Comeback were always like that if you’d ask Huang Zitao. Always felt a bit overwhelming, the pressure on them too high and too many eyes watching their every move and breath they took.

It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy those shows it was just that still, after two full years of doing that, he still wasn’t used with the uproar that just an album and an MV could cause. He was touched too, in the same time, glad that people enjoyed their collective work.

But those thoughts didn’t save him, or prepared him to face once again a comeback show. And seriously nothing ever could, since it was so damn bigger than the one for Growl.

Maybe their title track was right, maybe it was actually an Overdose.

Zitao felt choked by the pressure which was way too much in the atmosphere and basically pushing on his lungs. He could barely pay attention to what the MC was saying and Baekhyun needed to explain some things to him more than one time that afternoon. He could see the older man was confused and a bit worried about his behavior, asking with just one look if he was okay. Zitao just smiled and shrugged. It was fine.

Except he wasn’t.

He didn’t know what came over him all of a sudden and wouldn’t bother to actually explain the feeling. He felt like he was going to fall off his chair in that moment and that was something that obviously, just couldn’t happen. 

Glad that he had the seat farthest away from the MC, he just signaled Baekhyun that he will go out a little and just sprung out of his seat in hurry to get to the nearest bathroom.

OF course coordinators tried to stop him and question him where he was going but he just ran past them, hand over his mouth, as to tell them that he was sick.

Thankfully he found a bathroom pretty fast and went straight for the sinks and took some water on a paper towel enough to wet his face a bit without ruining the makeup. He looked up in the mirror. Damn it, he thought, he looked like he was either about to cry or to die.

He closed his eyes and breathed in and out steadily trying to calm himself down.

Zitao knew all too well that his grip had been slipping away in the last few months, he could basically feel it. The comeback choreography was hard, the hours spent practicing seemed endless, not to count the recordings and other countless things they were made to do. But then again, they were all used to this. It wasn’t what it set him off in such a horrendous way.

No, it wasn’t the crazy schedule, the pushy fans, the endless practices. It was their manager announcing them that for Overdose the promotions will be done separately. In two countries. With a damn sea between them.

He didn’t cry then. He told them he was fine. That it was okay. That it made sense to try to do more activities in China since they had Chinese members.

Zitao tried so so hard to be happy. China meant familiarity. China meant not confusing the language, not being made fun of, meant having his family closer. But still, he couldn’t help the sinking feeling in his heart just at the simple thought of being away from the one he loved the most.

He heard the bathroom door being opened and he thought that one of the concert coordinators came to look for him since it was really stupid to leave in the middle of a showcase.

He didn’t expect to see his beloved looking at him with a worried expression painted over his perfect price-like face.

‘Are you okay?’ The young Korean man asked as he advanced in Zitao’s direction.

The older tried to smile a little, but his heart was breaking slowly as he was looking at the red haired beauty.

‘I am fine Sehun, you needn’t to worry.’ He told their dancer as the other got exactly in front of him.

The younger just took his face between his forever cold palms and made their gazes meet. He smiled. He smiled that beautiful comforting smile that made Zitao fall oh so hard.

‘And you don’t need to be brave around me, you know.’ Sehun replied in return moves his thumbs into comforting circles on Zitao’s cheekbones.

‘I am sorry. ‘He said. ‘Is just that…’ He choked on un-spilled tears.

‘Too much. I know. I feel it too. You can talk to me, you’re not alone in this.’ Sehun ended for him and gently placed his forehead against the taller man’s.

He’s perfect, Zitao thought. The man he loved couldn’t be described as anything but perfect. He didn’t understand those who called Sehun cold. He wasn’t. He was so kind hearted, so compassionate, so ready to give love and receive it in return.

‘Just the idea, only the idea of being separated from you makes me die a bit. It just hurts so much right now, imagine how it will feel in one, two months.’ Zitao sobbed.

‘We’ve been through it before.’ Sehun remembered and looked deep into his boyfriend’s eyes. ‘We survived.’

The Chinese rapper shook his head. ‘It is not the same. Not after this …year. This year had been perfect. What will I do without you?’

Sehun couldn’t say anything anymore. He knew it was true. When they were separated the first time they only had an innocent crush going on, not a full blown relationship like they had one. It wouldn’t work in the same way, the longing will be stronger.

But since Zitao couldn’t be the strong one in that moment he had to be the one that took his lover in his arms and eased him even if just a bit.

They kissed, slowly and without much fervor. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, it was just a loving one that meant to bring comfort and to say what words just couldn’t convey in their simplicity.

‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder…?’ Sehun offered, rather stupidly and Zitao finally smiled.

‘That was cheesy.’ He informed and pecked the shorter man’s cheek.

‘You’re the one that leaves in the middle of a comeback show because he is stupid enough to think I will somehow grow to love him any less.’ The dancer pouted.

Zitao chuckled and wiped the wetness at his eyes with a paper towel. ‘Now that you say it like this, it is pretty dumb. It’s kind of impossible.’

Sehun just patted his cheek and smiled his cute crescent eyed smile that never chased to make the older man melt on the spot. ‘Told you. Now let’s go before Yifan and Joonmyun pop a blood vessel.’

With that the younger man took his boyfriend’s hand dragged him out of the bathroom with a small smile on his face.

Zitao felt a bit better but that was the general effect the red haired Korean teen had on him. He almost felt good enough to enjoy that night’s show. Scratch that, he was okay with the sweet little kiss Sehun gave him right before taking the stairs up onto the stage.

.o.

They made it though the comeback show, somehow. Just barely. It was okay though, everything came up okay and fans loved it and that’s all that mattered at the moment.

Their internal conflicts could always wait for after the performance, that’s what it made them idols. Being strong, being flawless, maybe a bit unfeeling. That’s what defined them.

But they fell. And it was the hardest to fall in love in their circumstances. And even more of a mistake that they fell for their very much male band mate.

That night, even if it was very late and they were more than tired, they decided to go out and walk around the dorms a bit to take some air.

Joonmyun had been worried about public attention on the two of them but Yifan put him at ease by saying he will go with their two young members.

And he did, but just stood at the side and played a bit of basketball while the two lovers were let with their own devices.

‘It will be fine. We’ll talk everyday and even more times a day. I swear.’ Sehun promised and looked ahead as to seem they were discussing something sentimental.

They were glad for the darkness.

‘I know we will. It is just that it will not be enough.’ Zitao sighed.

Sehun looked at him with a cute but in the same time sad way. ‘I know that. Is nothing that we can do though.’ He concluded with a pout.

How can someone be in the same time sad and just the most adorable human being on Earth?

‘Let’s go home. I want to show you how much I love you tonight.’ Zitao stated and gave the younger man a meaningful look.

The red haired teen blushed a bit and smirked. ‘Do you think they’ll notice that we ran?’

Zitao shrugged. He didn’t care too much about their following fans than. He’d much rather go home and spend a wonderful time with the one that he loved. ‘Probably.’ He answered.

Sehun just smiled and begun walking.

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Thank you for reading and a lot of love~

-Ayden

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