Chapter 4

Taemin struggled through the class, trying not to draw attention to himself as coughs still tried to force their way out of his chest, he could almost feel the thick mucus climbing up his throat to be expelled with the coughs, but he did his best to hold it in, to make it so he wasn’t coughing and he wasn’t drawing attention to himself.

Of course, he all but failed that feat as he felt all eyes around the room focused on him. He might have been right, or it might have been paranoia, but he could feel their gazes on him, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

It hadn’t been like this in Seoul, they’d known him and his condition after having grown up with almost everyone in his class, they were used to his coughs and he was no longer a novelty in his class, no longer something to stare at and gossip about… he was going right back to that stage and he hated it

Anxiety curled in his stomach and tightened his chest even more, struggling to tear out of him as his already laboured breathing quickened.

He tried to take a deep breath, tried to steady himself as Kai lent over, asking him in a hushed whisper if he was okay. He was grateful for Kai of course, grateful for his friend’s concern, but the said concern just pulled more attention to his situation as Jinki stopped waffling on about the book they were studying, coming to look at the sick boy sat at the desk by the window.

“Are you alright, Taemin?” He asked with a frown.

Taemin tried to clear his throat, giving a small nod. “I’m fine,” He croaked out, clearing his throat once more and trying again. “I’m alright, thank you sir.”

Jinki nodded although his frown didn’t fade, and went back to teaching, despite the fact it was very obvious that Taemin wasn’t listening to anything going on around him.

The teenager leant forward, resting his head on the desk in an attempt to clear his airways a little as he curled in on himself, hoping and praying that the discomfort would pass without him having to expel mucus around all of his classmates, hoping that he could get through the day without any embarrassments.

Finally, the bell rang and students began to stand, packing their books away into their bags and hurrying out of the classroom to get to their next one. Taemin didn’t however, he didn’t have the energy to stand as he struggled to pull enough oxygen into his lungs. It was so rare he had this much of a problem with his condition, it was always quite well controlled despite being severe, and having two problems in the space of two days was almost unheard of for the boy.

But even as students began to funnel out of the room, the anxiety tightening Taemin’s lungs didn’t lessen, his panic didn’t fade. He could still feel all eyes on his back, watching him and judging his every move, coming up with rumours to spread or jokes to laugh about.

“Taemin-hyung?” He heard a voice call to his right, Taemin slowly struggling to lift his head and look at the familiar boy calling his name. “Hyung are you okay?” Kai stood beside him, a hand gentle on his back as he rubbed circles into the heaving muscles.

Jinki was right beside him as well, standing between Taemin and the window, while the other three boys who had been in the room when Taemin entered watched him worriedly. “Taemin, are you sure you’re alright? You’re quite pale.”

“Can’t breathe properly,” Taemin croaked out, smacking on his chest slightly. “Leave,” He tried, looking up towards Key, Minho and Jonghyun. “Please,”

Jonghyun shook his head stubbornly and walked forward, getting behind Taemin and beginning to pound on his back.

Within seconds, the clump that had been bothering Taemin for the better part of an hour dislodged, Taemin catching it in a tissue as it escaped from his mouth. He took in a gasping breath, trying to replace the oxygen he had lost in the hour he’d been struggling.

“Thanks,” He croaked out, exhausted, while he leant forward and began rooting through his bag, pulling out an inhaler like object that he put to his lips, inhaling the medication.

“Don’t mention it…” Jonghyun trailed off, walking over back to Key and Minho who continued to watch Taemin with a frown.

Jinki sighed. “Taemin-ah, you really shouldn’t have let it get that bad, you could have excused yourself you know, I would have understood.”

Taemin shook his head in response. “Didn’t want the special treatment,” His voice was clearer now, if not still a little pained. “I could get through it.”

“You almost didn’t,” Minho shot back, glaring slightly. Taemin flinched at the hostility, looking down at the ground. “I’m sorry.”

His breathing began to speed up again, the iron fist of panic attacking his throat and chest once again. His eyes began unfocusing, the people around him sounding as if they were speaking underwater.

“Taemin, stop panicking, it’s okay, you’re fine,” He could hear Kai beside him, shaking at his shoulders and trying to make him focus. “Hyung, you’re okay!”

But Taemin couldn’t calm, he couldn’t catch his breath and it just made the panic increase. Was this it? Was he finally going to die after so many years of holding on throughout his treatments, holding on through his doctors telling him that he was going to be lucky to live until he’s 2, then 5, then 10… was he finally going to die at 18?

He couldn’t remember anything else as the panic swallowed him and he faded into darkness.

------

Taemin awoke to a slow, steady beeping around him, his eyes slowly opening to see the bright white hospital ceiling above him.

“You gave everyone quite a scare there you know, Taemin,” A deep voice from Taemin’s left said as he jumped, quickly turning to face him. Next to the sick boy sat one of the three who had moved to Yeoju with his teacher.

“…Minho?” He asked, scrubbing at his sore, gunky eyes to try and clear his vision a little.

“The one and only.”

“What are you doing here…?”

Minho sighed slightly, giving Taemin a weak smile. “I felt a little responsible. You were obviously on edge and feeling quite terrible yet I still snapped at you and gave you a panic attack. You passed out from it so Jinki-hyung brought you here to make sure you were alright. I shouldn’t have snapped, I’m sorry, I was just a little worried is all.”

Taemin frowned, sitting up straighter and leaning against his pillows. “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine…”

“Taemin,” A relieved sigh came from the door to the room, his brother hurrying inside with Jinki behind him. “Thank gods you’re alright. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, Sun-hyung,” He replied with a smile, relaxing into his brother’s grip at Taesun hugged him tight. “I’m okay.”

“The doctor is talking to your mother and father now, Taemin,” Jinki told him in a gentle voice, smiling over at his student. “I believe everything is alright with you, but they just want to make sure on it, that’s all. I think they’re letting you go home tonight.”

“Yeah,” Taesun sighed, before leaning over and smacking Taemin on the back of the head.

“Ouch!”

“Stop getting yourself put in hospital, Taemin-ah! Seriously, we moved here so you’d get better, not so you’d end up in hospital on the second day!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Taemin defended, putting his hands up to defend himself from his brother. “What time is it anyway? It’s really dark in here…”

Minho sighed again as he looked at the LED watch on his wrist. “Just gone 2am.”

Taemin spluttered on the water he was sipping. “W-what? 2am!?” Minho nodded in response.

“Yeah, you’ve been out for a while.”

“The doctors sedated you, you kept waking up when Jinki-ssi brought you here.” Taesun told him grimly. “Every time you woke up you were panicking and working yourself up, so they sedated you. It seems to have worked though, you seem pretty calm now.”

“I am,” Taemin admitted before turning to his teacher. “Thank you for helping me,” He told him with a smile. “You didn’t have to stay, neither did you, Minho.”

Minho scoffed slightly in response. “If Jinki-hyung stayed, I had to as well, he’s my lift home since I live with him.”

“Minho, be nice. You could have gone home with Key and Jonghyun you know, you chose to join us at the hospital.”

“You chose to join us at the hospital.” Minho mocked with a scowl.

“Either way, I’m glad you’re okay, Taemin. I wanted to make sure you were feeling better before Minho and I left.”

Taemin got up and bowed slightly towards his teacher and Minho. “Thank you for helping me, I’m sorry for causing a disruption to your day.”

“Nonsense,” Jinki smiled, ruffling Taemin’s hair. “You couldn’t help it, just try to pay more attention in class, okay? You need to know what I’m teaching you if you’re going to pass the class. I’ll see you in school in the next few days, okay?”

“I’ll be there in the morning, sir.”

Taesun shook his head. “No you won’t, it’s 2am and you haven’t been discharged yet, you won’t have slept enough to go to school.”

Taemin groaned. “Sun-hyung, you’re not my dad. I want to go to school tomorrow!”

“We’ll see how you feel, Minnie.”

He groaned again, turning back to his teacher. “Sorry, Jinki-ssi, I’ll see you in class.” Taemin bowed again.

“No problem, goodbye, Taemin, feel better soon.” Jinki took Minho’s hand, gently pulling him out of the room.

Taemin sighed slightly as his parents came in the room, holding a small bag and some pieces of paper.

“What’re those?” Taemin asked with a frown.

“Oh, Minnie, you’re awake!” His mother exclaimed, hurrying over and hugging him. “We were so worried!”

“I’m fine, I just got a bit anxious and shaky, that’s all…”

“A full blown panic attack isn’t getting ‘a bit anxious’, Taemin.” Taesun deadpanned from the side of the bed. He ignored Taemin’s glare.

“Either way, Son,” His dad continued for his mother. “We’re glad you’re okay. The doctor has prescribed you some anxiety medication, you weren’t doing too well when you got here. Every time you woke you were panicking then blacking out again, so we need to add these to your cocktail of drugs.”

Taemin sighed. “Brilliant. Can we go home now?”

“Yeah, you’ve been discharged to leave whenever you woke.” His mother smiled. “Let’s go.”