‘I’m sorry, Hye Won. You have no idea how sorry am I.’

I looked into his eyes with my teary eyes. I was biting my lips, taking deeper breath when he said those words to me. My body was shaking. Trembling in fear that I will lose him, now and forever.

‘If you are, then don’t leave!!!’ 

I grabbed a hold on his left arm, very tight. He used another hand to push it away slowly. His hands slipped away from my grip, looking apologetic. 

‘I’m sorry.’ He said again.

‘The reason is her. That girl that I saw last week. Am I right?’ I ask depressingly. 

He took a very deep breath while closing his eyes, looking frustrated with my question. He stared right into my eyes and murmured, ‘yes.’

My right hand landed on his cheek, giving him a hard slap on his face. A red hand mark was left on his cheek. 

‘I’m really sorry!’

‘Shut up and leave!!!’

I shouted right at his face. With his apologetic look, he left the place without turning back. Without looking at all. I dropped down on my knees while watching him walking away. Tears were flowing continuously from my eyes and then rolled down to my cheeks. I started crying like a baby, without holding back my sorrow and sadness. When he was lost out of my sight, I screamed top of my lungs, begging him to turn back and look at me just for once.

Just for once. 

Even just for a second.


But there was no miracle. He did not turn back at all. He chose her over me. I kept asking myself and blaming myself, was I not good enough for him? What was her strength? What attracts him? Or am I not presentable? 

Looks? I have.

Intellegence? I have.

Body? I have

Personality? I have too.

“WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT??” I screamed. Maybe I’m just nothing to him. 


Since the day he left me, I tried my best to continue my life, day by day. I told myself that I will only just use 3 days to be sad and cry over this relationship. I was right, the first three days was totally like a hell to me. Imagine waking up without someone whom you love, is now gone forever. Imagine someone whom you love is not there to say, ‘good morning baby’ and give a kiss on your forehead anymore. Someone whom prepares breakfast for you every morning has left. And someone that text you all day long and call you when you are free are gone. 

They are all gone.

Gone.

The clock was ticking very slowly. A minute represents an hour. I tried not to look back at every picture that we took before, every gift that gave, going places we have been to together, any memories and everything that will cause me break down. 

But after fourth day, fifth, six, seven and a month… I slightly felt much better. I chose to hangout more with my friends and family members, socially with my university mates, spending time reading books and going to the library. And after my class starts, my life was even busier with assignments, class tests, homework and activities. My time was being occupied that way. 

But I still think back what happened in between us, it was a torture to me again. I love him as much as how much I hate him. I hate him for dumping me for another girl, but my love for him was as deep as the blue ocean. I tried to convince myself that, I do not need him. I do not need such bast*rd to be in my life. I deserve another better.



Jong Hyun POV

The reason that i left her was not as it seems. The reason was not because of another girl like I said to her. It was just a lie. A white lie to cover up my intention of breaking up with her. After I knew that my fans suspected I was in a relationship, I was really afraid that they will know whom my girlfriend was. I’m afraid that they will attack her mentally and physically and I’ve seen some with my own eyes. I don’t wish to ruin her beautiful life with all these unnecessary things. She does not deserve all these things. She deserves privacy and freedom. 

During the day I broke up with her, she gave a slap on my face. I was not surprised that she will do such things. I knew that my words were hurtful. I walked away with tears on my face. I was sobbing hardly, so she was. I walked off and hide behind a building, I heard she was shouting and crying even louder. She was shouting my name, begging me to return to her side. 


I’m sorry.

I can't do so although I wanted to run to her and give her a big hug. 

Since the day I left her, I lost contact with her immediately. I terminate our couple number and changed phone. I did not find her, look at her or give her a call. Although, I knew that she will not take me back because of my hurtful words, but I still didn't not want to give her a chance to contact me. I miss her. I really miss her.

During fans meeting and concerts, I’ve never ever seen her anymore among my hundred or thousand fans. She became a person that does not exist. She really left my life. 

Before I asked for a break, so many questions came into my mind. What my life will be without her love, without her cute personality and character? What will my life be without her going to bed, and waking up with me? What my life will be without her after my stressful working day? But I must set her free. I shall not be a selfish person. How can I stand aside, watching her suffer from sidelines? The best decision was for me to leave.

Going through such thing was not as easy either. But fortunate enough, I have my members that always support me from behind, going though hardship with me especially Key. The only member that I could spill everything to and cry to during the night. Thank you, Key. Our tight comeback schedules are always pack from Monday till Sunday, morning till at night, leaving me not so much of time to think about her. But I could never ever get over her; she is part of my life, till now and forever.

The only time that I saw her was three years back. I spotted her crossing the road alone, still carrying her bag that I bought for her. For that moment, I wanted to chase her back. I wanted to ask her to come back to my side, not bothering my status as a public person and not my career as a singer. But something stopped me. A man came by her side and held onto her hand. I took a step back immediately. I felt that my body was red hot although I was looking from inside an air-conditional room. The sense of jealously was strong. I felt something aching inside my heart. But I convinced myself that, I chose to leave her. 

‘There is no one else you can blame except yourself, Kim Jong Hyun.’ 


After 2 years, I met a best friend of hers. I was shocked when I was told that she got married. She got married to another man, but not me. The bridegroom was another person but not me. She thought that I was aware of it, but I didn’t know. I tried my best to give her a smile but it was atrociously fake. I should feel happy because there is another person taking care of her now but I'm not. She is happy now. I give my blessings to you. 


Hye Won POV

I tried my best not to watch TV show or listen to music to avoid your appearance. Your name, Kim Jong Hyun and SHINee are always being so sensitive to me until now. No matter how hard I try to avoid, I was still able to listen this group name called SHINee and the main vocalist, Kim Jong Hyun.

After you left, I’ve thought that I will not be in a relationship anymore because of past experience, until I found him. Yes, him. He was nice and friendly, unlike you, sweet talker but impatient. Out of blue moon, he asked me out to a date and I agreed. The reason I went out was to meet more people to replace your existence in my heart. However, after meeting him few months, he expressed his feelings towards me and I decided to go for a try. 

Being together for about a year, he bought me to high class restaurant for anniversary. He presented me a bouquet of flower and kneeled down on the ground and proposed to me. I agreed to the marriage. Although he has replaced the empty hole in my heart, you will always be a part of me. I will never ever forget you in my life, because you hurt me as deep as how much I love you. I hate you but I love you and because of the reason…

It was you, whom I loved.


Jong Hyun POV

After I knew that you got married, I knew that my chances were all gone. I tried to dance all my sorrows away when I knew that I’m not allowed to cry over it anymore. I had no choice but to let you go, set you free. 

No.

To be exact, I let you free 3 years back.

You are now free, Park Hye Won. 

I made the right mistake. After all, I should be happy because you are married happily to someone and there is a great future ahead of you. Our road shall end here, because from now on, you walk your path and I walked mine. But I truly amazing I knew that you are always in my heart because….

It was you, whom I loved.

Author’s Note: This is a love story about dear Jong Hyun. I know, it is a sad fan fiction again! TT.TT But I don’t think it is really a sad ff right? Hye Won doesn’t know anything about Jong Hyun attention was to protect her and Jong Hyun was being sweet to protect her. He rather set her free from looking at her suffering alone. Although both of them are not together in the end, but they still love each other deep down inside their heart.

This one shot was inspired based on part of my life experience (EXCEPT THE MARRIGE PART & my ex is an artist although I wish to) and another 1 shot by Justina because I really love the flow of story. The flow of story was based on her story but I changed the whole wording. There was no copyright intention because I only take the idea but not the expression of her writing. And I used back the title of hers,It was you, whom I love. 

Enjoy ^^