***

You’re just too obsessed with those cheesy novels.

Baekhyun concludes he just needed rest. The travel from the city to the province is no joke and the hoard of people wanting to greet and have a chat with him right after the wedding is overwhelming. Maybe, his mind and body is too exhausted to process things or maybe his ex boyfriend and childhood friend, Kris, is right, maybe Baekhyun is too obsessed with novels and dramas but one thing is for sure, there are a lot more of maybes in Baekhyun’s life and without a doubt, there are a lot more maybes to come.

And Baekhyun dislike uncertainties, he loathes a maybe.

If there’s a world record for the person with the most numbers of sigh in an hour, most probably, Byun Baekhyun will be the title holder as he once again sigh for the umpteen time. The wedding was finished about two hours ago, they are probably finished having dinner by now. Baekhyun is lucky enough to have excused himself from the reception insisting he’s not feeling well. It isn’t a lie though because he really isn’t at his best self. And now, he just ended his phone conversation with Kris but the latter is too eager to hang up the phone because he is in a middle of very important business meeting with his martial artist panda AB style whatever his name boyfriend.

Baekhyun is sitting on his comfy chair, the chair who witnessed all his pain and suffering when he was still in high school, the chair that listened to all his cries and grieves and the chair that can make him feel at ease, the chair that he missed so much but right now, his little chair isn’t helping and it’s terrifying. Maybe because the chair is old and its powers are all worn out or maybe because Kris’s words continue to ring on his ears, loud and clear, nonstop. You’re just too obsessed with those chessy novels that you find it hard to distinguish the disparity of reality from fantasy or maybe because you finally found the one.

But Baekhyun opts the first choice. It has to be, right? Maybe. Baekhyun detests maybes, he doesn’t want maybes in his life. Maybes are doubt and most doubts turn into regrets.

Baekhyun spends the whole night after the wedding and after talking with the helpful Kris mulling over what has transpired within him. He keeps himself as far away as possible from the newlyweds. In the end, Baekhyun accepts the fact that he finds Chanyeol attractive, like some bishounen from a soujo manga or a prince from a fairytale. Chanyeol can also pass as a dashing bachelor or a supermodel; even a president’s son in one of the novels Baekhyun has read. Chanyeol can also be the leading man in Baekhyun’s first novel, the one he’s currently writing, he doesn’t forget to makes it a mental note to write Kris as a dog or a cat or even a rat. Chanyeol can also be---- okay, Baekhyun needs to stop with the comparisons because obsessing over his brother’s husband is a NO-NO. Not a yes, and definitely not a maybe but a BIG FAT NO.

There’s a soft knock on the door and Baekhyun’s heart feels like exploding. He knows it’s from Kyungsoo.

“Baek hyung.” Kyungsoo’s voice is forever soothing. Baekhyun has always been Kyungsoo’s number one fan, wanting to hear his voice over and over again but at this moment, Kyungsoo’s voice is the second last thing he wants to process, well, the first is, you know who.

Baekhyun doesn’t mutter a single response. He wants to fake that he is sleeping, hoping that if he doesn’t respond, Kyungsoo will leave.

“Baek hyung.” Kyungsoo tries again, “Do you want to.” Words fade little by little until the sentence remains incomplete. It takes a couple of seconds before Baekhyun hears Kyungsoo again.

“Do you want to like talk or something. I know there’s something bothering you. And I know you’re awake. Kris hyung just called asking me to check up on you”

Baekhyun inwardly groans. He swears Kris is going to hell; he’ll be dragging Kris to his grave. So now Baekhyun is sure to make Kris a cockroach in his novel. Once again, he sighs and decides it’s now or never. He slowly makes his way to the door and unhurriedly opens it.

“Hi.” Kyungsoo greets with a rather cheerless expression and Baekhyun can sense the awkwardness and it’s weird and scary, they have never been awkward.

“Hyung.” Kyungsoo says not looking at Baekhyun’s eyes and Baekhyun wants to see them because his brother’s voice is unsure, reserved, and sad.

“Do you dislike Chanyeol?”

And Baekhyun is caught off guard, suddenly he feels he’s claustrophobic, and the room is too cramped and small for them, he needs space, he needs air, he needs to get out. But he can’t.

“He’s kind.” Kyungsoo continues, “I swear hyung, just give him a chance. I love him hyung. I really do and it hurts because I feel like you don’t like him and I don’t want that.”

And Baekhyun sees it. The tears wanting to fall from Kyungsoo’s large eyes; the light on those eyes that says he’s in love. And now, what more can Baekhyun do?

“I don’t dislike him. I just” Baekhyun stops and thinks for suitable words, his mouth wants to scream You’re husband is handsome, I may be in love with him? But he knows he can never utter the words so he settles for a half lie-half truth, “the feeling is foreign, my baby brother is just got married and I’m not the most important guy in his life now.”

And then sadness turns into bliss as Kyungsoo’s tears are not of pain but of joy and delight.

“I love you hyung. Thank you. I was worried back then.” Kyungsoo’s smile is like a light bulb, it illuminates the whole room. “I’ll just call Chanyeol and so we can bond together.”

Baekhyun wasn’t given a time to protest and denies the request because not a minute has passed, he finds himself being greeted by the tall man he refuses to see. And when Chanyeol greets him enthusiastically, Baekhyun tries his best to give a bright smile; he knows he did, halfheartedly.

Kyungsoo prides himself of having thought of a brilliant idea to have brother bonding with Chanyeol. It’s the worst on Baekhyun’s part. He encourages Kyungsoo and Chanyeol to sleep early because the wedding was finished just hours ago and both of them needed rest and you know what but Kyungsoo laughs his refusal and insists that they’ve done their honeymoon a couple of times already . Okay, Baekhyun doesn’t need to know that.

The night is filled with stories as Kyungsoo narrates his perfect love story with his perfect husband and it’s the last thing Baekhyun needs, not because he’s feeling jealous but because he doesn’t need to know what kind of person Chanyeol is or how awesome he is at playing different musical instruments and most definitely, he doesn’t need to experience it firsthand. Damn, Chanyeol’s voice is screaming when he sings and the guitar playing isn’t helping. Someone needs to help Baekhyun.

The stories continue and Baekhyun tries to focus not to listen to Kyungsoo’s words. He doesn’t need tales and narratives about Chanyeol’s life. He bets his brother insists on continuing to prove that Chanyeol is the best for Kyungsoo, Baekhyun knows that but as the hours passed, Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol is really one of the best there is, he’s a catch, he’s a romantic, he’s perfect but why he isn’t with Baekhyun? It’s kind of unfair.

It’s past 12 and Kyungsoo’s mouth doesn’t stop, from Chanyeol having a passion for music, it then leads to Chanyeol being good at everything and Baekhyun doesn’t need to know how awesome Chanyeol is at bed. Kyungsoo should stop with the stories because it will surely hunt Baekhyun in his dreams.

The most difficult part though is that Baekhyun tries hard not to fall, tries not hard to be lured into stories and tales of the awe-inspiring lad. He tries hard not to be amazed and be carried away,  He’s grip on the last string is too strong, he must not let go, it’s his only chance to escape. He needs to find an exit, quick.

And every minute that goes by, Baekhyun’s disgust with himself just grows. Because how can he wish for someone who isn’t his? Worst, how can he imagine being with his brother’s lover? Baekhyun is the worst. He is and he hates it.

He needs to find an exit, too bad, Baekhyun doesn’t realize that when it comes to true love, entering doesn’t mean finding an exit is as easy as counting one to three. Once you pass through the door, you’ll find yourself in a maze – confused, helpless and alone. Locating an exit means devoting a long period of time but sometimes exits lead not to help you heal, but to make you more in love – helplessly.

***

“Enjoying your vacation?”

“ you” Baekhyun screams into the phone hoping the guy on the other end of the line has suffered hearing impairment. Baekhyun is promised a well deserved rest, a calming feeling, a soothing vacation but what he gets in return are sleepless nights, exhaustion and the worst, a confused heart. It takes a few seconds before Baekhyun hears a response and he prays he shouldn’t have.

“Ha, I knew you’d scream, so I threw the phone away.”

“I don’t need any of your bulls Kris. I don’t need it now. Do it sometimes.” Baekhyun is so tired, he wants to go back to the city and be busy, so busy that he will forget he should eat or even sleep or even brush his teeth because every little margin of consciousness will make his mind wander into a forbidden feeling.

“Baek.” It is low and soft and careful. “I’m sorry.”

Who is he kidding? Baekhyun can’t get angry at Kris even if he wants to. Kris is the fine line between a brother and a friend.

“It’s okay. I’m just, I don’t know. I don’t know me.”

Baekhyun hears Kris heave a sigh.

“Love isn’t a fairytale Baek. I know you believe in them so much but sometimes, love hurts and it’s all you can get from it.”

The conversation ends with Kris bidding goodbye and promising a fancy dinner once Baekhyun comes back to the city. But honestly, only one sentence has registered into Baekhyun’s mind and it’s chasing him.

***

It will take a week before Baekhyun comes back to his apartment in the city. But Baekhyun wants to leave now, it’s earlier than expected; well Baekhyun wants to escape everything on their province. So he decides to announce he’ll be coming back at an earlier time. He believes that the earlier he’ll flee; he’ll still have that string of chance to escape.

He gathers everyone in the living room, their father, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.

“I’ll be going home now, something came up and I need to be there.” He explains to his family and Chanyeol.

“I wished you have stayed longer” His father mutters quietly and Baekhyun feels guilty.  “But I understand, please visit again soon.”

And then Baekhyun feels relieve, he swears, he’ll go crazy because of the sudden changes in his emotions. It’s not normal.

But Baekhyun doesn’t expect the moments that happen next, he should have expected more ill-fated occurrences will happen to him because suddenly Kyungsoo is jumping in excitement.

“We’ll be coming with you to the city”

It takes a couple of seconds of realization because city, Kyungsoo, coming us. WHAT?

“What?” Baekhyun doesn’t bother to hide the surprise in his tone.

“We’ll be coming, dad agreed and well, I’ll be looking for work and Chanyeol will too.”

And Kyungsoo continue to ramble on how sorry he was for not mentioning earlier and how he is so excited to be moving to the city and how he finds someone to take care of his dad and his plans of visiting often and and and Baekhyun wants the and  to stop.

“Sorry” Baekhyun suddenly hears a deep voice from his back and it sends chills down to his spine.

“I know we’ll cause problems but Kyungsoo really wants to go because he wants to be with you.”

Have you gone through that feeling of happiness and guilt combine? It but it makes you say yes to anything. With tears on the corner of Baekhyun’s eyes, he softly uttered, “Are you guys already ready? Because we will be leaving at 3.”

And then he turns around and he sees Chanyeol smiling at him, mouthing a thanks.

That time, he is sure. Love at first sight really happens.

***

Baekhyun closes the book he’s been reading since last night, he can’t continue for the meantime, he started reading it once he made it back to his apartment. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol stays at the other room, where most of Baekhyun’s friends stay at whenever they like to stay for the night. It’s a nice change, having people around. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol doesn’t let him do the chores, it’s relaxing but he isn’t comfortable at all.

The first day is okay, Chanyeol did most of the thing from moving the stuffs and arranging the room. He doesn’t let Baekhyun do anything claiming that by them moving in his apartment is enough burden, he doesn’t want to add things to the list.

Kyungsoo, most of the time is out because he wants to explore the city. Baekhyun notices how Chanyeol is all supportive to Kyungsoo’s happiness, letting him be what he wants, encouraging him to travel around but always makes sure Kyungsoo is safe and especially, happy.

The moments when Baekhyun and Chanyeol are left alone in the apartment are a concoction of spiciness, sweetness and bitterness. Kyungsoo’s stories are not fictions; they are fact because Baekhyun is experiencing it in actuality. Chanyeol cooks for him, Chanyeol does the chores, Chanyeol stays quiet when Baekhyun is reading, Chanyeol plays the guitar, Chanyeol sings for him, Chanyeol tries to read novels saying he’s curious on Baekhyun’s line of work.

Chanyeol is perfect. And Baekhyun needs to cut his mind off Chanyeol.

So Baekhyun starts off with book that he sees this on the mail a day after he comes back, apparently, Kris has sent the book and he finds himself distracted with everything that is Chanyeol because the book is a nice read but today, he stops reading because he realizes that the words sting as if mocking him. David Levithan’s words described his current state, every word fits every description. It amazes him how writers could explain how you feel with words when he himself could not. How some writers managed to scramble and unscramble the letters to perfectly fit the situation readers are currently facing. Every bookworm always comes across that moment, that sentence that it feels like it was written just for you.

How then can he suppose to stop obsessing over novels?

Even when he realizes he’s living in a children’s book by Lemony Snicket because he’s been having a series of unfortunate events lately, the fascination in novels and stories didn’t stop and Baekhyun likes to address it as passion rather than obsession. But Baekhyun in spite of his love for good reads is mulling over on how the words from Every Day explains what he’s going through and it because he doesn’t want to accept anything but the reality is written down for him to gasp, for him to accept.

“This is what love does: It makes you want to rewrite the world. It makes you want to choose the characters, build the scenery, guide the plot. The person you love sits across from you, and you want to do everything in your power to make it possible, endlessly possible. And when it’s just the two of you, alone in a room, you can pretend that this is how it is, this is how it will be.” 

 “I made some breakfast, Baek hyung, you should eat.”

Chanyeol stands in front him, his smile is blinding. Baekhyun knows it’s always the description for a beautiful smile. But you know what, screw those novels because Chanyeol’s smile is the best there is, Chanyeol’s idiotic smile makes his heart undergo a rollercoaster ride, he hates it. But how can he hate the man who is standing in front of him, offering him bacon and eggs? How can he say no to the guy who makes his world a mixture of excitement and craziness. He knows, it’s all novel-like, ha, love at first sights, forbidden love, everything is written already but maybe what’s not published in the books yet is his ending.

Just this moment, while Kyungsoo is still sleeping,

Just this moment. Let the cheesy novels do their magic.

Just for this moment while Chanyeol gives him bacons and egg. Just this moment, Baekhyun lets his guard down. Just for this moment while Chanyeol smiles at him while he joins him for breakfast.

Just this moment, Baekhyun pretends he is in a novel wherein he’s the protagonist and Chanyeol is his prince.

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Cross posted this on my AO3 account: nestine

Sorry it took awhile for an update, busy with work and school :(