This is wrong. Changmin knows that something is wrong but he ignores it. There is something wrong about his relationship and he chooses to not to pay attention to it. He realizes it will be a big problem soon but before it comes, Changmin lets it slip away.
He can feel that he’s changed, so is Yunho. They’re both changed. There is invisible wall between them to stop them to cross further. He doesn’t even know when this wall was created. They become colder to each other. They still talk to each other, kiss and even make love. But those seem so dull. There is no firework anymore. It’s just flat.

Does he love Yunho? Yes, he does. He loves him with all his heart. Does Yunho love him back? Yes, Yunho does. He doesn’t need to be reminded about how big Yunho’s love to him. He’s Yunho’s everything. Then, what is it all about? Changmin still doesn’t have the answer.

There is noisy sound from the living room and Changmin knows who it is without even looking from the book he holds hours ago without reading it. He hears the steps to his direction which is in his study room. Yunho comes closer after tossing his coat carelessly. He walks to where Changmin is sitting and stops right in front of him. Changmin looks up and smiles to his boyfriend. Yunho smiles back then leans down to kiss his forehead. Changmin closes his eyes to feel the kiss. Still closing his eyes, Changmin can feel Yunho’s hand stokes his cheek. Changmin takes his hand and plant a kiss on the knuckles.

“Have you had your dinner?” Yunho asks him. Changmin shakes his head, “I’m waiting for you”. Yunho kisses his forehead again and drags him from his seat to head to the dining room. Changmin lets himself be dragged. He hasn’t had his dinner yet. He is waiting for Yunho to come back to their house and have dinner together.

Changmin has prepared Yunho’s favorite dishes . Yunho raises his eyebrows , throws questioning look. Changmin laughs and says that there is nothing to celebrate. He just wants to prepare it for Yunho. Without asking, they both sit and enjoy the dinner. In silence.

Yunho feels the silence starting to annoy him. He is the chatter box in their relationship while Changmin is the quite one. He looks at Changmin, wants to ask what happens but Changmin is eating without looking at him. Yunho decides to slips it out. Like he used to.

The room is dark. There is a dim light from the bathroom. It’s silent and the only sound is the breathing from a body that is lying beside him. Yunho is staring at the ceiling. It’s past midnight already but he can’t close his eyes. His thought is wandering somewhere else.

He keeps replying some scenes in his head. Starting when they met 6 years ago, the awkward introduction, and the first date. Yunho is smiling when he remembers those good times. Then he remembers the struggle they had when they finally came out about their relationship to their family. Both as the only son of the family were expected to get married to woman and continue their family name. Their parents were shocked but gave their support. That is the thing that Yunho feels he is really blessed.

Then, it happened. It’s started 6 months ago. They have grown distant to each other. He didn’t even know why, but he never had a heart to ask. Yunho was really busy at his work because of the merger and Changmin couldn’t be bothered because he was conducting a research about human trafficking for his book. They didn’t see each other often but Yunho had planned for a vacation to Thailand next month.

Yunho sighs and looks on Changmin’s back. He scoots closer to his boyfriend and wraps his arm around Changmin’s tiny waist. Changmin moves a little when he feels pressure on his back.

“Hyung..?” Changmin tries to turn around but Yunho tightens his arm. “Go back to sleep” Yunho whispers on Changmin’s ear.

“Is there something wrong?” Changmin asks slowly. “Nothing, just go back to sleep” Yunhoo kisses his nape. Changmin just shrugs then drifts off to sleep. Yunho relaxes himself and closes his eyes. What is happened to us Changmin-ah?

It’s normal weekday. Changmin is sitting on the couch in their living room. His eyes are staring blankly at the LED TV in front of him. There is a variety show playing but Changmin is not paying attention. It’s still 4 PM in the afternoon. Yunho is working and leaving Changmin alone at their house. As a writer, Changmin doesn’t need to go to the office everyday. He just goes there if he has to hands his draft to his editor.

Today, Changmin is supposed to finish his book. The deadline is only 3 weeks ahead but Changmin can’t think anything. His editor called him two hours ago, asking the progress. Changmin just said that he was not feeling well. He didn’t lie that he was unwell. His body is in perfect health but his heart aches.

Yunho arrives one hour later. After exchanging greeting and kiss, they have dinner together in silence again. Now, both of them are sitting on the couch. Usually they will snuggle while watching TV. It won’t last long because they will be busy making out on the couch. Now, it’s the opposite. They are sitting at the farthest side of the couch. Their eyes are on TV but it can’t be said that they are watching the TV. Their minds are wandering around.

Yunho is fidgeting on his seat. He’s contemplating to start the conversation. Never in 6 years of their relationship have they acted cold to each other. But here they are. Giving cold shoulders to their beloved one. Yunho turns his head to his left side, where Changmin is sitting. He can see that Changmin is boring his eyes to the screen. Yunho leaves a sigh then turns his head back to the screen.

Changmin knows when Yunho stares at him. He can feel that Yunho is not happy with what they have now. Changmin really wants to jump on Yunho’s lap, but he urges himself to stay cold. He needs to put his composure because he doesn’t want Yunho thinks that he becomes an insolent brat. Not until he finds a way to cure his aching heart.

Finally, Changmin opens his mouth and says “Hyung, let’s take a break.”

Yunho doesn’t say anything, but Changmin can see his body is tense. Changmin looks at Yunho’s face. His lips form a thin line, the sign that he is really upset.

“I think we are on the stage of getting tired about our relationship. Six years are not a short time for us to know each other. I know you very well Hyung, and vice versa. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, the fact is I still do. But I think we love each other little less each day.” Changmin says what his heart wants to say. He puts away all his logic because his logic won’t let him say what he just said. His logic doesn’t understand, but his heart does.

Yunho keeps silent. He’s trying to register those words to his brain. After a while, he holds up his head and looks at Changmin. He can see the uncertainty in those beautiful eyes. He wants to say something but his throat is choked. He just sits still because he doesn’t know what to do. He is lost. He wants to comfort Changmin, but he can’t move an inch from his seat.

Changmin is a bit disappointed because Yunho is doing nothing. But this is what he asked for. He can’t blame Yunho being colder after what he has said. He wants Yunho to hug him and say that he was being silly and everything would be alright. Apparently not. He can’t undo those words and pretend it’s just late April’s Fool. How he wishes it was.

“I’m gonna stay at my parents’ house tonight until we sort the things out.” By then, Changmin gets up from his seat and walks towards their bedroom. He puts most of his clothes carelessly into his backpack. When he walks out from his room, he sees Yunho is still sitting at the same spot. He sighs and walks to the front door. He doesn’t look back when he says, “I’ll go Hyung, take care of yourself.” Then he walks out from their house. Leaving Yunho behind.

Earlier, Yunho couldn’t say anything to Changmin but now he can’t think. His head is empty. The thing he had feared before just happened. He feels like he’s just hit by a truck and his heart is in pain. He just sits there for hours. A smart Jung Yunho now becomes a fool.

Changmin wishes that Yunho would chase after him after he left, but he didn’t. The sting of disappointment and anger burning to his heart. He can’t blame Yunho for not chasing him. He is the one who asked to call off their relationship. Yunho is not the bad person here, but he is. His house is dark already. His parents and sisters are asleep at their room. Changmin heads to his bedroom by trying not to make any sound. He collapses into his bed. His eyes are watering. He wants to cry out loud but all he can do is just sobbing to his pillow. He cries until he falls asleep.

Three weeks pass by. Neither of them contacts each other. Changmin is busying himself working on his new book. During the day he doesn’t think about Yunho, but when the night comes he feel the loneliness. He is angry at Yunho because Yunho never calls or sends him text. He is angrier to himself because he is not trying to call Yunho. Does he give up their relationship? Changmin doesn’t know either. His family gets used to his presence at his home. On the first day when his mother found out that Changmin was there, she lectured him nonstop. How he gave up easily and didn’t give Yunho chance. He did give Yunho chance, but Yunho never noticed it until the night he left their house.

Parting with Yunho also gives Changmin more time to finish his book. He focuses to work on it and it’s finally done. He will send it to his editor tomorrow. Changmin is lying on his bed. He is really tired and his eyes are getting puffy because he is staring at his laptop all day to type. Only five minutes later he’s already in his dreamland.

Changmin feels the bed dipping and a pair of arms circling his waist. Changmin is suddenly awake from his sleep. He realizes the pair of arms belong to Yunho who is now snuggling closer to his back.

“Yunho….” Changmin calls Yunho with his sleepy voice. He doesn’t get any answer, but the arms circling his waist are tighten.

“Yunho, when did you arrive?” Changmin turns to Yunho’s side. Now, he can see Yunho’s face. The moonlight is illuminating Yunho’s handsome feature. Changmin can see there are eyebags under Yunho’s eyes and he is a bit thinner. He touches Yunho’s cheeks. He misses his boyfriend. He really misses him.

“I’ve just arrived. I know it’s late and impolite but I can’t help to see you. I miss you Changmin-ah. I was such a mess when you’re not around. I know it’s also my fault for making you feel insecure and uncertain about us, but please believe me that I love you. I still love you like six years ago and will love you until death do us apart. Please come back to me.” Yunho smiles after he said those words. He has to make sure that Changmin understands his words. He doesn’t want Changmin has strange thought or a little uncertainty. He promises to himself that he will treat Changmin better than before.

Changmin can feel his heart warming by Yunho’s words. All his doubts about their relationship have vanished. He realizes that he loves Yunho too much. Their cold war is over. It’s time for them to face a new start. Changmin chuckles when he recalls Yunho’s words on his head. He looks at Yunho’s eyes and he finds hope for them. He snuggles closer to Yunho’s embrace then says “You’re such a sap Hyung. I don’t know how I manage to be with you.” Yunho laughs and snuggles back to Changmin.

“But you love me don’t you?” Yunho teases.

“Unfortunately yes” Changmin yawns and closes his eyes while being embraced by Yunho.

“I love you too Changmin-ah”

Sorry for the incorrect grammar

-ms_roussane-