Out of Reach

 

 

 

 

 

The day started really sunny. That is why Suga really wondered what happened
when the clouds started to take a turn of color. From clear to gray.
His heart keeps on pounding hard into his chest but he can’t seem to know why.
He dismissed the thought and focused back to the lesson being taught by their
teacher. His attention was 100% onto the lesson until his gaze landed on an empty
seat in front of the class.

It was the seat of their resident English #1, Lee Eunjae.
He then realized, ‘Ah. So it was why I feel incomplete.’
Suga liked Eunjae ever since the first of class way back the 1^st year of their high school
years, but he always knew that Eunjae wouldn’t like someone like him.
Yes he did thought about a possibility but he knew being the last in his class wasn’t
helping him win the smart girl’s heart.
And so he decided to study hard this year so by the end of the year, he could proudly
confess his heart to her.

After the class, he ran over to Eunjae’s friends and showed a bright smile before asking.
“Uhm, hey. Do you guys know why Eunjae is absent?”
The girls blinked and looked among themselves and looked back at him.
“Actually, we’ll be going over to her place to check on her.” They said.
He really wanted to go with them but decided against it after thinking it over.
“Uhm, let me know if she’s alright. Uh.. I really need her help on something.” He smiled before
running off. “Thanks!” He yelled as he ran away, blushing like hell.

 

 

He walked slower than usual on his way home.
It seems like his feet wanted to stay out for some moment too.
He sighed and thought, ‘What the is wrong with me?’
As he looked around the almost deserted road, a figure who was sitting at one
of the swings in the playground caught his eyes.

Maybe it’s because he had stared at her for a lot of times that with one look, he knew who it was.
Lee Eunjae.

 

 

His heart’s pounding became faster and harder on his chest.
A smile crept out on his face without him knowing,
and his feet moving towards the playground without him willing them to.

 

As he was close enough, she looked up and saw Suga.
Suga was flustered at first but waved and smiled. “Hi.”

 

Eunjae seems flustered too in Suga’s opinion for she looked back down and
just mumbled a small hi back. He was, of course, nervous but he was Min Suga,
 one of the best looking guys in school, so he handled his expressions well.

He sat down on the near swing beside her and proceeded to ask.
“Why were you absent today? It’s so not you, English Shindong.” He even joked.
He heard her chuckle and his heart skipped a beat.

“I just wanted to feel a bit rebellious.” She paused. “even just for a day.”
He blinked and repeated the word. “Rebellious?”
“Eo.” She answered as she glanced at him. “Do you want to help me feel rebellious
today, Suga?” She smiled.

He didn’t know what happened to him that the moment she smiled,
he just said yes without any thought.
“Thank you.” He heard her tell him.
And then she stood up and smiled. “Let’s go, captain?” She joked.
But still, he was immobile. Too captivated by the beautiful smile Eunjae has on.

Then, that moment, she held his hand and helped him stand up.
His eyes fell to their intertwined hands. And then, right there, he decided to take
his chance. He grinned and squeezed Eunjae’s hand. “Okay. Mission Rebellious starts now!”

 

 

The two took off running and laughing.
He wasn’t going anywhere in particular; he’s running towards the direction
his feet bring him.

Soon, he found himself in front of the café around his village.
He ushered her in and told her that the plan is to order some drinks
and run away when it’s to be served.

They executed the plan perfectly; although Suga made sure he left the money
to pay what they ordered before taking Eunjae’s hand and went on running away
from the said café. He was known to be very playful and in fact, his mind is
already planning the things they should do next.

Very busy about thinking where they should go next, he didn’t see the tears of
the girl behind him. She was quietly crying behind him and he didn’t notice.
 

“Now, we’re going to play basketball. Is that alright?” He asked her without looking back
at the petite girl.

Eunjae smiled and nodded, though her tear-stained face couldn’t hide the pain she was in.
She was sure that the boy she was with was happy.
Very happy. This is the happiest she saw him ever in 3 years of being in the same class.

He taught her how to shoot and Eunjae learned faster than anyone.
Suga was practically in heaven holding her, laughing with her and having fun with
the girl he had always liked. Maybe, loved.

 

 

Her smiles seem to brighten up his mood every time it shows, and it also energizes his
tired body that is practically exhausted in the whole-day school activities. He wasn’t getting tired.

There was one thing in Suga’s mind that makes him so determined to make this
day very memorable for the two of them. Although it seems very weird for him,
he couldn’t erase the very thought…..


 

 

 

‘This could be the last.’

 

 

After almost an hour or two, the two finally sat down the bench and panted heavily.
It was already dark, and Suga’s phone has been ringing for quite some time now.
Eunjae looked at Suga and smiled, “Come on, answer your phone. Your parents might be very
worried.” She said to him.

Suga nodded and smiled before he answered his mobile phone.
He explained that he was out playing basketball with a friend and said he’ll be home soon.
After the call, Eunjae stood up and spread her arms out.

Suga heard her sigh and inhale the fresh, cold breeze of the wind.
He stood up and did the same. Eunjae turned at him and smiled, “Thank you.”
He turned to her and a blush crept out to his face and he bowed sheepishly.
“It’s nothing, really. I enjoyed today, Eunjae.”

 

“Not as much as I did, Suga. This is the first time I feel so alive.” She said looking up the dark sky.
“Being locked up inside the house, having the regular course of school to home and home to school
for 17 years of my existence; this is the first time I felt like a real person.” She explained.

Suga looked at her with soft, regarding eyes.
And then realized that in every physical education class they had for 3 years,
he never saw the girl play any sport.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of coughing.
He noticed that Eunjae is coughing really hard and he patted her back lightly.
After a few moments, Eunjae looked up to him and smiled.
“Let’s go home.” She said and slipped her blood-stained hand into the pockets of her
pants.

 

 

As they reach Eunjae’s house, Suga felt like his heart was being crushed;
like he doesn’t want to leave this girl alone for tonight.
‘Are you stupid?’ He mentally thought.

“I’m really thankful for today, Suga. You don’t know how much I appreciate the
time you’ve given me today.  I never felt so right in my life.” She said, keeping his head down.
Suga blushed at the words the girl he liked for years uttered.
“Me too, Eunjae. You don’t know how meaningful today for me is.” He replied lamely.
He mentally yelled at himself about not being cool enough to say some cool lines.

His heart almost jumped out of his mouth when he felt her lips against his cheek.
Those lips he stared at when they’re at the cafeteria. Those full red-lips that he
dreamt of kissing at some point of his nights; they’re now against his cheek.

As soon as it started, she pulled away and looked into his eyes then smiled.
“I just want you to know that you’re a very special person for me, Suga.
Thank you.” She paused. “For everything.”

He was still speechless and frozen.
He didn’t know how to react and the first thing his stupid body did
was to deliver a blush to his cheeks.

“Uhm, well. I gotta go.” He heard Eunjae say before waving a bye and walking towards
her house’s door. But before she could reach the doorstep, finally, Suga’s body
obeyed their owner’s order and moved.

He grabbed Eunjae by the wrist and turned her to face him.
He had his hand at the side of the wide-eyed Eunjae and leaned over.
He held his head there asking for permission and he was granted when she closed
her eyes and leaned over towards him.

 

Their lips met and it felt like fireworks were going off around them.
It felt like time stopped to make way for the special moment of the two.
At that moment, it felt like everything was right. Like there’s no threat about
the world that could break the connection the two of them had.

But all good things had to end.
Soon, the two pulled away from each other’s lips and leaned on each
other’s forehead.

Suga smiled and kissed the girl’s forehead.
As he kissed her, tears flowed down Eunjae’s face which flustered Suga.
He was about to ask what he did wrong when Eunjae’s arms wrapped themselves
around his waist. He was shocked but all he did was to hug her back
and pat her back.

“You’re making it harder for me.” She whispered.
He wanted to ask what she meant but decided to ask next time and
continued on ushering her to stop her crying.
After a few minutes, her sobs stopped and the tears temporarily went out.

She pulled away from him and sighed.
“I really gotta go.” She said heavily.
Suga held her hand and lifted her face to face him with his other hand.
“I want to continue being with you like this, okay? Don’t go ignoring me tomorrow at school.”
He asked of her.

And again, Eunjae’s eyes watered.
“Alright. I promise.” She whispered as she turned her back and pulled her hand back.
“Goodnight, Suga.” She again whispered as Suga waited for her to walk into her house.
 

 

 

 

“And goodbye.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next day at school, Suga was shocked to find that Eunjae was still absent.
The happenings last night bothered him. ‘Maybe I was too fast? Was she turned off?’ He thought
negatively.

He asked his friends about it and they told him to give her
some time to think about what happened between the two of them.
So that’s what he did.

It’s been 4 days since the night they had a rebellious getaway, and Suga
is as anxious as ever. Lying on his bed at Saturday afternoon,
he kept on thinking about her until he fell into a deep sleep.

 

 

 

“Goodbye…”

 

 

Suga sat right up from his bed.
He was sweating. His dream seriously scared the living hell out of
him and then he noticed that he was actually crying in his sleep.

Nervous as hell, he stood up from his bed.
Shaking, he took his phone and wallet before walking out his room
and yelling a ‘I’ll went out for some moment’ to his mom before running out to visit
 and to see if Eunjae is doing fine.

Eunjae’s house is a bit far off from Suga’s house in the village so it took him about 15 minutes
before he reached the house. As he got a glimpse of the used-to-be-bright house,
his heart pounded harder inside his chest as the noise of the ambulance reached his ears.

His eyes widened as he saw the ambulance in front of the house of his one and only love.
He ran towards the house and his eyes caught a familiar face riding the stretcher.
He ran towards the ambulance, not even noticing that his tears were flowing continuously.

When he reached the vehicle, he saw the barely breathing girl on the stretcher and it felt
like his heart is being crushed inside him. The sight of her pained face made him feel suffocated
and he immediately climbed into the ambulance and held Eunjae’s hand.

Eunjae’s mom and dad didn’t stop him. Which was very unusual.
But he didn’t care right now.
“Eunjae-ah, I still have a lot to say. I have a lot o-of questions. No, be s-strong, Lee Eunjae!” He spoke.
The groaning of Eunjae got louder but after a few seconds into the ride to the hospital,
her whimpers lowered down, but her breathing is getting slower and slower.

 

Finally, they have reached the hospital.
But, Suga barely removed his eyes from her to look at the window to see
if they reached but in that second, Eunjae whispered, “I’m sorry.”

And her eyes closed.

And the beep of the monitor cut through the noise.

It felt like everything slowed down.

Suga felt like his whole world crashed down.

 

 

 

The ear piercing silence was broken when he heard the nurse’s words declaring…
“Lee Eunjae. Dead on arrival. June 12, 2014, 4:38pm.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Son.” He heard Eunjae’s father call on him.
He looked up from staring at Eunjae’s remains on the jar.

“Nae?” He asked, his voice sound so empty like his life was taken away from him the moment
he lost her, in front of his very eyes.
“I want you to go to Eunjae’s room. We thought it’s your right to see her room.”

Without further replies, Suga went up to Eunjae’s room.
He was shaking as he reached for the doorknob.
But finding strength into his curiosity, he finally opened the room to be greeted
with a blue glow light.

As he took in her room, he felt like committing suicide right there and then.
The pictures hanging from her walls were photos of her and her friends.
But what brought tears to his eyes, was the photos of him that were hanging with
her smiling pictures.

 

 

He fell to his knees as sobs rocked his body.
Eunjae’s mom held him close in a hug and cried with him.

“I, I’m such a coward.” He yelled into her shoulder. “I’m in love with her for years!”
He cried. His voice cracking as he continued sobbing into Eunjae’s mom’s shoulder.
“My daughter had always had lung cancer. But she started getting worse when she
started doing photography in her 1^st year in high school.” Eunjae’s mom explained.

 

Suga’s heart broke again and again and his sobs and tears can’t seem to stop.
“I ing hate myself! I broke my own heart! I’m so stupid! So stupid! Plain stupid!”
He cried as he hugged Eunjae’s mom.

“You were her inspiration, Suga. She told me you were a very good basketball player
and a very good underground rapper. She secretly went to your performances in Hongdae.
She said she wanted to be as free as you. And she said…” She trailed off. “She said
she loves you; although she doesn’t know if loving you from a far count as real love.”

Suga’s cries got louder and everyone who was in the house went silent.
His sobs were the only sound they could hear from the house.
They described Suga’s cries as heartbreaking melancholy song for people who weren’t even
given a chance to be with each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He looked up to the sky.
It’s been 55 years since she died.
 

And he whispered as he touched the grave of the only girl he loved.
“You were out of reach for me. And so I was to you. I’m sorry I didn’t
give us a chance to give our hearts to each other.” He said as he sat in front of
her tombstone. He took the Polaroid camera his own nephew prepared for him
from his black tattered bag and took a picture of Eunjae’s tombstone.
As the photo came out, his tears once again fell.

 

 
 

He took Eunjae’s old pictures and hugged them.
“After years of waiting with a half-dead heart, I’d finally get to see you again.” He whispered
with his eyes closed as he tried to feel the warmth of the person he loved the most
from the old pictures he have.

“Finally, you” He whispered as he closed his eyes and letting out his last breath.
“You’re no longer out of reach.”

 

 

A/N: Yeah. ;; I even cried when I was writing this. This one-shot is the only story I cried on. Haha. Suga ;; e n e
I didn’t know how I came up with the ending but I just hope the Suga Stans wouldn’t kill me. Haha. Min Yoongi is my 2^nd in BTS, dearies. I love him as much as you do. Hoho. ;; Thanks for reading, darlings. <333 – Jae ;;