---

step by step (i'm behind you).

---

 

 

 

 

 

How was that possible? The plan was flawless almost perfect with no holes to speak around it. So why the hell was Sehun acting like that? He didn't even take Lu Han seriously, probably thinking that it was a game. The reason for Lu Han to be so willful was that Sehun had the thing of not answering him properly. 
 

If he would have rejected him for good then Lu Han would have left him alone. Or maybe just try to get revenge from distance. But anyway he wouldn't just follow Sehun and that was degrading enough. He needed to have an answer. He initially wanted to let the indifferent boy suffer by doing stuff and blaming him. And Lu Han would stick to that idea. He didn't have anything else in mind.

 

 

"Listen up! It was you who influenced Sehun right? I don't know how but you did."

 

 

Lu Han glared and crossed his arms over his chest as he walked around his chair which was in his room. On his chair was no other than Lu which was as talkative as Sehun at times. Meaning that it did not talk and just stared at its owner with those black eyes. This pissed Lu Han more off seeing that he stopped walking around suddenly forced the plush deer to look away. 
 

 

 

He had to.



 

"Don’t look at me like that. Oh Sehun." He whispered his voice was laced with hatred. He could not stand the way the toy was responding. He wasn't responding and that was the thing. Slowly he grasped the fluffy neck and squeezed it. "You think it's funny to break my heart? Are you even regretting it? You should." Lu Han was 400% sure that he did not do anything wrong. He didn't. There was not one thing he had mistaken something. 
 

Not like Sehun who was the cause of everything that was happening. He always acted as if it wasn't his fault but damn right was. If he had accepted Lu Han then none of this would be happening right now. Instead of going through his second revenge plan Lu Han could use his time to go on a date with Sehun. They could feed the other and do all that cute couple stuff.

 

"What's so wrong with couple rings huh? They are awesome and we could have had them if you wouldn't be such an insensitive little ." He spoke with narrowed eyes and threw Lu up before giving him a kick right on his face as it met the wall with a 'thud'. He stared at it and then angrily pointed at it. "That's what you get for rejecting me. If you would have accepted me, this would have never happened." 
 

 

He smirked because yes he was right nobody could tell him something different. He would have been a very good boyfriend who would have always taken care of Sehun. He would support, help him and blah blah blah all that other stuff to be considered as good. It was not that Lu Han was someone who would have fun to bully his plush deer. He did have other stuff to do like...okay fine he didn't. 


 

 

"Should I break your heart too? Do you want to know how that feels?" He didn't want to own up to it but like Kai said, he needed to have feelings for Lu Han so that his heart could be broken. If he had feelings for Lu Han was what he wanted to find out for ages. So that would bring him back to asking him. It was so frustrating. Why was it him who had to do everything? Was Sehun even feeling guilty what he did to him? 
 

 

A broken heart is not something to joke around with. 
 

 

The call from his mother to eat his breakfast pulled Lu Han away from his confusing thoughts. 

 

 

He glanced over at the deer on the floor and blew his cheeks up. 



 

 

"Don't move okay? Not even a centimeter! If I do see you then YOU'LL BE DEAD!" 

 

 

The possibly to see a plush deer move or any plush toy move on its own was rather low. But since Lu was right now playing as Sehun, his owner had to scold him like that. It was also a way to release his stress. Since the whole confession, he was more stressful and screamed a lot around. Mainly at his friends and Lu because Lu Han did not have the guts to raise his voice at his parents.

 

 

 

If he would have then he would be laying dead in a random alley. 


 

 

 

Okay maybe this was a tiny bit exaggerated. 



 

 

 

 

 

-x-



 

 

 

 

Instead of going to the rooftop like always, Lu Han decided to walk around at lunch time. Kai and Kyungsoo had a gigantic fight and Lu Han would rather not approach them in this state. Another reason was that they would ask him how meeting his ex-crush was. And well it was not something to be proud of. Lu Han didn't know why his plans to talk to him always tend to fail. Sehun was also not very helpful with his 24/7 why-am-I-even-here-face.


 

Was that natural that he constantly looked so annoyed? When he used to hang around with Lu Han, the latter noticed that he changed his expression. From pissed to blank. Should Lu Han feel happy in any way? Or was that worse because Lu Han used to talk to him for so long about very weird stuff. But Sehun had never complained and just continued to look at him. 
 

 

Indeed look, given that he never really listened and just had his eyes on Lu Han. That was one of the reasons that Lu Han was so sure that his feelings would have been answered. The possibility that Sehun liked him back was in his eyes 60-40. It couldn't be more than that for obvious reasons. But 60 was high and pretty reliable since it was more than the half. But the 40 shouldn't be underestimated since it was just under the half. 
 

That was so annoying. Why was Lu Han then only one in the planet that had these problems? He was sure that nobody in the world would be so lost and sad in terms of heartbreak. Clenching his teeth as hard as he could, Lu Han pulled his left leg in and kicked a random bucket that was in the hallway laying on the floor. While letting out a scream of despair:
 

 

 

"DAMNIT!"


 

Seconds after a loud scream was heard. As Lu Han's eyes were closed when he kicked, he didn't see what he actually hit. Biting nervously he opened them and already spotted a pretty tall guy sitting on the floor while scratching his aching head. He groaned and appeared to be very much in pain. He was not alone either as another boy was sitting next to him. He was worried as and it didn't take long for him to notice the culprit. 
 

 

"Hey! What did you do to my Yeollie?! What did he do to you?!" He screeched and carefully helped the other boy up so that he could stand on his feet. This boy had the eyes of a cold blooded killer Lu Han was not even lying. He anxiously swallowed and looked aside to not have to feel this burning glare. This was all an accident but the chances that they would believe him were slim to none. 
 

 

The injured boy was now on his feet and finally noticed Lu Han. Unlike his overly dramatic friend (or boyfriend?) he didn't emit the vibe of wanting to shoot Lu Han right in this moment. He awkwardly smiled and slowly came towards the intimidated Lu Han. The smile of that guy he hit was so damn creepy it could have make babies cry.
 

 

So apparently Lu Han was a baby because he couldn't control the tears that were streaming down. He fearfully placed his hands up with his head facing away:
 

 

 

"Please don't hit me! I swear I didn't mean to!"


 

 

The very much anticipated punch never came and in its place a soft pat on Lu Han's shoulder let him freeze. Why wouldn't he want to beat him up? Like the other guy who still had the I-will-kill-everything-you-love face. He was also shocked that 'his Yeollie' didn't do as he thought. He had just that dumb grin on his lips and kept on saying that everything was okay.

 

 

"A-Are you sure? I'm really really sorry. I can make it up to you. I'll do everything you say I'll tell you." Lu Han could never leave with such guilt to know that he had injured him and would do everything to make his conscience satisfied. He hated it when it nagged on him and told him what to do. So helping this boy should make things better. As already expected the other boy who seemed to have anger problems glared at Lu Han even more. What was even his problem? He had apologized. 

 

"Well it's not really me who needs help. My dad has this shop and one employee took herself a short vacation. He needs a substitute for a few weeks....just till this person comes back." He explained the situation to the boy and so Lu Han slowly nodded understanding every word he had said. Working in a shop? That didn't sound so bad. It didn't. He could use money well because his parents were ignoring his basic human rights to order food. 

 

"Sure. Everything you say." Lu Han smiled and he was kind of happy to do that. This could also bring him on different thoughts that had nothing to do with Oh Sehun. He didn't have time with this plague because Lu Han had now a job and was therefore mature. So a kid like Sehun shouldn't bother him much. 

 

"Really? Thank you! You're nice!" He laughed and pulled him in a stifling hug. Lu Han could barely breathe and weakly yelped to be released. His silent wish was left unheard but the other boy had something similar in mind. He didn't think twice to pull his friend away from Lu Han. What made him think that he could touch a stranger like that? Sometimes he asked himself if he actually had a brain. 



After a few minutes of struggling, they were forcefully torn apart. One thing was clear; this Yeollie guy liked it to touch people. He and Lu Han didn't know each other and yet he didn't fail to embrace him. Maybe it was a spur of a moment thing caused by the relief that his father had finally found someone to help. Well it had to be that since there was no other explanation. 



 

"Can I have your number? I can text you the place. My name is Park Chanyeol. Nice to meet you." He smiled even brighter and introduced himself with a quick bow. 
 

Lu Han hesitated for a second but then hastily bowed back. "Yes you can. My name is Lu Han. Nice to meet you too..." His eyes trailed up and he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He quickly typed his password- Sehun's birthday and then prepared a new contact. It was strange that he had just a made in a twisted way a friend. And an enemy too. Well aside from his rude friend Chanyeol had a nice atmosphere around him which was unfortunately spoiled by someone who looked like he was just about to stab Lu Han. 
 

 

"It's a bubble tea shop. I hope you like it since you'll get one free after every work day- oh 5 comes after 2 not 3." Chanyeol told him while he texted him the place and also gave his number out. As soon as he said that Lu Han stopped copying his number by listening and whipped it head up. Did he just say working in bubble tea shop and it would be free? Free and bubble tea were one of his favorite words but not ranked higher than Sehun. 

 

"R-Really?! I love bubble tea! And I love free stuff!"

 

 

Chanyeol laughed, it was loud and intolerable but still cute. 

 

 

Lu Han was going to exactly say that until he felt someone kick his leg.

 

 

 

"Oh sorry not my intention. My leg slid." This other boy spoke out and did not sound a bit apologetic. Since Lu Han made that horrible first impression this guy kind of scared him. Lu Han awkwardly smiled back and said that it was fine. In his mind he was already tying this impolite boy to a train track. And how the hell could his leg slide like that? Chanyeol however seemed to be blind and just laughed it off saying that it could happen. 
 

 

 

 

 

Yeah of course. 

 

 

"Lu Han."
 

"Byun Baekhyun."



 

 

 

 

-x-


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To say that Lu Han totally hated his workplace was an understatement. 

 

 

Luck was somehow on his side because he had to work at that place Lu Han and Sehun frequently visited. Or used to. There were still the blurry fragments of his long forgotten memories. Those memories in which he was clueless about the future rejection he was about to receive. Did Sehun feel nothing towards him around that time as well? Lu Han scrunched his forehead and quickly wiped the table he would soon serve on. 

 

 

 

Handing out stuff was not his cup of tea but if that would Chanyeol then it was fine. He still felt apologetic towards the younger. He didn't injure him though the possibility was enough to frustrate Lu Han. If he wouldn't have let his anger out at the stupid bucket then none of this would have happened. But sometimes he couldn't do anything against those anger outbursts. 


 

They just came and he wouldn't be able to do anything against those. It was all Sehun's fault for not seeing his heart. Yes blaming Sehun was a good idea because he obviously hadn't suffered enough. It was only Lu Han who had to go through every heartache. Lips tightly pressed in a straight line, Lu Han was not conscious of more and more costumers entering the shop. He merely brushed his hands off his apron though there was nothing wrong with it. 

 

Apart from the sweat that assembled itself on his palms, he was so nervous. It was not his work place; he was not worried from that at all. The idea that maybe maybe someone he did not want to see would visit and therefore discomfort would ensure. He couldn't ignore it and he didn't want to either but a certain Oh Sehun was probably going to be one of the regular costumers. Up to now he didn't set a foot in but he definitely would. 

 

 

 

He always accused Lu Han of drink too much of that 'sweet stuff' although he secretly drank more. He was to some extent obsessed with it but he would in no way admit it. That would only make him look weird. Anything he did make him look weird so it didn't make a difference. There was no point in hiding that he liked bubble tea a lot because Lu Han found out. That was why he was so anxious, the possibility that he would in was quite high. 
 

Lu Han wanted to see Sehun. The thing was that he didn't want it to be in this situation. He would definitely take advantage of it once it was confirmed that Lu Han was working there. Taking advantage as in needlessly calling him and just...His presence enough annoyed him. This would just bring everything back to the face that he was rejected. 


 

 

Hearing a call for help caused him to turn around. It was not the people that actually wanted to order but the table behind him. There were two familiar boys sitting across the other. One of the faces....he would never forget him. It was Chanyeol and Sehun. Belatedly, Lu Han realized that he was wiping away the tears trailing down his cheeks. His eyes softened to an extent as he turned his back on them. 
 

 

They hadn't noticed him.


 

"What...is he doing here... with Chanyeol...?" Lu Han found himself thinking and asking, as if some part of his mind was morbidly curious as to what else was going on in the Sehun's head. As if some part was really caught off guard. But...didn't he already assume that Sehun would come? Didn't he have those million theories? So why did he act so surprised now? Chanyeol's presence? That was reasonable because someone like Sehun was not expected to have friends. 

 

Wherever he went to, he was not sociable and Lu Han knew that. Rather than be concerned with the question of why Sehun wouldn't accepted his love, the news that he was apparently friends with Chanyeol was like a slap on his face.  He couldn't blame either of them since he never asked but it was still a disappointment. It was a disappointing that he had found out after two weeks of working. In these past weeks he could have asked Chanyeol to arrange a date between them. 

 

He was angry at Sehun but he would never forget his feelings. Lu Han cleared his throat, fine tremors running through his hands and he forced himself to step back from the nearby tables. He knew that he wasn't supposed to be so forgiving and running after countless rejection was embarrassing...but still. He loved Sehun and couldn't just brush it off, acting calm and collected. He was not even angry at himself, why should he?
 

He couldn't talk to Sehun though. He couldn't. Not under these circumstances, if he would ever find out that Lu Han was working there then he would be dead. Sehun would bother him with stupid questions probably asking him if he still liked hi-

 

 

 

"Hey you I'm trying to order! I'm waiting for so long! What is this?! Unbelievable."

       

 

 

Did that just yell at him? 

 

 

There was this girl raising her hand to attract some attention. It was her who called out and now for the second time. She was sitting a bit further away from Sehun's table and looked pretty pissed almost aggressive. When she saw Lu Han's baffled expression she rolled her eyes and smashed her fist against the table. "You should better treat me right! I will otherwise complain." She snapped irritably. She was happy to take her frustrations out on the only worker. That was pretty pathetic for her. 






"Change your attitude..." There was a pause and Lu Han registered what he had just said. He and the girl had both similar expressions because both did not know if he was serious. Yes Lu Han didn't know if he was serious even if he was the one who said that. His eyes moved away from her though nobody seemed to have noticed their little argument. Even Sehun was nodding to whatever Chanyeol was saying; he had to be blind to not have seen Lu Han. 
 

 

 

 

"Is this how you talk to customers?!" She asked pretty was sarcastic seeing that the question didn't require an answer at all. She didn't want to hear his answers. 




Lu Han's heart stilled and he felt his legs move on their own towards her.  He was almost afraid to rudely answer the next question, but knew he wouldn't be able to rest unless he did. "If they are as unfriendly as you then yes." His voice had come out shakily but he maintained his strictness. What was wrong with her? She needed to urgently have a brain checked. There was something called patience she definitely never heard of. 
 

 

 

Lu Han himself was not the silent type; even so he would never talk to anyone like that. Silence again, but Lu Han could somehow hear the loud breathing from the unhappy costumer. Was she always that cold? If she would be a regular customer then this would not be someone he would look forward to see. What did he even do to her? Nothing, so she should shut and ing order without sounding dumb. 

 

"Listen..." She hissed, her voice was a lot louder than it should have been. Seeing that everyone was basically staring at them made her eventually flustered. She took a deep breath and gave Lu Han the dirtiest look she could manage to. Although this was not very effective because Lu Han rather moved away from her irritating presence and preferred to serve a family that just walked in. They deserved more attention than this crazy that had no sense of manners.




 

She couldn't have that though. 
 

 

                                                                                                       

The longer she stood in the Lu Han's presence, the angrier she got. She could feel her emotions threatening to bubble up right up in any second. He was so damn unfriendly it was unbelievable. Was this the type of service they had to offer? Rude people like Lu Han made her angry for no good reason. She wanted to scream and curse, kick and punch him. He after all deserved this. Or not? He certainly did for pulling off this damn show.
 

 

So that was what she did. 


 

 

 

In the matter of a moment she stormed towards Lu Han who asked the new costumers what they wished to drink. He was so done. She was shocked and angered at his words. Of her own violation, her hands to push him. She had every right to do this. Was this how customers were treated? Ridiculous. "Hey watch where you're going!" She laughed as he violently pushed him against the edge of the table. It was not a hard push nor did it hurt anywhere but the mere fact that she did it annoyed him. 
 

Her action was indicating that his opinion was wrong even though he was vaguely agreeing. She could not be wrong because she was the costumer. That was what she thought was her right to believe. After she had done that, a visibly fake smile of good cheer washed over her strained face. "You think you can just ignore me? Do you think you can do that?" A look of slight rage was eking out from behind the fake smile. 

 

 

"Huh did you just say something?" Lu Han sneered at her as his top lip curling as he swayed in place. He turned around and folded his arms over his chest, she was some crazy . He was already dreading her stupid response; he didn't want to think about it. Instead of pushing him anew, her face fell and a look of confusion and abstraction covered it. Lu Han scoffed, thoughts of revenge were pulled back to the rear of his mind.

"Who do you think you are?!" She yelled on top of her lungs clearly not amused by the half respond. She just could not believe that this person could treat her like that. This was not acceptable and just rude as .  Irritation and disturbance that she was feeling were threatening to bubble up. A bitter smile evolved into a grin of the same nature, and she took a few steps back.
 

 

"I'll tell the manager about your behaviour. This makes me sick." She whispered with a big frown and trembling fists. A smart decision given that she could not do physically much. And she also had already pushed him once which the CCTV camera must have had recorded. Giving up didn't mean that she acknowledged her defeat though, how could she? With a final glare at Lu Han, the angry girl flipped her middle finger and stormed off. 

 

 

"You okay Lu Han?" 

 

The question came from a concerned Chanyeol who with Sehun (after an eternity) were suddenly aware of the almost-fight. It was strange to see that someone he had just met weeks ago came across as more worried then Sehun whom he knew for years. They keyword was 'came' because Lu Han knew that no matter how much his dear ex-crush (who he still liked) would deny it, he was worried sick. He leaned further back than he usually would and his hands were drawn into fists. 

 

His apathetic eyes were also fixed on Lu Han but he lips would never move. 




"Y-Yeah. I'm okay." Lu Han nodded and quickly went back into serving the other costumers. He was not okay. In fact he felt horrible for having Sehun in the same room as him because he didn't want to have anything to do with him. He was lucky that the younger already had his bubble tea but if he would have wanted to get some new then Lu Han had to suppress his ill feeling towards it and treat him like a stranger. If he and Sehun could go back being strangers...



So that Lu Han could do everything right and certain to have Sehun's heart. 

 

 

 

Sehun didn't have it that easy. He was trying to figure out what relationship Lu Han and Chanyeol had. He didn't know what to say. Since when were they friends? Since when? Sehun used to always have an eye on Lu Han, always checking whom he was with and talked to. But it was his first time seeing Chanyeol with Lu Han. He had never seen they interact before. He hadn't. So since was this going on? It was so unexpected and confusing that he could only attempt to go through places they could have met. Though why didn't Lu Han say anything? 

 

That was unlike him. He would show off to Sehun that he had a boyfriend and didn't need him. That he honestly wouldn't want to be with Sehun and would prefer Chanyeol. Though these words never came. He had never said that. He was merely staring back at Sehun as his eyes couldn't fix on a point. He didn't know if he should have eye contact or not. If he should glare at Sehun or not. Despite all the frustration towards him, he couldn't treat him as air. He just couldn't. That would be too much to handle. 

 

"Lu Han can I have another pineapple bubble tea?" Chanyeol asked politely and so time that seemed to have frozen, moved again. He was not conscious of what was going on between two of his friends. Hell he didn't know that they knew each other. He didn't know anything. And so he had no weird tension with any of them. This caused Lu Han to force a smile and give him a short nod. He walked back to the machine and prepared the new drink for him. 



Maybe this would bring him on different thoughts. 

 

 

Minutes late he came back with the drink in his shaky hand. He placed it right in front of Chanyeol and earned a quick bow and 'thank you'. Lu Han lightly bowed back and god there were so awkward with each other. This would explain how they met though. Sehun understood. They obviously used formal language and therefore weren't friends for a long time. So they weren't boyfriends? Just normal friends? No that...but why? Why would Lu Han suddenly decide to want more friends? Wasn't Sehun and those two other boys enough? 
 

While walking past Sehun Lu Han somehow managed to trip and was just about to fall forward. This was luckily prevented by Sehun who was standing up in a matter of milliseconds and took a hold of the elder's arm. He at first didn't let go and wanted to give Lu Han some time to properly stand on his feet. He didn't know the reason for him to act so impulsive. As he saw Lu Han almost falling, Sehun was already up and held him. Chanyeol reacted a bit too late but still managed to have a slight understanding to what was going on.

Standing there, back facing Sehun Lu Han had still the habit of blushing. 
 

 

It just came. 
 

He pulled his arm away and hastily ran back to the cashier machine.

 

 

Great start. 

 

 

 

-x-

 

 

 

He felt so hopeless. He didn't know how to handle everything. He didn't know how to act around Sehun as he obviously would visit more often. Chanyeol was Sehun's friend and bubble tea was his favorite drink so it was obvious that he would come more than once. Lu Han was still in love but...despite this he knew that it wouldn't be a smart idea to see him. Quitting the job was a no go it would upset Chanyeol. And that was not on his list, he was a new friend. 




 

Lu Han laid on the cold  ground of the rooftop.


 

It was the bucket's fault. 

 

If it wasn't on Lu Han's way then he would have never kicked it. Thus he would have never hurt Chanyeol and so he wouldn't have had the urge to repay him by working. It was astounding that such a little thing could make out so much more. If he just hadn't kicked it the bucket and rather let out his anger at something different. Something that would have not led to it all. He didn't despise his new job but seeing Sehun and having to handle with rude costumers exhausted him.

 

The clouds outshone the blue sky and simply moved in a slow pace.
 

Such a boring day. 

 

"Lu Han what are you doing?" Chanyeol walked towards him, a smile on his lips and a slightly worried expression in his eyes. He was also pretty startled that his new friend and Sehun knew the other. Neither of them had eye contact but even someone like Chanyeol saw the surprised faces to have seen each other. So he as the mutual friends between them wanted to check if they were fine. Especially Lu Han seeing that he didn't even express his gratitude when Sehun had held him. 


 

It was not that Chanyeol expected him to go on his knees but a short 'thank you' wouldn't be so difficult right? He still didn't receive an answer seeing that Lu Han continued to gaze at the sky. The sound of shoes stomping on concrete got louder as Chanyeol approached him. Then the depressed boy saw him kneel beside him, and then Chanyeol's big head blocked his view of a particularly interesting cloud by sticking his face over his forehead. 

 

"You okay?" He asked again while innocently blinking at him. Should Lu Han tell him or not? Would his brain keep up with everything or would he be too confused? I didn't matter if he would. His priority was to contact Sehun. He came to the conclusion that they couldn't act like that any longer. They couldn't act as if they didn't know the other. And their unofficial fight made it all more complicated. Would they never be able to face each other if this all would continue? 
 

 

He had an idea.

 

 

"Chanyeol can you give me Sehun's number?" His voice sounded so pleading and desperate. But he didn't care, because Chanyeol was their only connection who would be able to help him. And if he would hear the desperation then he would know how important it was for him. It was very significant for Lu Han to get back with Sehun. Waiting for Chanyeol's answer his heart violently slammed faster and faster as his mind was submerged with thoughts of how to meet him. 

 

 

A quick nod was enough to give him the sign that Chanyeol didn't mind. "Sure." He smiled and didn't even ask for the reason. He brought his phone out and began telling his friend the digits. He didn't know about what they fought but if he could help them then he was more than happy to. He felt like he had never done anything for Lu Han except him somehow forcing to work. This was a good opportunity to give him a hand rather than slurp bubble tea whenever Lu Han had to clean and serve. 




 

Now having his number was the first step to a meeting. The next thing he obviously had to do was call or text him to meet up. Lu Han took a deep breath well he tried to, but his throat was complaining and not really working. Even though it had been seconds that he had gotten the number, he found his eyes sliding towards his phone screen again. He looked away. He just had to press one stupid button to call him or at least text him but Lu Han was too nervous.

 

He strictly told himself to stay calm and collected. It was really dumb of him to say that to himself when he was the one who said that he could do it. Although currently it was almost impossible for him to keep his hands calm while his eyes drifted down. He carefully sighed as he attempted to take calming breaths.

 

"Chanyeol can you do me a favour?" Lu Han's eyes darted up to the other boy who tilted his head. He slowly nodded his head not really seeing a problem with rejection him. For a split second he hated himself for sounding so damn needy, but the question needed to be asked. Or had to since Lu Han didn't want anyone else to do this favour. It was good for Chanyeol because he was friends with Sehun and he was there so why not?
 

"I-I'll tell you something and you send it from my phone to Sehun okay?"


 

"Can't you do it?"
 

"I'm embarassed!"

 

"Uh okay."
 

 

"Great!" Lu Han threw his hands up and felt a shiver of delight at his own enthusiastic voice; the smile was evident in his tone. After saying this a bit too loud and quickly he blushed and lowered his hands. "I-I mean thank you..." He tried again, in a softer approach. His face reddened and his heart thumped in his chest. Even at this point he couldn't lie and say that he was not affected by Sehun. He still loved him and would probably still do in a long time. He had always been captivated by Sehun's nature in the past. Whenever he would brush his fingers against Lu Han's skin it caused his vision to blur and the touched skin to tingle. 

 

"So what should I type?"  Chanyeol intriguingly asked him after he had gotten the phone of the elder.


 

"Type: hey. N-No! That's too casual. Write uh...dear Sehun. No no no! Don't! H-How are you? No not one! I..." 


 

"Aaaaand sent." Chanyeol said with a smile after he typed something up. He held it up with hand and swung it to the left and right side. Wait what? He had just sent it? Without asking for permission? That was very rude. This was Sehun he was talking to. He couldn't afford to make mistakes or write weird stuff. He probably thought that Lu Han was playing around with him and so wouldn't answer. Why was this even happening to him? What did he ever do? This was very unfair. 


 

Lu Han needed a few minutes to realize what just happened. "W-What did you say?" His voice came out unevenly because he was still so shocked that Chanyeol acted so stupid without even warning him. He always thought that he forgot Sehun knowing that he couldn't stand Sehun for forgetting him. But instead, he had thought about the younger more than he wanted. He haunted his dreams and filled his dreams; he was just always on his mind.

 

He wasn't sure if this was even good or bad. Thinking about someone he loved was supposed to make him feel giddy and excited. He was not going to lie he still felt those feelings. The sadness to want Sehun back with him was just bigger and more perceptible. It was really like that as ridiculous as it sounded. 
 

 

"I said...hey baby let's meet up. You two are dating right? So it shouldn't be a problem." 






 

 

Lu Han wanted to jump off the rooftop. 

 

 

 

-x-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He couldn't believe Chanyeol actually did that. 


 

He was in a way very grateful that his friend texted him since Lu Han was too shy. He would never be able to do that alone but now he had finally the chance to talk to Sehun. That was the only that counted. He could never just sit around and ignore his own heart. Neither could Sehun this idiot had to properly apologize for rejecting him. He had never done that before.




Regardless of that, he honestly had to tell Chanyeol that they were not dating. How could he assume that? They never looked into the other's eyes nor did they interact for a single time. How were they supposed to be a couple like that? He wished though, how badly Lu Han wished to be with him. To hold his hand even being insulted was okay because that would show him that he was being acknowledged. 

 

 

"Lu do you think I'm going to be okay? And sorry for hitting you."  Lu Han stepped into his room after going into the bathroom; a stricken look was on his face. He sighed silently, looking as if he was unable to speak at all. He didn't know anymore if it would be a good idea to meet Sehun. He did want to see him. Even so what should he say? Persuading Sehun to become his boyfriend? 

 

The annoyance reeling through him was more than he ever remembered it. It was his last chance to be with him. The revenge plan was already forgotten as if it was cut off his most important thoughts. He clutched his chest with his fingers, trying to sidetrack himself from the pain spreading through his ribcage. He squeezed his eyes shut, scarcely warding off the wretched tears that were burning the backs of his eyelids.

 

"I have to do this well. I just need some support from you." Lu Han said and tried to pull off a small smile. He came closer to the precious toy and patted its head. He had Lu since he was a little boy. It was on his fifth birthday when he was still living in China. His parents knew his love for deers so why not give him a plush deer for his birthday? From that day on he carried Lu everywhere. To daycare to the playground and also to the shopping mall. He had also the brilliant idea to name him....deer.



 

To his defense Lu Han was a young childish, little monster and didn't know anything about how to properly name things. He didn't know that Lu was not the smartest choice of name though that didn't bother him after some time. He just got used to the name Lu and honestly couldn't wish for a better toy. He did abuse Lu in some way even though he only used him as a way to cope with his stress. It felt good to throw Lu around and after a while he only wanted to use it for beating something up.  

 

 

 

With one last smile he waved at the deer to tell him that he would be ready to go. His heart was on the verge of stopping when he had found that Sehun had replied. Like why the hell would he do that? The message could be telling him that he should leave him alone or anything like that. Or that Lu Han was a nuisance and crazy to think that they were in a relationship. The reply he received was anything but that. It basically responded to the use of 'baby' and just answered with:

 

 

 

The place where we met at 9 PM.

 

 

 

This place could only mean bus stop. It didn't say the place where they met for the first time but it still it indicated that. His heart swelled from only thinking about that, Sehun still remembered that? He was not the person to remember things like that. He was not the person to remember anything given that he believed that such talks were stupid and pointless. Talks like where couples would have their first date. Sehun mentioned more than once whenever Lu Han dreamily spoke about such experiences that they were needless. 
 

And now he was the person to insist doing this. 


 

Lu Han hugged his deer for the first time in a while. 


 

 

"I hope he will accept my feelings."




 

 

 

 

It was raining so much that Lu Han thought that he was definitely going to be ill. The air smelled like rain and so did the moist concrete. It was exactly the same as three years ago. That time when he was standing at the bus stop and patiently (or not) waited and waited. He obviously waited for the bus but who came instead was someone that had a significant part in his life.

 

 

And Lu Han hoped that it would happen again. 

 

 

He didn't take an umbrella despite his parents’ insistence. Why would he take an umbrella if Sehun would be there? He felt his heart racing, he shouldn't have felt like that but what could he possibly do? He couldn't do anything against his natural reaction. Lu Han waited a bit more, until he heard the sounds of footsteps coming closer. He closed his eyes assuming who it could be. The water which was drowning his head felt like it was falling forcefully down, trickling coldly down his pale face. 
 

 

He was not the only one outside. This did it not happen last time. One explanation could be that it was now already dark so bystanders would be at home. He heard no other sounds but the drumming of the rain on car windows. Lu Han's socks were soaked while his shirt clung on his body as if it was glued on his skin. 

 

The bus was late.

 

 

 

For a while, all they did was staring at one another. 


 

Lu Han felt a sudden rush of reminiscence and deeply something else that he couldn't quite identify. It was so familiar but now the difference was that Sehun was not a stranger anymore. He had known him. He knew what sorts of foods he liked and disliked. He knew it all. His eyebrow wrinkled in clear depression as he shook his head minutely. His lips were parted as if he was on the verge of saying something, but no words were impending. It was actually kind of pathetic to watch. 


 

Something heavy was placed upon his head. 
 

 

 

Lu Han's lips curled up into a relieved and thankful smil-
 

 

 

"I'm sorry Lu Han."


 

The second that these words were spoken out Lu Han's lower lips began to tremble. He was trying to hold the tears back, but they mercilessly rebelled against him and overcame the barrier. Unbelievable amounts of tears rolled down his flushed cheeks after the next load which cascaded down. The sounds of his gasps were cut off by his sharp breathing. 

 

Lu Han couldn't hear anything. The crushing rain, the loud cars his own breathing nothing. His body was in a state of paralysis. The words I'm sorry were rushing back and forth through his mind, repeating it so many times until he couldn't cope with it. He screwed his eyes shut, an attempt to keep the tears in.
 

Why.



 

 

What did he do? 


 

The moment of simplicity that Sehun did not like him back crashed down and he gave himself to drown in them, lock in the knowledge that he wasted all those years running after someone who would never answer his feelings. Someone who didn't care about Lu Han's feelings. If he would have then why didn't he reject Lu Han properly? He was an idiot for running after Sehun even when the younger said that he did not see him as a man. He was really stupid but didn't Sehun also do his part? He could have stopped his damn teasing and straightforwardly tell Lu Han that he should give up.

 

 

And what did he do?

 

 

He actually cheered Lu Han on by giving him sarcastic answers and half hearted looks. 




Both were at fault. 

 

 

 

Though seeing now Sehun's retreating figure which was moving away, disappearing from Lu Han's sight one thing was clear. 



 

 

Lu Han would not buy an umbrella. 


 

He knew that there would always be someone who would be ready to shield him.

 

 

 

 

Together with his heart. 

 

 

 

 

 

-x-



 

 

 

 

Oh Sehun was everywhere. 

 

 

On TV, magazines and radio. 


 

Now Lu Han had understood. He understood why Sehun had kept that I-don't-care attitude up. That was probably part of his personality though other than that Sehun didn't want Lu Han to find out. He didn't want him to find out that he had been preparing himself for a life as a celebrity. He had all those secrets. He never really wanted anyone to find out. It would just burden him and the person who was friends with him. 
 

 

This explained why Sehun had never really made friends. 

 

 

He didn't believe in hanging outs after school because he had dancing class to attend.
 

When he saw others being loud and telling their friends the latest gossip Sehun would just lay his head on the table and close his eyes. He would ignore all the noise and rest himself because he obviously was a tired after hours of dancing. And not because he was lazy. He was called so many times this word but what did they know? Sehun had already made his mind up at young age to never tell anyone. It was not sure if he would ever debut as a solo dancer so why should he make it public?

 

Lu Han didn't feel betrayed. 

 

It could happen.
 

 

 

At first he did, he was so sure that Sehun would have accepted him this time. Wasn't the third time a charm? And the word 'sorry' let it all break it down. He was so hurt and sad. Why would he agree to the meeting if he would end up rejecting him? Why didn't he just send him a text that explained that he did not feel the same? That was enough. Enough to make Lu Han cry buy hey Sehun wouldn't have had to see it as it would have been in his room.
 

 

It was humiliating, mean and just heartless. Sehun was heartless. He couldn't love Lu Han back because he didn't have a heart. If he would have had one then falling in love would have happened in two seconds. 

 

And that Lu Han had lost his precious Lu was too much. 
 

 

 

 

A year later, when he was in his last year to finally graduate he had seen Sehun's picture for the first time. It was at a nearby convenience store; next to the automatic doors was a huge placard of Sehun with a drink in his hand. Lu Han didn't go in for a few minutes as he was just staring at the picture. So was he working in this business? He was going to leave it like that until a big group of school girls probably from high school came from behind and kept on screaming 'Sehun oppa'. 

 

 

Almost at the same they had their phones up and eagerly took pictures. They were so damn loud and kept on yelling and screaming. So that let Lu Han assume that Sehun was a bit more than a simple advertiser. But what could that be? He quickly went in to buy his groceries and he was so fast that he himself was confused. He was in a hurry that he could go home and use Internet to find out what he really was. 

Since Lu Han moved to a new place with Kyungsoo and Kai he didn't have electricity for a few weeks and thus didn't or more couldn't watch TV. He did have now and after going home he regretted to have waited so long. At home he almost let his bought groceries fall down onto the floor. Why didn't he know about this earlier? He placed his groceries onto the coffee table prior to plopping himself onto the couch. With this new information he could make up so many theories why he was rejected.
 

 

 

Lu Han knew that he should let go but he couldn't. 


 

 

Sehun was a famous solo dancer. 

 

 

Immediately he had clasped his phone in his hands so tightly that his knuckles turned white where his skin was pulled. A stinging wound of pain filed him; blocking the breath from his throat and making him feel nauseous. He bowed his head and his breathing grew ragged, his mind replaying the scene of rejection over the and over again how hurtful those words were. Now that he didn't have to see Sehun anymore he believed that he was fine with the heartbreak. 

 

 

 

 

Lu Han was fine.



 

 

It was on a cold winter night. Lu Han had just finished his shift in the bubble tea shop. He was still working there even when the girl who he was a substitute for had returned. It was fun and he still wanted to get free bubble tea. He deep down also wanted to drink it with Sehun. Did he even drink bubble tea? The last time Lu Han had seen him was at the bus stop was also the last time Sehun went to college. He had dropped out for some unknown reason. The speculations varied a lot but the most famous one was that Sehun just didn't like the college and wished to go to a different one. 

 

Lu Han didn't believe any of them.

 

 

 

Back then he didn't know that his former friend dropped out to start his carrier. He would never visit a public college anymore. He would probably receive private lessons or maybe he wouldn't study anymore. His carrier was a huge success when he had dance for the first time in an award show. Since his company was famous he quickly climbed his way up to the top. He then met another boy called Lay who joined the same company so why not put them together? 


 

 

They were close and joked around. That was what Lu Han could make out after watching their own reality show. Was that an honest smile that Sehun had? Or was he just acting? He had never smiled much around Lu Han so the cameras were to blame. They forced Sehun to do these things that he didn't like. 
 

 

 

When he had crossed the street with hundreds of others under the dark sky, a voice caused him to stop. 

 

 

"Who is your first love Sehun?"

 

 

Lu Han's face snapped up, trying to match the voice with a face. It was a bit difficult because so many people were walking past him and the countless flashing lights of shops were bothering but that was fine. He narrowed his eyes to not get a head ache from the lights but that was disturbed by girls shouting again. He turned around to the source of the noise.

 

 

 

"Sehun oppa! So handsome!'
 

"He's there!! Let's take pictures!!"
 

"Oppa I love you!!"
 

 

 

There was also tons of other screaming which was not possible to make sense of. Anyway Lu Han used their brainless pointing to find out where Sehun was. He was on a huge screen on a building which was actually supposed to air news and weather conditions. So Oh Sehun was more important than what was going on in the world?

 

 

 

Lu Han couldn't tear his eyes off the screen. 


 

 

 

 

"My first love was....uh in high school? I was a freshman and the person I liked was a junior I think. I was really mean to this person and I hope he can forgive me. I don't want others to think badly of him. He was…no is a great person." His apology sounded very genuine and it daring as hell to use 'he'. Nobody cared much as the MC and also his partner Lay began to laugh. He was talking about Lu Han wasn't he? There was nobody else he had talked to.

 

"I really want to apologize and I also would like to meet you. If you refuse-" Sehun obtained something from a staff member and placed his arm around a plush deer's throat. "I have your Lu as a hostage and you have to come or I will hurt him. Oh and you have to buy me bubble tea!" He said with an expressionless face and put two fingers next to Lu's temple to pretend that he was about to shoot him. The bystander and fans around him began to laugh and praising the boy for his comedy skills.
 

 

Lu Han laughed and brushed his tears away.

 

 

 

He didn't expect from Sehun to be his boyfriend. 
 

 

He didn't expect from Sehun to marry him. 
 

 

He didn't expect from Sehun to be ready to spend their lives together. 

 

He just wanted to know if Sehun had at some point in his life ever felt the same. 
 

 

And he had gotten his answer. 


 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Sorry guys I'm soooo busy and blah blah blah yada yada Chanyeol is dumb


Sehun couldn't date Lu Han because they would end up breaking up and Lu Han would get hated on. Sehun also didn't want to date Lu Han before his debut because fans would find out and still bash Lu Han. 
 

The ending is pretty open. 
 

I really hope you'll like this. I took almost a week to write this I don't even know why -_-
 

Sorry for mistakes!

bomi xoxo