L

“Sorry to say… but the cancer cells are uncontrollable. And the worst is you are at stage four of your cancer. I’m really sorry… but the chances of living for you is very low. Chemotherapies might help…a little—“

“STOP. You’relying! it! You call yourself a doctor?! How come you don’t know how to cure me?!”

“Mr. Kim—“

“Don’t continue. I don’t want to hear those. , I can live by myself. Even without your stupid medications!” With that, Minseok made his way out of the hospital.

It pained him a lot. His situation is not what he expected to be happening right now. He imagines himself five years from now having a family with someone he will love, growing old along with that person and kids surrounding them. The ideal future he dreamed of, is it really going away in just a blink of an eye?

With a blank expression on his face, he continued walking until he reached home. The most comfortable place he would ever think of. He stopped when he heard his mom crying loudly.

“No. Minseok is not dying. My son is not dying!” Minseok walked closer at the mention of his name.

“Your son? Quit it. He is not. We can find another son again at that orphanage where he came from.”

Minseok accidentally dropped the book he was holding and made his parents’ attention turn to him.

“I-I am from an o-orphanage?”

His mom ran towards him but Minseok stepped backwards “DON’T! Don’t touch me! You lied to me. All of you are liars! Why didn’t I figure this out before? All along, dad was cruel. I should’ve known. My life is a total mess. Well, now… I know if I die, no one would ever remember me. My existence on Earth was nothing.” A tear escaped from his left eye and he wiped it furiously. “I don’t belong here.”

With nowhere to go, Minseok started walking. He reached a park that is new to his eyes. He’d never been aware of the existence of parks. He was about to sit on one of the park benches but across him, someone caught his eyes. He was approximately six footer in height, cold-looking, with all the perfect features every woman would die for. He was extremely handsome in Minseok’s eyes.

His eyes met Minseok’s gaze and Minseok didn’t dare to break the eye contact. The guy tilted his head and stood up to walk towards him. Minseok felt uneasy and his hands kept on fidgeting. He shifted his eyes to his shoes and not less than a second, his pair of shoes was joined by another pair. He looked up to see the tall man who was squinting his eyes at him curiously. Minseok felt nervous yet amused with the man. He’s curious to know what his name is, where he lives, his age—STOP. That’s nonsense. How can he even think of that despite the mere fact that he’ll die anytime soon. That made him feel smaller. He looked down again with his eyes being filled up with tears.

“I’m Sehun. Oh Sehun” Sehun stepped backwards to give space to Minseok and offer his hand.

Minseok lifted his hands carefully and shook Sehun’s hand “Minseok”

He managed to look up at Sehun and flash him a radiant smile. The smile that no one saw these past few days.

“Come, sit with me”

Minseok nodded with Sehun’s kind offer and crossed the road where Sehun’s bench is located. Upon sitting, Sehun bombarded Minseok with tons of questions. Minseok didn’t answer all of them truthfully because he believes that some things should be kept by himself and are better left unsaid. Like his disease, it’s none of Sehun’s concerns anyway. Nothing will change the fact that he’s dying.

Sehun noticed the pained eyes of Minseok and he knew there was something. Something he wouldn’t tell anyone. He saw Minseok as a puzzle. His curiosity grew bigger everytime he speaks. He has a guess that he’s telling 50% truth and 50% lie. In fact, he’s guessing it right.

At their first meeting, Sehun already felt a spark. Something he can’t explain. It’s like he knew Minseok for a long time and he just don’t know how or why.

**

It’s so unusual to Sehun to bring someone to his house. He doesn’t trust people. Especially those he just met. But, in this case, he knew that this guy will bring no harm to him.

“Here’s my room.” Sehun opened the door to his room.

Minseok was amazed, seeing all the deer stuffs surrounding Sehun’s room. He thought that it’s cute for a guy to collect these kind of stuffs.

“Deer collector?”

He chuckled. “Uhm… Actually, I’m not. Those are my ex’s collection. He’s my first love. And he loves deer a lot. I don’t know why I can’t get rid of them. Despite the fact that he died 2 years ago. Maybe I’m not ready yet.”

 Minseok nodded. “Well, I understand. Even I, I still can’t move on.”

“Tell me more about it.”

“First love. I guess he still loves me. But… I just can’t let him see me again.”

“Wae?”

Minseok just shook his head. “Never mind. Let’s just forget about the past.” Minseok smiled a little and Sehun smiled back politely.

Minseok touched one of the deer collections. “Wow, this is so fluffy”

“That is his favorite”

“Wow, you can still recall that?”

“Of course.” He sighed “I still love him. Lu Han is his name. We met on middle school. He was the only guy who knew me very well. He was very aware of my emotions. He knows when I’m faking it. He knows me that much. But then… he left”

“Wae?”

“He said that he needs to study abroad… but then… I knew that he lied. The real reason was he wasn’t ready for a commitment… that’s why. After that, I never saw him again. They said he died… but half of me doesn’t believe it.”

Sehun walked across the room and held a picture frame that contains him and Lu Han.

“Aigoo. Babe, I miss you a lot.” A tear escaped from Sehun’s eye. He quickly wiped it away and sniffed. Minseok patted his back to give him comfort.

“I like fluffy objects”

Sehun looked at him curiously. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing. I just want you to know that I like fluffy objects.”

Sehun chuckled “You’re such a random person. Ok, you like fluffy objects. I’ll take note of that.”

**

Every weekends, Sehun and Minseok managed to meet each other. They enjoyed each other’s company. And who knows? They might be falling deeper than they thought.

It’s a Wednesday today and Minseok has a chemotherapy to attend. His hair growing thinner and thinner. He already has a wig to hide his almost bald head.

“Minseok!”

“Lu Han!”

Minseok was taken aback with the sudden mention of Lu Han’s name. His spine felt a shiver upon hearing the name so he turned to look at the people behind him.

“Minseok!” his mom hugged him.

His eyes were still wide, unable to get over about what he heard awhile ago. He decided to shrug it off and focus on the scene in front of him.

“Why are you here?”

“Minseok, how are you? Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m perfectly fine. Anyway, you don’t have to worry about me. As dad said, you can find another—“

“You’re irreplaceable, you get it?”

“Son, I’m so sorry if I said those. I just want your mother to be comforted”

“It’s fine”

“Baby, come back home”

Minseok didn’t know how to answer. He really loves his mom. His mom who gave everything he wanted. He doesn’t want to disappoint his mom but he doesn’t want to be with his dad again. He’s afraid that he’ll be crueler this time.

Minseok’s eyes showed confusion. His mom easily distinguished his thoughts, so she interrupted those. “Baby, don’t worry about your dad. I’ll take care of him.”

He swallowed hard before nodding his head to his mom.

“Aww, my cutie baby!” his mom hugged him and so he hugged back.

He started to feel a pain on his stomach but he ignored it. He didn’t want his mom to worry about him. But he knew that his days were counted. He excused himself to the bathroom to drink some pain reliever. He looked at the mirror and examined his face. He looked pale. He looked sick. His eyebags are getting worse due to the insomnia he’s feeling these past few days.

“I can’t let them see my situation. I don’t want to be pitied.”

He pulled out his concealer to put remedy on his eyebags. He touched his face and remembered things that he shouldn’t be remembering. He sighed. “Everywhere I go, it leads me to one direction. I think it’s fate playing with me.”

He went out of the bathroom and headed to their home. He felt like a disabled person. They wouldn’t just allow him to do things that he was supposed to do. Even pouring his glass of water. At first, his mom wanted to take him a bath and such but Minseok thought that it’s too much. Well, it really is.

It’s already 8 in the evening. And he knew that anytime soon, Sehun would call. As he expected, his phone rang.

“Sehunnie~”

“Minseok-ssi! Can you please go to Sehun’s house? He has a high fever. And his stomach hurts to much—“

“Ok. Wait.”

He immediately changed his clothes, worried about Sehun’s situation.

When he arrived, he saw Sehun lying on the sofa. He looked exhausted. Minseok was so worried, he dropped his bag and went directly in front of Sehun. Sehun looked up at him and smiled. “I’m glad you’re here”

“What ha—“

Sehun pulled him down for a kiss. Minseok didn’t repel but kissed back. “I love you, Min,” Sehun said in between the kiss. “Love you too,” Minseok replied and kissed him passionately.

**

Minseok smiled as he fixed his bowtie in front of the mirror.

“Oh Sehun again?” His mom appeared on his door.

“Mhm”

“That man is really a lucky one”

“Lucky? I don’t think so. Think of me as selfish, but even if I’m dying, I’m not willing to lose him. Well, not this time. He’ll be my happiness until my life ends.”

His mom smiled at him “If you’re happy, then I’m happy too”

Upon arriving at Sehun’s house, he smelled the aroma of ddukboki wearing on his nose. He wrapped his arms at Sehun’s nape and gave him a short kiss. “Jagi, I’m excited to taste you….your ddukboki,” Minseok smirked.

“Naughty guy.”

“That you love”

“Yes, I love you”

“I love you too”

Sehun pulled a chair for him on the dining area.

“Jagi, happy 100 days” Sehun whispered and kissed Minseok’s forehead.

“Happy 100 days”

Time is passing by quickly and Minseok felt weaker and weaker. He can feel the sensation—that feeling when you are already close to your end.

Sehun caressed his hair but Minseok, out of shock, pushed him away.

“M-Mian. I-I told you not to touch my hair, right?”

“Aw. Sorry, jagi. Can’t help it”

Minseok faked a smile and hugged Sehun. A tear escape from his eye while hugging him tighter. He just can’t let go. Why does it have to happen now? Why now when someone is willing to take care of him and love him for the way he is?

He bit his lip as the pain started to crawl on his stomach. He quickly excused himself to go to the bathroom. He panicked when he realized that he didn’t bring his medicines. The pain is getting stronger and stronger. He hugged his knees tight in front of his chest while breathing heavily, cold sweat rushing throughout the pores of his body.

“Jagi, gwenchana?” Sehun asked worriedly

“Neh.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, jagi. Just a glass of water please”

Upon hearing that Sehun’s footsteps are gone, Minseok started sobbing.

“Let me live, please. I want to be with Oh Sehun. He’s the only thing I need to survive. I’d do anything… just don’t take my life”

He wiped his tears when Sehun knocked. Even he’s in pain, he managed to stand up and rinse his face with water. He opened the door and took the glass of water. He chugged it down and handed the empty glass back to Sehun. Nothing changed. The pain, it just grew deadlier.

Sehun, still innocent of the situation, joyfully led him back to the dining area to finish their food. Minseok can’t bear with the pain anymore. And not just the pain, also the guilt. The guilt that he’s being happy with Sehun but in the end, Sehun will be suffering. He’s aware that Sehun is the type of guy that will most likely commit suicide when he dies, but he chose to be quiet and enjoy every moment with Sehun.

He ate the nachos and some chocolates on his plate even if he’s completely aware that those might worsen his condition. But he always believes that he will only love once, why would he waste his life avoiding the foods he love and giving away the things he have?

After eating, Sehun led him to his bedroom, blindfolded.

“Ready?”

“Mhm”

Sehun slowly removed his blindfold. “Open your eyes.”

Minseok complied and opened his eyes. The sight was breath-taking. Sehun’s bedroom is glowing with green neon lights. All the lights formed a word—saranghae. Mesmerized by the sight, Minseok forgot about his pain and hugged Sehun tightly.

“Nado saranghae, Sehun”

Sehun kissed his forehead and pulled away. He the lights and another sight is revealed. His room wasn’t filled with deer anymore, it was filled with fluffy stuff.

“These stuff toys represent you. You squishy little thing!” He then pinched his cheeks gently.

Minseok chuckled and slapped his hands away playfully. Minseok felt the pain once more.

“J-Jagi… Can I leave now?”

“Jagi~ I want you to spend the night with me”

“B-But”

Sehun interrupted him with a kiss. “Jagi, just tonight please.”

Minseok knew what Sehun meant. But right now, that thing is impossible to do. But he thought… ‘What if this will be the last?’

His pain attacked again, this time, it’s more intense. Minseok can’t help but to shout.

“AAAH!!” Minseok fell down and hugged his knees tightly

“Jagi! What’s wrong?”

“AHHH! LEAVE! NO! I MEAN—I-I DON’T REALLY LOVE YOU!”

“W-What?!”

“I-I’M NOT SERIOUS ABOUT EVERYTHING! I DON’T LOVE YOU! I HATE YOU!” Minseok stood up and tried to run but Sehun grabbed his wrist and made him torn back.

“YOU LOVE ME!” Sehun kissed him aggressively and pinned him to the wall.

“L-LET ME GO!” Minseok pushed him away. Minseok wiped his lips with his arm and turned away.

“Minseok… why?” Sehun sniffed as tears started rolling down his cheeks.

“You said you love me. You said we’ll be together forever. You said that nothing can ever come between—“

“I LIED! HAPPY? I USED YOU!” Without turning, he yelled.

Sehun hugged him from behind. “I don’t care. I’ll be a martyr for you. I’ll be okay as long as you’re with me. Please…let me love you”

“I-I can’t” A tear finally got out of Minseok’s eye. He turned his head so that Sehun wouldn’t see his crying face.

“You already did. You pretended that you love me. Please pretend that you still love me.”

“Why? I hurt you! I’m useless!!”

“You’re my life now. I don’t care if you are using me for enjoyment! I can be a e for you. I will be everything for you”

Minseok hugged him and cried on his chest.

“I don’t know how you can say those. I feel so guilty for doing this to you.”

“Don’t be. I choose you, remember?” Sehun lifted his chin and kissed him softly.

“Just pretend that you love me… even for tonight. All I want is this night.”

 “But Sehun—“

“Call me ‘jagi’”

Minseok nodded. Sehun kissed the tip of his nose and wiped the tears off of his face.

**

“Jagi~” Sehun called out for Minseok once he’s up.

No one replied so he decided to open his eyes. He found himself alone in the bed. He stretched his arm before getting up. A letter appeared at his side table. His name was written on it. The handwriting looked familiar that’s why he felt chills running through his spine.

“Jagi, before continuing, find me first. I might be asleep when you read this but don’t you dare disturb me, araseo?” Sehun read aloud. A smile formed on his face and he decided to find Minseok on the house.

He found him on the dining area with his plate untouched and another plate, probably for him. He opened the letter once again.

“I want you to trace all of my facial features. Everything. You should remember every single detail. Do it.”

Sehun feeling weird, just did what Minseok wrote.

“Aww… You really are an angel, jagi” He pinched his fluffy cheeks and continued on tracing his facial features.

He continued reading the letter.

“My hair… I never let you touch them, right? Now, you can. You can even pull it and see if I’ll wake up”

Sehun chuckled and ruffled his hair. “Should I pull this?” He smirked and pulled it.

He was so shocked when he saw Minseok’s baldness. His eyes are so wide but he continued on reading.

“Hmm… Guess I didn’t wake up. But…do you still love me even if I’m bald?”

Sehun’s eyes came teary “Pabo, of course I still love you!”

“Then… if you still love me, jagi, I want you to kiss me.”

Sehun fixed Minseok’s head and positioned in front of him to kiss him. He kissed him passionately but Minseok didn’t respond. That was the time that Sehun felt bothered. He checked his pulse.

“.”

Sehun quickly dialed the ambulance.

**

“Dead on arrival.”

“Wae?! Why did he die?”

“Sir, he has stage four pancreatic cancer. Didn’t he tell you?” The doctor shook his head. “If he drank his medicine last night, he would still be alive. Condolence” After that, the doctor left.

Sehun felt the guilt banging on his chest. That’s why Minseok wanted to go home. It’s because he needed to drink the medicine.

“! I’m so selfish!” He punched the wall and his knuckles turned black. He closed his eyes and tears started rolling down again. He put his hand on his pocket and realized that the letter Minseok wrote was still there.

He opened it again and read it silently.

“Thank you for everything, jagi and sorry if I didn’t tell you about my condition. It’s not true that I hate you, I really love you. And you know what? I didn’t know that I’d be this happy being with you for the…second time around. Before, I thought we’re over… but well… fate, it is. It’s a fortuitous happenstance. I’ve been lying. *sighs* Anyway, you shouldn’t abandon those poor deer. I love deer more than those fluffy objects. And hey, I didn’t die 2 years ago, you pabo! But still, thanks. Jagi… Babe… You loved me for the second time. Thank you. Goodbye.

-Lu Han”

-The End-

AUTHOR'S NOTEYay!! So here it is! Unexpected ending, righteu? Yep. Anw, I hope Kris' case would be fine. I really cried a lot for him :'(