I added more to Yixing's point of view if you guys want to go back and read that one ^.^

Please keep some kleenex close by and snuggle up into a blanket <3

Also, there may be some trigger warnings so please READ WITH CAUTION.

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There were rumors of a new face in town belonging to a handsome young man. People wondered how long it would be before I got ahold of the innocent boy and made him bad like me, but I didn’t plan on going after you. If anything, I tried to stay away, you’re cousins asked me to.

I don’t know why they invited you to that party your first night in town, honestly. They told me to stay away, yet they brought you to me. It was quite redundant on their part, but I was thankful. I had just finished getting high with some friends out by the lake when I came home to the full in swing party.

When I walked into my house, everyone’s eyes followed me. I heard my name get passed around like a joint, but I was used to it by that point. So many rumors had been circulated around town and towns surrounding about me, I had just given up on keeping my reputation intact.

You’ll forever believe that I never noticed you that night, and I’ll let you believe that. It’ll be my little secret. Indeed, I saw you sitting in the corner, watching everyone with an observant gaze, watching their actions. I was too high to say anything, though. Too high to really remember that night other than I saw you and was immediately intrigued, but you’re cousins asked me to stay away, so I respected them and did.

I woke up the next morning with a girl in my bed. It was the norm, waking up with a stranger in my bed after a night of partying. I wasn’t nice when it came to the aftermath; I always kicked out my one night stands or left them before they woke up. They were meaningless distractions in my life.

When I needed time to thinks over, I always went down by the lake. It was tranquil there. It was a place I could relax and collect my thoughts and just breathe. It may have been a small town, but I felt suffocated no matter how far away people were.

I heard the pitter patter of your feet against the soft ground. When I looked over, I saw you sprinting in the opposite direction. You had a graceful form, much like a cheetah. You also had a nice , but that was beside the point. I knew you were running from me, my reputation was no secret in that small town, but it stung a little to know that you were running from me when you didn’t know me.

I went back home and was thankful my one night stand had disappeared. I spent the rest of the day thinking about you and how I could maybe talk to you, but you’re cousins’ request always sat in the back of my mind.

The next day I went to the dance studio. I went there almost every day to practice, especially since no one else in town went there. My parents had that specifically built for me because I loved dancing and they’d pay anything for me to have another hobby besides partying.

I took a bathroom break and left the studio for a few minutes. When I came back, I saw you dancing. You took my breath away with every flawless move, with every smooth body roll. You were hypnotizing to watch, constantly in sync with the music. I watched you until there was a break in the songs, then I walked towards you.

I could see it in your eyes. Anticipation mixed with fear, but it only lasted for a second, then you put your guard up and hid all emotions from me. I smirked at you, something about my teasing made you squirm; it was adorable.

“You dance,” I stated plainly to break the ice. No one else in town danced except for me, everyone else was obsessed with basketball. I could tell my voice wasn’t what you expected; I could sense it in the way your body slightly tensed.

I walked closer to your frozen body, staring at you in the mirror the whole time. I could see your eyes quickly flicker down my body, studying the tattoos I had showing, then back up to my face. I wish I could’ve read your mind in that moment, because your facial expressions gave away no indication as to what you were thinking as you looked me over.

“Where’d you learn to move?” I asked as I moved to stand in front of you, staring deep into your eyes, hoping to see something besides your façade.

“I taught myself. I couldn’t afford a teacher,” you answered as you finally met my gaze. Your eyes were so beautiful, so intriguing. I could see you had secrets hidden within and I couldn’t help but smirk as I thought about what they might be. The tension in the air grew heavy as you slightly fidgeted under my gaze.

Then you left. You grabbed you stuff and left as quickly as possible. I watched you walk out, partly watching your because it was beautiful, and I felt lonely suddenly. I never felt lonely when people left or when I left people, but I did with you. Without you I felt like I was nothing.

But from that day I knew I would do whatever I had to to make you mine. I wanted your everything. I just wanted you. I needed only you. Messing around with others was far from my mind, you were the only thing that consumed my thoughts. Constant images of you dancing gracefully replayed in my head all throughout the day. You were imprinted into me and there was no going back, not like I wanted to anyway.

I remember our first encounter. I constantly wish I could go all the way back to this time, before everything happened.

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The following days I thought of nothing except you. My thoughts swam with ‘what ifs.’ I got high just to calm down my racing thoughts and sleep.

“What’s up with you?” my friend asked as he gulped down a shot.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” I asked before I took my shot, feeling the familiar burn go down my throat.

“What the hell are you talking about? You’re Kim ing Jongin, you don’t fall in love, you make others fall in love,” Sehun boasted as he poured himself and Jongdae another shot of tequila.

“I don’t know, man. I think I’ve finally found the one,” I retorted in a daze. The alcohol was already getting to my mind and numbing my body.

“Yo, I don’t think he’s joking. Look at him, Sehun-ah. He’s got lovesick written all over his face,” Jongdae teased. They were the only two I could actually stand to be around often. They may have teased me, but I know they meant well.

“Well, bro, if you are in love, I say you go get ‘em,” Sehun egged on, pumping his first in the air before taking another shot.

I smirked then took a drag from my cigarette. Those two wouldn’t ever understand what I was talking about. They only had , drugs, and alcohol consuming their minds. Love was the farthest thing on their mind, but still, they were supportive.

Jongdae and I went to the weekly bonfire that Friday night. I was surprised to see you there, but not surprised to see that you were alone gazing out into the lake. I decided to take advantage of the chance to talk to you… alone.

“Such a loner you are,” I teased as I walked up beside you. I could tell form the way your body tensed at my words that you were less than amused to have me pestering you, but I didn’t care. I liked spending time with you even if you were annoyed with my presence.

“I don’t like crowds,” you responded, keeping you focus on the tranquil water.

“Then why are you here?” I pushed. I wanted to see if maybe you were there to see me, but that was just wishful thinking on my part. I knew you didn’t like me, but that didn’t mean I was going to stop trying to get you to at least tolerate me.

You looked over at me as I took a swig of beer. I could feel you itch under my stare. Your expression was stoic and your eyes were trained.

“I’ll leave,” you said. That wasn’t the reaction I wanted. I grabbed your wrist before you got too far and spun you around to look at me. Shock filled your eyes and I felt you stiffen from my sudden contact.

“I wasn’t suggesting for you to leave. You left me once, I’m not letting you leave again,” I persisted. I smirked at the way you widened your eyes then took a swig of beer. The fun was just beginning.

“What makes you think I want to stay?” you practically growled back. It was quite cute to see you get angry like that. It made my heart flutter to know that you were finally showing some feelings towards me, even if they were negative. You took a step back from me, putting space between us.

“You’re not from here,” I stated obviously. I just wanted to keep the conversation flowing to keep you from leaving, but you weren’t willing to follow along.

“Well no ,” you snapped. It was enticing to hear you cuss. An innocent lamb like you spoke such a dirty word, it made my heart flutter even more. “I’m leaving.” That made the flutters stop.

“My name is Jongin,” I shouted in an attempt to keep you with me. “People call me Kai, though.” You paused for a second, giving me a sliver of hope, but then you walked off. It seemed like no matter what I said, you wanted to get away from me. I guess I really was a demon and you were the angel.

Was that how it was supposed to go in love stories? Wasn’t it the lion that fell in love with the lamb first? I thought about these things that night as I looked out at the lake.

When I finished my beer, I went back up to get another. Of course, I was everyone’s desire and most people pushed themselves on me. Easy wasn’t what I liked, but I used to take it because I was bored. The ones that were hard to get were just a goal for me, a goal to see if I could be the one to them up. I always achieved this goal, but no longer did it entertain me.

“Hey, Kai,” a seductive voice cooed. It wasn’t the angel voice I wanted to hear, so I wasn’t interested.

“What?” I spat out as I grabbed another beer bottle from the packed cooler.

“My parents won’t be home tonight, if you wanna come over,” the girl purred as she moved closer to me, rubbing my shoulder in an attempt to win me over. Usually I wouldn’t have denied her, but I didn’t want her anymore.

“No thanks, Hyeri. I’m not interested,” I answered then weaseled my way out of her grasp before she could question me.

That was the first time I turned someone down. The first of many to come, unless it was you. I may not have been clean, but I sure was gonna wait for you from that moment on.

My angel, I remember this moment too. Sometimes it slips, but I remember it strongly when I think about how much you didn’t like me back then. It makes me laugh sometimes to think about this moment, but it’s still one I keep close to my heart. Our second encounter.

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The next morning I went down by the lake. I had a feeling I’d see you, but I knew you would keep your distance. Which proved to be correct when I saw you running away from me.

That’s how it always was, right? You were the one running from me and I was the one chasing you much like a beast that chases its prey. Except you weren’t some meal for me to chew up then spit out and leave behind. You were a treasure; a firefly that a child wants to capture and keep forever.

You had beaten me to the dance gym. I sneaked in stealthily and watched you dance. You never failed to mesmerize me with your moves, the way your body flowed fluidly with each beat. Only when you took a break did you notice me standing in the doorway.

“I dance too,” I said as I walked over to you. I don’t know why I spoke such random things, but I spoke just to break the silence.

You nodded then closed your eyes as you drank your water. I moved closer to you. Everything about you was beautiful, even the way you closed your eyes gently and tilted your head back.

I never paid attention to such things with a person before, but with you it was different. I studied you as if you were a painting, noted I had to memorize before an exam. I wanted every little detail of you burned into my memory.

When you finally opened your eyes, you looked shocked by our close proximity. You quickly put some space between us, a habit of yours I picked up on already.

I looked over your face, making a mental image so I could always refer back to you in my dreams. Or when I got high. You blushed. It was delightful to see the pink dust your soft cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to brush my fingers across your cheeks and place a soft kiss on each one, but I had to restrain myself. I didn’t want to scare you off.

It was especially lovely when you looked down at your feet and bit your bottom lip slightly. I could tell I was making you slightly uncomfortable, but it was still adorable to see you like that.

“You never told me your name,” I said softly as if my voice would break the air.

You looked at me in confusion, as if you had forgotten you even had a name. I guess people asking you that question wasn’t something that happened often. You were probably popular where you came from and everyone knew your name already.

Honestly, you may have looked innocent, but you could’ve been the biggest hustler for all I knew. It made me slightly jealous at the thought of other people touching you, other people holding you affectionately. You weren’t theirs, but you weren’t mine either. Yet.

“I’m Yixing,” you replied softly. Yixing. What a beautiful name for an angel.

I smiled my natural smile. It was very rare that something caused me to smile instead of smirk, but with you it came so effortlessly. I could tell you liked my smile because you relaxed more. My heart fluttered gently in my chest as I repeated your name over and over in my head.

“Yixing,” I spoke. Maybe, just maybe you were finally letting your guard down. “Do you want to practice together?” I didn’t expect a yes, yet it would’ve been nice to hear.

“No,” you answered flatly. Just my luck. You quickly gathered your things and left me behind. Again, the lonely feeling filled my veins and made me miss you.

This is a memory I don’t visit often because it didn’t turn out the way I wanted, but I still love it. It was the first time you let your guard down, even if it was for a second.

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I knew you were avoiding me. Or at least trying to. The small town was too small to try and escape seeing me. Your cousins kept you close to them, but they could see that it wasn’t possible. I saw you in the grocery store as I was walking by so I went in just to see you and pretend like I was buying rice. The playground incident was purely by chance. You weren’t amused to see me there. I went to the city to take care of some business and you happened to be there too. I kinda stalked you to find out which movie you were going to see just so I could see you. Man, I was obsessed.

Each time I saw you I winked just to mess with you. You had the aura around you that screamed ‘Don’t you dare talk to me,’ each time I saw you in the public eye. Out of respect, I kept our interactions to me flirting with you.

Honestly, I saw the way people looked at you. Girls fawned over you as you walked by, guys were slightly jealous of you because you had nice, lean muscles. People wanted you, but they knew you were too shy and your cousins were extremely protective. Seriously, your cousins threatened to kill me if I messed with you. Little did they know that you weren’t another toy to me and that their threats couldn’t keep me from you.

They finally gave up when I told them to bring you to my get together at my trailer. I purposely showed up late so you wouldn’t know that I was there until after you came. It was quite a surprise when I found you sitting at the little table sipping on a beer. That didn’t seem like you, but you looked bored. I guess that was a way to entertain yourself.

Jongdae and Sehun were sitting on the little couch inside passing a joint back and forth with two girls they planned on hooking up with. They had no idea who you were or what you meant to me.

“I’m glad you could come,” I purred as I walked in. You looked surprised to see me there which caused me to smirk. I sat across from you and stole your beer bottle, finishing it off myself in one long swig. I didn’t want you to drink and get drunk, you were too good for that. I didn’t want you to do it because you felt like you had to.

“What do you mean? My cousins invited me,” you retorted with a quirked eyebrow and a slight tilt of you head. You looked so handsome that night.

“Heh, yeah, only because I asked them to make sure that you came with,” I responded, then immediately regretted the way it sounded. Arrogant. I usually became that way when I had alcohol or weed in me.

“So, you used my family to get to me?” you spat it in disgust. I could see the anger set in in your features. That wasn’t what I wanted. I damned my tone every second, but tried to play it off to calm you down.

“Not really. I’m friends with your cousins, but I wanted to make sure you could come along as well,” I explained calmly.

You nodded then looked outside at the bright fireworks exploding in the sky. I could tell you were trying to ignore me and probably wishing I would leave you alone. But I didn’t. Then again, when did I ever let an opportunity to talk to you go by wasted?

“Why do you ignore me?” I asked after excruciatingly long moments of silence passed between us. My curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to hear your answer.

“I’m not,” you said nonchalantly, still not looking at me.

“Why are you lying to me?”

Your cute little anger self came out again, making my heart flutter. You glared at me and I couldn’t help but feel slightly accomplished in the fact that I got you to pay attention to me. God, I was such a little to you.

“Do I need a reason to not talk to you?” you sassed. Oh, kitty likes to bite. I wondered if you were the same when it came to .

“No, you don’t. But, I see the way you squirm under my gaze and you try to get away from me as quickly as possible,” I admitted. I couldn’t help but torture you a little more by looking you over slowly, letting me eyes roam all over you.

“You’re arrogant,” you stated.

“You don’t know me,” I pointed out, though I was being a little… maybe more, arrogant.

“I don’t want to know you. My cousins warned me to stay away. I don’t think my family would lead me in the wrong direction.”

I smirked and then leaned forward and rested my chin on my clasped hands. You were so much fun to mess with. I stared deep into your brown eyes and made you blush. I loved the way you looked so enchanting with a flush of pink across your cheeks, always so inviting to caress.

“Do you always do what other people order you to do?” I pressed on. I was partly meaning it in a naughty way, but I was genuinely curious. Did other people from your home boss you around? Did you do whatever an elder told you to? Or were you just taking advice with caution?

“I don’t have time for this,” you said then shot up from your seat and began to storm off into the darkness. I didn’t want you to leave being angry at me, so I followed you to ease the tension for next time. You were quite the runner and quite difficult to catch up with.

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” I panted out. It was the honest truth, I wasn’t trying to offend you or hit a nerve. I placed my hand on your shoulder to keep you from moving. I felt your whole body tense under my touch. Your skin felt nice and warm, I remember wanting to run my hand down your bare arm, but again I had to resist the urge.

“What is your obsession with me?!” you barked as you shot icicles into my heart. That had to have been one of the coldest glares I ever received from you. I knew I had crossed a line and was over stepping your boundaries.

But it was exciting. A new adventure to embark on and I was so willing to get lost on the journey if it meant having you.

I chuckled then smiled and I felt you relax into my hand.

“Did you ever think that maybe I’m intrigued with getting to know you?”

You stared at me with a blank face, but I could see it in your eyes that you were caught off guard. I guess you just thought I liked messing with you.

“Don’t be. I don’t go for people like you,” you snarled then turned around to leave me once more. I felt like you just stabbed my heart. Like you just punched my gut and left me there to fend for myself. You hurt me. I never thought you could, but you did.

Though, I suppose I deserved it for being such an to you and constantly pestering you. It was just karma’s way of biting me back in the .

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded as I followed you closely.

“Do you really not understand that we come from two different sides of the track?” you questioned.

“So?” I really didn’t see how that mattered. People change and no matter where the hell they come from, they can love each other besides their differences in upraising. Couldn’t they?

You stopped and turned to look at me. You guard fell completely in that moment. I could see the way you looked me over in awe. Your eyes lingered on my lips, like they were wondering how they might feel against your own. Against your skin. You were tempting me without even trying.

“You don’t have to deny being slightly intrigued with me either,” I whispered, trying not to let this moment slip. “I won’t tell anyone,” I said as I stepped closer to you, hoping you might just let me kiss you. Hoping you might want it as badly as I did.

“Don’t,” you warned, shaking your head when I leaned forward. You took a step back then ran away from me. I silently cursed myself for moving so fast and scaring you off.

I walked back to my trailer to find Jongdae gone with the girl he was with and Sehun making out with his toy on the couch as if to taunt me that I scared you away from me.

I went to my tiny bedroom and locked the door. The last thing I wanted was to be reminded of the fact that I was lonely. Maybe, I wasn’t meant to have you. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be loved. I was ed up, after all. Constantly messing with people’s emotions and throwing them away when I was done playing.

Maybe it was because of what happened back when I was younger that I refused to tell anyone about. Maybe it was because I let it happen that I’m being punished. Some nights I couldn’t stop the memories of that time from pouring into my mind and causing me to hate myself, causing me to feel dirty.

The ripping pain I felt, the smell of cologne and sweat, the disgusting sound of skin slapping against skin, the haunting moans that poured into my ears. The many tears I shed…

Fed up with myself, I grabbed my lighter and a rolled up a joint. I didn’t want to remember. I didn’t want to feel. I just wanted numbness. When the high finally hit, it was your face I saw behind my closed eyelids. It was your name I mumbled before falling asleep. It was you.

I remember that night. I remember you running away from me. I remember swearing to myself that I would change my approach towards you. All I wanted was you.

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I knew you had been hiding from me, purposefully staying inside unless it was absolutely necessary to leave. I was supposed to spend two nights in town with Jongdae and Sehun to work out some business involving our supplier, but I didn’t want to go with them. I sent them off with a wad of cash to pick me up some and decided to do my own thing.

I honestly wasn’t expecting to find you at the dance studio, but luckily I did. I saw you dancing so I watched, not knowing if I would ever get to again. On your fourth song, I immediately recognized the music. It was a dance I practiced often. It happened to be one of my favorites. I could hold back anymore, the beat took over and next thing I know, I was dancing alongside you.

We danced in synchronization, letting our bodies flow with the music. When the song ended, I looked over at you and smiled. I felt content with knowing I got one dance with you, even if you didn’t exactly verbalize your agreement.

Then you smiled and I felt all my senses go crazy. My heart thumped fast in my chest, I swear it was on the verge of exploding. Your smile was much more enchanting than I imagined. A you had a dimple. A cute little ing dimple. My weakness. Of course you had something that could make my knees go weak.

I took a couple of numb strides towards you and brought my hand up to cup your cheek. I ran my thumb over your dimple gently and felt how smooth your skin was. This was something I wanted to do for a long time and when I did, it was better than I imagined.

“You have a dimple,” I murmured mindlessly and I ran my thumb over the small indent again. Your smile faded and that familiar pink came rushing into your cheeks, this time a much more vibrant shade.

I saw the look of panic in your eyes then within seconds you were gone. You ran away from me, but this was different from the other night. This was because you were confused. I could sense it.

I hung my head and rubbed my temples. Why couldn’t you just stay and test the waters with me? I wasn’t the monster everyone depicted me to be. I was Kim Jongin, the dysfunctional boy who came from a ed up family. The boy who had cuts on his legs from mental abuse he put himself through. The boy who wanted nothing more than to have Yixing’s attention.

The music started to play again and I realized you had left your IPod. I smirked and thought about how that would give me a reason to see you again. When did my life revolve around getting you to like me?

Electricity. I could feel it when I touched your cheek. I feel it often when I dream of you. No matter what, the electricity is still alive in me.

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I was excited when I saw you at the bonfire. I wasn’t so excited when I saw the beer in your hands. I didn’t know how low your alcohol tolerance was, but I didn’t want you to get tipsy and get hurt somehow. Or worse, have someone take advantage of you.

I walked up next to you silently, taking away the bottle from your grasp and chugging it down quickly before you could complain. But you never did.

The arrogance flowed back into me, but I tried my best not to let it show. I didn’t want you to think of me as some monster anymore.

I walked to stand closer of you, stopping a few inches away to give you the space you relished in. I grabbed your wrist and placed your IPod in the palm of your hand.

“You left it when you ran away. I thought you might need it back,” I explained. I was curious to see how you would react, but at the same time, knowing you, I was worried you might just walk away with even saying ‘thank you.’

“Thanks.” Close enough for me.

I watched you place it gingerly into your pocket. Your whole entire body language screamed fear.

“You’re scared,” I stated simply.

“And what makes you think that?” you tried to cover up.

I walked around to stand in front of you and chuckled slightly. I was hesitant to touch you, but I went against my voice that said not to and reached out to caress your cheek. You surprised me by staying calm. I could see your eyes flutter as if they wanted to close, but you willed yourself to not let that happen.

“I know you’re scared,” I whispered while looking deep into your brown orbs. You looked down at your feet and blushed. I smirked once more because you never failed to look adorable while doing so.

“You’re very unpredictable. Shouldn’t I fear the unknown? I know about your past, some of it anyway. Shouldn’t I worry that you’ll corrupt me as well?”

“I don’t want to corrupt you. You’re too delicate for me to hurt,” I murmured as I cupped your face and pulled you closer. “I don’t want you the way I wanted other people.”

“Wanted?” you asked with wide eyes. I could’ve kissed you right then and there, but I didn’t want to push too far with you. I was lucky enough to have gotten this far without being slapped; I wasn’t going to risk anymore.

I smiled then nodded my response and pulled away before I would do something to rash, but I let my hand intertwine with yours as if it was a habit though the pounding of my heart was a reminder that it wasn’t.

“I don’t want anyone else,” I explained as I tugged you alongside me to walk by the lake. “The moment I first saw you, I decided that I was done messing around.”

“At the gym center.” No, but I wouldn’t and still won’t let you believe otherwise.

“Yeah. I was in there practicing moments before. I left to use the bathroom and when I came back, you were in there. You looked so… graceful. You danced like you were in a trance. Your body flowed with the music. I was mesmerized by how you moved. When you stopped and noticed me… that was when I decided that no one else was for me. I wanted to know every little thing about you. I wanted to spend every moment with you.”

You were silent for a little while, taking in everything I had just said. I had never confessed to anyone before in my life, but with you it came naturally. Then our conversation from a few nights earlier popped into my head.

“What did you mean when you said you don’t go for people like me?” I asked quietly. I was scared to hear the answer.

“That… I didn’t mean it like it sounded.”

“But you still meant it to some extent,” I pointed out.

You let out a heavy sigh, but you went on with your explanation.

“I don’t do the things you do. I don’t have any tattoos, I don’t smoke, and I drink very little. All the things I don’t do, you do. I haven’t even had my first kiss yet, but you’ve gone all the way. Multiple times, at that. It upsets me to think about all the people you’ve touched sensually… all the people that touched you with lust in their hearts,” you explained. Then you pulled your hand away from mine. I could see how conflicted you were with yourself, it was written all over your pale face. Slight twinges in my heart made me nauseous and think that this wasn’t going to end well.

“I like you,” I rushed out in a weak attempt to comfort any doubts you had.

“I’m tired,” you said quickly then walked off. I could tell you were thinking about my past. I hadn’t ever thought it would affect you, but it did.

“Don’t go,” I called out in vain. I knew you needed time to think, but I didn’t want you away from me.

I went home shortly after you left and drank a whole twelve pack to myself. I cried a little, mainly because I had alcohol in me, but also because I never realized how much me being with other people hurt you.

I guess my assumptions of you being a hustler were completely wrong. You probably were the kind to have many relationships, but never go all the way. You really were an angel.

I spent the next two days locked up in my trailer, trying to erase the damage I had done, but that was the problem. It was the past. I couldn’t be pure for you, but I sure as hell would be new for you. Only you.

I could never forget this night, no matter how much I tried. I constantly apologized for being such a , but you always said it didn’t matter. Yixing, I love you so much.

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I had a feeling you’d be in the dance studio when I finally decided to emerge back into the world. I was correct when I walked in a saw you.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. That was the only thing I could think of to say to you.

You looked confused at my apology, which is quite understandable. I just sort of walked in and apologized without explaining why.

“What are you talking about?”

“My past. I’m sorry it pains you to know about it,” I explained painfully.

The look of confusion wiped of your face and was replaced with a sheepish grin.

“I’m sorry too.”

“For what?” I was quite confused as to what you had to be sorry for. “You’re not the here.”

You shook your head stubbornly and took a few steps towards me. That took me by surprise, you closing the distance for one. It made my solemn heart wake up and flutter.

“Jongin, you’re not a ,” you argues as you placed your hands on my bare shoulders. “You made some… wild choices, yes. Don’t ever regret them. They shape you into who you are and you learn from them. I’m not hurt by the fact that you slept with so many people… I’m just…” Just what? Oh god, I wanted you to finish the sentence.

“What?” I asked as I tilted my head, curiosity eating at my thoughts.

“If we ever… you know…” Oh. I was taken aback completely. You thought about us? I thought I was the only one who did. Then again, I’m the ert so of course I did, but you? My innocent little lamb? Oh god, my stomach did flips at the thought.

“You… you think about it? About… us?”

You blushed a violent shade of red and dropped your gaze to the tattoo on my chest, too embarrassed to look me in the eye. It was endearing and the cutest thing I had ever seen.

“Hey, look at me,” I called as I placed one hand on your slender waist and the other under your chin to bring your focus to me. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. I think about it too every now and then… sometimes… often…” Hell, I thought about it at least once a day.

You giggled nervously then smiled that sincere smile again. Your dimple was showing and in a moment of weakness I couldn’t help but lean in and brush my lips over your perfect indent on your soft cheek. Your skin felt warm beneath my lips, I wanted to linger, but I was scared of ruining things. It seemed like I was good at doing that with you.

“Go out with me,” I whispered. I hadn’t planned on asking you out then, it just felt right to do it so I did. I leaned my forehead against yours, trying to close the space, but you put your hands on my chest to stop me. I understood that you were nervous and didn’t want to let what little of guard was left down.

“Okay,” you responded, making me smile because I was the happiest man in the world. The luckiest to. I got a date with the most perfect person in the world. Granted, I knew you had flaws, like how cold you could be and how you judged someone based off of stories you heard instead of talking to them first, but that was a part of your personality I loved still. “When?”

“Tomorrow night,” I rushed out. I couldn’t wait.

“Where?”

“The cliff side of the lake. There’s an open spot where you can look over the water. Almost nobody goes up there at night because they’re too busy partying. Meet me there at 9, when the sun goes down.”

You nodded then closed your eyes for a brief second. I could see your walls slowly breaking down and it made me happy to know that I was the one you were letting in.

“I’ll be there.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

This is the memory I refuse to let out. I locked it away and for a good reason. This was when you started to trust me, when you were finally letting me in. I don’t want anyone tampering with something so special to me… to us… what use to be…

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I had no idea what I was going to do, but a picnic sounded romantic… at least that’s how it was in movies.

“Yah, Jongdae! You’re supposed to be helping me plan!”

“Hm.”

“Get your up and help me think!” I shouted to my drunk friend who was suffering from a terrible hangover due to his late night shots with Sehun.

“Dude,” he groaned out as he rolled over onto his back, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Just do a ing picnic like you want!”

“It’s not romantic enough,” I complained. “I don’t know how to be romantic. Why is this so difficult?”

“Because you’re a retired player that never took people out on dates,” Sehun piped in. Sometimes I wondered why I never took the chance to slap him.

“Look, why not add candles and make it like a candlelit dinner picnic thingy?” Jongdae suggested. For once, that actually wasn’t a bad idea.

“Yeah and while you’re at it, sprinkle rose petals all over and play some of that cheesy romance music that puts people in the mood. Maybe you two can reenact that scene from Lady and the Tramp with the spaghetti and meatballs,” Sehun teased.

“You’re a ,” I exasperated as I took a pillow and smacked him in the head.

“Ow, what was that for?!” Sehun screeched, grabbing his pounding head in the process.

“Thanks, Jongdae,” I said as I began to walk out of their shared apartment.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank me in your vows when you two get married,” Jongdae retorted, rolling back over onto his stomach and burying his head under his pillow.

I showed up three hours before planned to set up the whole scene. I finished with everything within an hour and spent the rest of the time trying to calm down my nerves. This was going to be my first date. Ever.

I heard you walking up before I saw you. When you appeared from the darkness, you looked like an angel. Everything about you was enchanting, like I was under your spell.

“Good evening, Yixing. Are you hungry?”

“Just a little,” you answered as your stomach growled.

“I packed us some food and drinks.”

“Alcohol?” you asked with a wary look upon your face.

“Nope. I don’t want to forget this night.” Or ruin it.

We talked about everything, getting to know the basics about each other then worked our way up to more interesting quirks, like our deepest fears.

I could see the passion in your eyes when you talked about traveling. It made my heart thump to see you get so worked up and traveling the world and experiencing new things. Life was yours to explore and you were ready to spread your wings and fly. I wanted to be your partner in crime, traveling with you on new journeys.

“Do you want a sparkler?” I offered after we finished our dessert. You nodded so I grabbed two and lit them both us. I watch your face go in awe as you ogled the bright colors they burned. You looked so gorgeous with the way you smiled and how your eyes lit up. It was an image I wanted to wake up to everyday.

“So, tell me, Yixing… is this date better than any of your past ones?” it was assumption on my part to think you had people taking you out all the time, trying to woo you into being theirs.

“I’ve never dated before,” you nonchalantly spoke, waving your sparkler in the air like a wand.

“You’re joking.” How could someone not take you on a date? I’ve seen the way people ogle at you, like you’re the brightest star they’ve ever seen. Like you were some celebrity they idolized. How could no one ask you out?

“Nope,” you answered as you shook your head. “I’ve been asked out before, but I never said yes. Most people don’t seem genuine in wanting to date me, they only want to get in my pants it seems. I tend not to go out a lot. I have friends who drag me out to parties and try to get me to sneak into clubs, but that life seems so boring to me. You’re the first person I trusted to go out with,” you admitted as you looked over at me.

I was so dazzled with your honesty and thankful that I was the first person you said yes to. Which is why I couldn’t help but lean in a kiss you.

Our first kiss. I kept it gentle, not wanting to push too far. Until you put your hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in deeper. The sweetness disappeared as the heat grew and our tongues met. You tasted sweeter than anyone, better than any drug. Kissing you suddenly became an addiction stronger than my need for weed. The frenzy that coursed through my body was better than ecstasy.

It took every bit of self-restraint for me to pull away and stop before things went too far. I didn’t want to go too fast with you, I wanted to build up to sensual moments with you, not jump right into it.

“Hold on,” I breathed out. “I… I don’t want to rush this. I’ve spent most of my life rushing things. This is one thing I want to take my time with.”

“I understand. I don’t want to rush this either.”

I wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer. It felt right for us to go slow. It felt right to have your head resting on my shoulder. All of it just felt so right.

This is the memory I choose to go back to the most because it was the beginning of us. It was when everything was perfect.

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Within a week we knew everything about each other practically. We were with each other constantly. Of course word had spread that the player finally stopped playing the game, but I didn’t care that people said I was only going to use you, I knew differently and so did you.

I had quit smoking for you. I didn’t need to anymore. You erased the pain I felt and brought light into my dark life. You were my one and only sunshine. You were even brighter than the stars at night.

I knew I was changing and I could see you becoming more accepting of things. You stopped sticking your nose up when people came by to buy weed. You weren’t rude when you first met Jondgae and Sehun, even though they were quite a handful and couldn’t watch their language around you. You weren’t as judgmental, meaning you weren’t willing to believe stories you heard. You knew they were just rumors.

“Stay with me,” I offered late one night. I was tired of sleeping in my bed alone, I wanted to hold you and wake up to smiling face. I wanted to wake up to my sunshine. “It’s late. I think it’d be easier if you just stayed here.”

“I don’t have any night clothes.” What? You still slept in clothes?

“What do you sleep in?”

“A wife beater and clean boxers. It gets hot in my aunt’s guest room and I don’t like sleeping in boxers I wore all day.”

I nodded as I thought back to the clean clothes in my closet then got up to fetch them for you.

“Here. You can borrow mine,” I offered and you accepted them quietly then went to change in my water closet of a bathroom.

I had debated between sleeping in my birthday suite as I usually did or wear what you were. After a small mental debate I settled for clean boxers as a nice in between.

Your face flushed slightly when you saw me under the covers without a shirt on. My naughty little lamb, I could tell what you were thinking. Probably what you were hoping.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite,” I teased. Slowly, you made your way into bed beside me. I could feel you relax once you saw I had boxers on.

I pulled you as close to me as I could.

“Goodnight, my Yixing,” I cooed as I kissed the top of your head.

“Goodnight, honey,” you replied in a sleepy state. Honey. That was the first time you used a pet name for me. I fell asleep with you in my arms and a smile on my face for the first time that night. The first of many nights to follow.

I remember this one. I remember this one because this was the first time I felt needed by someone. I wanted to protect you no matter what because you were my treasure.

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My parents left for a whole week, leaving us the house to ourselves. Of course I was going to take advantage of that, just not of you. No, I could never force you to do something you didn’t want to.

“Yixing-ah,” I purred as I wrapped my arms around your waist.

“Y-yes?”

“Do you want to try tonight?” I offered.

“I… I don’t know. We can try,” you replied hesitantly. I could tell you were nervous, but I thought it was just because it was unexpected.

I wasted no time in straddling you and showering your body with kisses. The further down I went, the more I noticed you weren’t squirming or , you were just lying there.

When I got down to your thighs I looked up and saw discomfort on your face.

“My angel, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” you shakily responded. I didn’t buy it, but you told me to continue so I did, slowly.

I tugged your boxers down with caution, watching your face the whole time. You squeezed your eyes shut and your breaths became short. I knew that reaction too well.

“Should we stop?” I offered. Even if you said no, I was going to stop. I didn’t want this to be something you didn’t enjoy.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” you whispered. How could I ever be mad that you weren’t ready?

“Don’t worry, my angel. I want you to be one thousand percent ready. I don’t want to push you into going too fast.”

You silently cried and it broke my heart. I didn’t want you to feel like you were letting me down, because you weren’t. You made me proud that you admitted you weren’t ready instead of continuing on to make me happy, which it wouldn’t have if you weren’t completely enjoying it.

“Can we just cuddle?”

“Absolutely.” Like you even needed to ask.

I try not to think of this one often because it brings up a twist in my stomach from my own past. I hope you understand.

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“Jongin-ah,” you purred as you crawled across the bed to lie on top of me. I knew where this was going before you even said what you wanted.

“Yes, Yixing?” I asked nonchalantly. You bit your bottom lip and I could see the lust start to cloud your eyes. You so effortlessly looked seductive in that moment and I bet you didn’t even know it.

“I want to try again. I want you to have me.”

The way you said it… it made me feel wanted. You wanted me to have a special part of you no one else could. You wanted to be mine completely, not just have with me but make love.

“Are… are you sure honey?” I wanted to make sure you were completely okay with it and completely ready. This was your gift to me; it was your choice to decide when you were ready, not mine.

You nodded then took the initiative of kissing me first. I could taste the want on your tongue. I could feel it radiating off your body. The heat flowed through my veins and I was ready to make my move.

I flipped our positions and began like the time before. When I kissed and nipped down your body, your moans flowed out and your body reacted comfortably. You didn’t stop me when I got to your boxers, but I hesitated. I watched you as I slowly pulled them down. When you nodded that it was okay to move on, I rid you of them and wasted no time in prepping you.

Urgently, I pulled the bottle of lube out from under my bed. I was quite embarrassed when I saw it was half empty. I hadn’t ever had with anyone in my trailer, I didn’t want them to. It was like my special place, which became our special place.

“I haven’t used this bottle since two months before you came into town,” I said as I finished coating my fingers generously. I used that lube only to touch myself with, but it was a little embarrassing to tell you that when the bottle was half way gone. “I’m so sorry, but this is going to sting a bit,” I warned.

“I know.”

“Tell me if it hurts too much and I’ll stop,” I said. I began kissing you to distract you then slowly let one finger into you. You seemed fine with that one, but when I added a second one I could feel how tight you were. The third finger was what hurt you the most. I kissed the stray tear that rolled down your cheek.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I didn’t like hurting you.

“D-don’t be,” you panted out then you stopped and your back arched slightly. I knew I had found it so I kept hitting over and over again, watching you enjoy it.

It was cute how you whined when I removed my fingers.

“Don’t worry, I just have to get the on first,” I chuckled.

“No.”

“What?” I asked in shock.

“You’ve been check for STDs, right?” you asked. I nodded, but I was still unsure about not putting it on. “And you don’t have any, right?” Again, I nodded. “I trust you. I don’t want you to wear a .”

“A-are you sure?” I asked in bewilderment. You nodded and smiled which was all I needed to be sure that it was okay. “Okay.”

I coated myself a bit more then lined up and slowly pushed in. I could see it hurt like hell with the way your face contorted into a pained expression.

When you adjusted and ordered me to move, I did exactly that. I ed in an out over and over, making sure you saw white spots and enjoyed every second of it. That’s how your first time was supposed to be, amazing and memorable. It felt like my first time and the way my name rolled off your tongue and your moans filled my ears was better than anyone else’s. You were infinitely better than anyone else. We came in sync with each other. You bit my shoulder in a bittersweet way as you came over us. That was the strongest I had ever had and it was because of you.

When we were done, I wrapped my arms around you and covered us, falling asleep shortly after you did.

“Good morning, lovely,” you greeted once you woke up. It was nice to watch your sleeping form look completely blissful.

“Good morning, my angel. Can I tell you something?” It had been on my mind for a while, but after the night before, I knew it was time to tell you.

“Of course,” you chirped then kissed the tip of my nose. Intertwining our fingers, I kissed the back of your hand and stared deep into your eyes.

“I love you… I love you so much, Yixing,” I admitted with a giant smile. It felt nice to tell you that. I wanted to scream it from the rooftops and make sure everyone knew that I loved you. I loved you and only you.

This memory is locked down from everyone else. It’s saved for us and only us.

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“Honey, can I top next time?” you asked after we caught our breath and got down from our high.

“No. I said flatly. I didn’t want anyone inside of me since that time.

“Why not? I let you top me all the time,” I could tell you were starting to get angry but I didn’t want to tell you why. At least not right at that moment.

“I don’t want you inside of me,” I said harshly, but I didn’t mean for it to sound like it did. It just brought up some memories when I thought of someone being in me. I regretted what I said after it was already said.

You quickly got up and put your clothes back on.

“Yixing-ah, don’t leave,” I pleaded but you continued on and walked out of my room. I followed you all the way to the door and yelled after you but you were already gone. I lost you.

I spent the remainder of the week trying to come up with a way to tell you. It was difficult and when I thought about the memories too much I began to hate myself and cry. I cried so much during that time. I was mourning the loss of my innocence.

I tried to see you and call you, but you were ignoring me. When I went to your aunt’s house, no one would let me in. They were protecting you, but they didn’t know why.

Your cousin shot me a text when they left for the carnival and told me you stayed home alone. I took the chance to see you and hopefully explain myself.

“What?!” you snapped through door after I knocked a few times, relentlessly.

“Yixing-ah, we need to talk,” I shouted back.

“Go away, Kai.” I felt a tightness in my chest at the disdain in your voice and the way you spoke of my dreaded name. I hated that name. It wasn’t who I was and you knew it, still you played with my heartstrings.

“I know you’re upset, but please… hear me out, angel,” I begged.

“Fine,” you gave in and unlocked the door, inviting me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like it sounded,” I confessed.

“But you still meant it to some extent,” you spat my own words out back at me.

“Yes… and no,” I said. I grabbed you and dragged you back to your room so I could explain it more privately. I didn’t want anyone else to possibly hear, even though we were the only ones home.

“Kai, I don’t know what you mean, but I’d appreciate it if you could hurry up and explain so I can kick you out and go to sleep,” you pressed on, cutting me deeper.

I hung my head in shame for what I was about to tell you and signaled for you to come next to me. I could hear the storm outside begin to pick up, the rain pounding hard against the window like my heart in my chest.

I took a deep breath and decided to tell you before I could change my mind.

“Okay. I’ve never anyone top me before… but there’s a reason.”

You stayed silent, but nodded for me to continue on and I could feel you tense up. Or maybe it was just me.

“When I was nine, I stayed with my Aunt and Uncle for my summer vacation because my parents went overseas for business and didn’t want me to travel with them at such a young age,” it was so difficult for me to talk about. Every time I thought about it, I wanted to vomit. I wanted to die because of how disgusting I felt.

“My uncle was my dad’s brother, they were very close to one another. My dad trusted him. I trusted him. And then one night, it was just me and him watching TV. My aunt went to visit a friend for a week, so we were left alone… and… we were just watching TV…” I could feel the tears on the brink of pouring. You looked so hurt for me, but so angry at the same time.

“He started rubbing my thigh. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but then he went higher and higher… he touched my crotch and I told him to stop. He… said ‘sh, everything will be alright,’ but I knew deep down it wouldn’t be.”

Tears poured out and you pulled me into your embrace. For once, I was the one needing reassurance. I needed you like you needed me. I never knew how it felt to be protected by the one you love, but you showed me.

“He me, Yixing. All that week, he me over and over again. He wasn’t gentle about anything either. Every chance he had to get me alone, he would and he’d me. That’s why I’m ed up. Because I let him and I never told anyone. You’re the first person I told this to.” I could feel your tears fall even though you tried to keep them in.

“Jongin, I’m so sorry that he took away your innocence. I’m sorry,” you comforted. I could feel your hurt in your words.

“That’s why I ran away and joined that gang. They taught me how to protect myself and they gave me weed to help ease the pain from the memories. My parents found me a few months after and forced me to come back with them. I still kept doing weed and drink and partying because I wanted to forget what happened. In my daze, I couldn’t feel a thing.

“After he me, I felt like I was worthless. I deserved no love because I let him use me, so I slept around, taking whatever I could and corrupting people. Introducing them to drugs and . I never slept with someone without their consent. I swore I wouldn’t ever do that.

“And then I met you. You were like an angel to me. I saw you and I knew that all those times I wanted to kill myself but didn’t were saving me to meet you. I went through hell to reach you… my angel. I kept telling myself ‘just one more day.’”

Lightning lit up the sky and a bolt of fear coursed through me. You held on to me as I gripped onto you tightly.

“Jongin,” you cooed as you cupped my tear streaked face, “I love you. In less than three months, you became my world. My everything. I never loved before you. I never experienced what I am now until I met you. You are my happily ever after. You are the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m in love with you and everything you are. Your flaws are what make you perfect… I love you, so much.”

“Yixing, I… I want… I want you to have me.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to bring up bad memories…”

I nodded vigorously. I needed you as much as I wanted you. Only you could erase the pain with your love. Only you could make me feel like I was worth something again.

"Please," I begged quietly.

You were extremely gentle, stretching me cautiously so I wouldn't feel as much pain. I bit your neck when you entered, the pain I felt was much sweeter than before, it wasn’t forced. I enjoyed feeling you inside of me, erasing all the painful memories. I moaned constantly; I never imagined how good it felt, but you made it amazing. Once again, we came together strongly. You erased him. You were the one who took my ity, and you wouldn’t let me believe otherwise. We belonged to each other completely with no secrets.

That was the first time I fell asleep in your arms. It was pleasant to be comforted and to be new again.

Because of you I was able to let go of the past and move on with my life. I remember your confession each and every night before I fall asleep. It’s like when I repeat your words in my head, I feel as though we are still together as one.

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I didn’t want you to go back home, I didn’t want to be empty and without you again. I was scared you would find someone better to love, someone you actually deserved that wasn’t a screw up like me.

Because of me being such a greedy person, wanting you only for myself and constantly getting slightly angry when people looked at you with desire in their eyes, I marked you. I made hickies all over your body, making sure the ones that would be visible were very prominent. I wanted everyone to know that you were taken, that you were mine and if anyone were to touch you, I’d kill them.

We both cried that last night you were in town. The day you left, it stormed. Even the skies cried for you.

But we were still strongly and deeply in love with one another that the distance wasn’t much of an obstacle for us. We made it work. I focused on only two things: you and school.

Once I got rid of my last bag of weed, I placed all the money I had made into a savings account to grow interest and for us to use in the future. I worked hard in school to bring my grades up so I could get into a good college. If not the one you were going to, then at least one close to yours. Either way, we were going to be together.

When I first met your parents over winter break, they welcomed me with open arms and adoring smiles. You looked just like your mother. Your parents were much better than mine. Granted, mine made a lot of money made sure I had everything I needed – besides checking on my mental wellness – your parents were better because they actually loved you. I wished I had that kind of love growing up.

When Christmas day came, we exchanged gifts and got matching tattoos. It was quite difficult to get you to say yes, but you finally caved and took the pain as if it was nothing. “Together Forever.” It was our motto.

When I had to return home, the departure was rather sweet. We knew it would be only a few months before we’d be back in each other’s arms in a place of our own. It was what kept me going, thinking of you.

I somehow actually made it into the same college as you. I think maybe my parents bribed the school board to let me in, but either way, it meant I was going to be with you.

I don’t cry as much as I used to when I think of these times. Granted, they weren’t that long ago, but I’m happy to know I at least got these moments with you. My life was a shadow until I knew you.

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As soon as you graduated we moved in to our apartment. I had a surprise for you, something you weren’t expecting until probably much later, but I didn’t want to wait.

My nerves were a wreck as you slowly finished your wine. When it was empty you noticed it. The ring. I saw your face go into shock, but your cheeks warmed and a small smile made way into your features as you placed the ring your hand and looked it over.

“Zhang Yixing,” I said as I pulled you to stand up and got down on one knee. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

“Absolutely!” you yelled. I laughed at your excitement and slipped the ring onto your slender finger. You made the ring look beautiful.

Our passionate kisses became heated and in a matter of seconds our clothes were shredded. We both dominated one another that night, marking our home as ours and making our first memories. It was whole different feeling being in a place to call our own.

I remember everything about that night and I cry my heart out. I lock it up tight but it pops up in my dreams and reminds me of how close we were.

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You promised you’d be home as quickly as you could, but you had a late night shift at the bar. You told me not to worry, but I couldn’t help myself. I barely focused on the math textbook in front of me, I kept looking at the clock, watching as the time got later and later.

Eventually I passed out on the couch, waiting for you to return home to me so we could snuggle in our bed.

Then my cell rang.

“Hello?”

“Is this Kim Jongin?’ a monotone, female voice asked.

“Yes, this is he,” I replied warily. I got a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. You weren’t home yet.

“I’m sorry to inform you that Zhang Yixing has been in a terrible car accident. His status is unknown right now, but they don’t think there’s a chance he’s alive.” My heart shattered at her heartless words. You couldn’t be dead, I didn’t want to believe that that was a possibility.

“What?! When?!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m going to need you to come down here and talk to the police as quickly as possible.”

“I’m on my way!” In a few seconds I was out the door. On my drive to the hospital I could feel you with me.

I cried as I got closer and closer because I felt you sitting right beside me and I knew that you weren’t with me anymore. I cried and cried, wishing that this was just a nightmare and soon you’d be home to wake me up and hold me.

I cry almost every night as I replay this memory over and over in my head. Your love became nothing but a memory.

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The day we were supposed to be married was the day I had to let you go. I never experienced that kind of pain in my life. It was a burning pain, one that caused me to fall numb and do nothing but cry. Life became meaningless without you. I put myself in autopilot and continued living without much life.

I could feel you with me, but I couldn’t feel your warmth. I could still smell your sweet cologne late at night, but I couldn’t taste your sweet lips. Maybe if I was the one to drive us home that night, we’d both be dead. I’d much rather it that way than living without you. No matter how many tears I shed, I couldn’t bring you back to me.

Phantoms of you and I haunted me every time I came home. I could see past moments of us replaying throughout the house. Us snuggling on the couch. Me cooking us dinner for the first time as you sat on the counter and talked about your day at work. You taking photos of me stealthily while I studied. Us making out heatedly on the kitchen table. They all haunted me and reminded me that I was forever alone.

I thought many times of killing myself just to be with you, but each time I tried I could feel you pulling me back. You didn’t want that for me. You wanted me to continue on for the both of us.

Someday, I will be strong enough to carry on for the both us.

I thought of you again as I cried myself to sleep that night, my tears shedding onto your pillow that still carried your scent.

“Jongin?” I heard a soft voice. I saw you in my dreams, smiling at me with that cute little dimple of yours. You were an angel.

“Hm.”

“Jongin, it’s me... Your angel.”

“Yixing… I miss you.” I felt my heart pound at the sight of you. None of my dreams were like this, where you were coming to me. They were just memories on repeat.

“I miss you too, honey,” you sighed. Then you placed your hand on my heart and I saw our story replay from your point of view. You slowed down at all of our favorite parts. It was like reliving us all over again, something I ached for.

“I miss you, Yixing,” I sighed out when it all came to an end.

“I miss you too.”

“I can’t let you go.”

“You have to. I need to move on.”

“My angel… You’ll go to heaven… I’ll be in hell.”

“No. I’ll make sure you can be with me in heaven. You're a good man.”

“Mmm…”

You kissed my lips and I could feel your warmth once again only for a brief second before it disappeared.

“Honey, I have to go now. I’ll visit when I can. I’ll be watching you… from the sky.”

“Don’t go…”

“I have to. I promise in another life, we will be together.”

“Don’t go…”

You kissed me one last time and whispered your last sentiment in my ear.

“I love you… together forever, don’t forget.”

“I love you... Together… forever…”

Then you disappeared into a light coming from behind you and everything became cold. I wanted to follow you, but I knew it was your time to let go.

I clung tighter to your pillow and fell asleep dreaming of what our future could’ve been

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I felt less empty when I woke up the next morning. I could feel your warmth surrounding me. I got up and went to look out the window at the blue sky where you were.

“I remember, my angel…” I remember everything. Tears silently escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I smiled the best I could for you so you would know that I finally was becoming okay with letting you go. My first love.

I will always remember you.

I think this one hurt more to write than Yixing’s point of view :(

I need a blanket and a hug <3

Thank you for all your support! I have one more to go, but it’s going to be different than you expect!

-Jayde