Warning: Has not been beta'd. A bit of violence. This oneshot is really long and sort of jumbled so I've combined multiple parts to post.

In a mere span of nearly five years, Seoul has become a city that is no longer familiar to Victoria Song.

“Mommy, I need to use the toilet!”

With a tender smile, Victoria is about to walk her son to the women’s toilet when another young man beside her stops her and says, “I’ll take him. I kind of need to go too anyways. Why don’t you go find your friend at the gate? We’ll be right there.”

“Alright,” Victoria agrees.

She watches as the young man lifts the four year old child into his arms and excitedly runs towards the men’s toilet, the two of them chuckling loudly along the way. This is a scenario that has become very familiar to her over the years that she left Seoul.

Her luggage in tow, Victoria takes a deep breath before raising her foot and advancing towards the gate exit. The airport is rather empty today—memories of the days she spent in packed airports with fans and media surrounding her as she made her way past them flood into her mind.

It’s almost like an overwhelming brain freeze, numbing her awareness, when images of her more or less of a glorious past intercept her.

Everything around her now is quiet; she can even hear her own footsteps as she walks impatiently away from her only escape from this country that holds nothing but bad memories.

When she finally walks past the security terminal and enters a large lobby with a few people here and there, she begins to look for that face she hasn’t seen in years.

Victoria slowly takes off her sunglasses and glances around. Nothing feels the same anymore.

“Noona!”

The voice speaking a language that is so familiar yet so strange to her interrupts her trail of thought and a figure from the distance jogs towards her. When he finally stops, breathing a little heavier than normal, she greets him with a smile. “You’ve really grown up, Sehun-ah,” Victoria laughs, the words awkward on her tongue.

Her Korean really has digressed from the lack of use.

Very happily, the young man is about to reach for a hug, just like old times, but halts himself when he notices Victoria tensing. Instead, he nods with a more or less silly smile and stuffs his hands into his pockets.

From what she remembers, Sehun used to carry a lot of innocence in his eyes and helplessness in his form. However, the Sehun now standing before her stands tall and confident, eyes firm and smile reassuring—it is maturity and liability that reflects in him now, no longer the teenager that needed protecting through and through.

Perhaps a lot has happened after she left Seoul.

“I thought I’d be late,” Sehun gasps a little, “Baekhyun hyung and I had a long night with Chanyeol hyung filming a variety show, you know how he is.” He then quickly reaches for Victoria’s luggage and is about to guide her away when she tells him to wait.

“I brought family with me,” Victoria explains, “they are using the restroom.”

Sehun nods and dusts off his clothing. “Jongin wanted to come along too but he has a schedule that our manager couldn’t push off for him,” he starts murmuring, “and Yixing and Minseok left for Beijing two nights ago.”

“It’s fine,” Victoria assures him. “I want my return to be as low key and quiet as possible.”

As they wait, a few young girls recognize Sehun and immediately crowd around him, asking for photos and autographs. Subconsciously, Victoria replaces her sunglasses over her eyes and shrinks aside, staying out of their way.

In between autographs, Sehun glances at Victoria apologetically but she smiles at him in response.

Finally, as the crowd starts to disperse, a young child sprints at Victoria with arms spread wide open. “Mommy, mommy! Uncle got us lost again!”

With eyebrows knitted together, Sehun finishes up with the last few fans and joins the three others. “You gave birth?”

Victoria nods.

“How old is he?” Sehun asks.

Not meeting his eyes, Victoria answers rather flatly. “He is almost four.”

“You—“

Seeing the light in Victoria’s eyes dim further, the young man accompanying her to Seoul clears his throat and takes the child into his arms again. “Let’s go, sis. This kid was whining about being hungry.”

Nodding, Victoria turns to Sehun and introduces them. “The little kid is Zac, my son. The bigger kid is Luhan, my brother. Luhan, Zac, this is Sehun.”

After the brief introduction, the group of four gathers their belongings and head for the parking garage. Sehun helps the others load their luggage into his rover and takes the wheel.

He is rather relieved when Victoria decides to take the passenger seat.

“This is the reason you disappeared?” Sehun wants to know, making sure to speak quietly in Korean.

Victoria shifts her eyes outside of the window as the car drives off. “I didn’t disappear; the company and I came to an agreement and I’m back to fulfill my end of the promise now.”

“You’re so stupid.”

 “Is that any way to speak to your noona?” Victoria scowls, giving him a hard time.

Although he has no bad intentions, the question still doesn’t come out quite right when Sehun asks it. However, Victoria can’t exactly say she hadn’t seen it coming.  “Isn’t the child like a living nightmare to you?”

“I thought so too, at first, but my mom was right. The baby is innocent. The baby never did anything wrong. It wouldn’t have been right for me to abort him,” she answers.

“Is this why you never kept in contact with any of us?” He wants to know. “Were you afraid we’d get mad and refuse to let you keep him?”

She scoffs. “None of you would have been able to stop me.”

“Not even Jongin?” Sehun interrogates.

Victoria is speechless.

Sehun glances at Zac from the rearview mirror and bites down on his lip. “It’s a good thing the kid looks more like you.”

She closes her eyes, leaning her head back against the seat. “Actually, I really didn’t want to come back. I wish I never needed to return to this place…”

“Noona…”

The familiar sights of the city invade her vision, filling her memories and dragging her back into the past that she’s craved so hard to forget. Victoria’s hands clench into fists and her entire body stresses; five years ago she traveled this very road, only, she was leaving Seoul and not returning.

Five years ago, she was only just released from the hospital.

It was five long years ago that she had experienced the most horrible event of her life, yet, because it was only five years ago the memories are still somewhat clear enough for her to recollect rather vividly.

Tears build up behind her eyelids, her nose running sour.

“I thought that it’s been long enough—that I’ve become strong enough. I was wrong.”

Hearing the trembling in his mother’s voice, Zac instantly slides forward in his seat and reaches out until he feels the cloth of her shirt between his small fingers. “Mommy, are you crying?”

“No,” Victoria replies while shaking her head at him. She places a hand over his tiny ones, squeezing Zac’s hand in an assuring manner.

Sehun doesn’t speak another word the rest of the ride. When they finally arrive at the dormitory that their management company has arranged for her, Sehun helps them move their luggage upstairs before excusing himself.

“I’ve got an endorsement to film in a few hours so I have to go,” Sehun tells her, “but if you need anything, just give us a call—any of us. We’ll get someone to you as soon as possible.”

Victoria nods and waves him goodbye.

Just before he hops into his car, he turns to Victoria one last time. After thinning his lips together, seemingly in deep thought, he eventually says with raised volume,

“You should try to contact Jongin; he’s been a little… overwhelmed after your incident. Maybe you can bring him back.”

Seven years ago Victoria was an already well accepted shining bright star under one of the most influential celebrity management companies in South Korea. She was a well-known performer; the first and most successful foreigner in the very enclosed country.

Back then, the only thing she could think about was making a name for herself.

Her company housed many different types of artists; soloists, idol bands, actors, actresses, microphone controllers, radio dj’s, and much more. Victoria had the chance to test the waters in each category but her main focus was in acting.

Although it took a while for people to acknowledge her, Victoria’s fame eventually sky rocketed and she became the most sought out foreign actress all over Asia after taking a lead role in a very popular television series.

It wasn’t exactly a coincidence that entwined her fate with Sehun and Jongin.

When the company announced that they would be promoting a new large scale idol boy band, the first news released regarding them was that Victoria would be the leading lady in their music video.

That news alone attracted the attention of many media portals—especially when the company declared that there would be a Chinese member in the boy band and that Victoria was actually quite familiar with a majority of the members, which was, of course, not entirely true.

However, she did know of the Chinese member Zhang Yixing; people of the same originating countries usually do get to know each other in the company for one reason or another.

After filming together for a little over two days straight, Victoria familiarized with the boys rather easily. In the end, out of the eight members, she became the closest with Baekhyun, Jongin, Yixing, Sehun and Kyungsoo.

Out of the five, Jongin and Yixing became the two Victoria was pretty much inseparable with.

And out of the two, Jongin liked Victoria a little more than just an experienced and popular noona.

So, when Jongin confessed to her almost ten months after they became friends, Victoria felt rather comfortable saying ‘yes’. And when Jongin became more and more chauvinistic in their relationship, she felt it was alright for him to take the lead.

Yet, when everything in her world shattered five years ago, Jongin was the only person she forced herself to refuse.

“Let me walk you through this.”

“Can’t you share your pain with me?”

“Please, Vic, please talk to me; don’t just not say a word.  I know it’s hard and I know you’re hurting, but it hurts me even more to see you like this. Let me help you.”

Five years ago, Victoria attended an awards ceremony as a nominee and an award presenter. Her outfit was gorgeous and she was beautiful; the media loved her smile and the fans were struck by her charming eyes.

When her manager rushed her off to their minivan, snaking past cameras and dodging past hordes of people, Victoria is urged into a vehicle with her manager close behind. Just after her manager closes her door and is about to make his way to the driver’s seat, the minivan is started and she’s driven off without anyone to protect her.

The man behind the wheel has a mask on.

She threatens to jump out of the car; she screams and shouts and does everything she can to convince the man to let her go. However, not far into the highway, the man pulls off to the side and holds a knife out towards her.

“I won’t hurt you,” he says, and there is a thrill in his tone that pricks at her ears. “Shh, good baby doll. Let’s sleep for a while.”

The next thing she knows, her face is covered by a cloth and a strong aroma overwhelms her senses. When Victoria wakes up again, she’s tied to a bed, the room too dark and her eyes too hazy to see.

Two days; she’s locked in the room for two full days before the police crew finds her.

“Don’t touch her!” Her abductor shouts, trying to break free from the shackles that the policemen are putting on him. “She’s mine! Don’t touch Victoria! Don’t even look!”

As a police man tightens his jaw and throws a large white cloth over her and violated body from the ambulance truck, Victoria doesn’t have a single reaction. Her eyes are empty and her body is light, almost lifeless; even her breathing was much too subtle for anyone to believe she was alive.

Perhaps a part of her had died the very night she was kidnapped.

Not even three hours later she is wheeled into a hospital and thoroughly examined. Her mother is crying just outside of the examination room, the guilt ridden manager and several other company directors pacing worriedly in the hallway.

To keep the media attention as far away from Victoria as possible, not a single artist was allowed to visit Victoria at the hospital. It was an effort the company made to protect both parties; however, it did not make anyone feel any bit better.

When she could speak again, the first words she said were,

“I’m still alive?”

And when the people around her nodded with the best encouraging smiles they could muster, hiding their grimaces from the bruises and scars on her neck and shoulders, all they could see in Victoria’s eyes was despair and disappointment.

Slowly, she recovered. Nearly a month later, she could speak and interact with most people normally again. Her mother stayed beside her every night and day.

Victoria ignored phone calls and text messages as often as she could. She knows that Jongin and the others have snuck inside to visit her many a times; however, she chose not to see them even once.

Every time Jongin pleaded, her heart would sink deeper into her chest and she would vomit, wanting to release each and every taint and speckle of fault and flaw in her. Victoria is different now—she’s tarnished and unworthy.

A little over a month later she returns to the doctor’s for a visit at the hospital due to her vomiting becoming more frequent and her body having all sorts of uncomfortable malfunctions.

The doctor is a little wary and cautious when he says,

“Congratulations Ms. Song, it seems like you’re about nine weeks into your pregnancy.”

Breaking up with Jongin wasn’t exactly the hardest part.

“I think we should stop seeing each other,” Victoria remembers telling him. “I’ll be leaving South Korea soon and I don’t know when I’ll come back.”

But Jongin wouldn’t have any of it. “I’ll wait.”

“It’s not worth it,” she insisted. “You’ll be able to find someone better. I’m sorry.”

And he argued. “Vic, a relationship doesn’t simply start when you want it to and just end when you say it is over. A relationship is built by two people, maintained by two people, and can only end when both people agree that it’s not worth the effort anymore. I’m not going to give up.”

Victoria thought that Jongin was too naïve. Their had never been an issue between them, yet, at times like this, Victoria could only hope that he was older, more understanding, and a little less stubborn.

“Whether or not you’ll let go doesn’t matter. The company has already permitted my leave and have agreed to let me take as long as I want before I return to fulfill the rest of my contract,” Victoria explained to him.

Jongin clenches his fists. “Can’t you trust me? Don’t you have the least bit of confidence in me?”

“It’s not a matter to trust,” she sighs, “trust was never something I lacked when it comes to you, Jongin.”

On stage, Jongin’s identity was Kai.

Kai is a born performer; confident, charming—a little devilish but with just enough purity to attract the eyes of teenagers and more mature women alike. He participates in many dancing competition reality shows and has been featured in the works of many artists.

Despite his wide spread popularity amongst female artists, and the fanatical degrees that his fans take to support him, Victoria has never doubted his loyalty to her. Kai might not have known limits when it came to his own extremes, but Jongin knew limits when it came to interacting with others on screen and off screen.

In short, Jongin was more or less introverted. Only when it came to Victoria would he open up and show his genuine and barrier-less smiles.

And although their relationship was kept underground, everyone pretty much got the hint that Jongin wasn’t interested in looking for romance. He was easy going and very kind, yet, there was always a line between him and the rest of the world that no one could surpass.

Sometimes Jongin would threaten to erase the line, but that was only when Victoria reported another intimate scene that she would need to film days later or when she told him that she would be walking the red carpet with one of her favorite actors.

Jokes aside though, Jongin never had to worry about Victoria either.

So, the hardest part in leaving South Korea wasn’t breaking up with Jongin, but forcing herself to turn her back on him and setting him free—actually letting him go.

“Mommy! We’re going to be late!”

The small voice pulls her back to her senses and Victoria glances down at the child peering up into her face with large, round eyes. He tugs on the hems of her shirt and she kneels down, fitting him into a thicker jacket.

“Uncle went to call a cab,” Zac tells her. “We have to hurry!”

Nodding, Victoria presses a kiss to the child’s forehead and then lifts him into her arms. When they meet with Luhan downstairs, Luhan is holding a door open for them and they quickly duck inside.

“Mom said to eat more while you’re here,” Luhan laughs. “What’s the most expensive? Beef? Let’s get beef tonight!”

Clicking her tongue, Victoria grins and drops an address for the cab driver. Along the ride, Luhan and Zac laugh and play endlessly, constantly dragging Victoria along into the games, and she finally relaxes a little and recoils from her memories.

Luhan smiles in relief when he sees Victoria loosen up and joke with them in turn.

“Sis,” he suddenly says, “South Korea is pretty, but not as beautiful as you are.”

A part of Victoria feels like she understands the meaning behind his words, yet, a part of her is confused by his wording. How could a country be compared to a person?

Shaking her head, Victoria pinches his cheek and urges him to continue playing with his now whining nephew. Luhan instantly puckers up his lips and leaves a fat, wet kiss on Zac’s chubby right cheek.

“Mommy!” Zac complains with a frown.

Victoria laughs harder and kisses the other cheek just as passionately.

The person waiting at the company for her isn’t quite who she had expected.

“Vic…”

“Oppa,” Victoria smiles while waving at him when he approaches her. It is her manager from all those years ago; the one who let her slip between his fingers.

His guilt has always eaten at him. Victoria was always his favorite—her gentleness, her childishness, the way she clung to him like he was a real brother. When she was kidnapped, he swore he would do everything to make it up to her when she returns.

However, he wasn’t really given the chance to compensate for his wrongs.

Victoria had told him time and again that it wasn’t his fault—that he shouldn’t feel guilty for something he couldn’t have controlled. She didn’t understand what it was like to be a manager, but she knew that this oppa of hers has always taken great care of her.

To him, Victoria was like kin.

“You look great,” he smiles back, forcing away the pain that encircles him. “I really missed you, Vic.”

She nods and, for the first time in five years, she hugs another man that is not her son or her brother. “Oppa, I missed you too.”

Her arms are stiff and awkward around him and he’s too afraid to hug her back, so he buries his face into her shoulder and succumbs to an overwhelming numbing sensation that crawls all over his skin. Is this what liberation feels like?

“You received a lot of offers the past five years so there’s a lot for you to choose from. Don’t feel pressured to choose anything that makes you feel uncomfortable,” he tells her, “the directors and executives will understand.”

They owe her, after all.

Victoria nods and takes a step back, telling her son and brother to step forward.

“This is my brother, Luhan, and this is my son, Zac.”

In her manager’s eyes is an expression Victoria hasn’t seen before. Was it shock? Confusion? Helplessness?

So she did keep the baby after all.

After briefing the introductions, the three of them are led inside the building and escorted to a conference room. Luhan and Zac stay outside in the waiting area while Victoria ventures inside. An older gentleman, whom Victoria is very familiar with, and two other younger gentlemen are already sitting inside awaiting her.

“It’s been a long time,” Executive Lee greets her.

Victoria nods and takes a seat when the elders tell her to. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience I have caused.”

“No such thing,” the other two shake their heads. “We’ve been worried about you the past few years but it seems we didn’t have to.”

“We’ve kept in touch quite often,” Victoria smiles, “I didn’t want any of you to worry.”

Another lady enters soon after and she’s introduced as Victoria’s new personal stylist. They go over a new image for her and speak casually for a while longer until one of the two gentlemen pulls out a stack of files from his briefcase.

“Yixing and Minseok have been working in China rather tightly the past year or so and Jongdae travels back and forth to accommodate their group schedules,” he explains. “Our company has established a rather solid foundation in both China and South Korea.”

Victoria listens closely.

“I’m sure Sehun told you about his work with the others on local programs while their promotions are still in planning. At this point, you can pretty much choose wherever you’d like to focus your schedules at and we’ll be able to quarter to your decisions. From the past two months alone, after we announced that you’ll be returning, we’ve received an insurmountable quantity of offers to have you appear in television series, commercials, and various other featuring’s—”

Executive Lee interrupts him. “We should keep her interviews to a minimum.”

“Of course,” he agrees.

The other man speaks up. “You still have two film contracts that need to be met.”

“We’ve got several proposals for you to choose from already but if nothing looks alright, we’ll keep sorting through new ones until you find a suitable one,” Executive Lee explains.

The role of the bad men and the good man are quite obvious throughout the discussion.

Victoria glances at her manager, feeling the strong desire to sigh, and says, “How much longer is there to my contract with the company?”

Executive Lee clears his throat and looks over at the two other men.

“Four years,” one of them replies confidently.

She bites down on her lip. “How much will it cost me to breach the contract after completing all necessary endorsement and television commitments that I currently have on hand?”

The room falls into silence, seconds ticking louder by the second, and finally Executive Lee excuses everyone from the room. When the two of them are left to themselves, he stands and takes the seat right beside her.

Executive Lee is an old and comfortable man to be around; his eyes are soft and his smile is warming, however, there is a lot more to him than just kindness.

It doesn’t simply take a kind man to be in a position like his, after all.

“If you’re not going to be an artist, what are you going to do?” He asks her.

Victoria ponders the question closely, lowering her hands into her lap. “I just don’t think I can handle being under the spotlight again. I’m different now—everything is a little different now.”

“If you don’t feel comfortable in Korea, we can keep you under our branch in China,” he assures.

She shakes her head. “That’s not it, I—”

“Victoria, it’s not easy forfeiting a lifestyle you’ve accustomed to for a lifestyle you’ve done everything to run away from,” Executive Lee says in a very gentle voice. “However, have you thought about how much you’re giving up because of a scar that won’t even see the light of day anymore?”

Although she understands, she decides to remain silent.

“The company has done everything we can to bury any and all evidence or word of the past incident. Not a single media outlet or portal will ever again mention the words that cause so much pain and suffering to you,” he continues. “If you give up on your dreams—your most radiant passion and your talent—then what else will you have?”

Victoria takes a deep breath, holding back her tears.

“If you could sacrifice yourself for a child brought to you out of misery, then why can’t you sacrifice your misery for an opportunity that will bring you back to your glory?” He asks. “Don’t you think that would make a lot more sense than always just running away and hiding, when you could be shining and winning over yourself?”

Executive Lee says, “I know the company owes you a lot more than we can even begin to compensate, but you should give yourself a chance and give us a chance to make up for some of it.”

“Let us bring you back to the stage—let yourself return to the confident, prosperous, and victorious Victoria Song that you once used to be.”