April..

It’s supposed to be spring in Korea at this month. The flowers would sprout and bloom in the garden, you could always hear the bird chirping on the bough. But this season started with the sounds of drizzle every morning to the noon. I can’t even feel the fresh breeze or the warmth of the sun. I vaguely wondered what in the earth happening with this April.

April..

She was a girl i once knew and always been a girl i knew since high school. She has nothing special. She has an average pretty face with small eyes and nose, but an extra beautiful in her smile. Just like April who brought spring, she brought a warmth and fresh air to my life as well.

April..

Her smile always greets me whenever we met.  Those smiles, i miss them.

It’s me and my doubt that always turn our relationship down. I kept on searching this figure which isn’t in hers, and i took her for a granted. She gave me many chances as i always come back to her side, but still, i seemed never learn anything.

My stupidity level finally leads me to the end of my relationship. She was so brokenhearted, devastated, and she said that this is the last time, so she’s gone. She never showed up, her friends kept asking me where on the earth is she possibly?

I didn’t care for that time, all i ever care were this other woman and my promising career. I was blind, i seemed lost, i didn’t know myself why i keep falling in to the same hole. I knew that i will always turn to her side, but i can’t keep my commitment to her. And now, she’s gone, she never comeback.

After years, i finish my service in other country, they let me go home. I got a promotion that time, all of my closest relation were so proud of me, but i felt kinda weird. Something is so wrong, i kept on asking question that i didn’t know how to answer those.

My departure to hometown suddenly brought many memories I left behind, April. I asked my family if they ever know where she could be. But none of them seem known.

Saturday morning, surprisingly the rain didn’t fall and the sun appears from its hiding. On the half of this month, the sounds of spring finally heard. I went for jog just for a quality time and figure things out. I remembered that she always run around han river area as she used to always asked me to accompany her but I always refused her favor.

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Back in the day some years ago, I was only a boy from countryside holding on hope and faith to having a big success. Now, I almost accomplished almost everything, but still something is missing somewhere.

Just when my thought flew from one to another memoir, I saw her presence in front of me, that familiar figure I was looking for all this time. She looked just the same like the last time I met her 5 years ago, She still kept her long browned hair which I really adored back then. Her milky skin glowed and she looks so healthy.

I tried to catch after her but she was running so fast, so I ended up following her. I haven’t seen her face tho, but I just know, it was her, I always knew.

After 15 minutes, she was running out of breath so she slowed her pace and walking on the jogging track while looking around at the han river view. I didn’t know whether I should just casually greet her, or pretending bump to her. There are a lot of things going on in my mind about her possibility reactions.

So i decided to casually greet her instead of the other lame option. I took one step approaching her, as i getting closer to her, i tapped her back. Just like what i anticipated her reaction would be, she gasped as her arm reacted faster to get a rid of my palm on her shoulder.

Her face was blank the moment she saw my face. A second later, she rosed a smile.

“Oh Sehun?” She said as smiled at me. Those small eyes formed into the cute shapes while she’s smiling.

“Hai, how are you? Still running around, huh?” i tried to talk calmly, but deep inside, i really wanted to bring her to my hug.

“I’m doing perfectly fine, Sehun. Wow, you have grown up well” she’s observing me.

“Thank you. You look so pretty as well”

“Thanks. Btw, what are you doing here? I thought you aren’t a morning person. I’m surprised you actually go for run” she laughs shyly.

“I’m surprised as well. But, if running brought me to you, i am not regretting it”

“Shut up. You’re so lame. Keep it down, seriously” She laughs

“Do you have a time? Let’s have a breakfast together?” I suggest

I could see her sudden changing expression; she threw her gaze somewhere seemingly unfocused on anything in particular, “well, i guess its fine. Let’s go” she said awkwardly.

I didn’t blame her for the reaction, i mean, i know exactly she was a yes-kind-of-a-person, even though she didn’t want to, she probably always say yes. She might have a battle with herself just for having a breakfast with me. It’s hurt my ego a little.

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After we arrived at the Hong’s Diner not too far from the Han River Area, i ordered the American breakfast while all she ordered was a coffee.

We talked many things, about job, our family, many things. As the time goes, we run out the topic, so we’re back to the silent mode.

“You look healthy!” i tried to break the silence and awkwardness.

“T..Thanks” she answered then she continued to reading the menu on the table, after that she was looking outside the window tried to avoid an eye contact with me

“You look great” i didn’t know where are these bullcraps comes from, but i kept on repeating the same line. I feel stupid.

“Oh Sehun, just stop it already, okay? Haha” she laughs lightly.

“You look..”

“I think we just need to be silence for a moment. I mean, it’s our first meeting after all. We still need time just to figure things out” She said as she cut me before i opened my damn mouth again.

“Yeah, right. You’re right”

I used the long silence between us to describing her expression that is changing many times. She looks uncomfortable, her eyes kept moving to whatever she captured in front of her. I understand her position, as we weren’t in a good condition when we separated.

“I’m sorry” i decided to opened my mouth and it’s catch her attention.

She raised her eyebrow and saw me in my eyes, “What for?”

“Everything”

“Look, Sehun. It isn’t good to brought everything we left behind. Those are in past. We get over it”

“I know, i just realized all this time that you didn’t get an apology you deserved”

“Its fine. You shouldn’t apologize. I forgive without you even asking” She said as she lowered her face staring at her cup.

“I know, i messed everything up”

“Have you found the figure you’re looking?” still looking at her cup

I shook my head slowly, “I realized that you’re the only one fits me”

She lifted her head, “Why it takes so long for you to realized, that nobody is perfect. And while you had someone you think good enough, you threw them away for something uncertain? I just never got you, Sehun” she stared at me.

“I know. I learned”

“But our first break up should be your lesson. And then you wasted another chance i gave to. That’s when i judge that you’ll never learn”

“Listen, Sehun. I’m sorry, i didn’t mean anything. Lets us just take a peaceful breakfast and a light conversation, can we?”

“I need another second chance”

“Look, Sehun. There is no another second chance in this world” She said while smiling. But that smile was killing me inside.

While i was trying to hide my feeling, another silence and awkward atmosphere surrounded us again.  

“I mean, instead of another chance, why don’t we just opened a new chapter. I mean, let’s forget each other past. We met as a new person today. We could look forward to it” She said as she broke the silence.

I lifted my head and saw those smiles once again. She was probably the most genuine person i’ve ever met in my life. I didn’t know that love could forgive and heal pain. If it wasn’t her, i would never learn that love could do such things. I’m thankful god was giving me a chance to walk pass her at school many years ago.

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Today, 15^th April 2014,

At the end of the day, she was my April. The one who always bring the warmth in to my heart as a spring does. That’s why she was named after it.

As i adoring her beauty while walking on the aisles, our eyes locked each other. She’s shrinking and giving me a shy look.

i sincerely wish she would be happy with the man she said making her falling in love again. If only i was that man, if only i didn’t messed up, if only i didn’t let her go, i would be the man standing next to her making a vow.

April, you’re the best thing that happened in my life. Happy wedding day.