 

"Kiss me," you said.

Blood rushed to my cheeks, shock to hear you say those words. I looked at you but you were grinning wide with serious eyes. You really want me to kiss you, do you? I cupped your face between my hands and you almost immediately closed your eyes. Slowly, I pulled your face to mine, closing my eyes too in the process. 

"I'm leaving, Kyuhyun," you said.

"What?" My eyes fluttered open.

No one was there beside me. Where were you? Where did you go?!

"I can't take this anymore... I have to leave or else we'll both get hurt even more," your voice came from nowhere.

"Kyesin!" I called.

"I'm sorry for doing this, but it's for the better. I know you'll find someone who is perfect for you."

"Stop it, Kyesin!" Water stung my eyes. "Stop. It's not funny!" 

The park seemed to disappear around me. I was back in my room. And you were there too, crying in front of me. But you held yourself strong.

"I'm not sure if I am the one who is right for you, Kyu," you said, tears running down on your face.

"Kyesin, no. Please," I begged. This... This scene was all too familiar... It was the day of the break up.

"I'm sorry...but this is goodbye," you muttered with a faint smile.

You rushed out the door. "Kye!!!" I called out, running after you.

The place changed once more. Now back at the park... My tears rolled down continuously as I grit my teeth. "Kyesin!!!" I screamed aloud, calling for you. People around were looking at me as if I were a madman. "kye!!!" I called once again.

And then I saw you... In the arms of another man. My heart sunk and fell... What is happening? Who...who is he? I ran towards you, calling your name. But you never looked. And you were happy. Smiling like the sun...like my sun. What does he have that I don't? Why can't you see me? Why can't you hear me? Is it wrong to be so selfish? Is it wrong to love someone so badly?

I ran and ran but I never caught up. No matter what I do, it seems that I was falling further and further behind. But I never gave up...until you were out of sight. My heart ached as I call out to you repeatedly and get no reply. I clutched my chest as I fall unto my knees, crying hysterically. Where am I? I feel like being crushed by a heavy weight.

I suddenly jumped out of an empty bed. Cold sweat run down me. My eyes were sore and my pillow is wet with tears. I've been crying again in my sleep, haven't I? I've been dreaming about you again... All this...just another dream... Even if it hurts me all the time, I wish I could sleep forever like that...just to see your face and your smile, hold you in my arms and lock your fingers with mine. It's fine if you won't tell me you love me, as long as I see you in my dreams. 

I lightly touched your picture beside my bed before I lay back down and close my eyes again. My mornings are always like this... Waking up from a dream, heart pounding, head spinning... But at least it feels like that you're here sleeping with me. At least I could tell you how much I loved you once more. If you were to come back to me again... I wouldn't want to wake up.

-----

It's been quite some time since I last wrote angst but I'm actually really glad I did. I know it's not my usual genre but my friend BEGGED me to write one after reading my past angst oneshot "Distant Embrace". And she's been nagging me for days so here it is. I've always loved angst genre for some reason anyways X).

This oneshot is actually based on the lyrics to Super Junior's song "In my Dream (잠들고 싶어)". It's a really good song. I know SJ doesn't really have that 'singer' image but trust me, it's damn good. I'm a er for sad ballads and this is one of my faves. The vocals are great, believe me - I'm a singer in theater. So if you have time, listen to it and you wouldn't regret so!

As always, COMMENT your thoughts down below, SUBSCRIBE if you liked it and UPVOTEs are much appreciated !! ^^
 
Thank you all for reading. >:)< I really appreciate reading all your comments and seeing the views/subs/upvotes go up! It's really heart-warming to feel how much people appreciate a mere person's work.
 
Love you all and hope to post more updates soon!!!

PS: あゆみさん、あなたは今幸せですか? ♪( ´▽｀)

***photo above is by marloes, edited by me