Cause baby I know that you still love me

and baby know that I love you too

So tell me why we can't make it better,

cause all that I know is I found it in you.

~~ Jason Chen, "Still In Love" 

It was exactly 11pm and I still didn’t receive any text from him. I knew he was busy filming his new drama but they got breaks and a mere message like “Did you have fun?” will be enough, right? But nothing came. I sighed, trying to ignore the disappointment eating inside me. I took a look at the people happily talking to one another. It was Tiffany eonni and Nickhun oppa’s little party. Well, they just survived that dating scandal released last week so they were very grateful about it. Being the ninja couple for four years was truly an achievement. It was a sumptuous dinner, alright. 2pm, SNSD and CNBLUE members were there except the lead guitarist. Was he still avoiding me? I grasped my chest, disregarding that familiar pain inside my heart. It had been months already. I should have moved on. I should have focused my attention towards my new boyfriend but… I was a hopeless case.

I love you still.

“He said he’s fine and he could take care of himself. Should I go back to the dorm, hyung?”

I sensed Minhyuk’s concern. I raised my head and saw him talking to Seohyun and Yonghwa oppa.

“I don’t think so. You got Krystal here.”

“I’m sure she will understand.”

“What about if we’ll go ahead now, oppa?”

“Okay. I’ll talk to Tiffany about it.”

I didn’t know what happened but I found myself volunteering. I immediately saw the shock expression of the three persons in front of me.

“Yoona…”

“Let me go, Yonghwa oppa! I just… I just want to see him.”

Seohyun stopped me but I insisted. Maybe it was my pleading look. Maybe my desperation that showed which made Yonghwa nodded in agreement.

**

I keyed in the password. It was still the same. He gave it to me when we were still together. I walked in and stopped when I saw the pink pillow on the couch. I bought it for him when he said he wanted something he could use when travelling.  

My heart was beating loudly when I knocked on his door.

“Lee Jungshin, I told you I’m okay. Go back to the party!”

“It’s Yoona…”

Silence was deafening. The door opened. He was staring at me like I was some kind of ghost. I took a look at him closely. His hair had grown longer. I noticed his stubbles. He was a bit leaner too.  We were on our staring game for minutes before I walked towards him. I found myself wrapping my arms around his waist, as my head leaned on his chest.

“Are you really okay, Jonghyun?” I started. He was not moving at all. I tightened my hold, my eyes filled with b tears. “Because I’m not… I’m not okay. I miss you.”

Then I felt his arms around my waist. His face at the side of my neck. His shoulders were shaking. He was crying. I didn’t need an answer that time. He was suffering just like me.

**

“I’ve heard you started seeing her.”

“We are still getting to know each other.”

“Are you serious with her?”

He didn’t respond immediately. I looked at him. His eyes drifted towards the television. He turned it on when we got into an awkward silence a while ago.

“I wanted a distraction before I’ll go crazy. I wanted to forget you. And I thought dating another woman was a solution.” He said before he looked back at me. “But why you’re here, Yoona?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted to see you.”

“I thought we will forget everything about us. You have him now.”

“I couldn’t forget you!” I screamed at him. My tears were cascading on my cheeks again. “I’m trying hard but I always fail! I wanted to hear news about you! I wanted to know if you’re eating well. I wanted to---“

He pulled my nape and kissed me so hard. My mind kept saying it was wrong. I shouldn’t be doing this but my body told me otherwise. I put my arms around his neck and responded the kiss with equal hunger. God, I missed him so much.

He took few more pecks before he stopped. He cupped my face and looked straight into my eyes.

“Leave him. Come back to me, Yoona.”

And it finally got into me.

My boyfriend.

I took his hands and pulled it away on my face. I stood from the couch.

“I can’t, Jonghyun. I can’t do this to him. He has been so good to me.”

“Do you love him?”

“I’m trying…”

“Do you still… do you still… love me?”

I didn’t answer. I was so confused. This was all wrong.

“I understand. Go back to him, Im Yoona. And this will be the last time will be talking about this.”

He went to his room. I put my hand on my mouth, suppressing that sob as I look at his retreating back.

I love you, Lee Jonghyun. I love you so much.

**

Five years later…

“Jonghyun samchon!” Jaehwan squealed as he saw his favorite uncle with a puppy on his hand. Jonghyun ruffled his hair fondly as he gave him the new pet.

“Jaehwan had been asking for a puppy to Jonghyun oppa since last week. And you know oppa, he will forever indulge that kid.”

I muttered my thanks as Seohyun placed a glass of orange juice on the table. She was a beautiful mother and wife. Three years ago, SNSD decided to retire as a group. Some members like Sunny, Tiffany and Sooyoung were already married too. Jessica, Seohyun and I pursued acting. As a matter of fact, I just came from LA after filming my latest movie there. Maknae sent a happy message to me last week about their upcoming second baby.

“I hope it’s a girl this time. I couldn’t wait to play with her.”

“Oppa was saying the same thing. I’m so happy, eonni.”

“I know. “ I smiled at her and grasped her hand tightly. That’s when Yonghwa emerged from their room. He looked like he just taken his shower. He pecked his wife on her lips and landed a soft kiss on my forehead.

“Yoona~yah, how’s the filming?”

“Tiring but it was all worth it.”

“You look good with Woobin.”

I hit his shoulder lightly while chuckling. “He’s dating my co-star. Eish.”

The married couple shared a hearty laugh when Jonghyun and Jaehwan appeared in front of us.  The latter ran towards his parents, showing his new pet which he called Billy. Jonghyun sat beside me. I offered him a juice that he quickly drank. He seemed so thirsty. I laughed at him that made Yonghwa and Seohyun looked at us. I noticed their knowing grin towards each other. I shook my head lightly. After exchanging some banters and little talk, the couple left us after receiving a call from Minhyuk, inquiring some things about his upcoming wedding with Krystal.

“Why aren’t they getting our opinions about that wedding?”

“We at that area perhaps.”

“Yeah.” And we laughed together. Then there was an awkward silence. Jonghyun spoke first.

“Congratulations on your Hollywood film.”

“Thank you. I’ve heard about your new album too. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“…”

“…”

“Are you still dating that model?”

“That was a year ago, Lee Jonghyun! Well, I saw him ing his co-model backstage so it was all over.”

“What an .”

“You bet. How about you? Are you still together with that girl group member?”

“Nope. We didn’t work out.”

To my surprise, he stood from his seat and asked for my hand. I looked at him weirdly.

“I suddenly miss hanging around with you, Im Yoona. Let’s paint the town red, baby.”

I smirked and took his hand. “I would love to.”

We walked towards his car. He called Yonghwa to say we left. He grasped my hand tightly while driving. I didn’t know where this will lead us but I promised to myself that time, I would never ever let him go again.

We deserved this.

Five years were already enough.

Saranghae, Lee Jonghyun.

**

JongYoon was beautiful. Yoona perfectly complimented Jonghyun, vice-versa. If only fics would always turn into reality, then I will be happy, all deerburning shippers will be happy.

HOPE IS LOVE, my friends. 

Have a good night. <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qj7gktkWLos