“Here,” he said.

Her eyes fluttered open to a small heart pattern box. It was light in her palms, and various guesses of what might be in the box flooded her mind. She looked up at him and their eyes were locked. “You didn’t have to,” she said.

“But I wanted to, and this too.”

He enclosed the gap between them with a hug. She stood still as his arms encircled her. Warmth spread upon her at their close contact. He pulled away and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while his eyes shifted to the floor.

“Open it,” he softly said.

Slowly, Kaeun opened the lid of the small box. She beamed at Myungsoo as she pulled out a small snow globe. Inside the glass was a statue of a little boy kissing a little girl’s cheek. ‘I Love You’ was encrypted on the bottom half.

Kaeun let out a small, nervous laugh, “Thanks Myungsoo. It’s cute.”

His eyes widened. “You like it?” 

“Of course I do.”

Kaeun smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She loved the gift of course. She never received any presents from a boy before, nonetheless her crush. She already knew what was going to happen next, and she wished it wouldn’t happen. She’ll be just as dejected.

Myungsoo smiled. His lips were curled up like a cat, and his eyes were cutely shaped. Kaeun braced herself for what was about to happen next. “So…” he bit his lip. “Do you like me, Kaeun? If you do, will you be my girlfriend?”

 “I’m sorry Myungsoo…but I rather be friends with you,” Kaeun put the snow globe back in the box. It pained her to say these words, but she had no choice.  His eyes were so loving and tender just a moment before. Just being with him gave her the feeling of kissing cotton candy. And now, his dejected sigh and lowered eyes jabbed her heart. Pathetically, she handed the box back to him. “Here, I don’t deserve it.”

He looked at her with surprise. Gently, he pushed her hand away. “You like it right?” She hesitated before nodding. “Then keep it. I don’t want it,” he whispered the last part and walked away.

Kaeun forced her trembling lips to stop. With a deep breath she yelled, “Merry Christmas Myungsoo! Have a happy new year. I will see you after the holidays!”

Myungsoo lifted a hand up and waved at her without looking back. He exited the spacious classroom. Kaeun cursed at herself. She regretted her answer, but what choice did she have? She blamed her mother for the ‘no boyfriend rule’. Was Kaeun the only daughter who obeyed their mother’s wishes? Kaeun sighed. She blamed herself as well. It was her fault for not saying it earlier to Myungsoo during their friendly conversations. Kaeun doubted that they’ll go back to being ‘friends’.

---

The holidays were over and school started. Many students were depressed at the thought of coming back to school, one of them being Kaeun. After what happened with Myungsoo, she hadn’t talked or texted him once. Seeing how she eventually forgot about him during the holidays, he had to resurface into her mind once again. She didn’t want to face him anymore. She didn’t want to see his face. She didn’t want him to think that she was leading him on. She wasn’t, but being friendly often leads a people to misunderstandings.

Fortunately and unfortunately for Kaeun, Myungsoo left her alone. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn’t have the courage to. On the other hand, she was glad he stopped hanging around her so much. Kaeun was well aware that the both of them didn’t have anything in common. Yet, Myungsoo was still persistent in becoming more than just a friend. Of course, Kaeun wanted more than that as well, but she knew it wouldn’t do her good. Sometimes she just wishes he would leave her alone, so that her mother wouldn’t get suspicious.

Kaeun’s feelings for Myungsoo had never left though. It had always been there. Not once did it leave her heart. Even if it breaks or keeps getting twisted, her feelings remain strong. Especially when Kaeun found out Myungsoo was dating the one girl she disliked. Before that, Kaeun would always convince herself that Myungsoo is just a classmate, nothing more. However, she was terribly wrong when the news of the new couple spread. Her feelings were ignited, and her heart began to crumble.

Kaeun despised the new couple. She even made a bet with her classmate, Sungyeol that Myungsoo would break up with his girlfriend before three months. Unfortunately for Sungyeol, Kaeun won the bet. Ever since then, Kaeun’s feelings for Myungsoo began to grow even more. Those feelings were rooted deep inside her heart.

---

Almost a year has passed since Kaeun’s rejection. The funny thing was it was one week away from the day she rejected Myungsoo.

Kaeun looked outside the frosty window.

White.

All she saw was the whiteness of the snow covered land. Everything in her vision was white. The football field was white. The basketball field was white. Roofs were covered with white, as well as the trees. Kaeun dreamily looked out at the world in front of her. It was during this certain period of time that the world seemed so pure, soft, and majestic.

Kaeun’s day dream was interrupted when the class representative was calling for everyone’s attention.

“Attention please,” he raised his voice over the class’ loud chatter. Everyone stopped what they were doing and listened. “Good. Okay, as all of you may know. Christmas is coming up, and it’s a once a year event which means Secret Santa would be held.” Cheers erupted from half of the class while the rest remained depressed at the possibility of buying a present for someone they don’t like.

“Alright then. Just like last year, it will be within the class. Secret Santa will start next Friday, so don’t be a party pooper and just buy the gifts,” the class representative said. “Now, you will begin drawings names. Don’t tell anyone or show anyone or else I will kill you guys! Seriously, the whole point of Secret Santa is to keep it secret. It annoys me when the person I’m buying a gift for finds out that I’m their Santa,” the representative complained as he looked at everyone sharply in the eye.  With every word he said, everyone nodded in understanding.

“Alright then, I’ll go around to each one of you, and you guys will draw the names from this bag,” he held up a small purple pouch that is usually seen as a magical pouch in fantasy movies.

Kaeun watched as the class president who’s also her close friend walked around. She giggled at some of the student’s reactions.

“YESH!” Sungyeol pumped his fist into the air. “I know exactly what to get this person!”

Kaeun laughed as she clapped at Sungyeol’s exclamations.

The class president, or Hoya as he is known among his peers, walked up to Myungsoo who sat in the back. Kaeun watched as Myungsoo pulled out a piece of paper. His eyes read the name and remained emotionless…like always. Kaeun could never tell what he was thinking. Probably because they lost that ‘connection’ they had a year ago.

Hoya walked up to Kaeun with a smile, “I hope you get me.”

“I wish I wouldn’t.”

Hoya snorted. Kaeun laughed and reached her hand inside for the piece of paper. Her fingers circled in the sea of names. She pulled out a piece, but dropped it back in. “I don’t like that piece,” she said and her fingers continued to search. “Ah, this one!” she exclaimed.

Hoya rolled his eyes, “Finally, it took you long enough.”

Kaeun smiled and opened the folded piece of paper. Her smile fell when she read the name.

“Who did you get?” Hoya asked.

Kaeun snorted, “Asked the guy who said, I quote ‘the whole point of Secret Santa is to keep it secret.’”

“I need to know so I can write the name down.”

“Oh, right.”

---

One week passed, and it was already Friday. Kaeun sighed for the umpteenth time that morning. There was no reason to be depressed, because the whole day the school will be doing Christmas activities. However, Kaeun didn’t want to stay all day at school doing Christmas activities and give her embarrassing present to him after her classmates told her about the cool presents that they got for their Secret Santa. Kaeun walked into the classroom where all the tables were arranged into one big U.

Kaeun placed her present on the lonely table reserved for presents. She slowly walked to a random seat near the window. She sat down and rested her head on the table.

“Tired?” Hoya showed up and sat down next to her.

Kaeun nodded. “I stayed up all night making his present. I hope he likes it,” she yawned and covered .

“I’m sure he will. I bet you it’s one of the only handmade gifts.”

“That’s the problem!” Kaeun sat up and looked at her friend’s face. “Everyone bought pretty presents that are so expressive when it’s really not supposed to be. My looks like crap compared to others.”

“I’m not even going to argue with you,” Hoya sighed. “That reminds me, I have to check the list.” He took out a piece of paper and a pen from his bag and began checking and crossing names.

Kaeun watched him silently. She noticed that it was the Secret Santa list. She looked at it for a long time, and then her phone vibrated. She shifted her eyes away and checked her notifications.

“Hoya, I have a question,” said Haeyoon, one of the girls in the class.

Hoya took his time off the paper and paid attention to her. She asked him questions regarding the activities of the day, and Hoya took his time to answer the questions with as much detail. It’s one of his traits that qualified him as class representative.

“Stupid app notifications,” Kaeun muttered. She put her phone back in her pocket and looked at Hoya, who was busy talking to Haeyoon. Slowly, Kaeun’s eyes shifted to the piece of paper again. With much curiosity, her eyes moved down to her name and next to it was her Secret Santa. Kaeun’s eyes sparkled immediately. Her hopes and fantasies were coming true.

“Hey!” Hoya said causing Kaeun to jump in her seat. “Everyone’s here! Let’s start!”

Kaeun slouched deeper into her chair and covered her face. She secretly smiled.

“Okay, I’ll start handing out the presents!” Hoya hollered and ran to the table stacked with wrapped gifts. With some of the classmates help, all presents were delivered to the right person.

Kaeun watched as everyone open their presents one by one and---

“What is this?” Sungyeol screamed which sounded much like a high screeched dolphin sound. “Who got me this hat?” He raised a black hat with a painted owl on it. In big white letters it said ‘I AM NOT AN OWL.’

Everyone in the class began laughing. Kaeun couldn’t resist the urge to laugh. She clapped her hand as she laughed along with everyone else in a merry mood. From the corner of her eye, she saw Myungsoo laughing. His weird, nasally laugh and eyes that turn into crescents made her smile.

“So, who gave it to you?” One of the classmates asked.

“No idea,” Sungyeol answered and put on the hat. Everyone laughed once again while Sungyeol showed off his new hat.

“I like this gift. Is this painted by hand or what?” A classmate asked as he examined the hat on Sungyeol’s head.

“No idea,” Sungyeol replied again.

Kaeun smiled, she was glad Sungyeol liked the gift she gave him. She looked at her own present wrapped in blue and pink with a little bow. The tag on it read ‘Merry Christmas,’ she smiled. So it really was him. Judging from the good to look at but hard to read handwriting and the message, it must have been Myungsoo.

She gazed at the medium size box. It was light in her palms, and various guesses of what might be inside flooded her mind. Slowly, Kaeun opened the lid of the small box. She stared at Myungsoo from the corner of her eyes after looking at the contents inside. A tube of chocolate and cherry Chap Stick. Kaeun tried to hide her disappointment, but it was hard. She shouldn’t have expected too much, or else she wouldn’t be in such a crestfallen state.

After she read the name next to hers on the list, she felt so happy that Myungsoo was her Secret Santa. Maybe something good will happen, but she was terribly wrong. Ever since the rejection on that very day one year ago, Myungsoo was nothing but a stranger to her. However, her feelings for him were too strong to ignore. She stilled liked him, but he has forgotten her. For a whole year, she convinced herself that he would come back for her.

He didn’t.

Kaeun was dispirited as she stared at the Chap Stick. Was this his way of telling her that she had dry lips? She was well aware of that, but really? Kaeun shook her head. Her mood was getting worse that day especially when she saw Myungsoo and his ex-girlfriend hugging and holding hands.

As ridiculous as it might seem, she almost cried but hid her pain. Her heart was crumbling down. The roots were yanked out of its ground. He never gave her a second chance, but he gave the girl that dumped him a second chance? She felt so, so hurt.

---

Kaeun rubbed her hands together for warmth. The school day was over, and it was time to go home. Kaeun was waiting for her mother to come pick her up outside the school’s gate. Kaeun breathed out and watched her breath float in the blue light.

Everything was blue. The sky was not its ordinary blue, but blue. The snow lying on the rooftops were blue, and the clumps of snow on the tree branches were blue. The snow beneath her feet was blue too. The snow covering her boots were blue. Her emotion and perspective has never been so…blue.

Kaeun thought about Myungsoo. She looked at her shoulder strapped bag. Inside it carried the chocolates and the Chap Stick. The box was kept in her locker. It was unnecessary, she didn’t need it. She didn’t want to see it. It mocked her.

“Kaeun?”

Kaeun stood frozen.

“What are you doing here?”

Kaeun sighed and turned to look at him. “I’m waiting for my mom.”

Myungsoo nodded. “The snow is pretty,” he commented.

She looked down and glared at the snow. But it’s as cold as you, she thought. Her hands were clenched into a fist to keep the tears in.

“Myungsoo!”

The two looked towards the direction of the voice, it was her.

“I got to go. Merry Christmas and happy new year, Kaeun. I’ll see you after the holidays.” Myungsoo smiled.

Kaeun forced a smile, “Right. You too, Merry Christmas. See you.”

“I hope you liked the gift. Your lips have been dry lately,” he commented before waving and running off to her.

A big lumped formed inside Kaeun’s throat. She wanted to push him and his ‘new’ girlfriend into the snow terribly. Even if today was as blue as it was, she could never get rid of him. One way or another, the seed is somewhere deep inside her heart. Day by day, the roots would grow and the plant would emerge. Even though the present left her crestfallen, it was her fault for expecting too much.  She had promised her mother and she was going to keep it despite her wishful thinking. Kaeun could never move on from Myungsoo, the feelings would always be there. Not in her heart, but her head.

Her laughter ringed the air. “Ridiculous...” she muttered as she stomped the blue snow with her feet.

---

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, like it or whatever! Feel free to comment, critize, ask questions, etc. I'll happily take them all in! :D