One night Kris was using his computer but suddenly he got food poisoning. So he had to go to the hospital for emergency.

I had him transferred to the hospital; his sister went there to help me look after him when I went home with the kid. His computer was still on.  I just wanted to turn it off for him but OMG, their conversation popped up.

A: Baby, do you want chicken for tomorrow lunch?

K: You don’t need to. Just make something fast. It’s just lunch.

A: Hihi, but I like it. Don’t you love it?

K: Are you crazy? I love everything you make. But we only have a short time for lunch, let do something else.

If the first time made me so shocked, this time I felt numb.

I tried to open my eye widely to read the next line but everything became blurring, words were dancing crazily. I just sat there and looked at the computer screen. I felt straight from heaven to hell.

When I heard a noise from my son’s room, I stood up to turn off the computer but I didn’t forget to copy in to a word file and save it into my email. I saved everything I can find. I thought that was enough, I didn’t need more.

I walked into my sons’ room. They were sleeping peacefully making my pain hurt less. Tears kept falling from my eyes wetting the pillow.

I thought hard, analyzed everything, tried to understand why this happened again when I tried so hard, when he was so sincere, when our family were happy, even happier after my change.  I couldn’t find the answer and I am sure he wouldn’t know the answer as well if I asked him.

Now he must be lying on the hospital’s bed. After a lot of vomits and stomachache and with the help of medicine, he must be in dreamland.

And for me, I couldn’t sleep when there were tons of questions in my head that might not have an answer.

I cooked some porridge for him with teary eyes. After finish cooking, I picked some clothes for him to go to work tomorrow. I also organized his closet again because it was quite messy.

I just kept doing stuff around the house while tears were falling down from my eyes. Inside my heart, I wanted morning to come. When morning came, I woke up from this nightmare.

Finally, a new day began. My house couldn’t be any cleaner. However, the nightmare didn’t stop. I looked at the box of porridge and remembered about him. If I brought this for him, maybe I would throw this at his face. Should I do it? Or maybe I can call his sister to bring him some food. Finally, I called the housekeeper over to watch the kid so I could bring this porridge.

On the way to the hospital, I had to stop a few times just to calm down. Arrived at the hospital, I gave him the porridge; I didn’t look at him and said that I had called the house keeper to watch over the kids so I would be staying with him for the whole day.

A thought appeared in my mind “I will be staying with you, don’t expect her to come here when I am at work. From now on, your life will be in my control, from morning, noon to night. I promise you that.”

He teased me “You were afraid that I may die? Your eyes are swollen from the crying. If I die, who would I leave you and the kids for?”

I thought “Maybe you should die so that I can cry not because I hate you.”

In my mind, there was only anger and hatred. How could I be happy like normal? I didn’t show any reaction yet because he was still sick. In a way, I thought this was also my punishment for him because I didn’t want him to know that he was busted. This was truly torture. It was so hard for me to continue this act. But I was only trying for a few days in order to find out about the truth and solve this.

It is true that anything can become a habit.

It was painful because his affair has become a habit.

Therefore, this time, even if it was a hundred times more painful, I wasn’t shocked and accepted this easily. My mind was calm and composed. I wasn’t disorientated like last times.

Because he was still sick so I didn’t want to show any attitude. Moreover, I was trying to find a way to punish him. This was torture for me to keep acting like this. But this was just until I found out the truth and solution.

I had concluded that I was wrong about Kris this whole time. From his first time cheating, I thought that I was at fault so I could easily forgive him. I didn’t paid good attention to Kris so found someone for that. So I believed that he was just lost and truthfully he didn’t changed. At that time, I was living in heaven but suddenly fell to hell. I was very shocked, I couldn’t accept that. The only thing in my mind was divorce. I just thought about my pain more than the fact that I should keep Kris for the kids, save this marriage and family.

But this time, I had already known what heaven was and what hell was. I thought more practically. I would fight back.

To be more precise, it has become a habbit:

            Cheating is habbit

            Pain from betrayed is also a habit now.

The next day, I went to work. I was in my office and reading their conversation. Though I had prepared myself before reading, I was bit shocked with their feeling for each other. Just f