If you ask Taeyeon, she would never admit to being depressed. She feels hauntingly empty day after day, though. Sometimes, she feels like her soul is slowly being drawn into an abyss of darkness. But no, she isn’t depressed. Taeyeon prefers the term “lonely”.

Taeyeon can’t help but to scan the living room every time the others stumble through the doors. She hears Stephanie whine about missing the first ten minutes of Gossip Girl before she can catch a glimpse of her. Soonkyu rolls her eyes in annoyance. And Jessica. She can see Jessica – her Jessica – watching from afar with amused eyes.

One blink and it all disappears. Taeyeon often forgets that they no longer live together. Forgets that everything is different now. That Jessica is gone.

When Taeyeon awakes in the middle of the night, drenched in cold sweat, her natural instinct is to make her way across the hallway and wake Jessica, seeking the comfort of her protective arms and quiet whispers of sweet nothings. It’s not until she is standing in front of her door that Taeyeon realises that Jessica isn’t here anymore and the cold feeling of emptiness engulfs her once more.

It’s moments like these that makes Taeyeon feel alone.