A/N: This is something I merely wish would happen. Even though it's getting easier with time, it still isn't fully healed. Let me know if you all feel the same way too! We need to band together.:)

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“Here you go hyung!” Chanyeol shoves a gift in Joonmyun’s face. “I got this especially for you.” Even as he’s grinning, there’s still a shred of sadness in his eyes that is probably present in everyone else’s as well.

“I miss him,” Zitao whispers softly to Luhan and the elder nods, his smile sympathetic.

“I know. We all do.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Baekhyun yells at them, gesturing them over to the couch where the others are all gathered around. “You’re missing an opportunity to give Joonmyun hyung your presents.”

“Who’s to say I got him anything?” counters Jongin cockily, even as Kyungsoo nudges him, rolling his eyes. It’s a small slice of normalcy among all this confusion.

“How rude of you,” Sehun says, scooting over on the floor to make room for Luhan as the elder leads Zitao over by the hand, wanting to try and get his mind off of things.

Jongin sticks his tongue out. “Like you got him anything.” It’s good to see some things never change.

“I actually did,” the maknae retorts. Usually he wouldn’t be at such odds with Jongin but he knows everyone needs some distractions, so he throws himself wholeheartedly into the random bickering Jongin is setting up.

“You guys did a terrible job with Chanyeol hyung’s present,” chimes in Jongdae casually, walking in the room with Minseok, both of them carrying a couple presents each.

Zitao in a breath. That had been during EXO Showtime, where they were all still together and happy, unaware about the hardships to come.

He misses that.

Joonmyun, noticing Zitao’s slight sadness and discomfort, pats his knee in hopes to comfort him. It is his birthday but it’s just not the same.

He remembers last year, when they were all a family together, without a tense cloud hanging above everyone’s head. It’s like walking on eggshells now. And he hates it.

Everyone is trying to act like everything’s normal, like they aren’t missing a piece of their hearts, but it’s still glaringly obvious and painful.

It’s not always something physical that can kill and sometimes all it takes is a simple goodbye with no explanation that really hurts inside.

“That’s all behind us,” Joonmyun says gently, wanting to get things back on track. Now without…Yifan, he’s on his own to take care of the rest of EXO. It’s going to be so hard. He doesn’t even want to think about it. But it’s hard not to think. Why can’t I just shut my mind off?

It’s even worse that they don’t really have an idea of what is going on. They had had no idea about even the possibility of a lawsuit when it suddenly occurred and they are in the dark as much as everybody else.

The only one who really understands what is going on is Yifan. And he’s not here.

There’s silence for a few moments as they all understand the hidden meaning to Joonmyun’s words.

“I made cake,” Kyungsoo announces with fake cheerfulness, breaking the silence. It’s hard putting up a happy front but until they know what’s going on, it’s what they’re going to have to do.

“Really?” Jongin looks excited as he reaches over to hug the elder. “Thanks hyung!”

“It’s not for you,” Jongdae says. Minseok shakes his head at his boyfriend’s behavior. He’s tried to control him but it’s hopeless. “It’s for Joonmhyun hyung. Who said you get any?”

“I did,” states Jongin proudly. “Right hyung?”

Joonmyun smiles gently. Even without Yifan here, he still has to be strong and keep these guys in line. After all, what kind of leader would he be if he let things fall apart? “It’s for everyone, if Kyungsoo’s fine with it.”

“That’s why I made it,” the owl-eyed boy admits. “It’s just not to sit there and look pretty.”

“But it is pretty,” protests Yixing. “I don’t want to eat something so pretty.”

Sehun smirks, an idea popping in his head. “I do.” He leans over and presses his lips suddenly to Luhan’s, who is a little shocked by the sudden affection. He responds for a second before trying to pull away but the younger doesn’t let him. For a few minutes, all Sehun wants to do is lose himself in Luhan and not think.

“Come on guys, not in public,” groans Minseok, too used to seeing his best friend and maknae randomly make out.

“They aren’t in public,” points out Baekhyun, leaning against Chanyeol’s legs. The taller is sitting on the couch and immediately starts to play with Baekhyun’s hair.

 Zitao bites his lip as he watches his friends joke around. As hard as it is on them, with Joonmyun losing his other leader and Jongin his English teacher and Sehun his ‘appa’, and Yixing his rock, Zitao has it worse than any of them.

He lost not only his best friend but his first love as well. His other half.

Yifan hasn’t picked up the phone since the whole thing except two days after the announcement. And he had only responded to Zitao, informing him that he misses them all.     

And that was it. They haven’t heard from him since and that’s even worse, adding it to the fact they don’t have any idea what is going on and their first concert is in a couple days. It’s been hard, trying to remake the chorography without Yifan and the only reason they have this night off is because it is Joonmyun’s birthday. Otherwise, they’d still be practicing.

There’s some small part of Zitao that hates Yifan for this, hates him for coming and destroying the crystal walls they built around themselves, hates him for ripping it all apart when they had the world at their feet, hates him for leaving and not telling anyone.

And then he feels bad about that because he loves Yifan no matter what and he can’t bear to imagine a world without him, EXO without him. There is no EXO without Yifan.

“Zitao, don’t cry.”

The maknae blinks his eyes, not even noticing some tears had fallen until Joonmyun said something. He angrily swipes them away but he is the crybaby of the group after all and more continue to fall.       

“Oh Zitao, come here.” Joonmyun pulls the younger closer, his own heart breaking with every light sob that trembles through Zitao. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay.”  

“S-sorry,” sniffs Zitao through his tears, burying his face in Joonmyun’s shoulder. It is the leader’s birthday after all and here he is, ruining it with his stupid crying. He can’t help it.  

Yifan is the best thing to happen to him. Now it’s the worst. He can’t decide if he would rather never have met him at all or meet him all over again.

“It’s fine honey,” Baekhyun says, his own face sad as he pats Zitao's thigh comfortingly, the only part of the younger he can reach. “We understand.”

“I j-just…mi-miss him so mu-much,” Zitao hiccups and he doesn’t even notice that some of the others have started crying too, even though they said they never would.

Minseok lets Jongdae lean on his chest, his hair soothingly as the younger tries to fight back his own tears. It’s not working and some leak down anyway.

“Me too,” whispers Luhan, letting Sehun wrap an arm around his shoulders and kiss his forehead, his cheeks, anything to try and make things better. He tastes salty, salty love and tears mixing.

Jongin has snuggled closer to Kyungsoo, silent tears streaming down his face as he watches his friends slowly break one by one. No one had ever told him that once people are broken in certain ways, there is no way to fix them. It’s surprising him now to see them break, member by member and he thought he would be broken much later on.

But he realizes it may have already happened.

“I’m proud of you all,” Joonmyun says suddenly and they all look at him, confused at why he would say something like that at a time like this.

“Wh-what do you mean?” asks Yixing, rubbing his own eyes to keep them from tearing. Joonmyun smiles sadly and lets him curl into his side. He now has Zitao on one side and Yixing on the other, his arms around them both as if trying to hold them together with only his limbs.

“You guys have being handling this really well,” he begins, feeling a piece of concrete in his throat. But he continues on, not wanting to let that stop him from saying what he really needs to say. “Instead of freaking out, you are working harder than ever. Instead of refusing to do anything, you practice as if your life depends on it.”

“It does,” Chanyeol says weakly, a sad half-smile on his face.

“Everyone is acting very professional,” Joonmyun continues, forcing himself to not cry, to not cry, to not cry. He’s usually the one who cries when singing but he can’t break down now because if he does, there really will be nothing holding them together and they will all shatter. And then where would they be? “I couldn’t be prouder. And I know if…if Yifan was here, he would say the same.”

There’s a soft sob from Zitao at the mention of the elder’s name but he doesn’t let go of Joonmyun. Everyone else is quiet, with the occasional sniffing and sobbing noises. Like Joomyun had said, they never really got a chance to truly break down and let it all out and cry.

There have been some instances where one of them would find another crying in the bathroom or despondently staring out the window or working too hard during practice to lose themselves. Those would resolve quickly though and they would be on their way. No time had been given to truly let everything out but Zitao’s sudden crying had triggered everyone else to start too.

“Thanks hyung.” Chanyeol reaches down to hold one of Baekhyun’s hands, feeling the smaller squeeze it tightly as an outlet. “We’ve been trying."

“You’ve been doing wonderfully."     

They all freeze at that voice, time seeming to stop. Slowly, as if they are connected, they turn their heads towards the door where Yifan is standing. No one moves, thinking if they do, Yifan would disappear.

“I…don’t believe it,” Luhan says faintly, blinking his eyes rapidly.

“Hyung?” whispers Jongin, his eyes wide as dinner plates.

“I’m dreaming. Tell me I’m dreaming,” Yixing says, his breath caught in his chest as he stares at his leader.

“You’re not,” Yifan says and that’s when all heck breaks lose

“Hyung!” Zitao leaps at him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. The rest of the group follows him, tackling the leader to the floor, until he’s covered by eleven people.

“You saekki!” screams Chanyeol, his smile so wide that his cheeks are hurting.

“How could you do this to us?” Baekhyun starts to beat him with his fist, even though it’s an awkward angle with Jongdae on top of him and Zitao blocking most of Yifan.

“You stupid, stupid leader,” grumbles Sehun, blinking back happy tears. Because Oh Sehun never cries.

“Idiot!” Jongin yells. “You idiot hyung, I can’t believe you.” Being the most flexible, he manages to whack Yifan in the shoulder, bending his arm around Minseok.

“I think we should get off of him,” Joonmyun suggests, noticing Yifan is pale, even as he is smiling. “I think we’re killing him.”          

“He deserves it!” declares Jongdae but slides off the leader, while the others do the same until only Zitao is still hugging Yifan.

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” Minseok says as they all settle back down. Now that the happiness is over, they are all glaring at Yifan, waiting for an explanation.

“How did you get in?” asks Baekhyun. “Did SM let you in?”

“That’s doubtful,” snorts Kyungsoo.

Yifan merely smiles. He still has Zitao hugging him, with Jongin snuggling close on one side and Luhan hugging Yifan’s other arm. The rest are crowded around, wanting to be as close to the elder as possible. “I managed. I couldn’t miss Joonmyun’s birthday.”

“You almost ruined it, you idiot,” mutters Baekhyun but he is smiling anyway.

“I know and I’m sorry about that.”

“Is that the only thing you’re sorry about?” accuses Jongdae but Joonmyun shakes his head at him, putting a hand on his thigh.

“Let’s not accuse him or anything, okay? This is a happy time.”

"We missed you,” Luhan whispers. “You’re not really leaving us, are you?”

“We won’t let you!” agrees Chanyeol, pulling Baekhyun into his lap as if to prove his point of not letting anyone leave.

“I missed you.” Zitao smiles, his eyes sparkling, all the sadness from before vanished. Yifan frowns, using the hand that’s not claimed by Luhan to brush at the younger’s cheeks.

“Have you been crying?”

“We’ve all been crying idiot hyung,” Jongin retorts and Yifan looks around at them, noticing for the first time dried tear tracks on some of his friends faces.

“Don’t cry, I don’t like it when you cry.” Yifan presses a kiss to Zitao’s forehead and the younger closes his eyes, sighing happily.

“What happened to you?” Kyungsoo looks him up and down, noticing he’s a little thinner than before.  His face is slightly pale and there’s tiredness in his eyes that wasn’t there before.

“Do you know how hard it was to learn all the chorography again without you?” pouts Sehun. “We never realized how much we needed you.”

Yifan Zitao’s hair and the maknae leans into the touch. “I need you guys too.”

“Do you even realize how hard it is to take care of them all without you?” jokes Joonmyun, not even able to put into words how much the other leader’s return means to him.

“We are not that hard to take care of!” scowls Jongin. Jongin being sassy, check.

“Speak for yourself,” mutters Jongdae. Yifan smiles again, glad to see that everyone hasn’t lost their sparkle at his lawsuit claims. At least some things never change.

“Actually, we kind of are,” volunteers Minseok and Jongdae looks up at him from his spot on his shoulder. “Well, at least you guys are anyway.”

“You’re the one who never goes shopping!” accuses Chanyeol, still beaming and Yifan thinks it’s almost blinding. Chanyeol still smiling, check.

“You’re the one who eats everything, hyung,” Sehun tells Chanyeol, who pouts at him and whines to Baekhyun who just kisses him on the cheek.

Baekhyun controlling him, check. Sehun acting like the bratty maknae, check.

“How did you survive indeed,” Yifan mumbles, laughing along with the others at Chanyeol’s dramatic reaction.

“Yifan hyung, did it hurt you too?” Zitao asks softly, hearing the elder’s heartbeat. He missed it so much. He used to listen to it every night when they slept together, the one thing that could calm him down. He missed it. He missed Yifan’s voice and his reassurances and his heartbeat and his everything.

“Did what hurt?”

Everyone is quiet now, watching to two interact. They know it was so much harder for Zitao than any of them.

“Being without us?”

Yifan’s throat is suddenly choked up and clogged and he finds it hard to speak. But he manages. “Y-yeah. It was hard."

“Why’d you leave?” Luhan looks up at him with his doe-eyes and it takes everything in Yifan not to break down right then. Luhan has a way of pulling words from Yifan without him being able to stop. And mostly he doesn’t mind it.

“The more important question is why did you come back?” Joonmyun says, gazing intently at the other leader. What would they do without him? We are one. Always and forever.

Right?

“Because you’re my family,” Yifan answers finally, looking at each one in turn and how much each of them means to him. “I have a galaxy of love for you.”