Kyuhyun walked into the empty dorm, he was exhausted of the events that took place today. The person he loved more than anything, went to the army for two years, he was alone.Although he knew that the military is needed, and as a citizen of Korea, it seems right that every man must take two years’ service, at the moment he hated these rules. That damn system took his beloved hyung away from him.Today at 10 am with the rest of the band-Super Junior- and the multitude of fans he escorted to the unit Lee Sungmin. Although Ming wanted to quietly join the army, Leeteuk hyung persuaded him not to do it, because he will disappoint a lot of fans who for two years will have to part with him.As always, older stay brave, trying to be support for others, but did not stop single tear that  quietly ran down his cheek. During a farewell breakfast  Kyuhyun thoughts keep wandering , throughout the meal he pondered whether to tell his friend from a group that for many years he was in love with him or not.He risked nothing, they won't see each other for two years and when confrontation comes he can always pretend that there wasn't any declaration of love.While driving in a van into the garrison Kyu decided to confess his feelings, but at the last moment he gave up, and now standing in the middle of the room he regretted that decision.He started crying, the weight of the morning events just reached him.For the next two years there won't be anyone to share an evening glass of wine, over the next two years he won't see this beautiful, full of joy smile, the next two years Kyu will live with the thought that he missed an ideal opportunity for confession of his feelings.He was full of emotions and the only thing he dreamed now was sleep. He hoped that drifting into the lands of Morpheus will bring solace to his flapping heart.Even the beloved computer and StarCraft did not help him at the moment. He lay down on the bed, and the last thing he remembered was the smiling face of the man he loved.

Throughout the room and house there was complete silence and peace, the only sound heard was the clock quietly ticking and counting time. The young singer woke up, he looked out the window, it was dark, he thought it was ideal time for a glass of wine with Sungmin, but soon he realized that there won't be one for next few years.His head ached, at the moment the only solution to his problem was hidden in the form of a laptop and a bottle of good liquor. Heavily he got out of bed, walked over to the cabinet which holds glasses, took out two identical, one for himself and one that reminded him of gone friend.Then he went for wine, he chose his hyung favorite bottle, French, red, dry wine- Chateau Deyrem Valentin, that way he wanted to feel his presence.After transfer everything to the table he took laptop. While opening it small white envelope fell from inside . He picked it up, and its contents  surprised him.Before his eyes appeared a letter from a person whom he wanted to see the most in the world. Lee Sungmin wrote him a letter.

“Hey Kyuhyun,

I hope I don't make mistake writing to you, but who does not risk gains nothing.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what I feel for you.I'm often overwhelmed by the fear of meeting with you.On one hand I'm glad to see you again, that we will be able to spend a few moments together, talk together, laugh, on the other hand I know it will be a painful experience for me.You'll be so close and yet I won't be able to touch you in a way which expresses my true feelings.When you're around I want to touch your cheek, with my fingers trace the outline of your lips, those full, red lips that I so often imagine together with mine in a sensual dance.I want it so much.You do not even know how much I want to feel the warmth of your hands on my body, that I want to hear that I'm the most important, the most handsome and the only one in your life.I would like to hear you saying  "I love you Sungmin. No one and nothing can change that. You are the most important person in my life and I have plans to grow old by your side. I Love You."I know that these are forbidden feelings that we have no right to surrender to them but it's stronger than me.

I can’t get rid of thoughts in which we spend together happily life.We travel to the most wonderful parts of the world, we are planning a future together, together we grow old.Where You and I are the most important.Where we don't care about public opinion, we are free, we don't hide our feelings and who we really are.I know that I'm a cynic saying these words, because as I talk about freedom, free expression of feelings, I'm staying in a relationship for the sake of appearances, happy and 'normal' life.Where I'm hurting not only myself and my 'girlfriend' but also you, the person I would like most in this world to protect against all evil, injustice and sorrow.

I remember how constantly  you asked why I change room, if you did something wrong, maybe you played for too long  on the computer interrupting my sleep. Seeing your face full of pain when you asked these questions every time I felt heart pain and nausea.The very thought that I have to lie to you again I felt tightness in my stomach.I remember looking straight into your eyes as I said you do not have anything to do with it, that as a team we won't live together forever and we need more freedom and personal space, and the truth was that I was already at the limit of my endurance.I felt that one more day, one of your gaze, one night spent together in a room and I will  reveal everything to you about my feelings, that I will do something inappropriate that could destroy not only our friendship but also a career that we so hard worked for all these years.

After moving, spending time alone I often imagine how will looked like our nights together.And then I wanted to feel you around me, hear you saying my name at the time of ecstasy, give you pleasure which takes your breath away and deprive logical thinking, I wants  you to only remember how to pronounce words "more", "Sungmin," and most importantly "I love you. "I would like to see your face controlled in lust, as the only thing you want is to end this moment as soon as possible, because this pleasure is beyond your strength, on the other hand is so good you do not want me to stopped.I wish after the night spent together we fall asleep beside each other, and in the morning I wake up in your arms.See how you are calm while you sleep, because you have me beside you.Closely observe the play of light and shadow on your body in the morning and thank God that I have you, Kyuhyun.

I'm tired of all this.This constant game of appearances in which I pretends that you aren't special to me, the only one.In which I pretends to love someone else, that I am happy with the kind of life that I have, with this relationship, despite the lack of a true, sincere love from me.I want to be free.I don't want my life guided by the principles laid down by other people, to do what is considered "normal", desirable.I do not want to hurt anymore people in my surroundings.You do not know how it hurts me when I see your face controlled by sadness, rejection when I show up within your sight with her, my 'girlfriend', but I know that this is the right thing to do.

Everyone says that love hurts, but that's not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. The loss of a loved one hurts. Jealousy hurts. Everyone get these things confused with love. But in reality the truth is that love is the only thing in this world, which helps to overcome all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.

I wonder how many things i can do within the limited time. My feelings are so strong that i can’t put them into words, I wonder how much i can tell you  before you realize that I love you too.Showing  true feelings isn't a game. The love that I want can't happen without you. Cause I want you and I need your love.

I can't, I don't want to live life as I've done so far.I've had enough. From this moment I will live in a way that I wish, that I consider to be adequate, relevant.I'm breaking the bonds restricting my freedom and liberty.From this moment I won’t hide my feelings.At every opportunity I will say how much I love you.Please wait for me and forgive me.

I love you,

Lee Sungmin "

After reading the letter Kyu was smiling.He was happy that the love he feels is reciprocated, he knew that two years will pass quickly, and in a month he will see his hyung again and they will explain everything  face to face, declare their feelings.Despite the difficulties, which they will meet on their way he knew that with Sungmin by his side everything will be fine.The bottle he took to cure his sorrows will now be ideal to celebrate a new chapter in his life.