A Full Circle
A Full Circle
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Yoona was tired.
She was tired of all the fights, the raging anger and the bitter aftertaste of nasty words exchanged. The doe-eyed beauty stared silently at her boyfriend of three years, watching as the tall handsome man raved and ranted while pacing back and forth in agitation. She couldn't even remember what they were fighting about in the first place and Yoona wondered when did having spats and cold-wars defined their once blissful relationship. "What happened to us?" questioned Yoona inwardly, fighting to urge to let her tears run free while she tackled the upheaval of emotions within. Caught up in venting his frustrations, her male counterpart had not even realized that she wasn't retorting back as she usually would in their scream-fest. "Changmin, stop..." whispered Yoona. Changmin halted mid-step, startled by the broken tone of his girlfriend. Turning his body so as to face her, the singer's heart tugged at the sight of the defeated look in Yoona's tearful gaze. Changmin's breath hitched in his throat, knowing that the words that his girlfriend was about to say next would not bode well for their relationship. "I can't do this anymore, Min. I can't." murmured Yoona in a pained voice, her eyes pleading. Changmin held Yoona's gaze with his, his eyes seeing nothing but the b crystal tears that were threatening to overflow from the chocolate brown orbs he loved dearly. "I'm tired, Changmin. I'm tired of everything." Complete silence seeped into the room at Yoona's words, no other words were needed to be exchanged. It was as clear as it could be, was it not? Her last five words spoke volumes and Changmin understood every implication her words had suggested. It had always been this way between the two of them, the ability to understand the other completely and perfectly, even without words. Changmin knew that Yoona had reached the end of her rope; that she was done fighting for this relationship. He knew that every time they fought, he killed a part of her as much as the fight killed a part of him. He knew that what killed Yoona the most was not the fights but the fact that they weren't talking to each other anymore. On the rare occasions where they weren't shouting or screaming at the other, there was barely any form of communication between them left; only the terrible icy silence and curt goodbyes. And what killed Changmin the most was that he knew... he knew that he was responsible for all of that but yet he did nothing. He did nothing but to let their relationship waste away with every poisonous spats aimed to hurt, even if it killed him inside... even if it was costing him one of the best things he ever had in his entire life. Yoona stared at the stoic mask of the love of her life, a look which the beauty recognized all too well. The hard glint in the latter's eyes would have others convinced that they were facing a cold unfeeling man but the SNSD member knew better than that. This was her Changmin... her best friend of eleven years and counting, her other half and she knew him as much as he knew her. He was the Changmin whom risked the torrent rain, running across the street without any cover just to get her the hot chocolate she needed to ease her period cramps. Her beloved Changmin who stood up to all her SM oppas, all proud and tall when the DBSK maknae first declared that he was to be included in the long line of adherent suitors wooing for the deer's heart. He who would hold her so close when she teetered too close to her breaking point... The man who gave her the heavenliest kisses one after the after, showed her the stars whenever he made love to her. The same man whom had a habit of burrowing his head into the crook of her neck like a little lost puppy whenever he was upset or had a long day at work. Her Changmin... an amazing man with an iron will, so alive with the intensity of his emotions that it genuinely baffled her when people around her told her that he was one of the most unapproachable person that they had ever met. Couldn't they see the warmth in his crinkling mismatched eyes? The concern he has for others embedded within his snarky comments? The intimidating front was nothing more than a façade designed to deter others away when Changmin was feeling emotionally vulnerable. Yoona used to take pride in the fact that she was one of the few capable of getting past Changmin's infuriating obstacles, to get him to open up towards her... but not anymore. Yoona wasn't sure when it all started, but for the longest time, she found herself unable to climb over the high walls her lover had barricaded himself with. Thinking that it was just a phase, she had given Changmin the space he needed, comforting herself by assuming things would get better in time and all would be well once more... only to find out that they were drifting apart further than she would have thought possible. It was only then that it hit her; anxiety, sorrow and frustrations all rolled into one hard mind-blowing punch, she could no longer read her Changmin... not anymore. With a weary sigh, Yoona was ready to call it quits when something made its way onto Changmin's poker face for the briefest second. Yoona wasn't fast enough to catch nor decipher it but whatever it was, it was enough to convince Yoona to give it one last shot, one last fighting chance for their withering love. "It's just... you don't talk to me nowadays. It feels like you're miles away even if I was right next to you and honestly, the thought of it terrifies me to no end because it can only mean that I'm losing you." stated Yoona, her voice quivering with the intensity of her emotions. "Say something." begged Yoona after a moment of silence, "Anything that would give me a reason to continue fighting for us. Let me in Changmin... let me in." And when Changmin remained unmoving, Yoona felt her heart sank as the last of her hope extinguished right before her eyes. "See what I mean, Min?" chuckled Yoona bitterly, "Even if I begged like a pitiful fool, you're still shutting me out. Frankly, I had enough. I want out." Changmin watched as his girlfriend made her way across the hall to the door, grabbing her beige Burberry coat off the coat rack before spinning on her heel to face him. Blinking rapidly to prevent her tears from spilling over, Yoona gave Changmin one last tender look, the sorrow in her bright doe eyes nearly brought him to his knees. "Goodbye Changmin." and with that, his Yoona left, along with the remaining pieces of his broken heart. It was only when did the door click shut did Yoona allowed her tears to fall, to grieve over everything that was lost between them. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Changmin was aware of the ticking sound of the clock hung on the wall, conscious of the silence resonating in his empty apartment but more than anything, he felt the consequences of his decision beating at him relentlessly; eating him inside out with each passing second. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. and Changmin wondered if the clock had always been this loud. Changmin stared blankly at the white ceiling, an arm resting on his forehead as he laid on the cream coloured couch. In all honesty, Changmin couldn't quite remember when had he made his way to the couch. It was almost as if his mind went on auto-pilot right after watching the love of his life leave, his thoughts comprising of nothing but superfluous inane things to keep himself preoccupied, away from the crushing pain he knew that he would have felt should he allow himself to feel any emotions. The idol knew he hadn't had the right... the right to drown in his guilt, to allow his regrets to wash onto him, to feel the wrenching sorrow of losing his beloved... He lost his right the moment he allowed Yoona to walk out of the door without as much as trying to hold her back, when he practically vetoed on the last chance that his deer had pleaded for him to take. Changmin was no fool. He knew the words to say that would have kept Yoona from leaving him... but he didn't. He was a man with few words, utterly terrible at expressing himself, much less his emotions, and what made things worse was that his pride had gotten in his way this time round. Changmin heard the whispers; that he wasn't good enough for her, that she would be better off with someone else, more compatible with Korea's perfect man Lee Seung Gi. They would make the golden couple, they say and it certainly had not helped Changmin's situation when the TVXQ member himself had seen the possible chemistry that could have blossomed between the two based on their past interactions. Needless to say, Changmin felt even smaller when Yoona mentioned that she does indeed view Seung Gi as the perfect ideal man, and that was when the former's doubts had finally gotten the best of him. Make no mistakes, Changmin had wanted to come clean to Yoona, to confess everything that was eating him inside, for Yoona to wash away each and every single insecurities he had with her love and
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