http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xmi3wgzoX3Y

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Looking at you, walking across the room greeting friends, making small talk, I can’t fight the tugging at my lips and smile a little.  Stealing a glance again, why do I feel like a stranger now? I know so much about you. But

What happened?

It pains me to look at you, but my eyes are drawn to you what can I do? They scan the room for your familiar form, like homing seagulls that find their way back no matter what. Every nook and nuance of your form, my home. I realize I must be staring because you take your eyes off of who you are talking to and look around, like you were looking for someone, like you felt me staring.

I look away. What happened? We part ways. That’s what happened.

Why did I agree to this again?
What went wrong in the first place?

I don’t know. I honestly can’t recall. Right now, all I remember is how right we were together.

YOU do this to me.
I should hate you…

and I do…

I hate you every minute I’m missing you. Every minute made even more apparent now that I see you in front of me again. You, being you. Bubbly as ever. How cruel can you get? Can’t you see you’re killing me here?You just being you. Me, being me, but this time without you.

I inch closer to the people you’ve already greeted and passed. I can’t help myself.  I went to the buffet table, getting random food to place on my saucer. I overhear talk of you hanging out with someone else now. 

You didn’t bring him with you. Thank God for small favors.

Stalking 101. Watching your every move from across the room, I try not to blatantly stare. Try to keep you in my line of sight; out of the corner of my eye, a technique that would make the best spies proud. I can foresee a terrible headache in my immediate future from all this.

I find a seat, where I can see you clearly, your back conveniently turned to me. I see you laugh and raise your hand as if to hit someone over something they said. I rub my arms, a measly consolation because they too, miss the sting of your slaps. 

Does he enjoy your brand of pain too? 

I used to. 

Now you bring a different type of pain.

Now, there is pain caused by the absence of you.

Ah, what the am I saying!!
I thought I was fine. Seeing you, now I'm not so sure.

I’m such a sap. I take out my anger on the finger food I have on my saucer, trying to distract myself, it didn’t work though because it didn’t take long before my eyes were once again stealing glances. Trying to be sneaky about it, lest you turn around, and have my cover totally blown.

I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.

To look into your eyes, and have them look back. REALLY look at me and tell me volumes. To see finality, a confirmation that you have indeed found another love, that you’re happy. Without me.

That sparkle in your eyes I once claimed proudly was because of me is the same sparkle I hope not to see. 
Cause if I do I’ll have to say goodbye.

Leave you be.

Let me hold onto this a bit longer, what we had, the hope that it’s not too late, just a little more…

Let me pine for you a bit more, even just for tonight.

Please…

But fate apparently was not having any of it.

You turn around.

Look straight to where I am.

A glimmer of recognition flashed in your eyes, I look away. I can feel you trying to get me to look back. I try not to give in. Keep my eyes averted feigning fascination over a crack on the wall or the patterns on the hideous wallpaper.

I know, this is childish.

Forgive me the awkwardness, I know you hate these kinds of situations. I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, forgive my selfishness. I don’t think my heart could suffer more, right now, what’s left of it is crumbling as it beats, knowing you’re at arms’ length but I can’t even hold you.

I get up and walk off, without looking back. I don’t want to say goodbye yet. Not just yet.

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AN:

hello there dear goguma chinggus!

im writing again! yehey :)

i just graduated and i think i can do writing fic more now than before :)

i miss uri YongSeo so much. that's why i deicded to write a fic.

i know its a sad fic but i'll make it up to you to the next one ;)

im sorry im still lacking in writing but i will try my best on my future fics!

thanks for reading! :) 

#PrayForSouthKorea