Sketches, part 2

Gikwang's POV

Now she knows how I feel.

I don't know what's with her. It was the first time Sooyeon has ever talked to me in public, and so nicely too. I heard her friends telling her not to come talk to me, but she ignored them. That's one of the things I love about her. I just hope my unspoken confession isn't the end of her kindness. I really don't want her to be awkward towards me. I really don't.

Suddenly, the class that was empty went crowded. Our instructor was here, people quickly grabbed their seat. I saw Sooyeon coming inside too. She held the sketchbook in her hands, walking towards the seat in the front row and sat down.

Ah, that sketchbook. It was filled with my drawings of her. When she was painting, when she was bored in class, when she watched her friend play in the basketball club, when she's eating in the cafeteria, or just drawings of her in certain poses and expressions. I admire her. Her beauty, her personality, her everything; her.

"Okay, class!" Our instructor, Kang sunsaengnim, clapped his hands together. "Sorry for running late, I had a meeting earlier. Now, since we don't have a lot of time, your task is to draw. Just draw with pencil, don't paint."

"Yes, saem," the whole class replied.

My pencil was still stuck between my ear. Honestly, up till now, I never drew Sooyeon for an assignment. I always did views and panoramas. But now it's different. Now that I have confessed, I just have to reassure her that I really do admire her. I really do like her.

My hands started moving, sketching lines of her flawless figure. I glanced at her; she had a serious look on her face, but I couldn't make out what she was drawing. Sitting next to her was Hyuna. How could she thought that I liked Hyuna, when I clearly described her? She's so clueless, but I love her for that.

Moments later, I've finished my drawing. Actually, it's not really a drawing of a scene I saw her in, but it was me picturing a scene where Sooyeon and I would be.

Her and I were sitting next to each other in the flower garden. The view was from our backs, but it was pretty good. She had her legs stretched and her one hand propping her body, while the other grabbed a daisy. And I had my legs folded, my sketchbook on my lap, and I was laughing with her. If I were to describe it easily, it was like a better picture of us sitting together in the garden earlier. I still didn't draw her face, because.. well, I was still scared about that.

It seemed like she's finished hers too. Sooyeon had a cute, serious expression on her face, examining her drawing. Sometimes she would erase some parts and draw again. I wonder what she drew though.

BRRRRRRRRRING!

The long bell rang, signaling that clubs are dismissed. Everybody packed their things up, except for me. I still wanted to stay a little bit longer. And I wanted to know what Sooyeon drew. Everybody took the A3 sketchbook they drew in and piled them up in front of class. Kang saem decided to check on them tomorrow, so he dismissed us all. I stayed though, so it meant that I have to lock the room and give the keys to the school guard later.

I was the last to submit my drawing. I put it on the top pile, and searched for her sketchbook. When I found it, I quickly flipped to the most recent page.

Wow.

I was taken aback by the sketch on the paper. It was a man in our school uniform––even though he wore it without the blazers, sitting in the middle of the school garden. Surrounding him were patches of white daisies. On his lap was a sketchbook, with his pencil between his ears. He had a cigarette in his mouth, and two cans of coffee on his side. He was looking up to the sky it seems. If I hadn't known better, her drawing was very similar to me.

"Gikwang."

Surprised, I turned my head to where the voice came from. Sooyeon was standing in the doorstep, my sketchbook in her hands. She put up a casual expression, but I could see streaks of worry in her face. She was going to talk to me about it.

I smiled at her, "Hey."

She replied with a little smile, and walked inside the room, stopping not too far behind me. "Uh.. can I talk to you about something?"

I took a big breath, before turning around to really face her. Here we go. "Sure."

Sooyeon opened the sketchbook in her hands, and flipped the pages from the first, to the most recent. Indeed it was all drawings of her, dated from the first time I admired her, which was three months ago, I recalled. It was the only prove of my feelings, that I've been trying so hard to suppress, that I eventually vented by drawing on papers.

She closed the book and hugged it again. "Is it me?" she asked.

My heart started to beat faster than usual, as she was staring at me, right into my eyes. I know she knew, but since she was asking, I nodded, "Yes."

"And those words you said about that girl you like.. it was for me?"

"Yes."

Silence took over again. She must not know what to say now. Either she will turn me down, or confess to me herself? But the latter was too delusional. It couldn't be. So I tried talking to her.

"I really admire you, Sooyeon," I said. "Everyday I would come to school just to see you. I've been admiring you for the past three months.. and it's only until now that I've gathered some courage to confess to you. It kind of hurts that you didn't know how I felt. But, to see you happy and doing fine without me, I'd rather not ruin it. I want to keep your smile beautiful and bright as it is for the rest of your life," I took a big breath before continuing. "That sketchbook is my only prove of this feeling. I treasure my feelings, and you whom I may not get the chance to have, on those sheets of paper. Sooyeon..."

She looked down at the sketchbook, and up at me once again.

"I really like you," I finished my sentence. I could swear, my heart is beating so fast I think it would stop in any moment.

Sooyeon's POV

"I really like you."

Honestly, I didn't thought he was going to really confess. I thought Gikwang was going to avoid the subject, but he didn't. He really did like me. I didn't know what to say, my mind went blank every time I look into his dark, gentle eyes. But I thought, I should let my heart feel. What did I feel for him?

"Gikwang," I said, looking down. I can't look at his eyes. "To be honest, I've always admired you too. At first it was because of my curiosity. You're a good painter and I wanted to know more about you. You see, you're kind of unapproachable yourself.. so it was only now that I got to talk to you. It took me a while to realize that I actually paid attention to you. Admired you."

I finally looked up at him, to see that he had a seemingly surprised expression. "I, uh, I don't know what to say, honestly," said Gikwang, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck. "I'm happy that you think of me, I really am. But, Sooyeon, admiring someone is one thing, but to like someone is another thing. I like you. Do you like me too?"

I gulped. I did not expect this. Pabo me. HOW CAN I NOT EXPECT THIS.

Breathe, Sooyeon. Breathe.

Once again, I let my heart do all the talking. "I.. I.." I came out stuttering. Stupid heart. "I.. don't like you."

I was afraid to look up at him. I was afraid of his reaction. I was afraid I hurt him. "Please, d-don't take it the wrong way," I stuttered again. Damn. "Our feelings are not mutual.. it's just that you, out of your love for me, have managed to know so much about me, even little things I don't realize. I'm clueless, and stupid. And today, I drew you for our assignment. I think you saw. But that's the only thing I know about you, the Gikwang I drew. Of all times that I've paid attention to you, admired you, I still feel that I don't know too much about you.."

I held my breath, until I was able to look up at him again. To my surprise, Gikwang was smiling. His eyes reflect that he's hurt––really hurt, but he still managed to smile.

"It's okay," he said. "I'm not forcing you to love me or anything. It's a relief that I finally get to confess to you, and happy to know that you notice me, and think of me too. Thank you."

I can feel a painful sting in my heart. He's hurt. I don't like hurting Gikwang. "Uh, here.." I handed him back his sketchbook, but he pushed it back to me.

"No, you keep it," said Gikwang. "A reminder of how I once felt for you, one side of our story, even though it didn't end very well," he chuckled.

Don't laugh. Don't act like it's okay, I know you're not. My heart is breaking, and I can hear it loud and clear in my mind. "O..kay."

"I'm leaving now. Do you want to go home together?" he asked, his tone still casual as ever.

"Sure," I replied. Great, now my voice is breaking. I wasn't supposed to feel like this.

"Let me get my bag first, then."

Gikwang let out a small smile before walking to his seat at the back of the class. He was cleaning up his things first, his back facing me. Despite the broad and strong shoulders he has, it was shaking. Slightly, but it was shaking. My heart felt that painful sting again. If I don't love him, this is not what it's supposed to feel. Why am I hurt? Because Gikwang's hurt? I can't stand him being hurt.

Gikwang's POV

I shouldn't cry. It would hurt her more if I cry.

She doesn't love me, I know. It's okay. As long as she's happy. Because I promised to myself, that I want to cherish her smile, make her happy for the rest of her life. But it was hard. My thoughts raced a hundred different directions, and my heart was crushed, as I packed my stuff inside my backpack. I took a big breath, trying to suppress every feeling there was, when I suddenly felt a pair of little arms around my waist.

Sooyeon was crying against my back, her sobs muffled by my shirt. "I'm sorry.. really sorry.. I was wrong.."

I made her cry. I didn't want to make her cry. Her sobs were quiet, but that's what made it heartbreaking.

"Sooyeon-ah, don't cry.." I said gently, turning back to see her. She let go of me, and used her hands to wipe off the flowing tears. She was selfless, and confused, all because of me. I pulled her into my arms, trying to comfort her, but it made her cry even more. "I'm the one who's sorry.. so please, don't cry, because it would make me feel guilty.."

After I said that, she tried to hold back her crying. Her breaths were still irregular, but she stopped crying.

I cupped her face and lift it to face me. "Hey, it's okay if you don't like me," I let out a small smile. "I like you––no, I love you, and I only want what's best for you."

Sooyeon looked at me in the eyes. Her fingers pried my hands off her face, and held them in her hands. "Gikwang.. I was wrong," she said, closing her eyes. "I know I said that I didn't know much about you to actually fall in love with you.." she took a deep breath and opened her eyes, those sparkling bronze orbs looking straightly into my eyes. "...but I want to know more. We can always learn to love, right?"

I felt like I was in middle air, literally. I couldn't believe it. "Wha..?"

She chuckled and cupped my face with her small hands, pulling me closer, until we were only centimeters away from each other. "I. Want. To. Know. More."

I couldn't see what my expression was, but I felt really happy, and at the same time dumbfounded. Sooyeon laughed at me, though. "Whaht?" I asked, my voice muffled because she was squeezing my cheeks a little too tight.

"Nothing," she smiled, then let go of me. "Are we going home or what?"

Man, this girl had mood-swings. One second she was crying and now she's smiling again and teasing me. But I was still confused though. "Hey, wait.. so are we like.. dating?" I asked.

She eyed me unbelievingly. Okay, forgive me because I'm so slow. "Hmm," she hummed. "Are we dating or not?"

"Please say yes, though," I said bluntly.

Unexpectedly, she laughed. Okay, I admit I was pretty dumb when I said that, but I was just being plain honest! Sooyeon put her hands in front of to stop her laughing, and she nodded. "I'm your girlfriend, alright," she said between muffled laughters.

"Really?!" I asked, maybe a little too excitedly. She nodded again.

I ran up to Sooyeon and hugged her, hugged her so tight because she was the most precious thing ever for me. And this, having her in my arms was the best thing ever. "I love you, Sooyeon!" I exclaimed with a smile. I didn't expect her to answer that, I know she still hasn't clear up her feelings for me, but this was enough. A chance.

I let her go, to see that she was smiling. That beautiful smile I want to keep. I leaned closer towards her, until our faces were within and inch from each other. Her eyes looked straight into mine, clear that I can see that she was nervous. I chuckled, before pressing my lips against hers. It was only a small, brief kiss, but it was beautiful. Way beautiful than I ever imagined.

We walked together outside. She stood next to me while I was locking the club room.

"You know," said Sooyeon. A smile lit up her face, then she looked up at me. "I think I'm already in love with you."

© hellopsr stories, 2011

Well, it turned out to be a two-shot, but that's okay I guess, lol. It was hard writing in Gikwang's POV, because I can't really think like a guy, so sorry if it turns out bad, sobs. I proof-read this for like a gazillion times and edited it over and over and over again, so if you don't give a nice comment, I. AM. GONNA. CHOP. YOUR. TONGUE. OFF. Lol just kidding! Tell me what you think~