How to Be Popular

• Be Confident

Nobody's perfect. Therefore, you don't have to be perfect to be popular. Even if you feel that you're far from ideal, the first step to gaining confidence is to believe in yourself.

• Be Original

If you want to get noticed, then you have to be original in some way, whether it’s for your unique look or your unique perspective on life. You don’t have to “be weird” or do something that doesn’t make you comfortable to be different. Just embrace your quirks and the thoughts and actions that make you special. People will notice you if you’re committed to being an individual instead of following the pack.

• Excel at Something

Don’t think that it’s “not cool” to actually care about something, and instead, embrace the things you love and work hard to excel at them.

• Stop Caring What People Think

It may feel nearly impossible to stop caring what people think in middle school, when many people spend the majority of their time talking and gossiping about other people and worrying about how they come off. It’s only natural to care what people think when you’re still growing, both physically and emotionally, as a person and don’t yet know quite where you belong.

• Take Risk

Take risks by introducing yourself to someone you haven't met, going to a party you were invited to even if you don't know many other guests, or by making statements that make you stand out in a crowd.

• Show an Interest In People

You have to show that you actually care about people, beyond whether or not they like you. You should show an interest in people by taking the time to be friendly, to ask your friends and acquaintances how they’re doing, and to ask them about their interests, families, and goals outside of school.

• Be Friendly

Popular people are on friendly terms with pretty much everyone--not only their peers, but also the teachers, the supervisors, the grocery store clerk, the janitor, the parents, the kids, and generally anyone who's even the tiniest bit nice. 

• Join Clubs

Joining clubs will also help you meet people, put yourself out there, and become a more interesting person as you pursue your interests. Pick something you really care about, like debate, French, Model UN, or a variety of other subjects, and stick to it. Become a leader in the club and use your position to improve the club and to get to know a wide variety of people.

• Join a Team

Joining a team and playing a sport is not only a great way to get some exercise and feel happier, but it’s also an excellent way to meet new people. You don’t have to be the star of your soccer team to play the sport, have fun, and get a great work out after school. Whether your school has a team or you’re playing an intramural league, make an effort to play at least one sport so you’ll be more likely to meet a variety of interesting people.

• Maintain a Variety of Interests

Don't just be a jock or get obsessed with the school yearbook. Instead, maintain a variety of interests by having a few irons in the fire at once. Though you shouldn't spread yourself so thin that you don't have time for yourself, being more involved in more activities will help you get recognized, put your name out there, and get to know more people from different walks of life.

• Speak Up in Class

You may think it’s not cool to participate or even talk at all in class, and that you’re better off hanging out in the back of the room, looking like you have something better to do. Instead, you should participate in class, and do your homework so you actually look like you know what you’re talking about. You don’t have to be the teacher’s pet or anything, but you should talk enough so that all of the students in the class know who you are and like what you’re saying.

• Master Small Talk

There’s nothing small about small talk. Being a master of small talk can help you talk to people and make them feel comfortable before you have a more deep or more fun conversation. To make small talk, just go up to a person, say hi, and start talking about how your days are going. Asking small questions can help lead to a bigger conversation and can make people open up to you.

• Make People Laugh

Making people laugh is a key part of being social and of making yourself more popular. If you feel comfortable being the class clown, go for it. If you’d rather impress people with your sharp wit, that’s great too. And if you’re great at teasing people and making them crack up, then that can be your thing. Don’t force humor on people, but work on maximizing your strengths when it comes to making people laugh.

• Learn To Laugh at Yourself

Learning to laugh at yourself is an important part of being a fun and social human being and of being more popular. People think that the popular kids think they’re perfect and that they can do no wrong, but it will actually be refreshing if people think that you’re cool without taking yourself too seriously. You don’t have to put yourself down or be insecure to learn to laugh at yourself, but you should joke around about your weaknesses and worries to show people that you’re comfortable with who you are.

© Viviane Gold 1992