“Just breathe, in...out...in...out,” Kyungsoo whispered to himself. He gripped the marble counter top as hard as he could, trying to calm himself down. Tears running down his red cheeks.

Things like this had been going on forever for the Korean Pop Idol. The constant feeling of hatred towards himself lingered throughout everything he did. Kyungsoo constantly comparing himself to the other members of EXO. It was a downwards spiral. Drugs, alcohol, and bad habits that left his light skin scarred.

He continued to cry, looking up at himself in the mirror and then back down at his hands below. Kyungsoo dug his hands into the countertop, thinking of ways to make this end. There wasn’t any “happy ending” anymore.

    “I should have continued therapy. I should have never become an Idol. I should have stayed home and made nothing of myself. I should just die,” he began, eventually sinking down to the floor.

    Burying his head in his knees he continued to cry and listen to the music his dorm mates were listening through the walls. They all seemed so happy, so cheerful, and here Kyungsoo was, wishing for an end.

    Fishing through the drawers of the dorm bathroom, Kyungsoo finally found his box. It was a little black box that used to hold his toothbrush and hairbrush in it, however now it had other things occupying it.

    The black-haired male opened the box and inside lay a couple of razor blades, prescription drugs, pain relievers, a lighter, and alcohol. He looked into it, choosing his weapon, and continuing to cry.

    “Why do I have to be so ed up? Why me? Why couldn’t it be someone else?” He thought to himself, carefully grabbing a blade from his box and pulling up his sleeve.

    Kyungsoo held the cold piece to his arm, giving it soft against his pale skin. The soon turned red and started to bleed. This was his favorite part.

    He watched blood roll and drip down his arm and onto his black towel. Counting the lines, he continued to the razor against himself.

    Growing bored with what was probably now considered a daily routine, Kyungsoo grabbed the pain relievers and prescription drugs and popped more of what he needed into his mouth, dry swallowed them, and stood back up.

    “Why am I like this? I want this to end. I hate myself. I hate everything about my life. Maybe I should just--” Kyungsoo thought to himself before noticing the almost full flask of alcohol under him. He picked it up, and thought for a minute.

    Kyungsoo was always on the internet, always. So it would come to no surprise he’s seen somewhere on the internet that if you mix prescription drugs and alcohol… you could die. He thought about that often but never really thought about it until now. Now was his time and he was going to take his chance.

    He started sobbing again, looking at himself in the mirror and opened the flask. Popping a little bit more of the drugs he had, he put the box away, and started drinking.

    A couple minutes passed and Kyungsoo could feel his insides turning. He felt like vomiting, but he couldn’t. Gripping onto his stomach, he fell on the floor. His vision was blurred and he couldn’t hear hear anything or anyone anymore. Was he dying? He hoped so.

-----

    A bright light stabbed Kyungsoo’s eyes. Was he dead? No.

    “He’s waking up! Oh my god, I’m going to start crying,” he heard a voice speak out. It was Baekhyun, his best friend.

    Blinking a couple of times, Kyungsoo finally opened his eyes. He was in a hospital room, and there were flowers everywhere. He looked at himself, he was covered in bandages and tubes.

    He couldn’t fully understand anything before all of his friends clinged themselves to him. Yelling happy thoughts and about how much they loved him.

    “I love you guys. I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo said, hugging them in return the best he could.