Today's Prompt: "The world has seen three apocalypses already. Some people have lived through every one."  

Eli is tired. He’s tired but he never lets himself sleep. Not willingly.

“Eli… Come to bed,” The quiet voice behind him coaxes him, soothes him, but he cannot obey. He will not. Warm arms wrap around his shoulders gently, soft lips brush against the shell of his ear as the words are repeated in a whisper. “Come to bed.”

“I can’t.” Eli’s reply is rough, it’s a hoarse whisper. It’s merely a shell of what it used to be. “I can’t sleep.”

“Why not?” Every night they have this conversation. Every night Eli is asked the same question and every night he gives the same answer.

“Because I have nightmares.”

The arms around Eli’s shoulders tighten, pulling him ever so slightly, turning him so that he can face the beautiful man who is kneeling on the bed behind him.  Eli hates this bed, but he returns to it every single night. He will keep returning to it until something happens. Perhaps another bomb, maybe a raid from a group of nearby survivors who have been driven to desperation. The roof could suddenly come crumbling down and this building, the old, abandoned hotel where Eli has taken shelter for the past two months, would fall to pieces. In the back of his mind, Eli prays that that would happen. Hopefully, before he has to fall asleep.

“Nightmares?”  Soft lips curve downwards. Eli loves and hates this expression. He hates the look of concern, the disapproval, he hates worrying the angel in front of him. He hates the fact that those warm brown eyes can stare into his and see his soul, his fears, his weaknesses. But he loves the expression because… “Tell me about them.”

“Not tonight.” Eli’s response is biting, but he can’t go through this again. He refuses to remember. The frown deepens. He loves the expression because it’s worn on the face of the man he loves. The man who represents all that is left in Eli’s fractioned world. The man who would leave Eli as a shattered shell if he ever left.

“If you tell me, maybe it will help you.”

“It doesn’t work like that.” Eli doesn’t like shutting him down like this, shutting him out without a chance. But he has to, he has to or he fears what will happen to him.

“Is it about them?”

No answer. He won’t.

“About your family?”

He won’t.

“Your friends?”

He can’t.

“Is it about-“

“Kiseop!” Eli knows what will come next and he refuses to hear it. It’s what comes every night; it’s what breaks him every night. “Please, I don’t want to talk about this.” His voice is hoarse from screaming, from crying, from begging. Kiseop stares at him silently, a hint of worry in his eyes, and Eli wants to take everything back. He wants to up all the words and feelings that pour from him and lock them away along with his memories in a place where Kiseop can’t see. He wants to make Kiseop believe, make himself believe, that everything will be okay. For now, at least.

“You can’t lock it away,” Kiseop whispers finally. Eli doesn’t know how he does it but he always reads his mind. Eli thinks that he’s magical. From the moment that he'd laid eyes on the beautiful man, he'd thought he was an angel. Maybe even a god. “You can’t forget Eli." Kiseop pauses, choosing his next words carefully. "The people from your past come back. They come back and they want to be remembered. They won’t stop until they are.”

Eli knows that every word falling from those pouting lips is the truth. Every night they do come back. Every night Eli tries to avoid them, the nightmares, the memories. And every night Eli fails. He falls asleep and he is forced to relive them. Three times where Eli survived, three times where he wished he died.

“They don’t want to hurt you,” Kiseop continues, Eli’s thigh gently. They’re both kneeling on the bed, facing each other. If Kiseop had his way, they’d be lying together, curled up in each other’s arms, but Eli can’t lie down. If he lies down, he may fall asleep.

“They hurt me anyway,” Eli is bitter and angry. He knows Kiseop is right. Trying to forget only makes things worse.

“Please, Eli.” Kiseop’s voice is level, calm, but his eyes are pleading. Begging, like they do each night.

“I….” Eli takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes. He closes them, but only for a moment, because what he sees behind his eyelids is blood. It’s broken bones and lifeless eyes. Destroyed homes, empty streets. It’s pure ruin. 

"Tell me." The command is soft, but still a command nontheless. Something that Kiseop asks of him every night. Something that Eli wishes that he could deny. But with the way Kiseop is looking at him, asking for the stories that he's heard a million times, Eli cannot refuse. At Eli's silence, Kiseop knows that he must push harder. “The first time,” He speaks gently, starting for him, his hand rubbing Eli’s leg soothingly.

“The first time…” Eli repeats, his heart suddenly pounding as he unlocks the chest and allows himself to remember once more. “The first time we saw it, she didn’t know what was happening.”

“Eli, what’s that?”

“She was so curious, she thought they were stars. Falling stars.” His voice shakes as he thinks back. Her little hand in his as they walked home from the grocery store, the look of wonder in her eyes at seeing stars falling in pure daylight.

“It’s a star! I’m gonna make a wish!”

“I knew they weren’t. I knew they were bad. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew,” Eli balls his hands into fists, pushing them against his thighs. He wants to grab Kiseop’s but he won’t. He thinks that if he touches Kiseop, he’ll be into the horrifying memory, too.

“Those aren’t stars…”

“What are you talking about silly, of course they are!”

“I was getting scared, there were so many. They were far away at first, tiny specks in the sky, but soon there were more, and they were closer.” Eli remembers the sight well. The large rocks raining from the sky, the distant banging sound. When he fully realized what was happening, his heart nearly stopped.

“…”

“I wish for Eli to grow up healthily and be a big, strong man, just like daddy!”

“I remember them,” Kiseop mentions, but he doesn’t add anything else. This is Eli’s time and as much as he doesn’t want to, he needs to tell this story.

“I also wish for mommy to get that raise she wanted, so we can get a bigger house and-“

“No…”

“What’s wrong? Do you wanna make a wish too?”

“No. We have to go.”

Eli remembers her tiny hand in his as he grabbed her, tried to pull her. But she wouldn't move. He remembers the panic settling in. “I could hear the noises, the explosions, they were coming from far away but they were so loud…”

“What do you mean, Eli? What’s wro-“

“We have to go!”

“It was like I snapped out of a trance. The noises were getting louder and I picked her up and ran but I didn’t know where to go. It was like I couldn’t think, I had to get home but I didn’t know where it was. I didn’t even know if we would be safe there.” Eli continues, he's speaking quicker now. He feels it in his chest; the burst of adrenaline, the sinking panic. Kiseop doesn’t look away; he doesn’t blink as a tear escapes Eli’s eye and slides down his cheek.

“I heard a siren in the distance, I didn’t know if it was police, or an ambulance, and I could hear screams… Then it happened. I saw one in the sky, it was so close. Like a rock, but it was the size of a bus and I heard it land just a few blocks away. I felt the ground shake and the explosion was so loud but I couldn’t stop running. I had to get her to safety. I had to find my family. Those were the only things I thought about, and I thought that if I could run fast enough, I could outrun them and we could make it.” Eli can’t stop the memories now, the sounds of people screaming, the sounds of concrete and glass and metal being obliterated on impact. The panic and the crying, and the little, terrified body in his arms as he ran.

“Another one came down, but this time, it was ahead of me. It was near my house.” Eli swallows thickly, but his mouth is dry and the action does nothing to soothe him. “I was so scared that I stopped running, just for a second." Eli can recall that horrifying thought, the possibility that his home had been struck, that his parents were dead, that he was running towards oblivion. "I heard the explosion and all I remember doing was praying that it was farther than I thought.

“I started running again. I had to make sure my parents were okay. The next one was small, thank god, maybe the size of a motorcycle, and it crashed into a car right next to me. I barely remember what happened next but one second, I heard glass shattering, the next, I was being thrown to the ground. She started crying, really loudly, and I thought that maybe the fall hurt her but I couldn’t stop running now. I stood up and my leg hurt. It felt like it was on fire, but I had to hurry. I just kept telling myself, ‘If you get home, it will all be okay’.” Eli laughs bitterly. “As if that would be the end of it. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It hurts, Eli…”

“I know, but it’s going to be okay.”

“Eli, I’m bleeding.”

“Shhh, it’s just a scrape.”

“There were a few close calls. One came down and it hit a building next to me. I hid her face in my chest so she didn’t have to see the bodies falling from the windows. Some were dead before they even hit the ground; others kicked and screamed until they smashed into the concrete. There was blood everywhere. Finally, I got to my street. I was so happy.” Eli's legs had been on fire when he finally came to a stop. He couldn't feel his feet. But none of that mattered when he laid eyes on his house.

“They’re okay!”

“W- who is Eli?”

“Mommy and daddy.”

“The house was fine. The crash must have been just a block away. But I was so thankful. I could see my dad’s car in the driveway and I knew that they were probably freaking out inside, scared that the two of us were trapped out there, or maybe even dead. They were probably watching the news; there was probably an evacuation notice. But they would wait for us to come home; my mom had faith like that.

“I ran up to the house and-“ The words die in Eli’s throat and he shuts his eyes against his will. He sees it, the flash of intense light, the obliteration of the place he once called home. The house was so strong, it was like a fortress to him, but on impact, it just blew apart, like the seeds of a dandelion.  He remembers being thrown backwards at the force. He remembers the horror at feeling the tiny body ripped from his arms. He tried to hold on but all the strength left him in that moment. He remembers the blood curdling scream that escape his sister's mouth. “I keep telling myself, if I ran faster, if I didn’t let go, if I did something else,” Eli’s voice is choked with tears. “She’d be okay. They all would.”

“Minah… Minah? Minah!”

“I opened my eyes and I was on my back… Everything hurt and my shirt was sticky and wet. There was blood everywhere… I called out for her, at first I could barely speak but then I was shouting. I was shouting and she wasn’t answering. I couldn’t hear her voice. I couldn’t-“ Eli begins to hyperventilate and this is where Kiseop comes in. He crawls forward, taking the shaking man in his arms, and rocks him back and forth. Kiseop says nothing, but he holds on tight.

“I couldn’t move, but when I turned my head, I saw her. She was so broken, lying on the other side of the street. She didn’t move, she was bent so-“ Eli shudders, unable to continue that thought. “I knew my little sister was gone. My house was destroyed. I knew my parents were gone too. I closed my eyes and waited to follow them.”

Kiseop pulls back, Eli’s cheek. “But you didn’t, you’re here now,” He whispers soothingly. “You survived.”

Eli shakes his head. “Sometimes, I wish I didn’t.”

Kiseop’s face changes, it’s no longer sympathetic, but scolding. “Don’t say that!” Eli looks down in shame, and Kiseop’s expression softens. “They wouldn’t want you to say that.”

“But I-“

"If you didn't survive, you wouldn't have met me." Kiseop offers Eli a smile. But Eli can't offer it back. Not when there's a voice in his head, a voice telling him that he would be better off dead. He would be better off joining those who left him.

“You can't forget them,” Kiseop continues before Eli can argue. “You don’t have to completely block them out to move on." 

But Eli wants to. He wants the nightmares to stop, he wishes that he would never have to hear that scream again. After that moment, he'd felt all the life drained from him, all the happiness. He didn't smile for a long time. Eli recalls the hours he spent lying there in the rubble, just waiting, and he remembers hearing the surprised shouts of others when they'd discovered his still breathing body. 

 Kiseop takes Eli's hand, pulling him. He shuffles backwards until he is sitting at the head of the bed, his back against the cracked walls. Faded floral wallpaper is peeling off of them, the pattern even harder to see in the darkness of night, but Eli can see Kiseop perfectly. He's glowing just like he did on the first day they met. 

"You didn't try to forget them after they died," Kiseop whispers. "You didn't block them out."

"I also didn't smile," Eli responds. "I didn't feel happiness. I couldn't." He still can't. Not unless he is safely tucked away in Kiseop's arms. 

"You did eventually," Kiseop points out, and Eli tries not to follow his lead. He knows what Kiseop is referring to. The second memory that he has. Eli tries not to listen to the thoughts, he tries not to hear their voices, but he does anyway. He lets himself remember, just a little bit.

“I did…” Eli thinks back to the first time he smiled after that. It had been three years. Eli was seventeen.

“I’m Soohyun, this is AJ, and this is Kevin. Are you alone?”

“Yes…”

“Well not anymore.”

"But only for a little while." Eli finishes. He refuses to go further in. He can't. But deep down inside, he knows. For all of his resistance, for all of his stubborness, Kiseop will drag it out of him. He always does. 

“The second time…” Kiseop begins, pulling Eli to sit next to him. It is beginning and it scares him, but Eli plays along. Just for now. 

“The second time, I was terrified.”

“AJ, come on, it’s getting late.”

“We were searching for food. After the meteors, things were so different. A lot of people survived, but things were so tense. I knew life would never be the same,” Eli has sobered up again, and this time, the words pour from him with more strength. He remembers feeling full again for once in his life. He had people to rely on, people who relied on him in turn. He had a new family. But every family had its cracks.

“I know, Eli, but if we don’t find something to eat, we’ll all starve tonight. What about Kevin?”

“If we die, we can’t bring back any food.”

“He’s only eaten mouthfuls for the past two weeks. If we don’t keep looking, he’ll die.”

“People became greedy. Or maybe they were just scared.” Eli knows he doesn’t have to explain what happened to society - after all, Kiseop lived through it too. But it’s important to him. The state of the world as it fell apart is important to him. “There were wars, and people were poor and hungry. It was the four of us, AJ, Soohyun, Kevin and I, and things were starting to get really bad. We had no electricity, barely any food, no heating…” Eli sighs. “Kevin was the smallest of us, and the youngest. We were so scared for him, but AJ was the worst. Once things with Kevin got bad, AJ went off the deep end.”

“AJ, I hear something…”

“You’re freaking yourself out, now come on, I finally got it!”

“Soohyun made us promise to be careful every time we went out. He wanted to come, but someone had to stay home and watch Kevin, make sure that nothing bad happened. We found an old convenience store that had been boarded up and AJ thought there might have been some food left over in there. We tried to break in but it was hard. AJ was prying wood off the windows with his bare hands.” Eli remembers the look of determination in the teenager’s eyes. The desperation. At the time, Eli thought that AJ was an idiot. It was getting dark and Soohyun’s first rule was to be back by sun down. AJ was being reckless because of his worry for Kevin. Eli was mad at AJ at the time, but now, looking at Kiseop, he understood. 

“We were able to climb in through the window and we found some old cans. They were dented and dirty, but they were something. AJ grabbed a box and began packing it up. That’s when we heard it again.”

“What is that?”

“AJ was so focused on grabbing whatever he could, he didn’t even notice them. But I did. It was a sound that I’d hoped to never hear again.”

“Was that an explosion?”

“…”

“AJ!”

“What?”

“Something just blew up.”

“These ones were different. The meteors before, they were like crashes. Smashing, shattering, screaming. These ones were worse. They were contained, they were smaller, but they were man made.” The memories are coming to Eli so quickly now, and so easily. For a moment, he feels liberated. But only for a moment.

“Was that a grenade?”

“AJ wait!”

“Just like that, he dropped everything and took off running,” Eli hugs his knees. “I ran after him but he was so fast… I didn’t want to go through this again, all I could think about was my sister and my home and I was scared of what we were running to. I wanted to go the other way but I couldn’t. I wasn’t on my own anymore.” They were his best friends, his first bits of happiness after the deaths of his family, and Eli wouldn’t abandon them. He’d been convinced that he wouldn’t screw up this time. No mistakes. He would save them.

“Oh my god…”

“NO!”

“AJ stop!”

“We were too late. It was the second time that I saw my home destroyed," Eli pauses, the sight still vivid in his mind, “But this time was different. Walls were blown out but it was still standing. I wanted to scream, to cry, but I couldn't. I had a thought. Someone did this and I wasn’t so sure that they were gone. But AJ took off. He ran right into the house and I followed.” Eli stops, his heart sinking as he remembers again. “They were right in the living room. The ceiling caved in above them and that’s what I think did it. Kevin was…” Eli’s voice cracks, more tears escaping his eyes. “He was crushed under cement and wood. Soohyun’s face was covered in blood. Neither of them were breathing.”

“No… Please…”

“I’d never seen AJ like this. I’d never heard him cry like this. I wanted to cry too but I couldn’t. I fell to the ground and AJ just stood there frozen, crying his eyes out.” Eli could still hear AJ’s screams in his heart, he’ll never stop hearing them. “And that’s when it happened.”

“Who’s there?”

“I heard the voice outside and I knew they weren’t gone,” Eli’s voice is monotone now. Kiseop opens his mouth to speak, but Eli can’t hear his words. All he can hear is the gunshots. The shower of bullets that flew through the wall over Eli’s head, straight into AJ. Eli shuts his eyes and he can see the way AJ’s body convulsed – it was almost as if he was dancing – as each bullet ripped through his body. Eli hadn’t screamed, he hadn’t made a sound, but everything around him was so loud. He was being sprayed with blood, and the guns just kept going off. Eli wanted to yell at them, he wanted to tell them to stop, that AJ was already dead, but his voice was gone. Finally, it was all over and AJ’s body fell to the ground, as lifeless as the rest of his friends. “It was so fast.” Eli doesn’t bother to describe it for Kiseop, but Kiseop can see the pain in his eyes when he opens them, and then the arms are around him again. “The people outside, they just left. I could eventually hear grenades going off in the distance, but I didn’t get up. I didn’t care anymore.”

Kiseop rubs his shoulders. “I’m glad you did get up,” He says quietly.

Eli doesn’t respond, he simply hangs his head. He doesn’t know why he lets Kiseop do this to him. He lets Kiseop drag the stories out every night. He lets Kiseop listen as if it was the first time he’s heard them.  He lets Kiseop coax memory after memory out of him until he is left a shivering, sobbing mess.

Kiseop lies down, pulling at Eli’s shoulder until he does the same. Eli tells himself in the back of his mind that he shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be lying down. If he lies down, he’ll fall asleep. He can’t fall asleep. If he falls asleep, he remembers. He has those nightmares.

“And the third time?” Kiseop asks, curling up into Eli’s side. He looks up at him with wide, questioning eyes. He looks eager to hear. But this is where Eli must stop. This is where Eli will break away from Kiseop’s hold. No more memories will be told tonight, he convinces himself. All he wants to do is lie with Kiseop, hold him, kiss him, forget.

But when Eli leans forward to do so, to press a kiss to the soft lips, Kiseop pulls away.

“The third time?” He repeats, the words coming out like a plea.

“I can’t.”

“Eli, tell me. The third time?”

“Are you okay? Here let me help you… What’s your name?”

“Eli…”

“I’m –“

“No,” Eli responds firmly. He won’t let these memories come back. He won’t. The third time was the worst time. He won’t relive it.

“Please.”

“You’re beautiful…”

“No.”

“Tell me,” Kiseop fists his hands in Eli’s shirt. He’s never been this persistent. Perhaps Kiseop is as tired as he is.

“I love you…”

“I love you too, Eli.”

Eli blinks. He is so tired. He wants to sleep. He can’t sleep.

“The third time,” Kiseop whispers in his ear. It’s a deadly whisper, a haunting one. It’s begging Eli to unlock that chest and to spill his last memory. To recal his worst nightmare.

“The third time was quiet,” Eli says, feeling drained of everything. He can’t fight Kiseop anymore, he can’t fight himself. “It was just the two of us. He found me a few months after everyone died; I’d been wandering aimlessly, taking whatever food I could, when I found it. At the time, I was so weak. I hadn’t eaten in a while, I was cold and tired and then he appeared. I thought he was an angel.” Eli’s heart threatens to break out of his ribs as each word leaves his mouth. He’s never gone down this path before, never let himself. He is beginning to regret it.

“He was from a different town, one that hadn’t been so badly destroyed in the war. Food was still scarce, but he had enough to share. And we did. It didn’t take more than a few weeks before I was in love with him.” Kiseop chuckles and Eli smiles slightly at the fond memories. “I know, it was fast, but he was all I had and… I think he loved me too.”

“I love you too, Eli.”

“Really?”

“When he confessed to me, I was so happy. Finally, something was going alright. It was like everything-“ Eli stops here. He can’t. The words die in his throat. Kiseop tugs on his shoulder, whispers soothing words in his ear. He wants to shake his head, to close his mouth and sew his mind shut. He wants to throw the memories away but it's like his heart has been stabbed and the past is bleeding out. He doesn't want to, but he continues.“Everything was okay again. Better than okay. It was perfect.” Eli takes a breath, feeling nauseous. With each beat of his heart, Eli feels his stomach twist. He feels his strength ebbing away. “We were together for so long.”

“Happy anniversary!”

“That was last year, silly.”

“You know, anniversaries happen every year.”

“Ooooh, you’re so smart Eli.”

Eli doesn’t know when the tears began to pour from his eyes like this, like heavy rain from a thundercloud, but the next thing he realizes, Kiseop’s fingers are wiping them from his face, smoothing back his head and rubbing his chest. “Everything was perfect, but I should have known that it wouldn’t last.”

“Are you sick?”

“It’s just a cough.”

“I’m worried about you…”

“It was like a plague, there were sick people everywhere, there were dead people everywhere else. We tried to get out of the cities, the more populated areas, and we found a pretty dead town. We thought we would be safe there, but we weren’t.”

“Get away from me!”

“Stop it.”

“Please, leave.”

“I won’t.”

“I don’t want you to get sick too.”

“It was just a few coughs here and there, then it turned into fits. Sometimes, he coughed so hard that I thought he would stop breathing. This wasn’t a bomb, or a meteor shower. This wasn’t something I could pick him up and run away from,” Eli wishes that he could have. “It all happened so fast. He was getting weaker; he wouldn’t keep any food down. He wanted me to leave so I didn’t get sick, but I couldn’t leave him. I didn’t want to. If he died, it would be over, if he died, there would be nothing left of me,” Eli continues. His voice is a whisper now and Kiseop is completely silent. He stares into Eli’s eyes, but Eli doesn’t look back. He can’t look at him. His head is screaming to stop, but the wounds are bigger now and his heart is bleeding like never before. 

“I’m going to die, Eli.”

“No you won’t.”

“Eli…”

“I didn’t know what to do.” Eli doesn’t know when the dam cracks, but it does and he’s sobbing. He covers his face with his hands and cries harder than he’s cried in a long time. “I didn’t know how to save him and he was going to be like everyone else. I couldn’t save him.”

“I’m going to die, Eli.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

Eli remembers sitting there, trembling. There was no bed and they had to make due with a futon on the floor. Eli tried to keep him warm, but there was no place to light a fire, no heating in the old house. Eli could see him trembling from the cold. His once soft lips were chapped; his beautiful eyes could barely stay open. Eli couldn’t bear to look at him, but he wouldn’t let himself look away. He was afraid of missing even a second. He was afraid that if he blinked for too long, he'd lose the love of his life.

“You’ve survived a lot.”

Eli remembers the day he stopped speaking. He was too weak. The two of them sat in silence after that, spending days in silence. And with every silent night, Eli's heart broke a little bit more. And then one night, like a ray of sunshine after a storm, he spoke.

“The world has gone to hell three times, but you've survived. You're so strong.”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

“I like it. You’ll outlive everyone, my amazing Eli.”

“Even you.”

“You won’t forget me, though, right?”

“He was so scared that I’d forget him after he died,” Eli says through his tears. He can’t stop them, he can barely breathe, but he knows that Kiseop is waiting to hear the rest. “For the last few days, that’s all the spoke about.”

“You won’t forget me. Promise me.”

“I wanted us to be together forever,” Eli keeps sobbing. He’s filled with pain, grief and anger. “Why?! Why is everyone taken away from me? Why do I have to live and lose everyone that I care about? He’s gone and I can’t-“ Eli gasps, trying to regain control of himself. “I can’t…”

“Don’t leave me.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll visit you in your dreams every night. We’ll be together that way.”

“I can’t,” Eli repeats, suddenly exhausted. His tears have stopped. He remembers. He remembers sitting there. The winter had ended and he finally felt hope. Perhaps there was a chance that they could fight this illness. It would be warm soon and Eli would take good care of him. Eli would nurse him back to health and they would be together forever, like they’d promised. Eli looked out the window, saw the first hint of green on the ground and felt a rush of hope. He ran to him, he was going to wake him up and give him the biggest kiss ever. They’d stopped kissing soon after he fell ill, in the hopes that Eli wouldn’t catch the disease.

“Baby, wake up,”

Eli remembered how cold his skin was. Colder than it had ever been.

“Wake up, my love.”

The chill spread to Eli. It sank into his blood, his bones, his heart.

“Please wake up.”

“It happened so fast,” Eli whispers. He's drained, he's exhausted. 

"What happened to him?" Kiseop's voice is controlled. It's calm. It's hiding something.

"I don't know." Eli is tired. He wants to sleep.

"Did you keep your promise?" Kiseop's question is simple."Will you?"  It's innocent. It's transparant. Eli knows what Kiseop wants him to say.

He knows what words Kiseop needs to hear, what words he wants to hear. But Eli is too tired. "No. I can't."

Kiseop stares back and him and his lips quiver. They spread and contort and Eli isn’t sure what expression Kiseop wants to make. Kiseop looks torn between smiling, frowning, laughing and crying. “I love you so much, Eli,” Kiseop whispers, pressing his forehead to Eli’s.

“I love you too,” Eli whispers back. Kiseop lays down next to him and Eli relaxes into the warm arms. He can tell that Kiseop isn't going to fall asleep soon. He can tell that for Kiseop, this isn't finished. But Eli is done. He's been done for a long time and now all he wants to do is close his eyes, even if he will open them to a nightmare.

And he does.

Eli opens his eyes. He's still tired. He feels like he hasn't slept a wink. 

The sun is shining outside, but he remembers the darkness of night so vividly.

The bed is empty and the air is hot, but not as much as the day before. The summer is beginning to end, and Eli knows that he shoulld find a different place to stay. This house has lasted, but it has no way to keep him warm when the winter comes again. He stands, prepares himself for the day. He will search for a new home, a new place to rest his head. Hopefully one as empty as this. Eli is tired of friends, tired of family, tired of loving. He doesn't want to cry again when the world crumbles for a fourth time. When his world ends for a fourth time. Perhaps he will end along with it, he can only hope.

He spends the day searching, but when the sun begins to set, he returns to that house. He can't bring himself to escape. He can't bring himself to leave the cold floors, the faded wallpaper, the poor excuse for a bed. When winter comes, he'll leave, he tell himself. He doesn't need to, just yet. 

When darkness falls, he tells himself that he cannot sleep. He forces his burning eyes open. He ignore's Kiseop's words as he tries to coax him into bed. He tries not to listen as Kiseop pulls memory after memory out of him. When he begins to fall asleep, against his will, he can feel Kiseop's displeasure, but he refuses to pry. He refuses to dig deeper. Because something is telling him that if he does, he will lose Kiseop. And he can't lose Kiseop. Because Kiseop is all that is left in Eli’s broken world. 

I wrote this in super quickly in like an hour and a half and I haven't edited it but hopefully there aren't many mistakes. Microsoft Word keeps yelling at me for my fragmented sentences but shhh I like them like that. I hope you enjoyed it!