"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a rising star" - Friedrich Nietzsche

After i decided that Chen had to be the new me things got a little bit easier for a while. If you keep a mask on long enough the mask eventually becomes you, and the old you remains forgotten. That was what happened to me. I just locked all my feelings and thoughts away, and i concentrated on being Chen. On being as good as i could be, for our fans. I practiced and practiced, i lost waight and i gained some. I laughed and talked with the others and for a moment everything felt alright. I was alright. But then it happened.

We had just realeazed Overdose, and the song was a big success. We were all celebrating and saying our goodbyes, since EXOM were going back to China again for more promotions. I was going to miss everybody, things were just easier when we were one. All twelve of us. But things were not going to go in that direction much longer. A single overheard phonecall broke me down once again.

"Ma? I don't know what to do. I have been trying to break the contract with SM for a while now but they just wont give in. Should i move forward to a cout of law? Yes, i went to the doctor again today. Yes. No. Of course i don't want to quit ma!! These people are my family. Yes. I understand ma. Night."

I slipped back into my room after i heard Kirs's conversation with his mom. I couldn't believe what i just heard. Kris was leaving exo? What had happened? What was going on with the doctor?  I was to busy thinking i didn't even hear the door opening.

"You allright Chen? You just disapeared."

I looked up. Yixing was standing in the doorway looking at me with a worried expresion. Worried for Chen. It was such along time ago since anyone had worried about me, both Chen and Jongdae. And i felt the hidden crack in my heart just get a little bit bigger after i heard which of my personalities yixing worried about. ing Chen.

"Yes i am okay, Xing. Just a bit tired. I don't want to go back to China tomorrow."

Yixing smiled warmly at me.

"Don't worry ChenChen. Wr will see them again really soon after we go back, when we have our concert and all. We'll be together again."

I smiled back at him. "Yeah. Your are right. I am silly..." I shut my mouth. I wanted to tell him so badly what i overheard but i didn't think it was my story to tell. Kris would have to tell us himself. But i felt guilty shutting up about it. What if there was something seriously wrong with him.

Yixing woke me up from my inner fight. "Chen, sweety. We should go back out again. Beakhyun will never shut up about us slipping away on the last day before we leave."

I laughed. "You're right. He will kill us both." Yixing extended his hind out for me and i took it. Hand in and we got back in the livingroom were Beakhyun  turned his atention to us the second we walked inside the room.

"You insolent little ers. How dare you leaving to have alone time when it's our last day together for a little while. Now come here and spin the bottle with us. And where the is Kris?"

I heard Yixing laughing beside me and Luhan saying something about beakhyun having a bad mouth but i just couldn't bring myself to laugh. When i thought about it, kris had been slipping away on his own fairly often lately. What was wrong with him? And Yixing held my hand, but i couldn't help feeling like it was Chen's hand he was holding. Since Jongade had been long gone. I just felt false and worried, and i was propably the most boring person at our party, even after kris came back.

The news of kris leaving came as a chock for everybody exccept me. One day he just sent us a text he had left our dorm and that he was not coming back. That he was sorry, but he had to do it. And saying goodbye infront of us was just to painful, so therefore he just left.

Everybody was angry. Even Yixing who rarely got angry, looked like he was furious. The others and i heard the roumers of kris having a heart desease but no one bealieved it exccept me. I still hadn't told them of what i heard that night. And Chen wasnät the one to come with bad news. He was supposed to be the one cheering everybody up. but i just couldn't bring myself to be that happy person. I just stayed quiet until they started talking . It was the day before out concert, and exccept some people saying Kris might return with another contract we all knew he was not going to come back. And he didnät even pick up the phone to talk to any of us. That made the other even angrier, and it made me angry at them.

"Who the does he think he is?" Beakhyun asked. "To tired to continue? We are all tired, what the hell. There was nothing wrong with him."

"Agreed" Chanyeol chimmed in." Being tired isn't a valid reason for leaving. "

"yeah, exactly. It wasn't like he did much anywways. Just a little rapping, not very much dancing and stuff" Someone scoffed. Yixing scoffed. 

And.

That's

When

I

Exploded.

"SHUT THE UP!"

author's note.

Heyooo! I am so sorry for this crappy chapter, but it just didn't feel right to keep writing just before overdose when kris was still there and not even bother to care that he is not there anymore. And despite everything i have written in this chapter i don't think we should put the blame on anyone. We don't know exactly what happened and all we can do right know is to continue loving EXO and respect kris's desition. It is his life after all. But i am sorry if i offended anyone.

Coments are always apreciated:) oh and i thank all of those who subscribed to this story. It means a lot.