Darkness- thick and heavy. Roiling around him, under him, through him.

Something was burning.

Kyungsoo awoke to the heavy, dirty taste of smoke in his mouth. He coughed violently, his lungs protesting against the acrid tang, and then someone was holding a cool cloth against his mouth.

“Breathe, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo inhaled and the scent of something spicy and grassy filled his lungs. He coughed weakly into the damp cloth before it was taken away and he could breathe freely again. The smokey taste in his mouth had dampened enough for Kyungsoo to inhale without grimacing. Familiar fingers rubbed the back of his neck soothingly as he finally cracked open an eye.

“Morning, puppy!”

Kyungsoo groaned, turning over to bury his face back into his blanket. “Go away,” he croaked, “I don’t need this right now.”

Of course, no one listened to him. And of course, Kyungsoo found himself quickly being suffocated under a Luhan wrapped blanket. He struggled in vain for a minute, trying to claw himself out, before giving up.

“We were worried about you,” Luhan said with a grin, tightening his vice-like hold, “Just let me revel in your health for a bit.”

“You are not helping my health right now,” Kyungsoo mumbled, “Get off already!”

When Kyungsoo was finally able to get up, he did a double-take, rubbing his eyes as he took in the state of his environment. A thick layer of something grimy covered the walls of his room, as if someone had set off a smoke bomb inside while he was sleeping.

“So we had a bit of an accident…” Luhan said sheepishly, scratching at the back of his head.

“Were you trying to set me on fire?” Kyungsoo asked hoarsely, glaring at the redhead.

“Of course not!” Luhan pouted, “we just...we have a friend who’s a bit of an . That’s all. He gave us something to wake you up and it worked a little too well. I wasn’t expecting it to give off this much smoke.”

It was then that Kyungsoo noticed a blackened pot on the floor beside his bed. A thin, lazy curl of smoke was still petering upward from the dim embers at the heart of the pot. Kyungsoo turned to look at Luhan incredulously.

“Why did you need to set a fire to wake me up?”

For a long time, there was no answer. Luhan fidgeted, not quite meeting Kyungsoo’s eyes, his mouth turned down in a frown. Kyungsoo waited, heart sinking with each second that ticked by.

He hated when this happened. This terribly familiar standoff they always had whenever Kyungsoo bumped into some godforsaken secret they were determined to keep from him.

“You were sick,” Luhan said finally,  “really sick. It’s...it’s old medicine. And it worked.”

Kyungsoo’s hands clenched into fists, damp sheets bunched inside them. He really hated when this happened.

“Kyungsoo,” Luhan said quietly. Kyungsoo heard him shuffle over, and then a hand was under his chin, tilting his face upward. Luhan’s face was blank, but there was something a little sad in his gaze.

“Kyungsoo,” Luhan repeated, “just...just trust me this once? If there was any other way, we would have done it.”

Kyungsoo stayed silent, eyes never moving. 

“Why do you never tell me the whole truth?” Kyungsoo bit out finally. Luhan looked away, his mouth flattening into a thin line. Kyungsoo wanted to shake him.

“What was wrong with me?” he asked heatedly, “Tell me at least that much?”

“…” Luhan trailed off, biting at his lower lip. Kyungsoo waited, fingers clenched.

“We care about you,” Luhan said finally, looking up at Kyungsoo. “I know you’re frustrated,” he continued, holding up his hand when Kyungsoo opened his mouth furiously, “I know you probably want to hit me right now, but you have to trust us. Just believe me when I tell you that I can’t tell you everything. At least not right now.”

“Kyungsoo,” Luhan whispered, his hand gently covering Kyungsoo’s closed fist, “trust me. Yixing and I, we would never keep this from you to hurt you.”

We would never hurt you.

Luhan held his gaze solemnly, his dark, warm eyes gazing at Kyungsoo with all the affection in the world.

Trust me. Please. We love you.

Kyungsoo finally looked away, the anger that had been coiled tight and heavy in his stomach dissolving a little bit, as much as he hated to admit it. Luhan was the back of his hand with his thumb, rubbing slow, comforting circles into the skin. “Puppy,” he murmured, leaning in to press his forehead gently against Kyungsoo’s, “trust me?”

For a long while, neither of them said anything, the room filled with nothing but the sound of quiet breathing. It was Kyungsoo who finally broke the silence.

“Are you really a drug dealer?” he blurted, pulling back slightly to look Luhan in the eye. Luhan’s eyes widened before he snorted uncontrollably, breaking out into extraordinarily unmanly giggles.

“No,” he chuckled, “Kyungsoo, we don’t do things like that. Really.”

“...I don’t believe you.”

“Look at me! Does this look like the face of a gangster?”

“Why else would you need to hide things from me?!”

Luhan pressed a hand to the side of his temple, his expression caught between amused and apologetic. In the dim, morning light filtering into the room, he suddenly looked a little older, and a little more worn.

“We’ll tell you someday,” he said at last, looking up to offer Kyungsoo a small smile, “just not now. There’s a reason for it, and if it wasn’t a good one, we would have never kept anything from you at all.”

“I know it’s hard, but trust me?”

Kyungsoo looked downwards, his hair falling into his eyes.

“Alright,” he said quietly, “but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. And I’m not letting you off the hook for trying to set my room on fire.”

“I’d never ask for that much,” Luhan said playfully, the corners of his mouth finally quirking up a little. He gave Kyungsoo’s shoulder a soft squeeze, and then stood up. A few, short strands floated to the ground as he rose, settling onto Kyungsoo’s sheets. Kyungsoo wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“Stop shedding on me,” he said drily, trying brush the handful of red hairs off of his blanket, “You’ve already defiled enough of the things I love.”

“I’ve done no such thing,” Luhan grinned. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and threw off his blanket. He squinted as he looked down at himself. There was something white and fine littered all over his clothing, some of it bunching together in clumps. He ran a hand down his chest, trying to brush it off. It stuck to him stubbornly, clinging onto his shirt. He raised an eyebrow at Luhan, who was giving him a half amused, half guilty smile.

“Did you bring a dog over?” Kyungsoo asked carefully, trying to pick the clumps of short, white hair off of his chest.

“...Yes?” Luhan answered sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. Kyungsoo gave him a pointed look, a very I-expect-more-of-an-explanation-than-that look.

“Our friend...he brought over his dog. It was furry and it liked you a lot. You were shivering really badly and he kept trying to keep you warm. That’s all.”

“...I don’t remember any of this.”

“You were out cold. Believe me, it was... cute,” Luhan said, smiling a little.

“...I am not cute.”

“You’re my baby. Of course you are.”

Kyungsoo wondered if he could kill if he glared hard enough. Luhan grinned unapologetically and offered Kyungsoo his arm to pull himself up. “Come on,” he said, “let’s bother Yixing for something to eat.”

Kyungsoo scowled but took Luhan’s proffered arm. He gritted his teeth, forcing his body to stand upright. The sudden rush of blood downwards made him dizzy, and he let himself lean on Luhan for a moment.

“Can you walk?” Luhan asked quietly, wrapping his other arm around Kyungsoo’s waist. Kyungsoo nodded.

“I’m not a baby,” he croaked, stepping forward stubbornly. His leg buckled underneath him, and he would have fallen if Luhan had not been taking most of his weight. Kyungsoo swore under his breath. Luhan chuckled.

“Language,” he chided.  Luhan tucked an arm under Kyungsoo’s legs and lifted, picking him up clean off the ground. Kyungsoo swore louder, clutching at Luhan’s shoulders as they began to move.

“I hate you,” he said, sulking as they descended the stairs. He could hear the sound of Yixing humming and the crackling of oil in a pan. The spicy scent of kimchi stew wafted up to meet him halfway down the steps.

“Love you too,” Luhan chuckled, bouncing down the stairs with a little extra vigor.

~~~

A week later, Kyungsoo stood on Jongdae’s front porch, clutching his backpack in one slightly sweaty hand and clutching at his pride in the other.

This was, quite possibly, the most embarrassing moment of his life. He fidgeted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and opened his mouth.

And then promptly closed it again the moment Yixing turned around. Yixing’s brow was furrowed in concentration as he balanced a paper bag on top of a bright red suitcase. He was rummaging in his pocket for something when Kyungsoo decided that he’d had enough. 

“Yixing.”

“Hmm?” Yixing raised his head, glancing at Kyungsoo with a quizzical expression. Kyungsoo opened his mouth again and willed himself to talk.

“...CanIhaveahug.”

Yixing’s eyes widened comically. Kyungsoo would have snickered if he wasn’t utterly mortified.

“...Say that again?” Yixing asked, disbelief ringing in his voice.

Kyungsoo gritted his teeth and stepped forward before he could change his mind, keeping his eyes resolutely on the ground.

“...Can I have a hug?”

Dead, awkward silence. Kyungsoo wondered if he could bore a hole into the ground to crawl into if he stared hard enough.

Yixing suddenly laughed, surprise cracking through the low sound, before Kyungsoo was enveloped in his embrace, his face pressed into a warm shoulder.

“I never thought I’d get to hear you ask ever again,” he murmured, still smiling slightly. Kyungsoo huffed, his face burning, but reached up to wrap one arm around Yixing’s torso, his hand resting beneath the scruffy collar.

“Don’t get used to it,” he warned, squeezing with a little more force than was necessary. Yixing winced a little and Kyungsoo felt a tiny bit better. He quickly quashed the guilt before it could rear its ugly head.

“I won’t say anything if you don’t,” Yixing whispered, his eyes crinkling into tiny crescents, “we’ll have to keep Luhan in the dark about this or he’ll sulk for a week.”

Kyungsoo grunted in agreement. And of course, at that exact moment, Chen’s front door slammed open and Luhan emerged, a rather hurt expression on his face.

“So you let Yixing hug you but not me?” he whined, crossing his arms over his chest. “You ask for hugs from him but you won’t even let me-”

“Today is special,” Kyungsoo interrupted, hurriedly backpedaling from Yixing’s arms,  “and it’s not happening again. Ever.”

He did mean it. He prayed that the bug he had stuck underneath Yixing’s collar would stay there and that he wouldn’t need to do anything this desperate ever again.

~~~

“Oh my god. I thought they would never leave. What did you do Kyungsoo?”

 “What are you talking about?”

“Luhan's face? His my-heart-was-broken-into-a-million-pieces-by-an-insensitive-little-brat face? And it took both of us to pry him off of you. You did something Kyungsoo. I know it.”

“...I did nothing.”

Jongdae snorted. “He’s so sensitive when it comes to you. What terrible, horrible thing did you do to him?”

“This was your idea,” Kyungsoo muttered, fists clenching and unclenching in the rough material of Jongdae’s carpet, “I had to get the bug onto one of them somehow.”

“You could have just stuck it onto their clothes beforehand you know.”

“Have you seen their closet? Their godforsaken department store of a closet? How was I suppose to know what they were going to wear?”

“I’m just saying that you could have done this without breaking any hearts.”

Kyungsoo looked away, his hands clenched tightly in his lap. “Just boot it up already,” he muttered, tamping down on the guilt that was trying to squeeze into the crevices of his conscience, “Tell me where they are now.”

Jongdae gave him a look but didn’t say anything more. He looked back at the screen of his laptop, brows furrowed in concentration. “They’re about to leave the city,” he said softly, following the path of a bright yellow dot on his minimap.

“Good. Let’s go,” Kyungsoo said darkly, leaning backwards to snag his jacket off the ground.

The boys scurried downstairs and into Jongdae’s car, Kyungsoo keeping Jongdae’s laptop secured in his lap. Jongdae twisted the key in the ignition and the small car came to life, rumbling in a smooth, steady purr. “Lead the way captain,” he grinned, backing out of the driveway, “if you get us lost and we’re not back by tomorrow morning, it’s not gonna be me that gets it.”

“Shut up and drive faster,” Kyungsoo swallowed, trying to concentrate on the path of the yellow dot now moving steadily into the mountains.

~~~

Somewhere on the journey, the sky had clouded over in great waves of rolling grey. Jongdae drove steadily onward, the dim lights of the dashboard illuminating his face with a ghostly, mottled glow. Kyungsoo sat next to him, balancing Jongdae’s laptop on his lap, his eyes alternating between the screen’s steady light and the soft forest blur outside the car window. There was a quiet calmness inside, utter silence but for the steady rumble of the engine beneath them.

Kyungsoo had a strange feeling that it wouldn’t last, like the calm before a downpour. He could feel the beginnings of a storm in the air.

“Are we there yet?” Jongdae grumbled beside him, his eyes slightly glazed over from boredom.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said bluntly, “We’re here. This is where I kick you out of the car and keep driving over your dead body.”

“So touchy,” Jongdae groaned, lifting one hand off the steering wheel to rub his eyes, “I’m bored Kyungsoo. Entertain me.”

Kyungsoo said nothing, choosing to ignore the boy beside him. He gazed back out the window, his eyes tracing the outlines of the stormclouds in the sky. 

“If you don’t drive faster, we’re going to have to track them in the rain,” Kyungsoo muttered, glancing back down at the laptop screen. The yellow dot was moving steadily onwards, farther and farther from the city behind them and deeper into the dark, forested ranges ahead. Kyungsoo watched as the dot made a sharp turn a few miles ahead of them, driving off the thin white line that was the concrete road and into the pale gray of the mountains.

“They’ve driven off the road,” he said sharply, glancing at Jongdae from the corner of his eyes. Jongdae in a breath through his teeth. “You don’t think…they know do they?”the other boy said hesitantly. “Oh my god, what if we’ve been driving into mafia territory all along and their gangster lookouts have spotted us and warned them and we’re about about to get shot-”

“Stop it,” Kyungsoo snapped, “nobody is in the mafia and nobody is getting shot. Just keep driving. I’ll tell you when to turn when we get there.”

He refused to acknowledge the vague sense of panic rising in his own chest. And the small bit of guilt that had been growing in the shadows behind everything else from the start.

What would they say if they knew what he was doing? That he hadn’t trusted them enough to let them keep their secrets in the end?

They drove onwards in silence. Kyungsoo sat there, hunkered over the glowing screen, and tried his best to drown out the murmuring guilt inside of him. Outside, the rain began to fall in sharp, grey streaks, each drop hitting the metal roof like a soft gunshot, each a dim warning ringing in Kyungsoo’s ears.