"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

I can't believe what I just heard. It's so unpredictable and unbelievable. I stop breathing while my heart keeps beating faster until it hurts my chest. My body becomes weak and numb as if there's no bones left. And my head keeps repeating the sentence over and over again.

Is this real?

I want to speak up, to reply something, but my voice doesn't come out. I just stand in front of him like an idiot with wide eyes and confused look.

This is too good to be true.

"So..." He takes a little step forward. He smiles widely, as usual. I can see his perfect white teeth. "What do you say?"

What do I say? What am I supposed to reply when he, my long-time crush, just asking me to be his girlfriend?

For the longest time, I thought he never noticed me. He is the popular kid on the school whereas I am the nerd and unattractive kid. We went to the same school since we were in seventh grade and I still remember clearly the first time I met him. He was so carefree and attractive and charming.

We met for the very first time during the sports festival. We were in the same team. I was in charge for taking care of injured people while he was competing almost in every game. It maybe unlucky for him for getting a dislocated joint during the basketball match but it was definitely lucky for me.

When he stepped in to the clinic, I was thrilled and enchanted. He was a friendly person and fun to talk with. He was telling me how it all happened and mostly he was talking about his life. We talked for about half an hour until he decided to watch the game. It was my lucky day.

"Yes." I reply in a low voice.

His eyes gets widen and his smile gets brighter. "Really? Are you serious?"

I smile and nod. He moves closer and hugs me tightly. It's like a dream – your crush is actually having a crush on you too. How lucky am I?

He slowly pulls me away and looks at me. He surely is happy. What I don't understand is why me?

 

Everyone is looking at us – me, to be exact. Well, why aren't they? If I were one of them, I'd be looking at the nerd girl who is holding hands with the most popular senior in school. Their gaze gives me a goose bump as if they are ready to shoot me for stealing their 'man'.

It has been two weeks since we were dating and finally, Chanyeol, my boyfriend, decides to open up pur relationship. I know it is hard for him to tell his friends that I am his girlfriend now. It's even harder for me to bear with all harsh and dirty words from his 'fans'.

"Let's meet my friends." Chanyeol squeezes my hand and pulls me closer. He walks casually as if no one is watching us. It relaxes me a little.

Chanyeol treats me like any boyfriends would do. Although for about one week we had to sneak out in the middle of class just to see each other, we are still in a good state. He walks me home everyday and we'd stay up late while talking on the phone. I feel like this is the start of my love life.

His friends are five other guys who are no better than him. They are always together everywhere, except during lessons. I always imagine what it would be like to have cool friends like them. My only friends are books and music. What a shame.

"Chanyeol!" Baekhyun stood up and high five with Chanyeol. He is like Chanyeol; very loud, always speaks of his mind, carefree and fun. That's why Chanyeol likes to stick around with him. He is a flirt and has a sweet mouth. "Who's she?"

I look down. Now the rest of his friends are looking at me. What if they don't like me?

Chanyeol pulls me closer to him and wraps a hand over my shoulder. "Let me introduce you to my girlfriend. Gentlemen, this is Karin. Karin, these are my friends – Suho, Sehun, Kai, Kyungsoo, and last but not least, Baekhyun." He points out according to their name. I know all of them.

I try to look at them who are smiling at me. "Hi." I say.

"Take a seat, Karin." Suho points to the chair in front of me. He is the school president and his grade is remarkable. He wins every academic competition for the past three years so no wonder the teachers like him.

Chanyeol pulls the chair for me and waits for me to sit properly before he sits down beside me.

"You look cute." Kai comments. He seems cold on the outside but I know he is soft and warm in the inside.

My cheek becomes warm and I can't help my smile. "Thank you."

"Get your own girlfriend, Jongin." Chanyeol scolds. He is jealous.

I spent the rest of my lunch time listening to the boys' jokes and talks. I was having so much fun although it was only for thirty minutes. I enjoy hanging out with them.

This isn't just the beginning of my love life. This is also the beginning of my new friendship with real human being.

 

"I like watching you read." Chanyeol brushes my cheek softly. He has been watching me for hours while I'm reading my favorite books in the library.

He is always accompanying me to the library and wherever I want to go. He doesn't complain when I give more attention to the books. He doesn't complain when I reject his offer to go to clubs or such places where smokes are the new air for the people inside. He is a perfect boyfriend.

I close my book and turn to him. He looks confused. I stare at him without saying anything. "What?"

I purse my lips. "Tell me, why me? Why do you want a nerd like me to be your girlfriend?" I have kept those questions in my head for long time.

Chanyeol smiles and takes a strand of my hair. He tucks it behind my ear. "Because you caught my attention."

I furrow my brows.

"You weren't go wild and crazy like other girls when I passed by. You remained calm. Do you know that I was always watching you? You would be sitting by the window and reading a book while I was playing soccer in the fields. I was fascinated by you." He explains.

I lost words. I don't know he was watching me. I thought I was invisible. His words make me blush and somehow it strengthens me. "I... I don't know that."

He smiles again. I keep my head down. "It's ok." He pats my head gently. Then his hand lifts up my head and slowly his face moves closer to mine until our lips meet.

I have never been kissed before. It's a quick, soft, and sweet first kiss. Thank God the library is empty.

"Sorry." He tells as soon as our lips are parted.

I shake my head. "It's ok." I smile at him, to make him sure that I'm fine with it.

He smiles back at me and then stands up. "Let's go home."

 

We walk side by side with intertwined fingers. Sometimes, I steal a glance of him and often, he catches me looking at him. I read a lot of books but I'm still not good expressing my feelings with words. I'm more than just happy. I don't want to lose him, not because he is popular or whatsoever. It's because I feel safe, comfortable, confident and joyful. He is my safest place.

"It was my first kiss." I tell in a quiet voice.

He stops walking and looks at me weirdly as if he is in fear and shock. Is that a normal reaction?

"It's ok." I reassure. "You are my first boyfriend too and I'm happy with it – with us."

He doesn't reply anything. His expression is strange. He doesn't seem to look happy or excited about what I told... He looks guilty and pitiful. Why?

"You are my long-time crush. You're not the only one who had been watching me all the time. I was too always watching you from distance. I still remember when you made silly jokes in class and mostly, I still remember how we first met and talk. I know you won't remember it but that's alright. Who wants to remember me?" I laugh sarcastically at myself. I reach out my hands and cup his face. His face is stiff and shocked. "I just want to tell you that you are the best thing ever happens in my life." I tiptoe and kiss his cheek.

Chanyeol still keeps his mouth shut. He takes a few seconds of silence before finally speaks, "Let's go to the mall tomorrow."

His voice is soft, more like a whisper but I can still hear it clearly. I have never been to amusement park since I was seven. No one wants to go with me. "Yes." I reply, without thinking twice.

He finally shows his smile again. "Great. I'll pick you up at eight."

 

I wake up at two and half hours before eight. I hope it's enough to pick the right clothes and maybe put a little make up. I want to look beautiful and great in front of him – it's a date, anyway. Maybe there's nothing much I can wear since my clothes are so old fashion and plain but I'll try to make it more trendy and modern.

Right at eight sharp, the bell rings. I run towards the door.

"Chanyeol!" I greet happily.

He is wearing his casual clothes, nothing fancy though but he still looks handsome. "Oh, wow." He stares at me from head to toe. "You look...pretty."

I blush. I step aside so he can come in. "Come in."

He nods and comes in. "Your parents?"

"They went early today to work." I hurriedly grab my bag in my room and then go back downstairs.

Chanyeol is looking at the photographs hanging on the wall. They were taken from time to time since I was little. "You looked cute here." He points out to a photo of me wearing a swimming suit.

I roll my eyes. "ert."

He sticks his tongue out to me.

"Let's go." I say.

 

We go to one famous shopping district in here. To be honest, I rarely go out shopping during the weekends. I rather staying at home and watching TV.

There are so many people walking along the street despite the hot sun that radiates its heat above us. I see a lot of clothing stores, food stores and many more but I know the price isn't cheap in here.

"Should we eat first?" Chanyeol asks.

I shrug. "Sure."

Chanyeol nods. His hand finds its way to mine and holds it. I can't wait to visit the stores one by one and maybe I can buy some new clothes. I look around as if it is my first time being in there. This place has changed drastically. Last time I went here, there were only few stores but now, everything is packed along the street.

Chanyeol leads the way and sometimes, he looks at me with a warm smile on his face. I want to know what is he thinking right now. Maybe he is thinking of how old fashion and boring I am. Or maybe he is thinking how ridiculous I am.

"This is the best restaurant in here." He tells me.

I look up. It is a traditional Korean restaurant. The place is small compare to the others but it's very home-like. I can smell the smell of the dish from the outside.

We enter the restaurant and sit down on the empty table inside.

"Have you been here?" Chanyeol asks as I go through the menu. I shake my head.

 

Today is surely the best day ever in my life. Chanyeol patiently waited for me while I was shopping from stores to stores. He insisted to pay but I disagreed. In the end, he won. I don't want to take an advantage of him but he was using 'boyfriend's duty' which I can't argue.

"So you never had a boyfriend?"

I shake my head. "What can I say? I'm not pretty enough."

Chanyeol nudges me playfully. "Don't say that. You are pretty to me."

"Thank you." I cling to him. "You know... The girls in school once told me that you are only playing around with me, saying that you don't love me and this only for a bet. But I know you aren't that type of guys that playing around with girls' heart. You are a good and loyal guy." I smile at him.

Chanyeol seems unsure and acts like something is bothering him. He makes that face again – guilty and sad face. Is there something wrong? "They are just jealous because you are my girlfriend." He speaks. "Just ignore them."

I nod. "I love you, Chanyeol." There. I say it, at last!

He stops walking and I, instantly, stop too. He stares blankly at the ground. I can't really see his face since we're walking in dark roads and the street lamp is very dim. A few second later, Chanyeol turns to me. It's not the face that scares me but the expression. Something is wrong but I don't brave enough to ask.

He looks scared and pitiful. He wants to say something; I can see it in his eyes. But somehow he chooses not to. This isn't the cheerful and carefree Chanyeol that I know. What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? Why he's acting as if he just murdered someone?

"I love you too." He smiles.

No.

It's not a sincere smile.

He leans closer and kisses my forehead. I don't dare to ask although my curiosity level is high right now. Seriously, what happens?

 

From: Chanyeol

Come to XXXX.

It's the first message from him since yesterday night. He hasn't called me after he walked me home. It makes me worried like hell. I sense something bad and something wrong but I don't know what. I'm scared...scared of the truth.

I wear the clothes I bought yesterday and went to the club Chanyeol mentioned. He knows I hate that kind of places. I don't like the smell of it and the atmosphere inside. It makes me dizzy.

"Karin!" I turn and see Kyungsoo running towards me as I'm about to enter the club. "It's ok. She's with me." He tells the guard. "What're you doing in here?"

I move to side so people can pass by. Kyungsoo is the nicest person I knew. We don't interact much but he helps me whenever everyone ignores me. "Chanyeol texted me to go here."

His brows twitches and mutters something I can't catch. "Where's your house? Let me take you home."

"What? Why? I just got here and I want to see Chanyeol."

"Believe me, you don't want to see him or any other his friends." He says.

I don't understand. "He's not cheating on me, right?"

"No." He answers immediately. "Just trust me. You don't want to meet them."

"I want to meet him." I insist. "Please? He's my boyfriend and I'm sure he wants to meet me too so he texted me to go here."

Kyungsoo stares at me for a while. He sighs. "Fine. Let's go."

 

The club is full of drunk people. The loud music hurts my eardrum and the flash lights makes my eyes go blind. I have to walk carefully if I don't want to stumble. Kyungsoo continuously looks back, making sure I don't get lost and still follow him. I can see he doesn't like being here too.

"Kyungsoo!" A female voice says from inside the VIP room. Kyungsoo ignores her and steps aside.

I come in and the first I see is Chanyeol sitting down between Kai and Suho with a can of alcoholic drink on his hand. He seems surprise seeing me. There are cans and glasses of drinks on the table.

"Karin." He mutters my name.

"Karin! You made it!" Baekhyun stands up and wraps a hand over my shoulder. "Sit down, sit down."

I sit down beside him on the edge of L-shape couch. His hand still wraps around me. Kyungsoo takes a seat across me and his facial expression looks displeased.

"What is she doing in here?" One of the females mockingly asks. I know all of them. They are the drama queens in school – everyone hates them. They are the one who told me bad things about Chanyeol.

"I invited her." Baekhyun says proudly. "Sorry for using your phone, Channie."

"What?!" Chanyeol also jumps out from his position. He looks angry and panic.

"Relax, boyfriend." Baekhyun takes a sip of his drink. "Want some?" He offers me.

I shake my hand. Chanyeol drops the can and stands up with angry and annoyed face. "Let's go." He grabs my hand and pulls me.

"Hey!" Baekhyun protests.

"She's not a toy that you can play, Baekhyun." Chanyeol opens the door.

"But you can."

Chanyeol freezes. His grip around my wrist tightens. I look around. His four other friends look so intense and serious but none of them talk. The three drama queens giggle and whisper to each other while looking at me in a mocking way. They are hiding something from me.

"What's wrong, Chanyeol? The game is almost over and I'm just helping you to make it a little easier for you to end it." Baekhyun looks at me and then to Chanyeol who is standing still.

"What game?" I look at Chanyeol but his eyes shut tightly. I turn to Baekhyun. "What game?" I ask firmly.

"Either you explain it to her or I do the explaining session, Channie." Baekhyun gazes fiercely at Chanyeol who doesn't turn around yet. "Fine. I'll do the explaining session then." He looks at me and smiles. "It's a bet."

"A bet?" I almost lose my voice.

"We were playing truth or dare and when it was his turn, he chose dare. We gave him the dare which was to date you. He obviously wanted something in return so we told him if he could date you and kiss you within a month, I’d give him my car. And it seems he succeed."

Just like that. Just as simply as that my heart shatters into pieces. So everything is true. After all this time, they have warned me but I was too stupid, too blind and too dumb to trust him. Everything is a lie.

"No." I whisper. "Tell me this isn't true, Chanyeol." I shake him softly. "You love me right? Right?" No answer. My hands and body are shaking. I feel like I've been stabbed and molested many times. How dumb I am to trust him so easily? How can I believe that someone like him loves someone like me?! You are a shame, Karin!

"Love you?" One of the drama queens speaks. She snorts. "Girl, you ask the wrong person. Chanyeol is disgusted with you. He even once said how can a nerd like you enter the same school like us." The girls laughed sarcastically.

My defense wall falls down in one second. My chest hurts – I'm suffocating, can't breathe. The tears slowly start flowing down to my cheek. No. I can't cry. I shouldn't cry – at least not in front of them or him.

A nerd. That is who I am, always be. I am the nerd and he's the star. The star that is too high for me to reach, too bright for me to look at. I'm out of his league.

His bright smile, his sweet words, his warm hugs, and his gentle kiss... are all lies. I should have known it from the start. I should have built up my defense wall higher. I shouldn't have trusted him. Now it's too late. It's like I'm drowning to the deepest place on sea where no one can save me.

I face down without saying a word. What can I say? Will it change the fact? I can hear laughter from the girls but silence from the boys. My hand retreats from Chanyeol's grip.

Breathe, Karin.

One day I thought this was the beginning of my love life and my new friendship. One day I thought my life would be better. But the next day, everything turns into nightmare that you can't escape easily without being broken and hurt. No matter how hard I try to fix my life...in the end, it is me who will be suffered, hurt, and lost. I have lost even before the game begins.

"Karin."

I shake my head. I storm out from the room without looking back again. I know the music becomes louder but my ears can't hear anything. I walk through the dancing and drunk people. The next thing I know, I'm out of the club.

The sky is dark but clear. There were people walking along the street but they are busy with their own business to notice how slow I walk. Home. I want to go home now. It is the only place I can cry myself out.

"Karin!"

My pace becomes quick.

"Karin! Wait!"

Chanyeol grabs my elbow. I snap his hand.

"Don't touch me!" I state with angry voice. I don't want to be rude to him but right now, I have the rights to be angry with him. "I say don't touch me." My voice becomes softer and it's more like a beg. He puts down his hands to his side.

"I won't touch you but please listen to my explanation."

I can't even bear to see his face. It's full of lies. "Do you get the car?" I whisper. Chanyeol slightly bows. "Where's the car?" I ask again in a more sarcastic way. I want to show him that I'm stronger than he thought, that I'm an independent 17-year-old girl. "Everything has been explained very well, Chanyeol. I don't need further explanations, especially the one who comes out right from your mouth because everything that comes out from your mouth is lies and bull."

"Karin. No, hear me out first." He begs and tries to touch me again. I take a step backward. "Look, I am wrong, I admit it, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't take the bet. I was... I was messed up at that time. Yes, I wanted the car and to show them that I can complete the challenge but right now..." He looks down but then tries to look at me again. "Right now I don't care about that damn car. Heck, I don't even have the key with me. I just want to fix this...us."

“I was wrong about you too. They said the truth and I just let it passed.” I take a deep breath. "You played me as if I'm a toy! You played with my feelings, Chanyeol! Don't you know how happy I was when I thought you liked me too? Don't you know how thrilled I was when I gave my first kiss to you?" I can't hold it anymore. Everything mixes into one – my anger, embarrassment, shame, and sadness – and comes as tears. "Don't you realize how..." I sob in between. "How much I love you?"

Inhale. Exhale. My chest moves up and down in a quick rhythm. I cover my face with my hands and cry silently.

No, I don't cry when everyone calls me names. I don't cry when everyone pushes me away from them. I don't cry when they leave me alone. But I cry over one guy... One guy that I love. One guy that I thought he is my savior from my miserable life which turns out he only brings more nightmare.

"Karin. I'm sorry. I really do. Let me fix this..."

"How?!" I raise my voice. "How, Chanyeol? How are you going to fix this?"

He says nothing.

I wipe my tears with the back of my hand. "You can't fix it." I say. He looks at me in despair. "The game is over."

"No. Please, I'm sorry, Karin." He grabs my shoulders and slowly he begins to kneel. What is he doing?! His hands glide down to my hands and hold them tightly. He is shaking. Is this real? Or is he faking it again? The people are looking at us as if we are some lunatics.

"What are you doing? Stand up! Everyone is looking at us." I whisper and try to bring him up.

He shakes his head.

"If this is one of your acting, quit it now." I threaten. I take a step back but he holds me with that position.

"When you walked out from the room, you brought out my fear." He begins. His gaze is at the ground.

"Seriously, Chanyeol? Stand up." I tell him. I don't like being stared at by people who pass by. It brings too much attention. I can't leave him like this either. How much he hurts me, I still care and love him.

"I am a jerk, an , a bastard and any other names you call. I know you probably hate me now because I really hate myself too for hurting you..."

I furrow my brows. "I don't hate you and can you please stand up now?" I don't hate him, period.

He scoffs and ignores me. "When I took the challenge, I didn't care about anything. I didn't care about you or your feelings, not even how would you react when you knew. I thought it would be easier to date you, kiss you and dump you but it's not. I grew closer to you each day and I learnt many things about you." He's mumbling.

"Stand up, Chanyeol. Please."

"No. If I stand up, you will walk away and leave me, right?" He glances up. Not that eyes. He looks like a lost puppy. His eyes are full of fears and distressed. Should I be the one? "I'm scared of losing you, Karin."

Lie. I bit my lips to hold back my tears. He squeezes my hands.

"If I tell you that..." He stares at me for a while. "I love you, do you believe me? Will it change a thing?"

I close my eyes and purse my lips. "I... I want to." I look away. I free my hands from his grip. He looks fragile and broken. "I'm sorry but...right now, I can't. It...it..." I lost words. "It hurts so much."

Chanyeol stays still with his head down. I don't like seeing him like that. I take his hands and help him to stand up. His body is weak and powerless.

"The game is over, Chanyeol. You won and you have got what you wanted right?" I smile forcedly. "Maybe our relationship was just a game to you but I had a good time. It was my honor to be able to spend one month with you. It was a bittersweet memory. Thank you."

I turn away and leave him.

I don't regret of what we had or of what I lost. I just regret trusting him. 

---

---

---

:) Hope you like it! Thanks for subscribing and upvoting! :D Don't forget to read my other stories too ;) 

xoxo