Dear Chanyeol,

Happy Birthday! I can’t believe you’re 10 already but your you’re your so small. Sorry I won’t be there. Had to visit my dad.
Tell me if the other kids will make fun of you because your you’re small. I’m going to punch them in their faces.

Your best friend,
Baekhyun

***

His eyes never left the computer screen; his mind still trying to process the words written all over it. The words are screaming at him. The unbelievable shock has died down but the curiosity is still growing incredibly fast. Maybe Sehun once again played tricks on him or maybe it’s one of Kyungsoo’s pranks because Chanyeol surely didn’t sign up for any online dating site. He’s more than a hundred percent sure. 

Because who will be stupid enough to sign up for a silly site? It’s really dumb. Chanyeol isn’t a romantic because it’s almost impossible to find true love from dating site. He still believes that love starts from attraction, physical attraction by seeing each other physically, and then it will move a level towards friendship and at the end, it will signal love. An attraction over the internet isn’t a reality, it is more of a make believe fantasy.

His inquisitiveness on the matter is cut short when his best friend quickly snatches the laptop; Chanyeol has thought for a second that the macbook will fall. His newly bought macbook pro will drop; he stares at it wide eyed.

“What are you looking at?” Baekhyun shots him a quick death glare before typing uncontrollably and probably closing the tabs on the computer.
Reality hits.

“You joined a dating site?”

There’s an evident pink shade on Baekhyun’s cheeks. It’s cute, Chanyeol thinks. But Chanyeol never got an answer as Baekhyun runs away bringing his macbook along.

“He really did sign up on that .”

Chanyeol stares at the door that had just been shut and can’t help but stifle laughter.
 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

Your mom called my mom to tell me you’re sick. How can you be sick? I’m confused. Aren’t your kind immune to diseases? Your mom doesn’t allow me to visit you because she fears I’ll get the flu too. Take your medicines and I hope we can play my new game. My dad bought it just last night. I’ll beat you again just like well, ALL THE TIME.

See you soon!!!!

Your best friend,
Baekhyun

 

***

"Baek, come out here!" he hears Chanyeol’s deep voice. 

“Go away.” He screams back.

"You said you won’t be disappointed when I tell you the truth," 

Baekhyun hears the words clearly, he really did promise he won’t be sad but man, it really hurts because he has been longing for Rain’s newest album release and he really wants the limited poster. He even came up with a plan on how to get one. The plan of having himself and Chanyeol queues up early while Sehun will do his flirting skills so the hoard of girls will lessen, but the plan was put into waste because a day before the actual event, the odds aren’t in his favor – that’s for sure, he has gotten the flu. Chanyeol volunteers to proceed with plan but one thing led to another. Surely, Sehun had been a great help diminish a few fan girls but because Chanyeol is more than a gentleman, he failed his task. Reality and hearing the truth come out from his best friend’s mouth is painful. 

"I tried my best to get you the limited signed poster" Chanyeol pants, “I really did. But the flock of fan girls came rushing in and it was a war. I’m really sorry.”

There’s a long stretch of silence.

Chanyeol suddenly feels the door being opened; the shorter boy’s eyes are red and fluffy. Seeing his best friend in a dull pains him because usually Baekhyun’s lively. He suddenly hugs Baekhyun but the other boy struggles to get free but Chanyeol just laughs while tightening his embrace.

“We’ll both check ebay, maybe someone will sell his or her Rain poster, okay?”

Baekhyun nods, cries being muffled by Chanyeol’s shirt. Baekhyun really really wants the poster.

"I prepared lunch" the younger boy whispers, arms not letting go of his friend.

“Okay let’s eat.” Baekhyun says softly, he’s the first one to let go. “But after we check ebay.”

Chanyeol smiles widely, “of course.”
 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

This separation thing is irritating. You feel me? I hate going on weekends with my bad because I don’t get to see your stupid face and Sehun’s too.

It was so funny when I told Sehun I was gay. I may have turned your cousin gay too because we both had this crush on the new boy at school.

Well, thanks for accepting me as I am Mr. Park. And I hope you won’t believe in cooties and stay with me forever.

I left this with my mom so if ever she reads this, she’ll know I’m gay. Well she probably has realized it before so well, just in case:

Hey mom, I’m gay. Love you.

See you soon Yeol!

From your best friend,
Baekhyun

***

It has been five hours and Baekhyun hasn’t left his room, Chanyeol observes.

He still hasn’t eaten his dinner yet.

Chanyeol walks over to his best friend’s room and tries to knock but he gets no answer. He wishes the door isn’t unlocked so he can try and persuade Baekhyun to come out. He tries and luckily, the boy inside forgot to lock. Dummy and cute. Before making his entrance, he decides to make hot chocolate for a peace offering. They didn’t fight or anything but Chanyeol feels he needed to do something, maybe he’s at fault here.

Chanyeol inhales before unlocking the wooden entrance. He smiles as he opens the door to his best friend’s room. The lights are out and the only thing that illuminates the room is the glow coming from the laptop. Chanyeol catches Baekhyun sitting down on the bed while the blankets are covering him, pillows are scattered everywhere.

“Want some hot chocolate?”

“No”

“I put marshmallows on it.”

There is no response but Chanyeol’s smile never left his face. Soon, Baekhyun untangles himself from the blankets and made his way towards the tall boy. Baekhyun carefully grabs the cap and walks towards the light switch.

“Thanks.” Baekhyun says and walks back then jumps into his bed, the contents of the mug almost spilling. Chanyeol is trailing behind him and sits on the little space Baekhyun leaves for him.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun know each other forever. Practically, living their whole lives with each other. Chanyeol knows Baekhyun like he knows his ABCs. They went to the same kindergarten, the same middle school, the same high school and even the same university.

“You can laugh now.” Baekhyun offers, eyes glued on the screen.

“Why would I laugh?”

“Because” Baekhyun starts but finishes of with just, “Just because.”
Chanyeol sighs.

“Chanyeol, am I ugly?” Chanyeol is stunned because ugly is the last thing to be associated with Baekhyun. He ponders on why would Baekhyun ask such a thing.

“I knew it. I’m ugly.”

“No, you’re not.” Chanyeol fires back.

“It took you approximately 20 seconds before answering and that means you hesitated and it connotes that I’m ugly.” Baekhyun says, softer this time as his head is bowed down. The mug containing the sweet liquid is situated in Baekhyun’s thighs.

Chanyeols sighs again.

Chanyeol shifts into his place so he’s now facing his best friend. He tilts the smaller boy’s head and traces the corner of Baekhyun’s eyes and then his nose down to his jaw.

“I didn’t respond fast enough because I’m too stunned that you’re calling yourself ugly.”
Baekhyun looks at him in the eyes.

“You’re not ugly. You’re beautiful”
Baekhyun slaps his hand away but Chanyeol hasn’t missed the curve of Baekhyun’s lips.

“You had me for awhile there until you told me I was beautiful. What am I? A girl?”

“No, but you’re acting like one right now.”

“Shut up.”

The room is filled with laughter. This is what Chanyeol is accustomed to, joys and celebrations spent with his best friend.

“But Chanyeol, I’m the only one who doesn't have someone. I want some romance in my life. You have Soo, that brat Sehun even got a hot Chinese who looks like girl.”

“Just because it never happened now doesn’t mean it will never happen.”

“But I was always waiting but I don’t get any in return.”

 Chanyeol hears Baekhyun sighed in defeat. He stands up and picks up the pillows that were scattered on the floor.

“Finish your hot chocolate, I've prepared dinner.”
 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

I can’t believe your you’re grounded! I hope you receive this letter though. Sehun said he will try to sneak this in while Mrs. Park is asleep. But, really dude, I never thought you swing the way I do. But I’m proud of you getting out of the closet. But now you’re probably hiding in your closet. Catch my joke? I’m hilarious.

Anyway, I just hope Mrs. Park finally realizes that there’s nothing wrong being gay. And I hope she won’t blame me because I just turned his nephew gay and now you’re gay too.

Just remember, I’m always here.

Your best friend,
Baekhyun
 

***

Baekhyun looks worriedly at Chanyeol’s laptop screen. His heart has yet to recover from the immense feeling because holy , he spots a red envelope on his screen. He wants to scream on top of his lungs because this is giving him massive feels. He curses the fan fictions he reads. He pledges he’ll kill Sehun for suggesting the idea. But he just wants to bury himself alive for being desperate.
It has been 3 days since Baekhyun signed up for the dating site. He also thought it was a foolish idea but he is tired of being single and always being a third wheel. It’s depressing seeing his friends all lovey-dovey. He wants his own love story. What’s more nerve-wrecking is that sometimes, he’s the fifth wheel. Baekhyun decides, he doesn’t want to be the seventh wheel.

The first days are hell, he hasn’t received any notification. He’s sure he uploaded a decent photo but no one even bothered checking up on him. He once again doubts himself and starts to really believe he was ugly.

The second day wasn’t any better because once again, there was nothing.

But now, today, as of this moment, everything changes, the adrenaline his body is feeling from the little red envelope is overwhelming. He needs a moment. He needs a moment to calm himself. He needs a moment to pray and thank the gods.

Because holy , someone mentioned him. He apologizes quickly for cursing though.

After a couple of inhales and exhales, he clicks on the icon. Baekhyun raises his left eyebrow because what the hell, what kind of a username is galaxybadboy.

Seriously, who in their right minds will think of the galaxybadboy.

Baekhyun scoffs and almost deletes the message. But he decided he’ll give it a try because it’s not as if he’ll fall in love with a guy with a ty username.

 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

How’s China? I still don’t have a phone so I’m sending you this mail. I hope Sehun told me the right address. Man, the express delivery for this had me crazy. It took out almost all my allowance. I was saving that for Rain’s concert you know but you’re more important than Rain (do I hear someone crying?) You better bring me some nice presents from China in return! Got it?

Anyways, how are you? I’ve missed you. I don’t have my tall lanky friend beside me all the time. Come back soooooon. Come back to meeee
Oh and while you’re away (HA! I now know how to use your and you’re) I met a friend. He’s so cute. I can squish him. He sings at the church choir and he has the best-est voice. I’ll introduce you to him.

Don’t worry you’ll always be my best friend.

I can sense your pouting!
Damn it, you’re.

Your best friend,
Baekhyun

***

It isn't the first time Chanyeol and Kyungsoo had been fighting. Baekhyun's been a witness to most of their arguments may it be inside or outside his share dorm room apartment with Chanyeol. The numbers increased even more when they got into university. Baekhyun hasn’t figure out the reason behind all the fights because both of his friends wouldn’t want him involve in their outbursts but Baekhyun thinks he has a little involvement into this because he’s the one who introduced them together 5 years ago. Kyungsoo apparently has broken his heart most of the time because the poor boy always ends up crying. Baekhyun once tried to comfort the boy but he just received a death glare. 
It makes him wonder why Kyungsoo or Chanyeol even bother to stay with each other despite the numerous fights. Maybe it’s what the call love, Baekhyun doesn’t know because he has yet to experience it. But it’s painful to watch both of them getting hurt. 

“You okay?” Baekhyun offers after Kyungsoo dashes away from the dorm room. The door is left open. 

“Never better.”

“I know you don’t want me to pry into your problems.” Baekhyun says softly as he closes the door. “But I need to know because I want to help you.” He then adds.

Chanyeol abruptly pulls Baekhyun and buries him in his chest.

"What the hell?" he asks, voice muffled by Chanyeol's torso.

"Let’s stay like this for a while," the younger boy cries out and Baekhyun notices the trembling of Chanyeol’s body and without any hesitation, he wraps his arms around his best friend.

“Everything will be okay.”

“I hope so Baek. I really hope so.”

 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

It hurts so much. I don’t want to be with dad because being with him means Im going to move away. It’s miles away from you guys. I’ll miss your stupid face, I’ll miss Sehun’s constant poker face, I’ll miss everything.

Chanyeol, I don’t want to go away I want to stay here.

Please, help me.

Your best friend,
Baekhyun

***

“So, how’s the online dating site?” Chanyeol asks over breakfast.

“Hmmm.” Baekhyun hesitates as he purses his lips together, “Promise you won’t make fun of me?”

Chanyeol gasps, “When did I ever?”

Baekhyun raises his eyebrow, “Everyday”

“Ok, point taken.” Chanyeol grins, “but I promise I won’t this time.”

“Well, I met this guy.” Baekhyun starts, he feels his cheeks getting hot. He fidgets on his seat and plays with his food, rolling and turning around the pancake. 

Chanyeol suddenly chokes on water and utters “You like him, don’t you?” and Baekhyun’s eyes round in horror. 



Oh my god.


Baekhyun has never in his life imagined he is going to fall in love so easily. He has a number of crushes before, ranging from Johnny Depp to the intern at the library. He was even obsessed with a Korean singer, Chanyeol supports him with his craziness over the idol, even going with him to queue for albums or joining him in concerts; but this feeling isn’t the same; it’s somehow romantic.

Oh my God.

Maybe he is in love with this galaxybadboy. Maybe he has fallen with the ty username or the stupid late night conversations; maybe he has fallen with the sweet messages or the small jokes. Maybe it was the stories or the compliments. Baekhyun decides it’s the username.

Damn it.

He feels an almost hardly noticeable tug in his chest. He hasn't said or even thought of anything before and now it changes everything. He doesn't even know where galaxyboy is or what does he looks like. It’s scary because what if galaxybadboy is an impostor and really a 55 year old geezer.

Baekhyun gulps because .

Chanyeol notices the silence and clears his throat, “Baek, I’m just joking.”

But Baekhyun is too busy listening to the beating of his heart to notice Chanyeol. He runs away leaving a stunned Chanyeol.

I can’t possibly be in love with a guy I have never met.



 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

It’s your birthday and once again, just like a couple of times before. I wasn’t there. Being in a separated family is tiring but I always get good stuffs, feel me? So I tried to write a long letter for you so you won’t mop around because I’m not there. 

I asked Sehun to personally give it you on your birthday. Your cousin is really useful. 

I’m good at surprises, ya know? Anyways, I know you’ll cry at the end of the letter. Haha. So well, here it goes.

Friendship isn’t a big thin – it’s a million little things.

People will come, people will go, and it’s a futile reality that hurts so badly. Some will choose to stay while others push you away. But there will be that one person who will neither go nor shove you away. And their priceless smiles will always be the best medicine whenever someone thinks of giving up so easily. These truths are the very essence of a simple yet meaningful little word, friendship.

Life is a journey that will either kill you softly or benefit you wholly. Along the way, you have to take a detour and experience a handful amount of pain but at the same time, joy will always be there at the end of the day. Trials, pain, tears, joys and laughter - these things when combined connote hardships.

Whenever you experience hardship, the best possible way to overcome it is when you succumb to friendship. The cries are best spent when a friend is there to make your tears go away. The laughs are well worn-out when there is someone you can share it to all throughout the day.
I used to alter my characteristics to fit in. I change my style so I can be in. All these things are pointless efforts to find someone who will never leave because in the end when it is I who fell down, no one is there to help me stand up. Those were the days when I’m still searching for that person who will always be there in times of trouble, in times of joy, in times of pain, in times of regret, and in times of normal days.

I stopped searching. And guess what, I ended up finding YOU!

You are the only person who understands me when I tell you, “I’m okay.” You are always there to cheer me up when I’m feeling down. That one person who congratulates me in every achievement I dare to grab. It has been a long time since we became friends and I never regretted any second of it, for sure, I’ll never will!

It’s your birthday and my only wish is you can be showered with happiness because you deserve every little piece of it.

Forget about the sadness and grieves, always remember you have me in times of need. Whenever someone makes you cry, just give me a call then I’ll try my best to change those tears into pretty laughs. So many things had happened, and yes it is a reality that it has been quite a number of times that people break your heart. I may not always be there to neither cheer you up nor be there to make you smile, but I’m always here to listen with all my heart. I sometimes became too overboard that instead of giving you the right advice, I ended up aggravating your problems. I sometimes nag (well, I nag a lot). At times I regret it but there are times I’m proud of myself because hey, you listen when I nag.

I want you to be successful because I know you can. I never lost hope, and I never will. You are a great friend, a wonderful person, the sweetest best friend and most especially, the best Chanyeol! :>

Thank you for making my life colorful, I hope I filled your life with colors too. Thank you for always being there, not only in times of laughter but also in times of tears. You see me cry, you see me laugh, and you know what’s in my heart. Thank you! Have a wonderful birthday, always smile!

P.S.
You’re still an idiot at the end of the day but you’re my idiot.

Your best friend,
Baekhyun




 

***

“I broke up with Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol announces while Baekhyun’s eyes are glued on the television screen. Chanyeol occupies the empty space, now their backs are against the couch, a stretch of long silence fills up the living room for a few minutes. Chanyeol's the first one to break the silence.


"I never felt better."

Baekhyun finds difficult to answer even though Chanyeol hasn’t really asked anything. He only frowns and let out a soft sigh. He expects Chanyeol to tear up just like most of the times but Baekhyun is taken aback when he looks up at Chanyeol and sees his best friend smiling; Baekhyun knows this smile, it is Chanyeol’s happy smile. 

He is too familiar with Chanyeol’s expression that a little bit of this or a little hand gesture. Chanyeol is book Baekhyun had memorized not only on his mind but on his heart.

But now, Baekhyun is confused. Is Chanyeol really happy breaking his relationship with Kyungsoo or is Chanyeol just good in pretending. He really doesn’t want to know. Something tells him, he doesn’t need to know.


So instead of opening his mouth to say words of comfort, he decides Chanyeol deserves a warm hug.
A long warm hug.

 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

I’m glad dad finally decides I should be with mom. Maybe he heard my late night cries? I’m just happy to be back. I saw Sehun a while ago and immediately hugged me, he cried after. That was hilarious. He thought I won’t be coming back. Too bad you’re on a trip again. Bring me something when you get back. Okay?

I’m sending this using my dad’s money.

He gave me a lot.

From your best friend,
Baekhyun

***

"How’s this galaxybadboy?"

Baekhyun frowns, it isn’t the time to be talking about the boy he met on the internet because they should be studying for their final exams but Baekhyun nonetheless decides to answer. Maybe Chanyeol is too exhausted in his studying so he deliberately is diverting the topic so Baekhyun choose to just go with it. 

He needs some advice on the matter too.

“He’ll visit Seoul in a month.” Baekhyun spurts out.

Chanyeol’s eyes widen in shock.

“Oh my God, Baekhyun, are you serious?”

“I invited him.” Baekhyun replies sheepishly. “It was a spur of the moment. I honestly didn’t know he’ll agree.” 

“What were you thinking? What if he turned out to be a criminal or something?”

“I’m scared too.” Baekhyun has raised his voice because Chanyeol is supposed to understand that it isn’t a simple thing too. Baekhyun had made wrong decisions in his life that he regrets. He has made bad ones since he was a kid and this time he was hoping that it would turn out great. He’s betting all he got with this galaxybadboy.

“I’m sorry Baek. “ Chanyeol starts. It has always been like this. Chanyeol will always apologize for everything though it isn’t his fault and Baekhyun wants to bury himself six feet under the ground because he’s feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry too, Yeol.”

“Don’t worry, if he turns out a bad guy. I’ll punch him. I’ll let Sehun punch him too. He has a friend named Tao who does martial arts. He’ll help too.”

With this Baekhyun smiles.

Silence envelopes the room for a few minutes. After a while, Chanyeol decides to break it.

“How was he though? As a person?” Chanyeol inquires, eyes focused on the scattered notes.

Baekhyun forgets the subject he is supposed to be studying, “He’s fine. I guess.”  Baekhyun hugs his knees to his chest. "I’m scared to meet him though. I really am.”

When Chanyeol doesn’t reply, Baekhyun does the talking.

“I have created a picture of him in my mind and I’m afraid everything will crumble into pieces when we meet. Maybe he’s a criminal after all.” 

Baekhyun feels an arm around his shoulder. He doesn’t pull away, he lets himself be comfortable with Chanyeol’s embrace. 

“If everything goes wrong” Chanyeol whispers into Baekhyun’s ear, “I’ll always be here.”


 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

Sorry I had to leave early. Kris’s (galaxybadboy) flight is today. I’ll pick him up at the airport. You don’t know how much I am nervous to see him. Hope everything will turn out well. 

I made some pancakes. 

Thanks for the support.

Your best friend,
Baekhyun.

***

“” 

Chanyeol hears his cousin voice coming from the living room. Chanyeol spends his day lying on his bed after he reads Baekhyun’s letter. Honestly, he is nervous because what if that galaxybadboy turns out to be a murderer. He can’t deal hearing the news that a certain Byun Baekhyun is found dead. He feels chill running down his spine.

He promised not to think of it ever again.

Chanyeol quickly gets up because Sehun isn’t the type of person to actually scream.

“You’re hot.”

Chanyeol hears, a voice a little too familiar. He recognizes it to be Luhan’s.

When he arrives, he is welcomed by a guy taller than and probably more handsome than him and he thinks he’s dreaming because everything seems a little too bizarre. But Baekhyun appears on the taller man’s side, smiling brightly.

“Hi Yeol, this is galax err Kris. Kris this is Yeol, my bestfriend.”
Kris has this gummy smile and has this built of a model. He also has this face of an actor. Chanyeol decides then, he hates the man because he decides Baekhyun can do better.

Kris has been staying with them for a couple of days and Chanyeol tries to search for a flaw but there wasn’t anything. He doesn’t believe it though; the guy has something bad about him. 

"So, how was he?" Baekhyun bites his lips, eyes full of hope. 

Chanyeol glances at the bathroom door that was shut just a minute ago before he turns to look at Baekhyun. 

“He’s okay?” Chanyeol tries to answer. He doesn’t want to admit that the galaxybadboy Baekhyun met on the online dating site is an epitome of angst, a body of a runaway model and a face more fit enough to be an idol.

“Just okay? I mean he looks handsome right? And he’s nice too”

And Chanyeol sees the red tints on Baekhyun’s cheek. But he won’t give the pleasure of him saying Kris is handsome. He doesn’t want to. 

"Yes, just okay," he scoffs. Chanyeol automatically ducks after, fearing that Baekhyun might throw the frying pan at him. He forgets Baekhyun might choose the knives instead. After a while, nothing came and it is the cue for Chanyeol to look at his friend.

Chanyeol senses the awkwardness and they never felt awkward before. It’s terrifying.

He is surprised to see Baekhyun focusing on making fried rice.

He feels Baekhyun's irritability emanating from his small body. Baekhyun tries to act normal though. Kris suddenly appears and notices the sudden tension in the air. Thankfully the handsome lad breaks it.

“I didn’t know you cook Baek.” He says and Baekhyun quickly turns around with his trademark eyesmile. 
Chanyeol feels he’s getting sick. 
 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

I can’t believe I’m outside Korea. I hope you’re doing great there. I’ll be back in two weeks. Kris had been amazing and it feels like this is real Yeol.

I miss you.

Your best friend,
Baekhyun

***

“How are you?” 

Something isn’t right with Sehun’s question. It isn’t the usual query, more of an inquiry so Chanyeol settles on being quiet and diverts his eyes away from his cousin. He can still feel Sehun’s gaze though and it’s bothering him.

It bothers him a lot.

“Hyung,” Sehun tries again because it scares Chanyeol. It scares him that Sehun may say words that will hit him in the heart – hard. He thinks of ways to escape but he knows he is trapped. 

“You okay?” Sehun asks again.

Surely, Baekhyun and Chanyeol aren’t really complete without Sehun. They grew up together with him and other than Baekhyun, Sehun was the only person who knows Chanyeol very well and it’s terrifying because maybe Sehun knew more about Chanyeol than Chanyeol knew about himself.

He knows what Sehun meant and Chanyeol tries hard not answer because he can’t. He doesn’t want to. 

“I’ll order coffee.” Chanyeol stands up and swiftly makes his way towards the counter.

Sehun sighs as he is left with 2 untouched coffees on the table.
 

***

Dear Chanyeol,

I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I really am. Sehun said you got flu. Seriously, you’re immune system ! 

I’ll come back as soon as I can. You take care and drink your meds.

I miss you!

Your best friend,
Baekhyun

***

“I’m going to miss you Baek.”

Baekhyun smiles and wraps his arms around the tall guy.

“I’ll miss you. Thanks for everything.” It’s the truth, the weeks that Baekhyun spent with Kris are nothing but ordinary. He feels so special and alive. He thought he was having his own romance drama. It’s a roller coaster ride. 

Chanyeol thinks that maybe he has known that he likes Chanyeol for a while but he chooses to think otherwise. Maybe at the back of his mind he knew that he loves Chanyeol but too scared to admit. Maybe, he has known since he was little. He blames the letters becaue Chanyeol never responded to his letters. Baekhyun dismissed the idea because he’s was an idiot for assuming and believeing Chanyeol will reply. If only Chanyeol has responded only once out of all the letters he had written, maybe Baekhyun would have the courage to admit his recurring feeling long time ago but Baekhyun it s the stupidest for waiting. He should just done it a long time ago, it would have same him a great amount of less painful days. But he didn’t because he was stupidly waiting for the letters and he pushed the feeling away and pushed Chanyeol along the way.  He had pushing everything away and he doesn’t know how to pull them back. He even remembers when he introduces Kyungsoo. 

Baekhyun thought trying things out with Kris will help him forget, will help me undo his feelings but it worsens because no matter how happy he have become, no matter how far the places he visited, he knew something is missing.

Baekhyun closes his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I think he likes you too.” Kris whispers as he place a soft kiss into Baekhyun’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re being courageous.”

“Thank you Kris. Really, thank you for everything.”

“The moment I stepped foot into your shared apartment, I knew he likes you.”
Baekhyun blushes at comment and playfully punches Kris’s shoulder.

“Take care, okay? And don’t forget to message me.”

“I will. Thanks again, galaxybadboy!”




To Chanyeol:
I’ll come back today, wait for me. I have something to tell you.
I miss you.




***




Baekhyun runs. He runs desperately. He doesn’t know why he’s running but he needs to. He doesn't want to go admit how stupid he is. How stupid he had become, he is so stupid he didn’t realize he is in love with his best friend for the longest time. He painfully recalls the time when Kyungsoo had blurted out he likes Chanyeol, and remembers how he helped them to be together.
Is he too late now?

Baekhyun runs. 

Baekhyun still runs though he knows he’s late. 

Baekhyun runs until he can’t feel his feet anymore, until he feels the pain. But no matter how painful he feels from all the running, it didn’t match the grief his is feeling.

“I’m sorry Baekhyun. I really am sorry.” It’s the first time Baekhyun saw Sehun shed tears. The kid only has two emotions, between an overly happy one or a smug face. 

Baekhyun arrives in Korea with hopes of finally confessing to his friend, no, scratch that, his best friend. He has high hopes because it’s now
or never. But maybe the Gods were punishing him because of how stupid he became. 

He stepped into their dorm room expecting Chanyeol to greet him with his trademark 100watt smile but he was welcomed with silence. He tried calling the phone but to no avail so he opted to dial in Sehun’s number. 

It took him 4 tries before Sehun picked up and all he received were muffled cried and the hospital name.

Baekhyun felt his word crumble. He didn’t know who was in the hospital and why was Sehun crying. He was petrified, he wished he never came back. But his feet moved without his consent. 

The ride was long and Baekhyun wished it was longer. 

He reached the hallway and was greeted by a sobbing Kyungsoo. His first instinct was to ask for Chanyeol because if Chanyeol had been crying, he was supposed to be there for him. Right? But the words won’t escape from his mouth. 

“I’m sorry Baekhyun hyung.” Sehun said, crying. “The car. It happened so fast. And I don’t know.”
Kyungsoo walked towards him and punched him in the face, “You deserve that, .” 

He didn’t question Kyungsoo because maybe he did. Maybe he deserved more than a punch in the face. Maybe he deserved to be in that car, not Chanyeol. 






***






Dear Baekhyun,

I’m really upset with you! We’ve planned my birthday weeks before and you’re ditching me.
I hate you.

I really don’t. And Baekhyun, when will you learn the difference between you’re and your?

I miss you. But you won’t know because I won’t let you read this.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol








Dear Baekhyun,

I feel terrible. I don’t want to be sick. I hate being sick because being sick means not seeing you and not seeing you means dull and sad. And

I hate sad and dull. I’m excited to play your new game but I’m sure I’ll win again but I won’t admit it, I let you win every time.

I miss you Baek.

I hope in the future I’ll let you read this.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol







Dear Baekhyun,

It to be grounded. I don’t know why mom was so angry at me for being gay. I always knew that I like boys because ever since then I liked you. 

I don’t like Suho. I just kissed him because I wanted to make sure. And now I’m sure, I just don’t like you.

But I’m your bestfriend, and you will never read this. I’ll carry this with me on my grave.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol








Dear Baekhyun,
When mom told me you’re moving away, I cried. Sehun teared up too but it was no much, I was howling. It hurts so much. I don’t want you to go away. Why is your dad doing this? 

Baekhyun, don’t go.

Please, don’t.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol









Dear Baekhyun,

Baekhyun, you didn’t turn me gay. I was always gay. I believe I turned Sehun gay. 

I’m always gay for you.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol










Dear Baekhyun,

Do you really want me to be with Kyungsoo? Is that what you really want? Because if it is what you want, I’ll be with him. If it will make you happy, I’ll be with him. But just tell me, please.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol











Dear Baekhyun,

You’re not ugly Baek. You’re beautiful, every day I would tell you that but you wont believe me. You’re the most beautiful person I know, not only physically.

You are the stupidest person I know. Why did you join the dating site? And why the hell are you into this galaxybadboy. Please don’t fall for him.

Baekhyun, be mine.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol










Dear Baekhyun,

It was heartbreaking Baekhyun. Why did you leave me?

Please come back.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol










Dear Baekhyun,

I am sick when your not around. My immune system isn’t ty, it’s my heart (okay that’s cheesy) but Baekhyun come back home. I don’t care if that Kris is with you, all I know is I want you near me.  

Please come back.

Your best friend,
Chanyeol










Dear Baekhyun,

I will wait for you Baekhyun

Your best friend,
Chanyeol










Dear Baekhyun,           

You don’t know how much I cried after reading your letter. I hate you. It’s the best-est birthday gift!!!!!

I hope someday I can give this to you:

Society is changing…

People are moving so as feelings.

There will be a certain point in time when you stop for a while and ask yourself, “Should I confess?” “Should I tell you I love you?”  “Do you feel the same way too?”

Yes, I have come to that point of questioning myself whether it would be beneficial to me if I just let go… and continue my journey alone. It’s so hard Baekhyun. You’re all I think about. It scared me that I’m falling for you helplessly. I thought of asking my parents to send me abroad to study and before I even know it, the thoughts vanished into thin air because not having you by my side is scarier. 

The society is changing, that’s for sure and it will keep on making alterations. Before, men courted girls. Now, guys courted other guys too. I planned on confessing but the lingering thought that our friendship will end is a constant reminder for me.  I thought love was supposed to bring joy, but it wasn’t.  Love is not sugar, spice, and everything nice. 

People are moving, they come and go. Before, the roads were not yet constructed; cars were not seen often, so people were just using their feet to get to their destination. As a result, few persons will be seen on the streets because they won’t bother making themselves 
While society is changing and people are moving, they affect a thing. The feelings of a person, at some point in time, also change and move.
Basically, you’re thinking that my feelings changed, right? Well, I won’t be exceeding the excitement, yes. My feelings for you already changed.

I like you, yes. But now, I like you even more than I liked you before. Feelings constantly change. It either diminishes, or it grows. The growing thing happened to me. My love for you never weakens, it had never subsided. I just want you to know that.
Even if you continue to use you’re for your or otherwise. Even if you make mistakes, even if you won’t come to my birthday parties.
And if the time comes that we will not be on each other’s side, I want you to know that my heart will always call you, and beats for you. Even if we will be apart, my feelings will never be able to detach you in my life and in my heart. And it will when we’re away from each other, my heart will long for you. It will break, yes, but only because we’re apart and it will only be put back into the pieces when we will be back in each other’s arms.


Your best friend,
Chanyeol





Baekhyun holds onto the letters. Chanyeol tried to hide the letters but Sehun knew where they have been hidden. He knew Chanyeol would eventually give them to their proper recipient, Sehun only wished he had done it long ago.

If there had been the greatest actor, it would be awarded to Park Chanyeol. And the dumbest award will be offered to Baekhyun. It’s a landslide win. 

There are a lot of things Baekhyun didn’t know and Chanyeol would like to keep it that way. Baekhyun had read the letters but Baekhyun wouldn’t get a chance to know Chanyeol’s greatest secret.

Every night when Baekhyun is asleep, Chanyeol would come near the sleeping boy, slowly, quietly, stopping any tears from falling and will quickly place a chaste kiss on the boy’s lips. It’s the only thing Chanyeol could ever do. He had been harboring feelings since the beginning, everyone knew, except Baekhyun.

Chanyeol would always, after every stolen kiss, murmurs I love you.

The letters were an exception but the kisses, Baekhyun will never know. No one knows and no one will.

The stolen kisses and the three words were all buried along in Chanyeol’s grave.




Baekhyun softly says, “I love you.”

But Chanyeol can’t hear him. Chanyeol never will.





 

Dear Baekhyun,

I love you.


Your best friend,
Park Chanyeol