Everything Has Changed

The Seoul skyline darkens as everyone’s day comes to an end and mine is just beginning. Here I am at the roof of the condominium building where I live, enjoying the cold evening wind and colorful city lights below. I sit with a box full of memories beside me. Memories that were immortalized in paper starting a long time ago and still being written up until now. I put the box on my lap and open it. It bears inside a heap of notebooks. Some ruffled and old; some crisp and new. I smile at the old ones and take a hold of the oldest. I caress the faded pink cover. On its cover says “Krystal’s Diary”, written legibly using a blue crayon. But squeezed near “Krystal’s” is a name that was written sloppily using a red crayon. “and Amber’s” it says.  Now it has “Krystal’s and Amber’s Diary” on its cover. This was supposed to be my diary, but a certain dork from the second grade persistently put her name on it so it turned out like this.

--- Flashback. Back in 2^ndgade. ---

“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask, glaring at a certain short haired kid.

“Writing.” She says without even looking at me.

“On my diary?” I say, boring holes onto her as my glare intensifies.

“Yep. I think it’s lacking something. There we go… See? Now it’s perfect!” She says, holding up my diary which now says “Krystal’s and Amber’s Diary” with the name “Amber” squeezed in between “Krystal’s” and “Diary”.

There she is, grinning with a tooth missing on her front teeth like she got the biggest jawbreaker in history. She looks so proud of what she did.

Stoopid.

---End of flashback---

Thus, this became our diary. I open and the first page tells about my first day being a second grader. It says…

“September 24, 2001

Dear Diary,

Today’s my first day being a second grader! It was okay. I met a weird kid on the bus though. She looks like a boy but she’s actually a girl! And it turns out that she’s my classmate. I think she’s some kind of an idiot. She caused quite a mess at baking class. Her cake looked… ugh. I don’t want to even describe it. She sat beside me the whole class. Of course I did well. Other than the weird boy looking girl, nothing much interesting happened. As usual I was avoided because of that ice princess rumor. It says that I can turn anyone who looks into my eyes into ice. That isn’t true! I’m sad. No one wants to play with me or even eat with me during lunch. I feel lonely. How long will this go on?”

I feel sorry for my younger self. I was shut out by my classmates because of a stupid rumor. I spent the first few months of the year alone. I flip through the pages and as I go, it’s like going on a trip through memory lane. I stop at a certain page; I smile as I read through the entry.

“February 14, 2002

Dear Diary,

For the first time someone gave me a card on Valentine’s day! Not only a card, but also a crumpled rose along with it! Guess who gave it to me though. It’s that weird kid I talked to you about. Her name is Amber. I’m puzzled on why she gave me her Valentine. She’s a girl. When I asked her why, she just gave me a grin and skipped away. I just don’t get what’s going on inside her mind.”

I laugh as I see the dried rose petal taped on the page. I remember how funny she looked like while giving me her Valentine. I was puzzled, but I found it sweet of her. She was the first one who has the courage to give me something. She was always so brave when it came to me. I keep on flipping through the pages and I arrive at an entry. The writing is different for it isn’t mine. I read the illegible penmanship she had. I grin as I remember that this is her first entry after she added her name on the title of the diary.

“February 20, 2002

Heya, Diary!

I’m Amber and I’ll be your new owner! No no, Krystal isn’t going anywhere. We’re just going to share you and take turns in writing entries. Isn’t that cool? Hmmm. What do you usually write in diaries? Krystal says I should write something about me. Okay… I like Llamas. They say I look like a boy but I don’t get the big issue. I love to eat and play!”

--- Flashback---

“That’s a stupid entry. It doesn’t make any sense!” I say to her, irritated.

“It does make sense! At least to me…” She mumbles the last part.

I sigh and rub my temple in frustration. I really can’t get this girl.

“Say, Amber. Why did you give me your Valentine?” I ask, curious.

She looks at me and smiles.

“Because I like you, Krystal!” She proudly says.

---End of flashback---

She really never fail to surprise me. I close the notebook and begin to read through the other notebooks. I read them, looking at the years that’s written on the cover. Our penmanship changed through the years. Though Amber’s still looks sloppy to me. The pages progress and the story goes on. We became best friends on the seventh day of March 2002. At least that’s what Amber announced on her entry . I read and laugh because of Amber’s entries that as time goes by, still doesn’t make any sense.  I notice that I’ve been sitting here for an hour and a half. I’ve already read 6 years’ worth of memories.  The sky is already dark and the night lights fill the sky. The constellations could still be seen despite the hindrance of the city lights. The night is getting colder. I put on my hoodie and the red scarf she gave me one Christmas years ago. I proceed on to read the remaining notebooks which are still piled up.  But I don’t mind. If it’s the only way for me to remember her, I wouldn’t mind at all.

I get the notebook that has the year 2008 labelled on it. It has the same title but only this time it’s designed like a scrapbook. We made this diary when we were on our last year at middle school. I remember Amber and I arguing about the color of the notebook. She wanted it to be red and I wanted it blue. I didn’t agree with her on red because it looks violent. She on the other hand, says that blue is to sleepy looking. Seriously? Sleepy looking? Is that even a reason? So after minutes of arguing at the department store we decided to buy a violet colored notebook. Since it’s the mix of red and blue, that color was something we could agree on. I open the notebook and the first page contains Amber’s first entry.

“September 20, 2008

‘Sup, Diary?

New school year, new diary for Krystal and me! But really, we could’ve gotten a red diary. She said red looks violent for a diary. I mean violent?! What are you gonna do? Kill people? She said we should get blue but I said it’s sleepy. Come on, look at the color blue and you just want to doze off. Anyways… It’s our first day. We’re 8^th graders now and we’re on our last year here. We’ll be going to high school next year! A whole new world! New ways to have fun!”

Then I see my handwriting cutting her entry off.

“Stoopid! What do you mean have fun? We need study! It’s the stepping stone going to university!

How about no. I’ll party and join all the clubs!

Even the academic ones?

Okay… Maybe not those.”

There goes the end for that entry. I laugh as I remember how we argued for the nth time because of it. Come to think about it, we argue with almost everything. But to my surprise, we’re still together all these years. I mean we’re total opposites. I’m organized and she’s like… Just everywhere. I’m strict and she’s happy go lucky. I’m ice and she’s fire. I browse through the pages and stop at a certain entry with a paw print on it. This was the time when we found an abandoned puppy by the river.

“December 2, 2008

Dear Diary,

WE FOUND A PUPPY!!! SO CUTE PUPPY! I LOVE YOUUUUU!!

Yah! This was supposed to be my entry, Amber! Sheesh. Anyways… Yeah, we found a cute little puppy by the river. It’s a boy. Maybe we should keep it? I want to name him…. Mayo! Yes that’s cute. Mayo then it is.

NO. NOT MAYO. I WANT SUPERLORD STORMBRINGER.

What kind of name is that? Give the puppy a proper name will you?

NO. I’LL STICK WITH SUPERLORD STORMBRINGER.

Ugh. Seriously, Amber.”

As I’m reading the entry, I can’t help but to laugh hard. Amber was such a dork back then, well even when we grew up. She would always counter me with unconventional antics. She’s such a daredevil and hands down the weirdest girl I’ve ever met. I continue to flip the pages until I arrive at the last page where there’s a picture attached. The picture is of us wearing togas for our middle school graduation. I caress the picture, looking at our grinning faces. Amber has her arm wrapped around me while mine is also wrapped around hers. She’s doing that Llama grin of hers again. I have to admit… She looks so cute when she does that. I would do anything just to see it again.

--- Flashback. ---

“Finally! We’re going to graduate! Nice going, princess! Valedictorian. That’s my best friend!” She beams as she hugs me.

I feel my face getting hot and I pull away.

“Thanks, Amber.” I give her a smile.

“You’re so awesome, Krys. Any guy would be so lucky to have you.” She says, patting my head.

After hearing what she said, I felt something unpleasant in my chest.

--- End of flashback---

I have to admit, through the years we’ve been together I felt something towards her. But of course with so many obstacles, I couldn’t just say it to her. Our friendship might get ruined. I don’t want to risk that. So I decided to just keep it to myself. She broke my heart countless of times. Amber’s kind of a pimp. She has all these friends and admirers from both genders who want to get closer to her. Then Amber, being the pimp she is, entertains them for fun. She doesn’t even know how many times she made my chest ache when she looks at others.

--- Flashback. Middle School ---

“Hey, Krys? You know that new girl at class 3-C?” She asks me out of the blue during lunch.

“You mean Hyuna?” I reply, cocking one eyebrow at her.

“Yeah. She’s kinda cute isn’t she?” She says while grinning.

I stop eating. There it goes again, the pain in my chest.

---End of flashback—

Ugh. She’s so dense. Seriously. I tried dropping hints but she doesn’t even notice them one bit. I shake my head in disappointment. I pick up the next notebook which is red in color. She won this time. This notebook was designed by her.  So I had little faith in her designing skills because for what I knew she’s sloppy. But it turns out that she’s creative and artistic. That’s why she’s always thinking differently than anyone else because she has an artistic mind. That’s what makes her unique. I open up the notebook and a picture of us standing at the gates of our new school. We were high school freshmen back then. Amber was wearing her Llama grin again with her left arm slung over my shoulder and her right hand doing a peace sign. Then there I am beside her, smiling like the little princess I am.

---Flashback. First day of high school---

“Amber, close your mouth. It might attract flies.” I bluntly say while walking inside the campus.

“But, Krys! The place is so beautiful and big! I can’t wait to do stuff here.” She says, looking around.

“What kind of stuff?” I ask.

“Oh you know. Fun stuff. Of course you’re in the fun. It’ll always be fun when you’re with me.”She says, looking at me then smiling.

Ah, there it is again. Stop smiling you stoopid Llama. I’ll fall in love even harder.

---End of flashback---

During freshman year, fate decided to play. We were put into different classes. I was in class 1-A and she was in class 1-B. To be honest I was scared that she would find someone and spend less time with me. But she still went to my room and eat with me during breaks. We would still go to school together. We would still walk home together. It made me happy that she didn’t forget about me.

---Flashback---

It’s dismissal time and while walking along the corridor, I see Amber with her friends. We’ve been in high school for months now. As usual I didn’t have many friends. Other people find me cold looking. I’m used to it now. I don’t care anyway. As long as Amber still looks and acknowledges me, I’m pretty much contented. She’s all I need.

“Princess!” Amber calls me, finding me walking towards them.

Her friends look at me with surprised expressions.

“You're friends with Ice Princess Jung?” One of them whispers.

I heard that. I stop a few meters away from them with my head down, occasionally looking at Amber. Amber looks at me and then smiles. She walks towards me and holds my hand. I look up and see her beautiful smiling face. Then she tows me to where her friends are.

“Of course I’m friends with her! She’s my best friend and I like her very much!” She proudly says in front of everyone.

I look at her and see her eyes twinkling with pride. My heart fills with happiness and butterflies erupt in my stomach. It’s like what she said when we’re still second graders. The way she sees me… It never changed.

“Oh okay then. A friend of Amber’s is a friend of ours. I’m Luna.” One friend of hers says, smiling.

“ I’m sorry I called you Ice Princess Jung. My name’s Min. These guys are Minho and Key.” Another says, giving an apologetic smile and gesturing the two boys behind her.

“You can now hang out with us, princess.” Amber says, gently squeezing my hand. She still holds my hand.

“Yeah, guys. We’re gonna go now. See ya tomorrow!” She then says to them, pulling me along with her.

“Take care!” Key shouts as we distance.

I give them a smile and so does Amber. We walk home together but she didn’t let go of my hand. Not even once.

---End of flashback---

Since that day, I’ve fallen in harder than ever before. She’s proud to be with me. She didn’t even hesitate. I close the current notebook and move on to the next and to the next. Many things were recorded like the time Amber wrote how disappointed she was when I accepted that rose from Kai first. And that time when she was so sick of my admirers following me around and confessing. I also wrote something about her pimping activities and she completely denied it. There’s also this entry where it has so many pictures in it because it contains Amber’s entry about the art exhibit she made at the school festival. She was so proud that day.

---Flashback---

Colors fill the room. Amber’s paintings and sketches adorn the room. The teachers are all so impressed by her creations. I can even see some university scouts eyeing them. Some Korean and some foreign. My Llama’s going places. Here I am at the corner of the room, watching them marvel at her work.

“Hey, princess!” She pops out in front of me.

“Everyone loves your work, Amber. I’m so proud of you.” I say, hugging her tight.

“Thanks to you, Krystal.” She says, hugging me back.

---End of flashback---

I laugh until tears come out as the memories flood in. I don’t want to expect anything but… I felt something like she wants to convey a certain message to me. But I don’t want to assume. I keep on flipping through. Then I finally arrive at the last notebook for our high school life. This time I won. It’s color blue and I get to design it. It looks elegant to me but Amber kept on insisting that it needed some minor changes. I didn’t let her though. Who knows what design she could’ve put there? I open it and it’s not even my handwriting that’s in the first entry.

“September 25, 2013

Dear Diary,

I lost to Krystal, now you’re blue. I’m so sorry, Diary. I couldn’t protect you. *cries*

Oh yeah, it’s our senior year already. Our last year to party!

Seriously? It’s our last year and you still want to party? Come on, Amber. Think about where you’re going to college for once.

That’s easy. I’ll go wherever you go.

Can you even get into where I want to go?

Watch me, Krystal Jung Soojung.”

She was so determined to follow me. I don’t doubt her intellectual capacity. She’s smart in her own way. I read through the pages. Some entries make me laugh; some make me nearly tear up. Like one entry says that Amber was near to getting a girlfriend.

“May 5, 2014

Dear Diary,

Huh. I nearly got a girlfriend. It’s my first time being in a relationship if ever we became together. But no, we didn’t. Yeah I mean she’s pretty and all. But when she said that she likes me… I think my ‘like’ is different from her ‘like’. And I couldn’t leave Krystal either. Of course she’s wayyyy more important than her! No no. Krystal first before anything else. And I don’t like LIKE her. I only see that girl as a friend. Nothing more. So when I told her that, she ran out crying. Now it’s my fault?! Ugh. Girls. Wait… I’m a girl.

Anyways… This is the first time that I thought that there could be different meanings of like. I wonder…”

This makes me tear up. What was she thinking when she was writing this? I arrive at the entry where we’re finally graduating. We have another picture together wearing togas.

---Flashback---

The camera flashes and there we go. We have our graduation picture for our diary. Amber’s family and my family come to congratulate us.

“Hah. Who knew my sister would graduate?” Jackie, Amber’s older sister teases.

“Yeah. Who knew?”  Jessica-unnie agrees.

“Hey hey. Jack, you’re supposed to be on my side!” Amber pouts.

“Sorry, mei mei. Not always.” She says laughing.

They all laugh along with Amber still pouting.

“Whose side are you on, Krystal?” Jessica-unnie asks me.

I look at them and then back to Amber who’s giving me puppy dog eyes, pleading me to side with her. I give her an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, Am. I’m with Jackie-unnie and Jessica-unnie this time.” I say as I start to laugh.

We all laugh as Amber ruffles her head in frustration and defeat. I hug her as me saying sorry to her. But I still couldn’t contain myself from teasing her.

“You two get going. The ceremony’s about to start.” My dad says to us.

We nod and walk towards the line hand in hand.

---End of flashback---

I keep on reading until I arrive at the last two pages. Here they are, the last entries for this diary… It’s Amber’s penmanship that’s first written here. A letter to me... She’s leaving.

“Princess,

I’m sorry.

Now don’t watch me. I’m sorry I won’t be going to where you are. I’m sorry that it seemed that I lied to you that I was going to where you are. Trust me I want to stay by your side. I’m so sorry. But… I couldn’t just say no. This art scholarship at Harvard… It’s something that I just can’t pass. I hope you understand, Krys. I just want to say in this letter that I won’t forget you. Trust me when I say this. You’ll always be my princess. I miss you already. I thought I would surprise you with my scholarship but turns I’m the one who’s surprised because they gave me a day to pack my things and go. You weren’t in your house that time. You were on vacation. I’ll just hand over the notebook to Jackie after I’m done so she could give it to your sister. When you read this, I’m already on a plane to the US. I don’t mind that I won’t see your reply because I know that I mean something to you. That I’m special to you. Please let me be right this time, princess. You know… I didn’t even have the chance to tell you that I still like you. Remember that time in second grade where you asked me why I gave my Valentine to you? I said that I like you right? I still do. But my ‘like’ back then is different from my ‘like’ now. So when people ask me… “Why are you with Ice Princess Jung?”, I won’t  tell them that I’m with you because you’re my best friend and I like you anymore. Instead I’ll tell them this. “I love her.” Hahahaha. Yeah I know. Weird right? I’m head over heels in love with my best friend? Turns out that I’ve been in love with you since the day we sat by each other at the school bus on the way to school when we were in second grade. I just didn’t know that I love you that time. I thought that the feeling of wanting to be near you and the bliss I have when I make you smile is just as a friend. But those butterflies in my stomach and rapid heartbeat when I’m with you says otherwise. I realized it when that girl confessed to me. (Hey don’t get jealous.)

So Krys, don’t forget about me okay? One day you’ll find me popping out of nowhere in front of you. I don’t know when but I’ll pop in somehow. Hahahaha. Yeah and report to me anyone who bugs you. I’ll have Jackie take care of them and your sister. Though they both keep on bullying me but we’re all in the same team when it comes to you. Oh don’t stop writing in the diary! Keep on writing! I want to read all your entries once we see each other again. Report anything good or bad that has happened. Think that I’m the one you’re talking to when you write an entry okay?  Ah, my plane’s already here. I hope this gets to you as soon as possible. I still have faith on Jackie. You take care of yourself. I know you would. You’re strong. I know better. Stay safe. I love you, Princess Krystal Jung Soojung.

                                                                               Love,

                                                                               Your Llama servant, Amber J. Liu”

The page is now stained with tears. My tears. It’s been five years since I read this letter for the first time and I still miss her all this time. When is she going to pop out anyway? I can’t help on crying. My tears keep on flowing as I think of her. I turn the page and there’s my letter to her, blotched with tear stained ink because I kept on crying when I wrote this.

“Am,

Stoopid. I’m not mad and I understand. I can never be mad. I know that it’s for your future. I can never battle with that. I want you to be the best in what you love doing. I always say to you that you have to keep reaching on to your dreams right? So there you go! Go get ‘em! Go to Harvard and go kick some sorry behinds! (Not in a literal way but in a metaphorical way.) Goodness, Am don’t screw this up. Yeah I remember… I thought you were weird and annoying back then. Well… You kinda still are. Hahahaha. The time you said that you like me made me confused. I thought you were joking. But you proved yourself as the years go by. You never left me. Well not until now… But I’m not mad! I’m glad that whenever people asked you why you’re with me you give them that answer. It made me happy. I’m happy that you’re proud to be with me and that I’m your best friend. I would always look at you whenever you say that and I see a face of a child who got the biggest candy in the world. Like the face you gave when you put your name on our first diary. What you did back then wasn’t a mistake. You started all of this and I’m very thankful, Amber. I’ll miss you. I always will. Remember that you’ll always be a part of me. You’re right this time. You are someone special to me. My precious Llama. So… I’ll cut this letter short so you would come back and beg me to finish this. Yes… I’ll finish this when you pop out in front of me again. SO DON’T YOU EVER DARE NOT COME BACK TO ME, SERVANT. I’ll be waiting. I love you too.

                                                                                                                                                                                                   Your princess,

                                                                                                                                                                                                   Krystal”

I close the notebook and look at the pile beside me. All these notebooks keep as record of our story. They’re the proof that everything happened. That Amber happened. I look at the notebooks that are in the box and I already find them boring because Amber’s penmanship isn’t in it. I opt not to read them. Those are just my entries pretending that I’m talking to her, reporting anything interesting that happens to me. Surprisingly I only have two notebooks containing five years of life without her and the other one isn’t even filled. This shows how my boring my life is without her. When is she even coming back? It’s been five years and yet no word from her. How she’s doing? I lost update since Jackie went to Japan. Did she graduate on time? Does she already have a special someone? No… If she’s going to pop in to tell me that, I’d rather have her not popping in front of me or I’ll kick her sorry . I sigh and look over Seoul. It’s getting late and cold. I would catch a cold if I stayed here any longer. I begin to put back the notebooks in the box. I shut it tight because this would be back under my bed and stay there for god knows how long. I stand up and look up above. I spot a plane.

“I would so much like it if you’re on that plane, Amber. That plane that would take you back home with me.” I say, putting all my hope in my words.

“Wrong answer, princess.” Out of nowhere, a voice behind me says.

For a second, my heart stops beating before it jumpstarts in a faster rate. My eyes go wide. I would know that voice anywhere even if I’m dead. Could it be? I turn around… I drop the box. There she is. Standing a few meters away from me with a wide grin on her face. Her hairstyle changed. From that bowl cut looking dark hair to this blonde streaked layered hair. It suits her perfectly. She looks so handsome. She’s wearing a grey hoodie under a black trench coat along with black pants and a blue floral printed shoes. I’m just standing here with my mouth agape. I can’t believe it. It’s her. It’s my Amber.

“Close your mouth, Krys. It might attract flies.” She says, teasing me.

"When did you arrive? H-how did you know that I'm up here?" I ask.

"I just arrived an hour ago and I went straight to you. Your sister told me you're here. Jessica-unnie's team Amber now." She says, winking.

“Stoopid.” I close my mouth and glare at her.

“Ah… You haven’t changed one bit.” She says as she walks to me.

“You… You look different.” I say.

“Yeah. But I’m still me. That fabulous Llama you adore so much.” She says, flipping her hair in a dramatic way.

“Oh please.” I scoff, a smile forming in my lips.

“D’awwww. You missed me!” She beams.

“Yeah yeah. I did.” I laugh.

She hugs me and spins me around. I have never felt more alive these past five years. Now that she’s back, there’s finally color in my world once again. She puts me down and looks at me.

“I’ve missed you, princess.” She looks at me lovingly.

“I know you would.” I grin at her.

“So… Can I read that reply of yours in our diary?” She says, eyeing the box.

“What reply?” I feign innocence.

“Come on, Krys. I know you wouldn’t leave the diary just like that without replying to my letter.” She says trying to get her hands on the box but I try my best to block her.

We end up horsing around and playing. Our laughter fills the evening air.

“Okay fine! I do have a reply! But you have to answer this one question.” I say, blocking the box from her.

“What is it?” She smiles, amused.

“Why did you come back to Ice Princess Jung?” I ask, looking at her intently.

She slowly walks towards me with an expression I couldn’t understand. I become nervous of her answer. What if it changed? As she nears me, my heart begins to race and the long forgotten butterflies in my stomach are let out once again. She holds my hand and looks into my eyes.

“I love her.” She says, staring into my eyes oh so lovingly.

“Right answer.” I grin.

“Do I get to read what your reply is now?” She asks, smiling.

“No.” I smirk at her.

Her brows burrow in frustration.

“But I could show you.” I say.

“What is it? Come on, at least show me a bit.” She says, pouting.

I gesture her to come closer… And closer.... Until we’re inches apart from each other. I could feel her breath against mine. I see her looking back at me. I touch our foreheads together and slowly begin to lean in. I see her close her eyes and I close mine. The anticipation building inside me is too much that I begin to tremble. But she holds me still when she put her arms around me. Then… I felt her soft lips touch mine. That moment of hesitation… But finally… Our lips make contact with each other. All the pooled up emotion unleashed and felt within this kiss. All the unspoken love that I have for her given through this kiss. We pull away and she stares at me with loving eyes and red cheeks. I laugh and she laughs with me. Both blushing from the silent confession we just made.

“So… Did that show you my reply?” I say, caressing her face.

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Another please.” She grins

“Stoopid.” I say as I hug her tight.

“I’m your stoopid.” She lovingly says as she hugs me back.

I pull away and look at her. She caresses my face and leans in. I close my eyes and I give her my answer once again.

Under the starry sky of Seoul, I’m finally reunited with my first and last love. I’ve missed her all these time. Everything has changed between us. A change that was meant to be.  Now thinking back at those notebooks that are in the box. They’re not proof anymore. Because all the proof I’ll ever need is with me, having her lips lovingly pressed against mine.

You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours, Amber.

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There we go! Did you  guys like it? I do hope so. Anyways, thank you for reading! Comments, suggestions and violent reactions are welcome! :))

Oh yeah, look what I found! This made my day. Soojung and her evil laugh. LOLOLOLOL. XD