A ringing sound suddenly started echoing throughout the room, causing Sehun to lazily slap his alarm clock in hope he would be able to sleep for at least 5 more minutes.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, this wish of his never came true, as in the next few seconds he could already feel Luhan’s lips colliding with his, like every other morning.

 

 

 

Not that he was complaining or something, but he wouldn’t mind if this kiss took place minutes later, so that he would be able to laze a little bit more in the bed.

 

 

 

As Sehun turned his half-opened eyes at his boyfriend, he was met with the latter’s bright smile and glowing eyes, which instantly made him forget about his sleeping issue.

 

 

“Did you sleep well, Sehunnie?” Luhan asked with a cheerful expression on his face.

 

 

Sehun didn’t respond with words, as he wanted to let his actions speak for himself, and therefore he gently locked his lips with Luhan’s.

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Luhan said, getting up from the bed.

 

“Where are you going?” Sehun asked pouting.

 

“To take a shower.” He plainly answered, focused on deciding which clothes to wear that day. Sehun never understood why Luhan cared so much about his physical aspect, because in his eyes he would always be perfect anyway.

 

 

“But I thought today was my turn to take a shower first.” Sehun complained.

 

 

 

“So? What are you going to do about it? If you cry a little, maybe I’ll consider letting you go first.” Luhan said with an evil grin, before entering the bathroom and locking the door.

 

 

Sehun frowned and groaned in annoyance, putting his head again on the pillow.

 

 

Normally, someone wouldn’t have been angry because of Luhan’s last sentence, but it was driving him mad whenever someone was telling him to cry.

 

 

And that was because he couldn’t cry.

 

 

It wasn’t that he thought crying would make him look weak or be the cause for others’ laughing.

 

 

The thing was that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shed a tear even if he wanted to.

 

 

On the one hand, this was certainly an advantage, as it made him look braver and stronger in others’ eyes.

 

 

That was because, in his childhood days for instance, whenever he fell down and injured any part of his body, no matter how deep the wound was, he was able to maintain his calm self. Or that’s how it looked from the outside, because on the inside he was trying hard not to scream in pain.

 

Not being able to cry also made him look stronger in his adoptive parents’ eyes. That was because whenever he was scolded, whenever he had been bullied at school or whenever his teacher gave him a low grade, his expression remained the same.

 

But Sehun didn’t really know if these were actually advantages. Because this way, no one was able to see his pain and everyone assured that he was fine.

 

 

In a way, he was grateful that he was able to hide his emotions so easily, but sometimes he really wanted others to know how he really felt.

 

 

 

Being too shy to complain about his awful experiences and feelings, they remained stuck inside his heart. It was like a dark box was there, to which no one had the key.

 

 

 

Except for Luhan.

 

 

 

Luhan was the only one Sehun felt that he could tell everything. And he really did.

 

 

Because Luhan believed when Sehun told him that he couldn’t cry. Luhan was fully supporting him in everything, and that’s why Sehun felt that he could share every stupid detail with Luhan, not being afraid that the latter would reject him or change his opinion about him.

 

However, even if he had Luhan, Sehun still couldn’t cry. And this made him feel very frustrated in some cases. But there was one situation in which he really wished he could have cried.

 

 

 

 

When his stepbrother died.

 

 

 

 

Sehun was just 10 at that time. Although they didn’t have any blood connection, as Sehun was adopted by his brother’s parents, he still got attached to him, having spent their childhood together. In the day of the funeral, Sehun tried to water his eyes, but in the end not even a single tear rolled on his pale cheeks.

 

 

 

But the other people who attended the funeral didn’t know or didn’t believe that Sehun couldn’t cry. And his plain and expressionless face made them deduce that Sehun was so insensible that he didn’t even care about the loss of his stepbrother.  

 

 

Which made him feel really hurt deep inside. He didn’t understand the disappointed looks on their faces.

 

 

Because even if he had cried at that time, his stepbrother wouldn’t come back to life.

 

However, some people were just waiting for their expectation to come true, because they were definitely thinking that a small kid like him should cry upon losing someone so dear to him.

 

 

 

No one was able to saw what was behind his mask, behind his vacant expression. Not even a single person that day managed to see how much he really suffered, how much his heart was aching, how much he wished he could cry.

 

 

 

No one knew him for real. No one could understand him.

 

 

 

 

 

Except for Luhan.

 

 

 

 

Sehun’s thoughts were interrupted as he heard the bathroom door being opened. He was amazed at first that Luhan managed to shower so quickly. However, as he glanced at the clock which was staying motionless on the commode, he realized that his assumption was wrong, but he had been too caught into his thoughts to realize 20 minutes had already passed.

 

‘Time passes so fast, huh? I mean look at me, I’m already in the third year of college, which means I will have to find a job sooner or later. But how come I don’t feel ready for it yet?’ Sehun thought, mentally sighing.

 

 

“Sehun, you’re going to be late for classes if you continue staring at the wall like that.” Luhan said, folding his arms.

 

 

 

“Oh, sorry. I’ll go take a shower right away.” Sehun apologized, quickly grabbing some clothes and making his way into the bathroom.

 

 

 

Now that he mentioned time, he couldn’t believe so many years from his life had already passed. It’s like it all happened in a blink of an eye.

 

 

Even if he had met Luhan a long time ago, he still could clearly remember the first time he saw him in primary school, how he successfully gained his friendship and trust, and how they became best friends in less than a week.

 

And Luhan eventually became the person who Sehun relied the most on, especially when people were criticising him for being soulless just because he didn’t cry in certain situations.

 

 

Luhan managed to see right through him, to figure out that he was actually neither as strong as the other kids were thinking, nor as insensible as the adults saw him.

 

 

He had been able to see that even if Sehun couldn’t cry, he was as sensible and emotional as any child his age, but he just wasn’t good at showing it.

 

 

And that’s why their friendship turned out to be so precious, because they could immediately figure out when something was wrong with the other, even when no words were spoken.

 

 

That’s why Sehun fell in love with Luhan, among other things which made the latter special.

 

 

Now that he thought about it, from the second he saw Luhan he already started admiring his beauty and his innocent smiles, he became addicted to how the latter’s eyes were glowing every time he looked at him and Sehun immediately started cherishing every minute they spent together.

 

 

But despite all these, he only figured out he was in love with Luhan in their first year of college, when they rented an apartment together. And he convinced himself to confess to Luhan only in the second year, and even then he was so scared that the latter might refuse him that he sometimes thought his mind would explode.

 

 

He was glad he confessed, though, because this way he found out that Luhan was feeling the same for him, and now they were even happier together than when they were just friends.

 

Although usually two persons who were initially friends and then became a couple started dissociating themselves from one another, Luhan and Sehun’s love relationship actually brought them closer, forming an even stronger bond.

 

 

 

Sehun didn’t even know how to express how happy he was for having Luhan as a friend and lover. He felt like the latter was the only one who could truly understand him, and in the same time the only one with whom he could share all his secrets.

 

 

 

˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟

 

 

 

Later that day, after Sehun finished his classes and was on his way to their apartment, impatient to see Luhan, his mobile phone suddenly started vibrating.

 

At first he wasn’t sure if he should answer to the unknown person that was calling him, but he was grateful he did after he heard what that person had to say.

 

Because if he hadn’t answered, he would have probably not gotten the chance to see his adoptive parents alive again.

 

But now that he thought about it, it would have probably made no difference if he had seen them already dead, because by the time he arrived at the hospital with Luhan, their hearts were barely even beating.

 

 

He found out a few hours later that his adoptive parents had been involved in a fire accident at their work place, which apparently took place because of an accidentally dropped cigarette on some accidentally spilled oil on the ground near their working place.

 

And because of this ‘accident’, the little building where the couple was working caught fire, resulting in the infernal flames killing 5 people and severely injuring other 13.

 

 

Sehun did not believe how much bad luck his adoptive family had had. Firstly their son died in a plane crush, and now they died in a fire accident. It was so pitiful how all the family members died like this, and that he was the only one who was still alive.

 

He felt so pathetic now that he was left alone. He lost his real parents when they abandoned him in an orphanage. And now he lost his seconds parents in a stupid accident.

 

Therefore, he started asking himself if he was bound to be left alone, but then remembered that he still had Luhan, the only important person left from his life at that moment.

 

So he decided to do anything it took to protect him from life’s miserable tricks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟

 

 

Unlike his brother’s funeral, this time Luhan made his appearance too, which gave a feeling of reassurance for Sehun.

 

With Luhan’s presence so close, he didn’t mind at all the looks he received, because he knew that there was at least one person who really knew how deeply he cared for his adoptive family.

 

Looking around him, he started to get even more depressed as he saw known and unknown persons dressed in black, crying their eyes out in their seats while listening to what the priest had to say.

 

 

Sehun stared feeling bad that he couldn’t cry even at their funeral, even if he was probably the one who had been the closest to them from all the people there. However, his mood was immediately lightened up when a crying Luhan assured him that he had enough tears for both of them.

 

So Sehun ended up hugging Luhan tight and thanking him for being such a perfect boyfriend, ignoring the disgusted looks that they were getting. It’s not like he cared even a bit about what others’ opinion on being in love with someone with the same was.

 

Because even his parents had approved of their relationship while they were still alive, so he couldn’t care less about some people who he would probably never see again after this funeral. 

 

After the priest finished his speech, Luhan encouraged Sehun to go near his parents and speak to them, because Luhan was sure that this would make his boyfriend feel a little more relieved. Therefore, Sehun went near their coffins and told them how grateful he was to have had them as his parents, not forgetting to thank them for all they did for him.  

 

Luhan went near their coffins as well, bowing and thanking the two motionless bodies for taking care of Sehun throughout all these years.

 

 

 

 

 

˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟

 

 

 

 

Time flew fast for them, and Sehun was barely aware that four years had passed since he lost his family. He was now working as a web designer in a small office, and was really pleased about his job conditions and payment. His lover was working at his family’s company, not because he necessarily wanted to, but because he wished to make his parents happy and proud of him.

 

The problem now was that they didn’t have so much time to see each other, which was making them feel deeply depressed in some moments.

 

That’s why, when Luhan’s birthday came, Sehun suggested that they took Monday off, so that they could spend his birthday, which was Sunday, without having to think about their work.

 

Unfortunately, the majority of the shops were closed on Sunday, but they still managed to made use of their time by going to a fancy restaurant and then buying a chocolate cake to eat at home. As a present, Sehun gave his boyfriend a bouquet of purple gladiola flowers, which were Luhan’s favourite, as well as a watch that had cost him an arm and a leg. Despite its high price, though, Sehun knew that Luhan really wanted that watch from the day they saw it in a luxury shop.

 

 

“Wow, Sehunnie, this watch is astonishing, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, it is, indeed, Lu” Sehun said smiling, glad to see his boyfriend’s happiness was caused by such a small object.

 

“Too bad it’s so expensive. Otherwise I would have bought it.” Luhan sighed.

 

“I’ll buy it for you, then.” Sehun offered, extending his hand to pick up the delicate object.

 

“No, it’s ok, Sehunnie. You don’t have to waste your money on something like this.” Luhan denied, gently grabbing Sehun’s arm and pulling him out of the store.

 

 

However, Sehun still ended up buying it. And because he knew Luhan would get mad that Sehun had ‘wasted’ so much money on him, he decided to buy the same watch for himself.

 

Well, the truth was that Sehun secretly liked it when they had identical things. What’s more, the watch wasn’t even that bad, as the contrast between the plain black and the shiny silver gems gave it a tint of uniqueness. And even if it was slightly too fancy for his everyday clothing, as long as Luhan wore it, he was devoted to do it as well.

 

 

 

But even if he bought a pretty and expensive watch, time was still not on his side.

 

 

He always felt that time was passing too fast, like it was hurrying to reach a certain point in his life, or maybe it just wanted to make him realise how little he had achieved so far.

 

 

 

 

Because of this, he decided to dedicate more of his time to Luhan, as he didn’t want to let his time go to waste.

 

Therefore, that year’s summer, he bought couple rings for him and Luhan, on which the other’s name was engraved. That is to say, on Sehun’s ring it could be read ‘Luhan’ and on Luhan’s the name Sehun proudly stood out. Moreover, after Sehun gave the little jewellery to his boyfriend, he confessed all his feelings for him.

 

 

He knew that Luhan was already aware of his feelings, but he just felt the need to remind the latter how special he was and how perfect he felt when they were together.

 

 

And Sehun promised to always stay together with him, and then hesitantly asked Luhan if he also wished this. Luhan accepted immediately, saying that leaving him didn’t even cross his mind.

 

 

Sehun was really happy to hear that, and therefore started saying all the things that he loved about Luhan, as he felt the latter needed to know.

 

 

Of course Luhan ended up shedding his beautiful tears on Sehun’s T-shirt, as he was too happy to hold them back anymore after hearing the touching words that came out of Sehun’s mouth.

 

 

Sehun secretly wished he could cry from happiness too, but was glad that his boyfriend didn’t mind at all that he couldn’t.

 

 

But this was not the only present he had for his loved one. The next day, after they passionately made love to each other, Sehun told Luhan about the other surprise he had prepared for him.

 

 

He arranged an outing at the hot springs the following week. Luhan was so excited when he heard about this, that he jumped in Sehun’s arms and thanked him for being such a caring and amazing boyfriend.

 

 

Both of them were so excited about the event from the following week, that they often spaced out instead of working, but it didn’t matter as long as no one found out about this.

 

 

When the weekend came, Luhan was really agitated, walking throughout the house and trying to decide which clothes or other insignificant things he should take with him on their upcoming trip.

 

Sehun tried in vain to make his boyfriend calm down, although he was as excited as the other.

 

After all, this was the first time they were going to leave Seoul together, because they didn’t afford to do this until then.

 

 

Then the awaited day come. They put their luggage in the car and started their journey.

 

 

 

Singing, laughing and talking about unimportant stuff was what kept them entertained throughout the long drive.

 

 

 

 

However, after a few hours had passed, Luhan noticed something that slightly bothered him.

 

 

 

 

“Sehunnie, I think my watch is broken. The clock hands aren’t moving anymore.” Luhan said, almost shoving the said object in Sehun’s face, to let the latter see what the problem was.

 

“I don’t think it’s broken, Lu. It probably just needs a new battery. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it when we return home.” Sehun said, turning his head in Luhan’s direction for a second, just to give him a reassuring smile.

 

 

“You promise?” Luhan said with a cute voice, although he already knew Sehun would do what he said.

 

 

“Of course, my love.” Sehun answered, laughing a bit at his boyfriend’s cuteness.

 

 

 

That sounded like a simple promise, one that didn’t really require any effort to fulfil.

 

 

 

 

However, even small promises like that were sometimes bond to be awfully hard to keep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because no one could have predicted what happened in the next couple of hours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As they were peacefully driving on the road, singing a popular song that was on the radio, another car from the opposite direction came on their band. They didn’t see it coming, because the road was curved, and therefore they saw the car only when it was already really close to them.

 

Sehun didn’t even thought about asking himself why the driver wasn’t on his own band, because the only thing that was crossing his mind at that moment was to not crash with the other car.

 

However, in vain did Sehun try to avoid collision by going to the opposite band, and unsuccessfully did the other driver try to brake.

 

 

 

The inevitable still happened.

 

 

 

 

Their car was sent off the roadway, and it only stopped moving when the boot hit a tree.

 

 

Sehun’s body was slightly aching, and it took him a few seconds to figure out what had just happened.

 

 

“Luhan, are you ok?” Sehun asked, directing his gaze at the one whose name was just mentioned.

 

 

 

When no answer came, Sehun started shaking his boyfriend’s body, also noticing that that latter’s eyes were closed.

 

 

“Luhan, wake up.” Sehun whispered, his heart starting to beat faster as he saw blood colouring Luhan’s pale yet pretty face.

 

 

‘It’s ok, Sehun, calm down. He’s hurt because the car hit ours from Luhan’s side and the glass broke. He probably just panicked too much and fainted.’ Sehun mentally said, trying to reassure himself that everything was going to be fine.

 

 

 

 

His head started to pound faster, his body was aching more every second and he noticed that he couldn’t feel his left arm anymore. Despite all these, he took some napkins and gently wiped out the blood from Luhan’s face, and then caressed it for a few seconds.

 

“It’s going to be ok, Lu.” Sehun said, directing his gaze at the road. He didn’t see any trace of the other driver’s car, so he just guessed that the bastard got scared and ran away.

 

 

‘Coward’ Sehun thought, taking the mobile phone out of his pocket to call an ambulance.

 

 

When Sehun heard the ambulance approaching, a smile formed on his lips and then turned his gaze again at Luhan, whose face had been painted in red again. Sehun was glad that his body wasn’t aching that much anymore and he hoped Luhan would wake up soon as well. He wiped the blood from his boyfriend's face again, hoping that the bleeding would stop soon.

 

 

Just before the doctors opened the door to their car, though, Sehun grabbed Luhan’s hand, but noticed it was colder than it should.

 

 

‘Maybe it’s just my imagination’ Sehun thought, letting his body be carried by the doctors.

 

 

 

 

 

˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟

 

 

 

 

 

Having woken up at the hospital, Sehun looked around and wondered what time it was. He noticed that his watch was no longer on his right wrist and that he was dressed in plain white clothes, which were matching the hospital’s walls.

 

 

 

‘I always hated hospitals. They are so boring, so plain. It’s not like I wished they didn’t exist, because if this happened, a lot of people would be dying. But I just personally don’t like staying in one.’ Sehun thought, getting up from the bed he was lying on.

 

 

 

His left hand was bandaged and tied around his neck, but other than that, his body seemed to be fine.

 

 

 

As he opened the door, one of the nurses saw him and asked him to go back to his room and rest, but Sehun insisted that she shouldn’t worry about him. He then remembered to ask her about Luhan and the nurse promised to ask a doctor about him with the condition that Sehun went back to his room.

 

 

Sehun wasn’t very pleased at first, but he complied nevertheless, sitting down on the not so comfortable bed.

 

 

After a few minutes, Sehun heard the door being opened and his eye twitched when he saw a policeman staying near the doctor and the nurse.

 

 

The policeman asked him about the accident, obviously, and Sehun described as detailed as he could, although he didn’t remember that well how the car looked, let’s not mention the driver or the number plate.

 

The policeman thanked him and left the room after he wrote down all the information he had received, and Sehun immediately turned his gaze at the doctor.

 

 

“How is Luhan?” Sehun asked impatient, as this was what he wanted to know from the beginning.

 

 

“Oh, Luhan, he’s…” the doctor started saying, looking at the ground.

 

 

“Yes?” Sehun said, waiting for a concrete answer.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, Sehun, but we couldn’t do anything to save him.”

 

 

 

Sehun’s heart skipped a bit when he heard this, his eyes widening and his body involuntarily getting up from the bed.

 

 

 

“W-What… what do you mean?” Sehun asked, his breath starting to fasten.

 

 

“I’m sorry to inform you, but Luhan was already dead when we arrived at the place of the accident. We haven’t yet confirmed the cause of the death, but it is a high possibility that this happened because of the severe blow his head has received. What’s more, the multiple glass pieces from his body caused him to lose too much blood” The doctor said, taking a few steps forward.

 

 

Sehun didn’t knew if he heard right what the doctor told him. Luhan was dead? But how? He was barely injured, so how could have Luhan not survived?

 

“These are all the things that he was wearing when we found him. The objects that belonged to you as well as what else we found in the car were put in a different box, which you will receive when you leave the hospital.” The doctor added, placing a box on the table and then slowly going backwards.

 

 

“No…” Sehun whispered, looking with disbelieve at the box and then at the doctor.

 

 

“You’re lying. He’s not dead. Luhan can’t be dead. He…” Sehun added, touching the objects from the box with his shaking right hand.

 

 

“We have no reason to lie to you sir.”

 

 

 

“Don’t you ‘sir’ me! This is bull. Take me to where he is!” Sehun said, getting near the doctor angrily.

 

 

 

“We can’t do that. Only family is allowed to see him at the moment.”

 

 

 

“Only family? Are you ing kidding me? I am his boyfriend…his lover…his best friend. I have spent almost all my life with him. God damnit, we live in the same apartment. I know him better than his parents. And you tell me that I am not allowed to see him?” Sehun screamed, ready to punch the doctor in the face.

 

The nurse quickly grabbed his hand and told him to follow her, promising to lead him to where Luhan was.

 

 

Sehun was really confused. He just didn’t know what to believe anymore. What this a nightmare? Or was Luhan just making fun of him?

 

 

‘If Luhan arranged this just to make me cry, then I’ll tell him that it definitely is not funny. At all. I almost had a heart attack when I hear that he is dead. But he can’t be, right? I survived, so he should have as well.’ Sehun thought, as his feet were moving on their own along the long halls of the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

As the nurse opened the door to Luhan’s room, the first thing that Sehun saw were Luhan’s parents who were loudly crying near a bed, turning their gaze at him the moment they heard the door being opened.

 

 

The couple distanced themselves a little from the bed, making space for Sehun.

 

The latter slowly approached the bed and saw Luhan’s body lying on it, with a peaceful expression on his face, but who didn’t look like he was intending to wake up soon.

 

 

Or ever again.

 

 

 

 

“Lu?” Sehun whispered, touching Luhan’s cold face. However, Luhan didn’t even move a muscle.

 

 

 

“Lu, is this a joke? Why won’t you wake up?” Sehun asked, grabbing Luhan’s hand, immediately noticing that it was freezing, just like the rest of his body.

 

 

 

“My poor baby. Why did he have to die so young?” Sehun heard Luhan’s mother say between her sniffles.

 

“I know darling, I know. I hope they at least find the crazy driver who caused this accident.” Luhan’s father said, and Sehun slowly turned his gaze at them.

 

 

“But this still won’t bring my precious son back to life.” The poor woman managed to say, and Sehun could clearly see the suffering in her eyes.

 

Sehun slapped himself.

 

 

 Once.

 

 

 

Twice.

 

 

 

Thrice.

 

 

 

 

 

But it didn’t work.

 

 

 

He wasn’t waking up.

 

 

 

Because this wasn’t just a dream that you could wake up from.

 

 

 

It was a living nightmare. A real one.

 

 

 

So Sehun started to blame himself.

 

 

 

‘It’s my fault… Luhan died because of me… If we hadn’t gone on that stupid outing, Luhan would still be alive. It’s all my fault. I’m an idiot. I-…’ Sehun thought, dropping to his knees.

 

He put his head on Luhan’s hand for a few seconds, before looking at his astonishing face and whispering something to him.

 

“I love you, Luhan. Please, don’t leave me. I can’t live without you.” Sehun whispered, kissing Luhan’s hand.

 

 

But no matter how hard he tried, the result was still the same.

 

 

 

Luhan was still neither answering nor moving, and his parents approached Sehun, hugging the latter to show that they were supporting him, that they were feeling the same pain as him.

 

 

Sehun felt like his heart was slowly pierced by small pieces of broken glass, so small that you couldn’t get them out even of you wanted to. It was a pain that couldn’t be chased away that easily, that will probably leave deep scars inside of him.

 

 

˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟

 

 

The day of the funeral came, three days after Luhan’s death, and Sehun still couldn’t believe that this was happening. Deep inside, he was still hoping to wake up and be welcomed by Luhan’s small lips on his as well as to feel the latter’s body next to his in bed.

 

 

But he eventually had to accept the fact that this was not going to happen.

 

 

Not anymore.

 

 

Before the ceremony started, Sehun quickly went near his boyfriend, who was comfortably staying in an expensive coffin, full with white and pinkish rose petals and decorated with wonderful details, making Luhan seem more alive than dead.

 

 

Luhan’s cheeks also had a tint of pink, and the white clothes in which he was dressed made him look so pure and perfect.

 

 

“You’re so beautiful, even like this.” Sehun whispered, lightly touching Luhan’s face.

 

 

 

He then quickly placed Luhan’s ring on his finger, because it belonged to him and therefore Sehun considered that he should wear it even in his grave.

 

 

 

“This way we will always stay connected, Lu.” Sehun said, trying to show his boyfriend a smile, but failing miserably.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun didn’t even bother to listen to what the priest had to say, because it wasn’t any different from his brother or parents’ funerals.

 

 

 

Like the other two funerals he attended, people were giving him weird looks. Again.

 

 

 

But this time it wasn’t because he wasn’t crying, but more because of the fact that he was the only one who brought purple flowers.

 

 

 

Purple gladiola flowers, which were Luhan’s favourite.

 

 

 

But he was used to people staring at him, so he didn’t mind. Why should he mind anyway, when he was the only one who knew what type of flowers Luhan liked? And why would he mind when he knew Luhan wasn’t really found of white flowers, because even if they represented purity, his boyfriend found them too plain, too colourless, too lifeless.

 

 

 

Therefore, he should be the one looking strange at the others, because his flowers definitely suited the best his boyfriend’s funeral.

 

 

 

The thing that made him feel like hell, though, was that he still wasn’t crying. He wanted to at least let Luhan see his tears, because he was the one who sustained him the most when he couldn’t cry. And even if the latter gave him so much support, Sehun knew that Luhan secretly wanted to see him cry… cry with him… cry for him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun tried hard to abstain himself not to scream when Luhan’s coffin slowly went down into the grave, but he managed to keep quiet in the end.

 

 

After it was completely covered with soil, people stared approaching it and placing their white flowers on the grave, not forgetting to say something touching that they probably made up just to impress the others. As Sehun was waiting for his turn to give Luhan his flowers, he felt something wet on his cheek.

 

 

 

 

He looked at the sky and realised that it was going to rain soon.

 

 

 

Sehun didn’t mind this at all, because he already knew it was going to rain, so he took an umbrella with him before leaving. But not just a simple umbrella, one that Luhan liked the most and which undoubtedly had the same colour as the flowers Sehun was holding.

 

 

The flowers which ended up being surrounded by white ones, therefore bringing a tint of colour to Luhan’s grave.

 

 

Contrarily to the others, Sehun said just a simple ‘I love you’ when he placed the flowers on the ground.

 

 

Not because he didn’t know what to say, as the things that wanted to leave his mouth were so many that they were flooding his mind, but because he firstly wanted to be left alone, so that he would have the courage to tell Luhan everything he wanted.

 

 

One by one, people were starting to abandon the place, not wanting their clothes to be dirtied because of the rain.

 

 

When Sehun was finally left alone, but not entirely, as Luhan’s presence was still there, he took a few steps forward and lowered himself, so that he would be closer to the grave.

 

 

“Hey, Lu, how’s it going?” Sehun asked, even of he didn’t expect an answer to come.

 

“I’m sorry. I promised to myself that I would protect you, but I failed. Don’t be mad at me, please.” Sehun said, looking at the ground.

 

Putting the umbrella between his left injured hand and his body, Sehun took something out of his pocket, and then directed his gaze again at the ground which was full with flowers.

 

 

“Look, I fixed your watch, just as I promised. At least I managed to keep this one.” Sehun said, shakily holding the object between his fingers.

 

 

“I know that if you could speak to me right now, you would probably tell me that I shouldn’t have fixed it, because your time has already come to an end. You would probably tell me that your clock has already stopped moving anyway.

 

 

But then, I would definitely tell you that you’re so wrong.

 

 

Because, Luhan, even if you are not here anymore, you will not cease to exist. As long as I am alive, you will always live in my heart. You will always exist in my memories.” Sehun said, caressing the watch.

 

 

“You might wonder why I didn’t put the watch on your wrist, like I have put the ring on your finger.

 

 

Well, my love, that’s because there will come a time when the watch will once again stop ticking.

 

 

Therefore, when this will happen, I must be able to repair it. Because as long as mine is ticking, so must yours. This will prove that our love, our bond will never break while I’m still alive.” Sehun whispered, looking at the purple flower that was proudly lying in the middle of Luhan’s grave.

 

 

For a second, Sehun didn’t understand how the rain managed to find its way on his face, considering the fact that he had an umbrella.

 

 

 

But then he realised that it wasn’t the rain which was making his face wet.

 

 

 

 

It was something else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something salty, coming from his eyes.

 

 

 

 

Tears.

 

 

 

 

Sehun was crying.

 

 

 

“I’m crying, huh? I wonder… when was the last time I shed tears? Maybe when I was a baby or something close to that.” Sehun said, wiping the tears from his face, but with no success, as they didn’t seem to stop any soon.

 

 

 

 

 

It was like the tears that he had held back all these years came out of his eyes at that moment.

 

 

 

 

But if you think he was happy because of this, then you are completely wrong.

 

 

 

These tears didn’t bring him happiness at all, but more sorrow. Because Luhan’s life was used in exchange for these tears.

 

 

 

 

I’m so tired of being here…

 

Sehun would give all the tears in the world just to be able to see Luhan again.

 

His smile, his blushing cheeks whenever they touched, the big glowing eyes that were always looking at him.

 

 

He now had to accept the fact that he was never going to see these ever again.

 

Suppressed by all my childish fears…

 

And it hurt, like hell. The tears which were rolling on his face felt like countless knives that were piercing his skin.

 

 

 

And if you have to leave…

 

Sehun’s umbrella fell from his hand and ended up on the wet ground, letting his tears mix with the rain. His knees touched the ground and he covered his face with his right hand, crying his heart out.

 

 

I wish that you would just leave…

 

Sehun started to ask himself why this had to happen to them. Or why he wasn’t the one who died.

 

 

But then immediately regretted wishing this.

 

 

Because his heart was hurting so much that he thought it must be bleeding. And because of this, he wouldn’t have wanted Luhan to feel this pain instead of him.

 

 

‘Cause your presence still lingers here…

 

Even if the sound of the rain drops hitting the ground were almost deafening, Sehun couldn’t hear them.

 

 

All that he heard was his beating heart, his pounding head, his own sniffles.

 

 

But among all of these, he could clearly hear something else as well.

 

 

And it won’t leave me alone…

 

A ticking sound. He could hear how every second was passing. Like it wanted to remind him how much time had passed since Luhan died.

 

Or more like to emphasize how much time he would have to spend without him.

 

 

These wounds won’t seem to heal…

 

His whole body was aching. His heart felt like it was being crushed, stabbed and punched, all at the same time. His eyes were really red and puffy from all the crying, and Sehun felt that they could start bleeding any moment.

 

 

This pain is just too real…

 

 

He was breathing so heavily that he started wondering how his lungs resisted.

 

But he didn’t care about this. Even if the pain was hardly bearable, he wasn’t thinking about it.

 

 

All that he could think about in that moment was Luhan.

 

 

There’s just too much that time cannot erase…

 

 

He started remembering all the moments they spent together. All the good ones, as well as the not so pleasant ones.

 

But even the moments that were bad were still better than the present one.

 

 

Because even if some of them were horrible, he had spent them together with Luhan, which was all that mattered.

 

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears…

 

 

He remembered about all the times Luhan cried. Sehun was there to comfort him, but now that he was crying, no one was here to reassure him that everything was going to be fine.

 

Maybe that was because even if someone was to tell him this, it would be a big fat lie.

 

 

 

Because nothing was ok anymore.

 

 

When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears…

 

 

He thought about all the fears that he tried to make Luhan forget about.

 

 

 

And among all of them, he recalled how scared Luhan was of heights. He tried to help him get over this fear, but he didn’t quite manage to do it.

 

And I held your hand through all of these years…

 

 

However, he was still able to do something about it. He successfully convinced Luhan to stop being afraid of heights when they were together.

 

And it wasn’t even that hard. All he did was to tell Luhan to look into his eyes and to imagine that they were in their own world, which made his boyfriend ignore the fact that he was so high above the ground.

 

At that moment it didn’t matter that Luhan would still be afraid of heights when they weren’t together.

 

But you still have…

 

 

“If you are somewhere up in the skies…please don’t be afraid that you will fall…Just think about me… and everything will be fine… Just imagine that if you were to fall from the sky… as long as I live… I will always catch you… before you reach the ground. I’ll always be… here for you.” Sehun managed to say between his tears and sniffles.

 

He knew that this didn’t make much sense. But to him it did.

 

 

All of me.

 

 

Sehun confessed once again all the feelings he had for Luhan.

 

All the things that made him love his boyfriend.

 

 

And after he told Luhan all he had to say, he put his watch in his pocket. Reaching for the umbrella which was still laying on the ground, Sehun got up and looked again at Luhan’s name engraved on the little cross, not forgetting to also give some attention to the purple flowers which were proudly standing out.

 

 

“I love you, Luhan. And no matter how hard it will be for me, I will still come to visit your grave. No matter how painful, I will always keep a special place in my heart for you. Because no matter how much it will hurt, I don’t want to let you go.” Sehun said, a sad smile forming on his lips, before he slowly started leaving the cemetery.

 

 

 

 

 

“No matter how much I will suffer, I want your clock to tick together with mine forever.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟˟

 

 

 

Uhmm, hey. 

I hope you aren't mad at me that I killed poor Luhan. It's not my fault, you know ( actually it is, but anyway.)

 

 

The lyrics which are written in light gray are from the song My Immortal by Evanescence. You should definitely check it out if you haven't listened to it until now, because even of it is quite depressing, at the same time it is a spendid song.

 

Hope this didn't ruin your mood ( too much)

 

 

Also, comments/ subscribers/ upvotes are always welcomed :)

 

 

Bye-bye ^.^