ref.: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjraUUnKAb4

got to add this ref. ^^: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdn0D1lcBXc

look at Kibum "seat-dancing"

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We really need the ing thing.

I felt like I was letting them down when they had to dance without me earlier. Since I hurt my neck because of the propeller-move in “Everybody” choreography I haven’t been able to perform properly. I know it doesn’t really matter here, because the winners have already been determined, still it feels like we’re depending on our live stages.

My boys were great though. Sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to simply watch them while they are dancing and singing on stage more often. It always makes me proud although it’s their own merit and achievement.

We’ve managed to get through the major part of the MelOn Music Award show with dignity. We were already in the Top 10 Artists selection but that’s a minor award. If we don’t get “Best artist of the Year” Daesang this time ... I don’t know.

We sit together with the EXO kids. They are serious competition which makes the atmosphere tense although I’m really fond of them, well some of them anyway. When we watched the “EXO meets Twilight” fun clip earlier Kibum almost slipped off his seat laughing.

Yeah, EXO are likely to win, they’ve probably got the biggest overall fandom right now. It’s not that they don’t deserve it, it’s just ... they’ve only debuted last year while we’ve been waiting for this award for 5 years now.

I turn around slightly to look at Lay. He’s in his own world as usual. I really like him because there is something humble about him and I can relate to his melancholic mood. He doesn’t even look like a dancer until he’s on stage. He makes me smile.

Then there is cheerful Chanyeol with the surprisingly deep voice. Another calm character although very different from Lay. I think he’s the heart of EXO K.

Kai is talking to Taemin. I always wonder why people say they look similar. They’re completely different in my opinion but that maybe due to their character. Kai is ambitious, almost madly so. He’s an exceptionally good dancer, potentially even better than Taemin. But that’s also his weakness. Our Maknae has the power to charm the audience with more than skill but with face-splitting smiles and a strongly outlined personality. Kai seems to rely entirely on his dancing-skills. He needs to relax or he will burn out quickly.

I don’t envy Suho in his leader-position. It’s hard enough to look after four guys. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for eleven. Of course there’s Kris handling the EXO M branch, but still Suho appears to be in charge of the whole group in spite of being younger.

I feel old although that’s ridiculous. we’re all about the same age range even though I’m the oldest by one year. But being in business four years longer than them seems to make all the difference. Weirdly enough it’s not a good feeling but that maybe due to my anxiety to lose to them tonight.

It’s hard to believe that Luhan is Jjong’s age. Seriously that guy looks like a kid. When he and Sehun substituted Minho during SMTown in Tokyo I couldn’t even tell them apart and Sehun is 4 years younger. Sehun’s dancing is quite impressive actually although he’s not a perfectionist like Kai.

I don’t know Tao and Kris very well. They seem to have the most difficulties to adjust to life in Korea. They both never look comfortable when I see them during big events.

When I look around the other side there is Baekhyun. God that guy will be serious competition in the vocal area, even more so than D.O. who appears to have already reached his artistic peak. And of course there is Chen to consider who besides being an awesome singer got the looks to kill. I wonder if he feels the disadvantage of being part of EXO M although he’s Korean. Xiumin doesn’t mind that I guess. He’s a cheerful guy and comfortable to be around.

They’re all so talented and handsome ... and young.

Jonghyun nudges me.

“Whassup Hyung”, he asks, “you look like we’ve already lost.”

I seriously have to work on my facial expression.

He puts an arm around my shoulders and hums along with the ceremony-soundtrack. I bet he’s nervous too. ‘My Jjong’, I think and watching him from the side I feel the old SHINee-affection. He’s so comfortable being all blond like me, while I hate it pretty much. I wonder how many insoles he’s wearing but marching onto the main stage in front of me he looked pretty short. Maybe he’s genuine size today.

I love his self-ironic way to deal with his shortness although I know it really bothers him sometimes. He’s maturing well.

Minho sits to my right. He looks nervous, maybe he is worried too. I always think that he is in the weakest position among our members. Like so many other visuals they made him the rapper, although it’s not really his forte. He dances well but he lacks the natural sense for movement and beat that real dancers have. I see that in Taemin, Kai, and interestingly enough in Kibum.

But Minho is handsome and since he finally overcame his embarrassment he’s confident and cool in front of the camera and even if SHINee disbands one day, he’ll always have his acting and modelling. He’s pretty much the ideal male on the Korean market. In his chequered Jacket matching Taemin’s he looks smart and handsome. He notices me watching him and winks, my flaming charisma boy.

Taemin looks the least worried. But then again he’s always been an airhead. I bet he isn’t aware of the importance this award has for our career. After five decently successful years in business this could be the turning point especially if we lose to EXO. It could make us fall back into the medium class K-Pop area that nobody will remember in 10 years anymore and could also be fatal for potential individual careers.

I hear Kibum’s unmistakable laughter to my far left. He knows. But he’s the most professional of all of us when it comes to performances. If things get out of hand you can always rely on him to handle it, no matter what it is. He’s probably also the most underrated of our members in many respects, still referred to as “visual” although he’s an all-rounder.

Looking at my boys I slowly recover from my pessimism.

No matter how good Baekyun and Chen are, Jjongs voice is still growing. He can do things with it that demand years and years of practice. And apart from that he is headstrong, confident and experienced.

Minho might not be the most talented artist among us but his performance is reliable, he’s an eye-catcher and stretches the range of our fandom significantly into drama audience direction.

Ah and forget about Kai, our Taeminnie has got it all. He is skinny but tough. He hardly ever hurts himself and I don’t know anybody as fearless as him. I’m pretty sure you could throw him from a five-story building and he’d just land on all fours like a cat without any major injury. And me, his voice has developed so well that I know he doesn’t even have to rely on his dancing.

That leaves almighty Key and looking at him once again I wonder what I’m worried about at all. His voice isn’t as strong as Jjong’s, Taemin’s or mine, but it is so distinguishable that it gives our songs the spice that makes them stand out. His dancing is sharp and nobody can hold a candle to his stage presence. He never ceases to surprise me with his inexhaustible potential.

We have grown so much. Those five years are showing in our performance and our personalities. And we are still a strong unit. SHINee fighting, for real.

When they announce the winner of the 2013 MelOn Music Award for “Best Artist of the Year” I still hold my breath. And then the ultimate relief: We win, we win the ing Daesang after five years of struggling and in spite of the growing competition.

I’m dumbfounded while everybody around us cheers. Most of the EXO kids seem sincerely happy for us. Well they got all the time in the world to win this award, they’re still rookies. We’re hugged and pushed around while congratulations rain down on us.

Jonghyun grabs us to go and receive the award on stage. While we skip down the cat walk I realize what I didn’t notice before. Our designers obviously go with the fandom shippings. It’s not just Minho and Taemin in matching colours they also put Jjong and Kibum in similar outfits. And although we’re all chequered I’m the only one in blue. Looking at Key I’m surprised that his pants reach all the way down to his ankles instead of ending above his bony knees. But at least they made his jacket-front asymmetrical to keep his fashionista-image intact.

They give Jjong the award and we line up for our acceptance speech. My mind goes blank. But I’m with my boys and as usual Kibum saves the day by suggesting we’d say our SHINee greeting first.

I regain control over my brain and manage to put a few sentences together.

Kibum tries to pass his mic to Taemin, but even our Baby has trouble to say anything and returns the microphone to him. So Key continues my speech, extending our thanks, explaining the importance of the award while looking more dashing than anybody all teary eyed and still cool with his split eye-brow. When he thanks us, s, Jjong loses it and has to turn around crying, held by Minho who looks a head taller than him.

I bow deeply to express our gratitude to everybody who supported us and of course to cover the tears.

Then Jonghyun sobs so violently that fan-chants change to “don’t cry”, which doesn’t really help but deeply moves me. So Minho takes over, saying our thanks once more while we all try to comfort each other as if something really bad has happened.

Taemin composes himself enough to say a few words too and I can’t help but wonder if he was actually as aware of the serious situation as we were. Finally Jjong manages to make his speech and rounds it of with saying “SHINee world, I love you”, making the fans scream even louder.

We huddle together holding each other still on stage and all I can think of is how much I love these guys and that I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else right now.

I know there is no need to fear competition as long as I have my boys with me. SHINee fighting!