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It seemed like a fairly normal day but for some reason her heart rate began to pick up its speed. Strange, she thinks to herself, her lips curving down to a frown but somehow she brushes it off of her shoulders. She makes her usual routine in the morning, washing up and getting changed before catching breakfast in the kitchen.

Yes, it’s just a normal day. Another normal and utterly meaningless day unless, she sniggers to herself as she turns on the router for internet access and picks up her phone, her thumb pressing on the Twitter app, unless they have done something good again. The app loads for a moment and soon the posts begin to appear, she props herself down on the chair, sipping on her cup of coffee and raises a brow at one particular post by a friend and a fellow fan with the hash tag:

#WeBeliveInYouKris

What’s this? She innocently wonders and presses on the screen of her phone, the hash tag showing many more tweets with the very same tag. Uneasiness washes over her, the hard pounding of her heart returns and for a moment she feels numb. Her brain goes blank, trying to register the words that her eyes were laying upon, questioning herself if this was true and silently praying that it was just mere rumors… or a really bad joke.

SM confirms… runs dry and the pain in her chest does not subside but only gets more painful.

Articles were being written, some were saying it was true, others said otherwise but who should she believe? She wanted to side with those saying that everything was false, too afraid and stubborn about accepting what really was.

She swallows hard and takes a deep breath.

“Calm down…” she breathes, closing her phone and gets ready for school “Unless he speaks, you wait”

And just like that she does so and carries on with her day. She goes to school with heavy heart despite repeatedly telling herself, wait, just wait… don’t jump to conclusions. It was hard though, the uneasiness continued to churn inside of her, she felt uncomfortable feeling at the tips of her fingers and toes.

She felt horrible. This is not an ordinary day.

Sitting down on the lobby of the school, she fiddles with her phone; she didn’t want to see nor hear about any of the current news today but her curiosity got the best of her, she needed to know what was going on because forcibly blinding herself was only making her more uneasy. She gets up and continuously scrolls through posts, clicking on various articles and news as she walks through the hall after hearing the bell ring.

She scrunches her face reading something related to Instagram and her stubborn side decides to see it for herself. It only hurt her more.

What is happening? She questions herself, biting back her lower lip as her hand begins to shake and her eyes begin to water. She wanted to throw her phone as if it was telling lies and needed to be destroyed but things were getting suspicious and what started out to be a little rumor this morning was slowly turning into a fact as the hours passed by.

Is this why he was missing at the airport? Is this why he was nowhere to be found? What is going on? So many questions racked her brain.

The afternoon arrives and everyone she knew was in a buzz, not just the ones who were like but even the ones who were of different colors, ones that were different from them. By now, her shoulders were low, her smile wasn’t there and she just felt tired.

Exhausted.

As she walks down the road going back to her home, she could not help but open up her phone again, silently hoping that heaven gift her with some sort of miracle and read news that would somehow lighten the heaviness in her chest but no…

I take it back. This time her tears fall as she reads through different translations of a certain Instagram update by the one person she never even imagined would be able to say such things. No… not you. Please no. she bites back her lip.

It was getting frustrating, I hate this.

She stopped and closed her eyes, something wet trailing down her cheeks. She sniffles.

She wished that she was blind right now, so she would not be able to see these, so that she could not read the articles and words inked on the screen of her phone. She wished that she was deaf, so she could not hear the buzzes in school because she could not bear to hear them, she didn’t want to hear them at all. She wished that she could not feel, so she could breathe well, she wanted to feel numb and disliking the fact that her heart was hurt…

She wished that all her senses disappeared, just for now. Just this once… to make the pain go away.

But… no.

If she was blind, she would not be able to see what they were going through. She would miss out on seeing the happy faces they flashed on camera, the smiles they gave them; she would miss out on seeing the pain in their eyes that they try so hard to hide.

If she was deaf, she would not be able to hear those melodic laughs that made her grin like an idiot, the songs that they sang with their heart and soul that she sang along to almost every day; she would miss out on hearing their cries, the pain in their voices.

If she could not feel, if she lost her senses, she would not be able to share the happiness of their first win, the enjoyment and fun, the heart stopping performances on stage… she would not share their pain. No.

She sniffles and opens her eyes, now continuously getting filled with tears. It doesn’t matter… it’s okay if I’m hurt. Yes, it was alright, she wanted to share their pain, if she was there through the good times, she had to be there through the bad.

I will not turn my back on you guys. She says, pressing the button below her phone and exiting the app, her wallpaper of twelve guys smiling greeting her sight.

She cried, feeling hurt all over.

Then at a distance she sees a group of girls in different colored shirts, the one in sapphire blue and red casting her sympathetic smile and walks towards her, embracing her as she no longer held back and cried hard as they were whispering words of comfort to her.

“It’s okay… it’s hard but right now, nothing is absolute” said the girl in blue.

“Everything will be okay, don’t worry” the girl in red added.

“Stand your ground, be strong” another girl in green told her.

“Right now is when they need you the most, don’t turn around” said the girl in pink.

“We’re here for you”

No, it was not an ordinary day. It was a very painful day, a day that seemed to go by so slow that it hurt; so many people saying things and writing things and all she could do was watch and listen.

Who and what was there to believe, really? Who do I believe at this point in time? She wanted to refuse but it was there and it was real and it was happening… but then again

I’m not there… this is just the tip of the iceberg and the only ones who know what’s really happening is them.

As she collapsed herself onto her bed, eyes swollen and heart heavy, she decides: Right now, I’ll just believe the boys. The screen on her phone lights up and a sound fills the room. It was her notification ringtone:

We are one! EXO saranghaja!

But she was no longer conscious, already on her merry way to dreamland with a silent hope in her heart that tomorrow when she wakes up, all was well and everything today was just a dream.

Today was not an ordinary day.

Because no matter how much the sun shone, today was dark.