Finally back with a new chapter :)
For those who wait for updates, sorry sorry for always talking so long.. :(
I will continue to do my best! :) I never ask for a comment or advice,
because I always stood by my idea that if people appreciate your work,
they will comment in the end. :)
I would be lying when I say that I love my both stories equally, actually.
Personally, I love this story a lot, but my other story has more
subscribers than this one, so as an author, I have to satisfy the most
readers. Telling you all this, is because I want you to know that I am
still writing this story, even though not so frequently. :)
It may seem like I am writing for others, but in the end, I write for myself.
I write, because I love to, and comments are just to show me that I am
doing a good work, but nevertheless, I will continue :)

A short chapter, but still: ENJOY :)

Tinywings

-----

A sigh left Taemin’s lips as he looked outside the window. This time, it was not a lifeless, melancholic sigh, but a sigh of relief, of feeling relaxed. He wondered how long it has been since he felt like this, even though the answer was obvious. Taemin and his friends were in Jinki’s car, heading to the airport. They decided to go to Japan, and to entertain themselves carefreely there. A smile crept on his lips as he recalled his mother’s expression when he told her he was going on a trip. It was filled with so much happiness and relief, he could not help but smile brightly at the moment. She was so overwhelmed, that guilt was starting to build inside of him. He disappointed, saddened his mother for such a long time, yet he took so long to recover from it. He promised her he would better this time, and that he will not disappoint her a second time.

“Taemin! Taemin! Taemin!”

Kibum was calling him excitedly, and being the one who was always the most excited when going to the trips, the fact that it was still 5AM did not stop the diva from being overly happy.

“Hyung, calm down.”

I said with a chuckle. Jonghyun was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, and Kibum took full advantage of that by irritating Jonghyun endlessly with his happy voice. I shook my head as I saw the humorous sight. You only know you are back in a state of living, when you appreciate all the things around you. It takes so much to return, but once you have arrived, you will feel how much happiness you actually have around you all along.

“Taemin, you can sleep some more if you want. It will take us twenty minutes to arrive from here.”

Jinki said from behind the steering wheel, the gentleness clearly heard in every word. Taemin nodded with appreciation.

“I will, hyung, thank you.”

Taemin slowly closed his eyes, letting sleep gradually take over him. He did not allow him to think about anything for the moment, letting his mind wander carefreely. For the past year, he has been thinking about the same matter over and over again, and even he himself was getting tired of it. He wanted to be able to move on, and he realized that moving on, does not necessarily have to mean to forget everything. Instead, it can also mean to see the past as something that has happened and gave him precious memories. The future, he will live it brightly, so he does not disappoint anyone dear to him anymore.

Il pleure dans mon cœur,
comme il pleut dans la ville

He smiled as his mind wandered to her. After that conversation, he had searched for the poem, and he was glad he did. Such a beautiful poem, he was grateful to have found it. Maybe, he was not only glad for the poem, but precisely, he was thankful. Sooyeon… Helped him in so many ways, he could not be more grateful. Even though he knew he should be wary around her, he knew it very well, he still could not help but break those barriers. When he is back inKorea, he wants to make sure to meet her again. If he were to never see her again, and he would feel disappointed if that really will happen, he at least wants to thank her sincerely.

He wants to thank her, for bringing back the bright smile he thought he had long lost.

-

“What is it that you are reading, Taemin?”

Minho asked curiously as he glanced at the paper notebook Taemin was holding. Taemin shook his head slightly, a smile instantly appearing again.

“Just a poem, hyung.”

“What?” An amused grin grew on Minho’s face. “Our Taemin reads poems?” 

“Literature, hyung.”

Taemin corrected him, disappointed with the amusement on Minho’s face. It was not like he could not appreciate a good poem, he just never had the time for it.

“Ah,” Minho continued while ruffling his hair, “I am sure it is, our lovely Taemin.”

Taemin did not know what to do at these kinds of situations. Maybe in one year, friendly touches grew distant, strange for him. He did not know anymore how to react when his hyungs were like this, but he was determined to learn it again. Everything for the hyungs who had been supporting him unconditionally.
 
“Hyung,” He said with in childish tone, “stop it!”

“No.”

Minho had realized already that Taemin was still awkward with his touches, in fact, with the gentle touches of everyone. He knew it would take some time for Taemin to accept these gestures, but he could not help himself sometimes. It was as if he got his long lost little brother back, someone he almost lost for a lifetime. He treasured every moment with all his friends, especially Taemin, since he cared about him the most. He was the youngest everyone adored, and everyone cared about him so much, that it was already impossible to live a life without him. After that accident, everyone understood how much they cared about each other.

“Stop it hyung, I want to read my poem.”

Taemin said before turning away from his hyung. He wanted to concentrate on the poem, without getting distracted.

It rains in my heart
Like the rain falling on the town
What is this languor
That ades my heart?

Oh sweet sound of the rain
On the ground and the roofs!
For a heart growing weary
Of the song of the rain!

It rains for no reason
In this disheartened heart
What! No reason?
It is grief without a reason

By far the worst pain
Without hatred or love
Yet no way to explain
Why me heart feels so much pain!

Not one poem can describe one’s feelings as precise as a poem of one’s own. Only a poem, written by the person himself, will be filled with all the emotions the person feels. However, this poem is describing Taemin’s feeling almost so accurately, it felt almost frightening. The heart that no longer felt any passion, or hatred, but only grief, it is by far the worst feeling. The love may have faded already, and that was highly the reason why he felt like that. Promising to love one for a lifetime, only to feel your feelings slowly fading. It is simply the feeling of having lost something, but not knowing what. As if a part of you had decided to let go, a part you were never aware of, but you gave a lot of attachment to. Even know, Taemin could not deny that his love may still linger in his heart, but it had already turned into something that he could bear.

He is moving on, by accepting the past and realizing reality, something he should have had all along, but did not had the courage to.

-

“Taemin-sshi…”

There was no one in this house but me, and yet, I feel their presence. I could place all my memories in this house, and I could still replay them using this scenery in front of me. Sulli always wrote in the diary in the kitchen, believing that was the best place in the house to be. I thought I would see that smile on her for as long as I live, but in the end, she died. My heart clenched in unbearable pain as I recalled both deaths.

“Sulli-ah,” A bitter smile crept on my lips, “Taemin-sshi is moving on already. Do not worry, Sulli-ah, Taemin-sshi is smiling brightly again, just as he was back then.”

Taemin, she really did love you, please believe me. She smiled so blissfully happy when she read your comments; she was so in love with you. I was selfish, after all, for brining her in a future she should not be. I was so incredibly foolish, for thinking that I could fight against time.

“Miss, you look so sad, what happened?”

The stranger asked me, but I did not answer.

“Miss, did something happen? Did something terrible happen?”

I nodded slightly, feeling uncomfortable with his overloading questions. I was not in the state to answer any of those questions, but he did not seem to understand.

“Miss,” My eyes widened as I saw that horrifying smirk on his face, “do you want to play with time?”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

A terrifying scream escaped my mouth as I recalled the haunting memory. Unconsciously, I began to tremble as that memory was playing in my head over and over. I should have walked away back then, he was so terrifying I should have screamed and run away. But instead, I foolishly listened to him. I blindly followed his words, because this weak heart of mine was so filled with agony that it was willing to whatever to wipe of that cruel feeling. Even if it meant that I would have to go against all biological boundaries, barriers made my human nature and life. Even though I would have to bear the consequences when the time is ready, I still decided to. That is also the reason that I cannot let myself fall in love with Taemin, because hell, does not permit any love.