“Why do you always carry around that stupid camera if you’re never going to post any of the pictures? It seems a little useless.” Daehyun said to Youngjae as they sat in their hotel room. He reached out for it, but Youngjae held it close to his chest.

                “It’s none of your business, and you’re never going to look at it. Ever. I’ll sleep with one eye open if it means you don’t touch it.” Youngjae said, and Daehyun scoffed, wiggling his toes and looking out the window. America was nice and all, but it was no Korea. He was always a home boy, which is why he didn’t take a lot of pictures himself. He knew it would make him homesick.

                “Do you have nudes on there or something, you sick ?” Daehyun asked, and Youngjae just rolled his eyes.

                “You sure have gotten liberal with your cursing ever since you said ‘’ in Dallas.” Youngjae joked. Daehyun again, scoffed.

                It had been a year since their last world tour, and it was certainly tiring. California was only so big and Daehyun wished Yongguk would let them take a break. The two weeks they got off a year wasn’t quite nearly enough since he felt like he should be obligated to go save the world in his free time. Youngjae, it seemed, had at least picked up a stable hobby while Daehyun’s favorite pastimes included sleeping, eating a lot, and not being able to finish because he was too tired, and sleeping again.

                It had also been a year that Daehyun had come to terms with himself that Youngjae would never quite feel the same way he felt about him. He was strictly a friend, while Daehyun couldn’t help but to have his eyes linger just a little too long on the younger when he stepped out of the shower. Every morning, he wanted to tell Youngjae that he looked beautiful when he slept, but he also didn’t want to be publically humiliated on Twitter again because that was enough for him to get the message. He thought that Youngjae might have been even straighter than Junhong if there was such a thing. They were good enough friends they his manliness might have rubbed off on each other and that made Daehyun all the more irritated. He rolled his eyes and Youngjae side-eyed him.

                “What’s got you in such a sour mood?” Youngjae asked, looking up from his camera and over to the older boy. Daehyun sighed out and shrugged his shoulders.

                “It’s nothing.” he replied. Youngjae didn’t waiver though.

                “That doesn’t sound like nothing. You sound really troubled. We’re friends you know. You can talk to me.” Youngjae said, and Daehyun just nodded. He would never talk to Youngjae about Youngjae because that would be a dead giveaway about his crush on him. He couldn’t even use different pronouns or make it sound like he liked some phantom girl because they were with each other all the damn time. He’d probably bottle it all up and cry about it later to Yongguk or Himchan, who both were more liberal than his mouth. Himchan might as well rainbows with how flaming he is and Yongguk is Gandhi reborn, or so Daehyun thought.

                “I’m just stressed out like all of us are, you know?” Daehyun lied. He wasn’t stressed. He was used to it. He was used to the endless touring and the night after night concerts that even his precious tea couldn’t sooth. His throat felt raw and the only times he ever cried on stage anymore was when he was thinking about how deep in the friend pit he was with Youngjae because nothing was worse than touring and sharing a good time with the light of your life every night. But he doesn’t know. Daehyun wiggled his toes again and thought about how gross his feet were and that he should talk to Jongup just for the sake of the young boy shelling out compliments. At 22, Daehyun felt like his life was slipping away fast and his promise to get married early was becoming more like a distant dream if anything. The media kept asking him and the smile he had to present was so forced he felt like his skin was going to crack.

                And it didn’t help him either that his acne would flare up again and he’d look like a piece of pizza and the makeup he had to wear to cover it up made him probably a while eight pounds heavier. Even his abs were fading while Youngjae got more and more attractive each day. Daehyun looked over to him, and Youngjae snapped a picture.

                “Stop that!” Daehyun yelled, and Youngjae gently smiled at him because had he not, Daehyun probably would have punched him and started yet another fight. He didn’t actually hate Youngjae, but it was as best as he was going to get when it came to Youngjae being rough. He always made such y faces when he was pissed and once Daehyun got a hard on and thank God Youngjae didn’t notice because Daehyun simultaneously got a nose bleed and he ran off to the bathroom. The fights always happened in hotels and Daehyun probably thought it was because he not only was a home boy, but because he also got horrid cabin fever.

                “But you’re so good looking Daehyun, I can’t help it.” Youngjae said, and Daehyun bit his lower lip.

                “Don’t say that. That’s how rumors start.” he said back, but he didn’t care about the rumors. Daehyun would love for there to be rumors actually. He needed a good scandal with the perfect idol boy group.

                “Please, don’t let that bother you. You and I both know we’re just friends, and that’s all that matters, right?” Youngjae asked. The last word cracked, but Daehyun pretended not to notice.

                “But doesn’t it make you uncomfortable when you see fanart and people writing about us being in a relationship?” Daehyun asked. Youngjae just shrugged and he put his camera into a large bag that Daehyun had never been able to look in. No had ever been. Youngjae guarded that thing with his life, and Daehyun pointed to it. “Can I look?”

                “No, and no. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable because I’m not weird like you. I just brush it off and it only makes me want to move away from you more and more but you insist on being so touchy in front of cameras. And also, you’re not allowed to look into the bag. I’m working on a project.” Youngjae said, and Daehyun felt his heart sink into his stomach, but he dropped the subject.

                “What’s the project?” he asked.

                “A surprise.”

                “For who?”

                “I’m not telling.” Youngjae said, and Daehyun was starting to feel that anger in himself again because Youngjae had been so secretive for a best friend. He found himself wanting to hit the maknae a lot more now because Youngjae would sneak into his room and spend the night there and Daehyun rolled off the bed and approached Youngjae with a scowl.

                “Let me look.” Daehyun demanded this time. “I’m your hyung.”

                “Barely.” Youngjae shot back. “Why does it matter to you so much, and why are you being so cryptic and emotional and sentimental all of a sudden? It’s not like you. Are you on your man period?” Youngjae asked. Daehyun was fuming. He hated Youngjae’s big mouth and his snide remarks and it was one of the things Daehyun really did not like about the boy, but the rest of him made him crazy.

                “One, you. Two, I told you, I’m tired and stressed out. Now let me look into your bag because if you have nothing to hide then it shouldn’t be a problem, right?” Daehyun asked. “I bet it’s all just pictures of me in there and you’re making some creepy Daehyun scrapbook so you can to it at night when I’m asleep. You have pictures of me asleep in there I’m sure of it.”        

                “Is that why you were asking if I was uncomfortable about rumors of us? Is it because you secretly want that?” Youngjae asked, his voice raising. He didn’t know why he was so angry at Daehyun now, but he didn’t want him looking into his stuff. It was none of his business. “I’d rather die than date you. We’re best friends but I don’t like you that much.”

                “Really? You’d rather die than to date me? Isn’t that a little harsh?” Daehyun asked, swiping for the bag that was next to Youngjae. The younger grabbed it and held it to his chest, and Daehyun put a knee on the bed and leaned in for it. “You’d really rather die? Do you hate me that much? Best friends? Don’t ing make me laugh. We’ve been growing apart and everyone knows it.” he said, clutching the handle of the bag and Youngjae narrowed his eyes.

                “What the hell are you talking about? Are you jealous that Junhong and I hang out more and that you’re all alone to the point that you have to steal my phone to not be lonely?” Youngjae asked.

                “It was one time!”

                “That’s all it takes!” Youngjae yelled back, and he held the bag in his arms closer to his chest and flexed so Daehyun couldn’t pull it away, but he yanked hard and Youngjae fell forwards and off of the bed. Thankfully, he landed on his feet and was still holding onto his possession.

                “It’s only fun when Daehyun’s here.” Daehyun mocked from when Youngjae spoke about him in the Go! B.A.P video. Youngjae’s cheeks flared with embarrassment and Daehyun pulled again at the bag. “Just let me see!”               

                “No! It’s nothing!” Youngjae griped. He wasn’t going to let go.

                “If it’s nothing then let me see it!” Daehyun said through gritted teeth, and Youngjae pulled it back to him, and soon it was a battle of strength.

                Daehyun braced his knees on his back of the bed while Youngjae put his back into it, trying to not allow his feet to slip on the carpet. Daehyun’s had arms but Youngjae had endurance when it came to strength tests. He wasn’t going to let go, and he yanked at it fiercely and Daehyun stumbled forwards, but he leaned back in just enough time to not lose his footing and fall on top of the younger male. Instead, on his way back, he jerked at the bag again and this time, Youngjae jerked at it too, causing the both of them to fall back, but not before the bag tore open and hundreds of pictures went flying into the air, fluttering down onto the bed and floor.

                Youngjae scrambled to pick them up as fast as he could while Daehyun looked all around him with eyes wide and blush on his face. He was only joking, but there, all around him, were pictures of him and some of him and Youngjae doing mundane things like eating or looking at shoes that he guessed Himchan took.

                “Shut your eyes and your mouth and don’t say anything and pretend you saw nothing.” Youngjae said, partially out of breath because he was working on picking everything up again so quickly.

                “What’s all of this?” Daehyun asked, and Youngjae groaned audibly.

                “I said don’t say anything!” Youngjae said. He sounded more embarrassed than annoyed or mad, but Daehyun just smirked and picked up a couple of photos and flipped through them. There were some of him smiling, and some of him petting dogs or laying back and watching TV. There were even a few of him sleeping in the van or in the dorms or even on the couch when he couldn’t quite make it to his bed. There were hundreds of pictures of just him.

                The ones of Youngjae were always ones of him looking at Daehyun doing one of many tasks, presumably taken by someone else. There were even screencaps from times that they were caught on camera and posted to Youtube. There was the one where they were models in California, and there was the one where they kept stealing glances all the way back from Warrior era. Daehyun was flattered by it all, but after Youngjae had been so cold for all this time, what made this happen? He didn’t have time to ask before Youngjae ripped the pictures out from his hands and glowered at the older boy.

                “I cannot ing believe you’d make me show all this to you.” Youngjae snarled. “Go ahead and tell me I’m ed up. I’ll take it.” Youngjae said, and Daehyun smirked a little.

                “You’re not though. I just want an explanation.” he said, trying to sound even just a little mortified that he’d have all those pictures of him. Youngjae shrugged as he shoved stacks of pictures into his backpack.

                “It was for your birthday. I was going to make like, a best friend’s scrapbook because I thought that it would have shown how much you mean to me. I keep the camera because I like remembering the small moments we share together. And I guess that’s also why I don’t mind the rumors, because I know we’re close friends and I know we’re not dating so it just doesn’t bother me. You’re my friend and no matter what people say, you always will be.” Youngjae said, and all Daehyun could think of in the back of his mind was you won’t be saying that if and when I confess. He should just bury those feelings and cast them to hell, but he couldn’t.

                He felt like he should have thanked Youngjae or something, but he just looked at him blankly and flopped back onto the bed, picked up the remote and changed the channel. “Please say something.” Youngjae said. “I know this is weird that I have this many pictures of you but I promise I have just the same amount as the other members.”

                “Where are they?” Daehyun asked. He shouldn’t have, because Youngjae’s face turned red and Daehyun just knew he had caught him in a lie. All those times that Youngjae had blushed while looking at women; Daehyun knew it was forced. Maybe he placed for both teams.

                “They’re at the dorms, and your birthday is close so I took these with me because I wanted to work on it while you were maybe working out or getting pizza with Jongup but you’ve been cooped up in the room this whole trip. What’s wrong?”

                “I don’t want to talk about it.” Daehyun snapped. He didn’t need the burden of confessing to his best friend and roommate and bandmate on him and he wasn’t going to destroy the unity they all had. He couldn’t be that one member that sent the entire group into anarchy. He’d pass it off as a stomachache that persisted or maybe he was homesick as usual and that his mom was in the hospital or she was just feeling bad. “I don’t want to talk to you about it.”

                “Well, that’s a ty thing to say.” Youngjae sneered. “Is it about me?”

                “Yeah.” Daehyun sighed. He wasn’t going to lie about that. “Yeah it is.”

                “Well, how about you be an adult and talk to me about it? Like you know, any normal friend would. Or, you could talk about me behind my back and not tell me what’s wrong so I can’t fix it.” Youngjae griped. He was fiddling with his camera again, and Daehyun wanted to smack it out of his hand, especially since he was probably going to take another creep shot of him. He was worse than the saesangs who got hotels across from where they were and would buy those ridiculous zoom lenses to try and take pics of them or something.

                “It really isn’t about you. It’s about me, but it’s something I can’t tell you. Like, let’s… let’s say it’s like I’m planning a birthday present for you and I don’t want you to know like you didn’t want me to know. I can talk to everyone about it and they’ll hint at things, but they won’t flat out say anything because it would ruin the surprise.” Daehyun explained. Youngjae lifted a brow.

                “What, are you planning on coming out or something?”

                Daehyun felt his throat close up. “You only wish.”

                The stage that night between the two boys was tense as ever, and Yongguk, backstage between wardrobe changes, smacked them both on the back of their heads and told them to at least act like they like each other, which wasn’t hard for Daehyun, but he couldn’t overdo it. He noticed that Himchan was taking way too many pictures of him when he was near Youngjae, so he hovered near Jongup or Junhong and he even made awkward interaction with the leader as well just for the sake of getting away from Youngjae and his one man paparazzi. Youngjae still tried to at least help in a joking endeavor to lift Daehyun’s shirt, but the moment he had his hands on him, Daehyun was fighting back.

                He didn’t mean to really elbow Youngjae in the ribs, but he did, and he felt terrible to the point that in the resting time they did have, he stood next to him which messed up everyone’s order but he didn’t care. He was out of breath no thanks to him and he gave him some of his water because Youngjae’s voice was a treasure that everyone deserved to hear. Daehyun wanted to kiss him or something but he knew his limits, and everything other than cordial skinship was past it. He wanted to cry as he watched he and Junhong hug. He couldn’t recall the last time Youngjae embraced him like that.

                Post-concert, Yongguk pulled him aside and sat him down while the other members got their faces cleaned of as much makeup as possible. They were in a small corridor and Yongguk was heaving in and out because he hadn’t had his breathing treatment yet, but Daehyun knew better than to tell the leader to take care of himself before s. Yongguk did his best to speak and it wasn’t in a tone that made Daehyun scared and it didn’t belittle him. He wasn’t used to Yongguk even talking to him because for some reason it was just always painfully weird between them.

                “What’s going on with you and Youngjae?” he asked, and Daehyun picked at one of his eyelashes because the cordi noona had put way too much mascara on them and it made them feel thick and heavy, and his tiredness wasn’t helping.

 “You know I like him and we had a fight earlier and it turns out he has like, hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of me and he was going to make a book about our friendship and I can’t help but to think there’s something else behind it.” Daehyun mumbled out. Yongguk nodded along as he leaned against a wall and put his hand over his heart. He was counting in his breathes and his exhales and Daehyun had remembered that’s what someone told him to do if he was nervous. Was Yongguk nervous? Perhaps. Talking to Daehyun to him was always like solving some sort of puzzle.

                “There’s only one way to find out, and that’s to talk to him.” Yongguk said calmly. Daehyun exhaled.

                “You know he makes the most homophobic remarks in the group and even Himchan, who’s so horrendously flamboyant, is too scared to come out to him because he’s afraid Youngjae will chastise him.” Daehyun said. “I don’t want to ruin what I think is a good relationship.”

                “But it could be better. And right now, being awkward towards him and repressing those feelings isn’t going to help you. A lot of gay men, including myself, said and say some pretty terrible things because they don’t want to admit to it. Youngjae and I are both men of God and loyal to this country and you know how things are. You know how it’s a disease and a sin. Maybe you don’t.”

                “I’m not ignorant, and I’m not going to listen to another one of your bible rants Yongguk. I just… I really, really like him and there were so many photos. There were tons and they were everywhere and I have never seen the way Youngjae looks at me other than in video and pictures and his eyes just light up and the apples of his cheeks turn such a cute pink and, , Yongguk, how do I tell him all of this without messing everything up?”

                “Either he accepts it, or he doesn’t. There’s no in between.” Yongguk sighed out, running a hand through his hair. Stylists let it grow out and he seemed to like it a lot more than his close cropped locks he had in previous months. He said it made thinking a lot easier but it made showering a little more tedious. Daehyun didn’t remember the last time he had a major change to his hairstyle. It was always the same, just different colors. Youngjae and Junhong got the most extreme changes, and whenever Youngjae would dawn a new look, Daehyun always saw him in a new light. “Do you love him?”

                “What?” Daehyun sputtered. He was thinking back to Youngjae’s hair in Warrior and how he liked that the most. “Do I love him?” he reiterated. Yongguk nodded his head. Daehyun had to think. “I think about him a lot, and I often think about kissing him and other intimate things but I don’t… I don’t think I could ever love Youngjae with all my heart until I knew he was willing to love me back.”

                “Yonggukkie? Daehyunnie?” came Himchan’s voice from down the hall. “Your turn for makeup removal. And why are you two talking all seriously in a dark hallway?”

                “He’ll tell you later.” Yongguk said, and Daehyun looked to the older and then to Himchan and shook his head.

                “I don’t want to.” he tried to fight, but Yongguk glowered at him and then, Daehyun did feel intimidated and he slumped his shoulders. “But I’ll tell you about it as well.”

                Himchan nodded and Yongguk placed his hand on Daehyun’s lower back and led him into the dressing room, and as Daehyun sat down, he caught Youngjae looking at him from his mirror. They made eye contact, and then looked away just as fast.

                “You’re breaking out into a rash, Youngjae.” Daehyun heard his stylist say from the other side of the room. “I’ve never seen you so red and blotchy. It looks like we’re going to have to change product for you.”

                Back in the hotel, Himchan banished Youngjae to go play Super Mario whatever with Jongup and Junhong because Kim Himchan doesn’t play video games and Yongguk needed to sleep. Daehyun could have easily guessed though it was because Yongguk has sent him to talk to Daehyun about his boy issues, and Daehyun didn’t want to talk. He wanted to sleep, but he pried his eyes open and he recounted everything to Himchan, and Daehyun even grabbed the bag that Youngjae had and showed him a few photos and asked him if he had been helping with the project. Himchan shook his head and he didn’t look sly or anything and Daehyun, probably for the first time since he had met Himchan, trusted that he wasn’t scheming with another member.

                “I think this is all him, and I’m personally not sure if there’s something behind it either. Yongguk said a few things to me and I agree that he seems oddly homophobic, but I’m not sure again if it’s because he’s repressing feelings or of he truly believes that gay people are gross and such on and so forth. I wish I could help you, Daehyun, but I think this needs to be something settled between just the two of you.”

                “Yeah, and what am I supposed to do to do that? I don’t know how to talk to people about serious things. You know that. I have a loud mouth but I don’t cry and I’m sarcastic and I’m just… I’m not an emotional person. I’ll probably end up getting into another fist fight with him again and then he’ll have another busted lip.” Daehyun said, hitting a pillow that was on the bed. Himchan lifted up his hands and then there was a knock at the door.

                “Junhong and Jongup fell asleep after I beat them in like, four rounds of Mario Kart. Please let me in because you shoved me out before I could grab a keycard.” Youngjae said, and Himchan rolled his eyes.

                “One moment!” he shouted back, and he looked to Daehyun. The younger boy’s eyes were wide with uncertainty. “Start out slow. Ask him about how he feels about gay people in general, and from there, take it and run. Or walk. Or crawl. I don’t know, but I know you’re more than capable of confessing your feelings.” Himchan said. “Yongguk told me what happened before you debuted and that’s why you and he are awkward.”

                (He was talking about how Daehyun tried his hardest to make an advance on Yongguk, though he wasn’t interested. Now, he just wanted to forget about it and be on good terms with his leader again.)

                Himchan left and Youngjae sauntered back in, and Daehyun’s breath caught in his throat when Youngjae looked over to his bag, and he knew it was moved.

                “What the hell were you and Himchan talking about?” Youngjae asked. “Or was this the thing you said you needed to talk to someone else about because it was about me?” Youngjae asked. Daehyun nodded and Youngjae sneered. “Have you gotten all your ual frustration out yet?”

                “Oh, shut the up. You only wished I lusted after you.” Daehyun barked back. He was already messing this up and it hadn’t even been a minute. Youngjae cocked a brow and Daehyun was breathing hard. He was trying to bite his tongue before he said something stupid.

                “Are you saying I don’t? Look, I know Himchan is gay, and you… I’m beginning to question.” Youngjae said, hopping onto his bed and the pillows bounced under his weight. He grabbed one and put it under his chin as a prop and looked to the barely older boy. “I’m not dense.”

                “But you are hateful.” Daehyun said. “The things you say… have you ever thought that they’d hurt someone who was gay?” Daehyun asked.

                “I do think that. But, for the longest time, I didn’t suspect any of you to be gay, but then Himchan started showing signs-“               

                “You talk about it like it’s a sickness.” Daehyun shot back. Youngjae huffed out.

                “It’s weird to me. I grew up in a conservative family and I was always told homouals were pretty much diseased and were a different breed, and then I grew up and I didn’t see anything wrong with them.” Youngjae said. “I don’t see anything wrong with them.”

                “Then why do you continue to say such hurtful things? Himchan’s scared to come out.” Daehyun relayed.

                “It’s the same reason you make fat jokes at me. I’m joking about it.”

                “You can’t joke about gay people and act like you hate them and use slurs Youngjae, because when gays are hated, they get killed. If you’re fat, which you’re not, you can lose weight.” Daehyun said to him, his voice raised. “Himchan gets killed. I get killed. Yongguk gets killed.”

                “So you are gay?” Youngjae asked. Daehyun shrugged.

                “I’m biual I think. I still think girls are pretty and I dream of having a wife and kids and a dog with the white picket fence and everything, but I also see myself living with a guy and having him be like, my lover and best… friend.” Daehyun said. He didn’t want the last part to slip out because it was too big of a hint, and Youngjae stared on at him and Daehyun hoped to Youngjae’s God that he didn’t pick that up.

                “Are you saying you want to marry me?” Youngjae asked, exasperated, but Daehyun could hear in his voice that he was joking, and it was made clear once Youngjae smiled, and he buried his head into his pillow and kicked his feet into the air. “Because I’ll straight up say no.”

                “Well, it’s a good thing I wasn’t talking about you.” Daehyun said, laughing dryly. “But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in you at one point in time.”

                He meant the present, but Youngjae looked up at him anyways and grinned.

                “Did you really?” Youngjae asked. “Do you really?”

                “Really.” Daehyun said back, grinning at him as well. “I’m serious. I thought…” Daehyun took in a deep breath. “I think you’re so handsome. And you’re not fat. I’m envious of your body and I only call you fat because I’m just jealous I can’t touch it to see what it really feels like.” Daehyun said, blushing terribly hard.

                “That’s really gay.” Youngjae said.

                “Well, I’m really gay. Kind of.” Daehyun laughed. “Maybe I like your body because you used to have man s. They were like lady and you do have a feminine face. And if the stylists tried, they could have turned you into such a lovely lady and I wouldn’t have been able to function.”

                “Your would have.” Youngjae said, laughing, and Daehyun rolled his eyes and he rolled onto his back and covered his face with a pillow. “I cannot believe you said I had man s.”

                “Well you did!” Daehyun yelled against the cloth. “But they were cute. I actually liked it when you had a little more weight on you because you seemed a lot cuddlier and now you’re like, a marble man.” Daehyun said. “Not that I mind.”

                “It’s like how you used to be so weak you couldn’t even carry your own boxes into the dorm and now your arms are huge and oddly disproportional to the rest of your body.” Youngjae teased, and Daehyun laughed a little.

                “The only reason you’re so strong is probably because you so much.” Daehyun said, blushing.

                “Yeah, and what if I told you I was thinking about you when I did?” Youngjae said, his voice straining. Daehyun looked up and over at Youngjae with a pale face. Youngjae was picking at a hangnail.

                “What did you say?” Daehyun whispered, his voice cracking. Youngjae said it again.

                “I’ve gotten off thinking about you.” Youngjae reiterated, a little more confident this time. “I’ve thought about you writhing under me and louder than your high notes and screaming because I bet you’re loud.” Youngjae said.

                “Do…” Daehyun stopped himself and asked himself if he really wanted to go there. “Do you want to test that theory?”

                Youngjae blushed so hard he thought he could have generated heat for a third world country. He wanted to nod and say yes and make Daehyun cry like the little he was, but he wasn’t even sure if he was ready to a guy the night he came out to not only him, but himself. Youngjae hadn’t told anyone his secret and he was still trying to cope with how he felt about it all too. He swallowed and he moved from his bed and got up and got onto Daehyun’s.

                The movement was slow, deliberate, and gentle as Daehyun laid down on his back and Youngjae crawled on top of him, both his hands on either side of Daehyun’s face as they stared down into each other’s eyes, breathing in synch but heart’s beating rapidly. Daehyun flicked some hair out of his eyes and he felt a little self-conscious with Youngjae looking at him so intently. He could probably see every scar on his face while Youngjae’s skin was flawless. Daehyun reached up and touched his face, cupping it and feeling the flesh beneath his own. He ran it down until it was on the nape of Youngjae’s neck, and he smiled.

                “I understand. You don’t want to rush anything. Do you think though, you could maybe kiss me?” Daehyun asked, his voice like silk and it ran down Youngjae’s body and made him shiver. He nodded, and he his lips because he’d be damned if they were dry because Daehyun’s always shone with dampness. They were so thick and lovely, and Youngjae doted on them more than he liked to admit. Daehyun had propped himself up on his free elbow and Youngjae felt everything crash over him as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Daehyun’s without thought or warning or coaxing. He just kissed him because he couldn’t take it any longer and for all the times he had taken a picture of Daehyun, he always wished there was just something more for him than an adoration he refused to accept.

                But this was as accepting as he was going to get with himself as Daehyun’s shoulders relaxed and his eyes were closed. He breathed through his nose and the kiss lingered on both their lips when they separated. Youngjae felt like time was still and Daehyun’s body was shaking uncontrollably.

                “I’ve had a crush on you since I first saw you.” Daehyun said, laughing out aridly. “It’s been about two years since then, and it’s all led up to this and I could not be happier.” he smiled.

                “For about a year and a half, I always thought there was no way in hell I was gay.” Youngjae said. “And then I saw you and looking at me and in the practice rooms when it was just you and I and we’d collapse on the floor and we’d stare at each other, I felt my face heat up and I knew then, that it was you.”

                “Sorry I turned you gay.” Daehyun laughed, and Youngjae started to laugh too, but he wasn’t sorry that he made him like himself a little more. Nothing was more conflicting than sitting in an interview ad thinking to himself, ‘Just what exactly is my ideal type?’. And to make matters worse, he couldn’t just start out with saying, ‘Well, it’d be a boy’. He wasn’t sure with himself for months to come and that’s when he decided to make a Daehyun scrapbook. He realized now it was a little creepy but he was going to make it a birthday present.

                “I’m glad it was you though and not another idol or someone just… I wouldn’t have wanted to date a girl and then have told her and she has all that blackmail on me.” Youngjae said. “And I guess that’s also why I didn’t mind the rumors. I did want them to be real. I did want you and me to be dating but I didn’t want to tell you ever. I still am scared to tell anyone other than you.” Youngjae said.

                “You don’t have to.” Daehyun replied, pulling Youngjae down for him to lay against him. He kissed his cheek and Youngjae sighed. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, because I know nothing feels weirder than being uncomfortable in your own skin. Make yourself at home with yourself first, and then start letting others in again. I’ll be with you if you want me to, and we can date or just talk or fool around until you ready for a relationship.” Daehyun said. “Because I’ve been ready for a very long time, but I want to be sure you’re all set first. I don’t want you backing out on me because you’re scared of yourself and your feelings.” Daehyun told him. “And as revenge, I think I’m going to scrapbook your progress.”