He fell in love with him. Whether he liked to admit it or not and even if he didn't notice it for a really long time. He didn't think about it, it never crossed his mind. Because it was so unexpected and not part of his plan. But then again maybe he should have learned his lesson. Nothing was ever according to plan with him. He was free and wild. No regards for rules, right or wrong. He just lived life. Go Nam Soon, his energy was contagious, it was impossible to ignore him. That is how it always had been. 

They first met when when middle school started. They got to sit next to each other. They just clicked. Both too tall already, towering over the other kids. Even if he had been too shy at the moment, his smiling face full of energy let him in and soon enough they were inseparable. Together they lived life to the fullest. Both with difficult family situations it became natural to ignore the rest of the world and just concentrate on each other. 

Every day they would go to school, ignore the teachers and sleep in class. Leave early skipping class. Buy raman and run away from angry shop owners. Get into fights. Go home, eat together and then sleep together. Always ending up cudling, legs tangled and faces close together. He was so used to their intimacy that he couldn't have noticed. Because they lived carelessly without paying attention to anybody else he couldn't have known. To them that was normal. He was used to his heartbeat increasing whenever they were close. He no longer blushed when looking at his face and his smile. It was just the two of them, them against the world. 

No matter where one went the other would follow. he would come watch his soccer games and they would celebrate their wins together. Just like that when he joined the gang it was obvious that he himself would join too. Because he understood. All the anger against his father that needed to be let out. So he was there to make sure he controlled himself. To get him out of trouble. 

That was all until the scouts came for him. With a chance of going to Seoul. A place where both of them couldn't go. Where they would have to be seperated. That was the first time he doubted his feelings for they guy. Because instead of fealing joy at the opportunity and the hard work. Before all that he was the one in his mind. Just thinking about leaving him made him cringe. ' It's this normal? Should I care as much as I do?' he thought. 

The thought itself scared him. And even though he tried to put it behind him, it showed up everywhere. He slowly started questioning himself, what he thought about him and how he reacted to him. Once again not according to plan. Because he wanted to forget about it. That was his conclution. He was just going to ignore it because they were bestfriends and he was just being stupid. But then he saw him. His red lips and beautiful smile and the ways his cheeks were slightly red from the cold. And he caught his heartbeat speeding up and he thought to himself 'beautiful'. And it scared the crap out of him. He was out of it for days. Then he decided to go to Seoul.

Because it was confusing and he didn't want to ruin them. Their friendship. because his mom and his sister needed him. becaused he loved soccer. Because he didn't know what was going on, but it scared him. What scared him the most was that deep down he didn't want to leave. Not for his family. But for him. Because he was all he had, he was home.

Then he had to leave the group. Then the unthinkable happened.

As he laid in the hospital all he could think was that soccer was over. There was no Seoul, no carrier. Now he had nothing, nothing but him. But that made it worse. Because he was the cause for this and to top it of, he hadn't come. He hadn't come yet, now that he needed him. Now that he was lonely as ever, he was not here. He wanted to laugh, cursing himself for the thoughts going through his head the weeks before. Doubting his own feelings for someone who was acting like such a bastard. the he cursed him for making him like this. Crying himself to sleep at night. Confused not knowing whether to pity himself, hate him, forgive him or just call him and say that he needed him here. 

Then he showed up one day. He could see him through the window. And at the moment all he could feel was anger. Anger rushing through his veins. But then he saw his face through the glass. And he could just feel the uncertainty in his eyes. dark shadows under his eyes. He looked so small and afraid. He looked sorry. But at the time the anger was controlling him and he didn't want to forgive. Deep in his mind he was screaming. ' Don't you dare leave me! Get up here you bastard so I can beat your ! But don't leave me! I need you here!'

It was futile though. That was the last time he saw him. 

Well this is my first fic in a very long time. This is told from HeungSoo's POV, it's kind of confusing I know.

Hope you guys like it :)