A few days passed. It was in the evening and I was wandering around in the library with Jongdae. I have dismissed him from his duties. The day was almost over anyway.
“Can you read Hanzi?” I asked him and sat down on a couch. He slowly placed himself beside me. He wasn’t looking at me, seeming to be hesitating with his answer.
“I know a few characters but I wouldn’t say that counts.”
I smiled. “And Hangul?”
Jongdae finally returned my gaze but his eyes were cheerless. “My parents never taught me. Servants don’t have much time to read.” Then he laughed a little but it didn’t sound sincere at all.
I felt bad but I didn’t even know why. I knew that he was right.
“Can you … even speak Korean?” I asked him again with a slightly softer voice. There was something odd in his gaze, maybe confusion and I added: “You know, since you were born here in China.”
And then Jongdae’s real smile appeared, even if it was slight one.
“Yes, I do. Father and mother always spoke with me in Korean when I was little. I am still communicating with some Korean servants here in our native language.”
I always found Korean very odd for some reason. It was completely different from Chinese. It was toneless and the words were so long. And then I had a sudden idea.
“Sing for me in Korean. “
Jongdae’s expression changed in surprise. He was just staring at me again but then it looked like as if he was really thinking about it.
“Jongdae…” I was begging him and gave him a sweet look. He escaped my gaze quickly, blushed a little bit. He was still hesitating but then he said: “Yes, I promised …”
“There is no one around here anyway, don’t be shy!”
He gave me another strange look but then his expression became softer and I noticed how his lips curled up in a little smirk. There was something special about Jongdae’s smile.
I was confused by an odd feeling, somehow it felt like excitement. Though I didn’t even know what I should have felt excited about.
Jongdae was looking at the ground and was silent again. He looked like he was preparing internally. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and then started to sing.
I felt like my heart skipped a beat when he hit the first note. I had to remind myself to breath while I continued listening. Jongdae had a smooth and clear voice. I had never expected it to sound so nice.
The song had a lovely melody, very melancholic.
Jongdae was singing with his heart.
It was the first time that I felt truly captured and somehow I started to feel uneasy.
Jongdae’s expression was so tender. He was singing the whole time with his eyes closed.
I must admit that I almost lost myself in his sight. I had to tear my eyes away from him and pull myself together.
He didn’t sing much, he stopped soon.
I looked at him and he was staring shyly at the ground. It made me smile again.
“Your voice is … beautiful, Jongdae.”
And then he returned my gaze and his lips curled up in a smile.
It hit me harder than it should have. I was forced to look away in embarrassment. I don’t know why I felt so uneasy around him lately. What was it with that stupid smile?
“I feel flattered … but I am not extraordinary.” He mumbled. I glared at him and he was biting his lip looking at the ground again.
I sighed. “You underestimate yourself.”
A moment of silence followed.
“You said you would sing with me.” Jongdae said after a while and grinned at me. I was trying to act calm. “But you are already done and I can’t speak Korean anyway.”
“Ah! That’s why you asked me to sing in my native language, so that you don’t have to accompany me!” He noticed jokingly and his smile became bright again.
I chuckled. “No, I just had a sudden idea.”
“I know you, Yin Xue! I can expect anything from you.”
I didn’t answer and it wasn’t particularly because of what he said, but maybe I just lost myself in Jongdae’s shining smile, in his gaze, in my thoughts.
And his expression changed suddenly, he looked very insecure as if he thought that he has said something wrong. He probably noticed how informally he had been speaking to me the whole time.  But that was not what troubled me, I actually liked that.
Today, I was just in a strange mood.
“I should go to bed, I’m really tired.”
“Ah… okay.” Jongdae mumbled with a cheerless look in his eyes. I felt bad.
“It would be sweet of you if you would accompany me on my way to my room so we could talk a little more.” I said and smiled a little as he responded with a tender expression.
“I will do that, Princess.”

It has gotten pretty late which I realized just now. The corridors required extra lighting. Jongdae was walking right next to me.
“I wish we could be like this more often.”
Our eyes met again.
“You know, I don’t like us being formal. I wish you could see me more as friend than as someone of higher rank than you.” I whispered with a heavy feeling in my chest.
Jongdae suddenly stopped walking and I did the same. He was facing me now.
“Xue” My name hushed over his lips. I was a little surprised at first, since he never called me like that but it gave me a feeling of being closer to him. I blushed a little and was again confused by my own reaction.
“You know that you are very dear to me. But no matter how we feel, it does not change your status. You are the princess. Is it even acceptable for us to be this close?”
I smirked at him being my old self again.
“You make a big deal out of it. Is it really that wrong for us to be just friends?”
He raised an eyebrow in confusion and gave me a strange glare. But right now he didn’t look intimidated at all, but more like skeptical, serious, demanding? I wasn’t sure, since I have never seen this kind of look on him.
“Or were you craving for more… than just being friends?” I slowly changed my voice as I stepped a little closer to Jongdae. I placed my right hand on his arm, playing with the fabric of his shirt.
The expression on his face didn’t change much, but it looked more like frown now.
“You’re aware of my feelings towards you. You don’t have to ask.”
He had never been so direct before. I was more and more amazed by the upcoming tension caused by his unusual behavior.
And before I could have figured out what was even going on between us right now, I suddenly backed off when I heard footsteps.
“Yin Xue, where have you been the whole time? I wanted to see you.”
It was Yi Fan who just entered the hallway walking towards us. I looked at Jongdae, but his gaze was directed to the ground, his expression completely neutral.
“You have seen me at dinner.” I hissed as I rolled my eyes. I didn’t bother to hide my displeasure.
Yi Fan was standing right in front of me now. His height made me uncomfortable.
“Should I remind you again of the manner of speaking with your eldest brother?” His expression was cold but I wasn’t taking this too seriously.
“You should better tell me what you exactly want, so I will be finally able to go to bed.”
He remained silent for a moment and I was just staring back at him, not willing to give in.
“Chen, you can go now.” He said then without even looking at Jongdae. The boy took a bow and hurried to leave the corridor, after he gave me a last look. I just nodded.
A little smirk appeared on Yi Fan’s face after Jongdae left.
“You were spending a lot of time with that servant boy lately.”
I snorted. “Yes but that is none of your business.”
And eventually he lowered his gaze and sighed.
“A tailor is coming tomorrow. She will take Mei Lin’s measurements for the wedding dress.”
A frown hushed over my face. Oh yea, the wedding.
“You will also get a new dress for the ceremony.”
I didn’t answer right away, still in my thoughts. Yi Fan, acknowledging that, was just standing still and waiting.
“So I have to spend my whole day with your fiancé?” I muttered giving him a dark glare.
“I had the idea that you were getting along pretty well lately. I suppose that you just like to complain a lot, don’t you?”

“Princess, your father wishes to see you at the dining table. Please wake up!” Some servant I didn’t even know the name of was annoying the out of me the next morning. I knew that I had to get up early today but I was refusing anyway.
“Princess!” Her whining voice was driving me crazy.
“Get the hell off!” I yelled as I threw a pillow at her. I heard a gasp and then it seemed that she had finally left my room.
I remained in my position for a little while but it was obvious that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep again. Angered, I shoved my blanket aside and got out of my bed.
Yi Fan is such an idiot, I thought. Not for forcing this useless friendship on me, but for not realizing that his fiancé was a goddamn man.
I was in a bad temper already and decided to go downstairs without even changing my clothes. I am the princess; I can look however I want.

“Wow, Xue, you look horrible.”
I glanced at Han who was giving me a grin. I didn’t react to him.
Yi Fan was observing me with his usual cold expression and Yi Xing decided not to bother me with looks at all and was just continuing his breakfast.
My eyes wandered to the shy figure who was supposed to be Mei Lin.
Zi Tao had looked at me when I had entered the dining room but then he quickly turned his gaze away and lowered his head.
I was just standing there for a moment staring at him. My expression was cold.
And then I took my seat at the table. My brothers decided not to comment anymore but my father gave me a reproachful look.
“Yin Xue, your behavior has been out of place lately.” I heard his deep voice saying. A moment of silence followed. I didn’t react first but then I returned his look.
“Why? Because I was once too lazy to dress myself?”
“I am talking about your insolent and rude behavior and about your outbursts. And yes, also about your appearance. I don’t remember my daughter to look like a wreck.”
His eyes were staring piercingly at me and I was staring back.
Then I slowly stood up.
“Well, I guess I’m just tired. I wasn’t the one who forced me out of bed today.”
“Zhang Yin Xue” His voice sounded so scary that I shuddered, my eyes were widened.
“Sit back down and finish your breakfast. I had enough of your temper.”
I did as he said and fell back on my seat. I was shaking with anger but nevertheless I wasn’t allowed to outburst again. And then I glanced at Zi Tao who was facing me again at the table.
He was giving me a warm look with a cheering smile on his lips.
I cringed and escaped his gaze quickly.
What was wrong with that guy?