“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jinki sighed to himself, having anticipated this reaction.

“You’ve never dated anyone?!”

The young woman across the table from him took another sip from her drink and drunkenly reached out to touch his face.

“Such a waste, with your looks…”

He pushed away her hand, annoyed.

“I don’t think it’s any of your business.”

Ignoring her pissed off face Jinki got up from his seat and wove his way through the labyrinth of strangers and friends happily drinking and talking with one another. He’d never liked parties like these. With something to do he was more comfortable, but to just sit around and talk...Once he’d been so bored he’d found a crate of oranges and had proceeded to peel them all, desperate for something to take his mind off of things.

Making his way out the front door he called his manager and fifteen minutes later a van showed up to bring him to his dorm.

Back at the dorm he struggled for a second with the security combination, his mind a little fuzzy from the alcohol. He walked into Jonghyun playing games on their large tv.

“Are you the only one here?”

The other man looked up from his game and grinned.

“Kibum’s still out partying, Minho’s over at a friend’s house, and Taemin’s spending the night at home. Did you have fun?”

Jinki shook his head and plopped down on the couch next to his friend. He wrapped his arms around his legs and buried his face in his knees. He was starting to get a headache.

He heard Jonghyun’s soft voice through his arms.

“You should loosen up more. I know you’re not good talking with strangers, but it only gets easier the more you do it. I’ve seen so many women looking at you recently. You should give one of them a chance, you might find someone you really like. It would really help your self confidence.”

He could hear the concern in his friend’s voice.

“No. I mean...thanks for the advice, but that’s not what I’m upset about. Those women, they always want to touch me, I don’t like it. I’ve had to put up with people grabbing at me ever since we debuted, I’m sick of it.”

Struggling at first, his voice got stronger and he raised his head from his knees to look up at Jonghyun.

“I don’t want to date any of them...I don’t want to date anyone to be honest.”

Jonghyun surveyed him seriously.

“Have you ever thought about trying a guy?”

Jinki shook his head.

“No, I… that’s just it. Dating, romance, I’ve never really understood it. It wouldn’t make me happy. In my head it all feels fake. I don’t know, but sometimes it feels like I’m being suffocated by it. It’s everywhere.”

Frowning, Jonghyun put down his game controller and the couch to face Jinki.

“Sorry, I can’t help you with that. I can’t really relate, but you shouldn’t let it ruin your happiness. You get stressed too easily.”

Jinki nodded.

“Thanks for not freaking out on me. I’ve never told anyone.”

Jonghyun held out his hand for Jinki to hold.

“You’re always looking out for me so I’ll look out for you too. I’ll punch the next person that tries to touch you.”

Jinki smiled weakly, standing up and letting go of Jonghyun’s warm hand.

“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bright and early!!”

Jinki groaned, thinking of their 7am call the next morning. He wasn’t going to get a lot of sleep tonight.

Grabbing a glass of water from the kitchen he went into his room and closed the door. His manager was out that night too, leaving Jinki alone with his thoughts. He changed quickly and laid down on his bed in just shorts, covering his body with his blanket. Wouldn’t his fans love to see him like this…

He gave them so much but he wasn’t comfortable going shirtless. Part of it was his fear that they would only love him for his body and not who he was anymore. The other part  was he didn’t want people thinking of him in that way. Yah, he was messed up. No one else was thinking this way. They enjoyed the attention. Maybe Jonghyun was right, he was too uptight. After setting his alarm he turned over in bed and fell asleep almost instantly. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day.