The awaited date

Description

You moved into new appartment.

You saw Kai.

You fell for him.

You asked him on a date.

Foreword

 About 2 weeks into our balcony talks, he turns to go in his house, but before he could you stopped him and surprised yourself when you asked,”When can I ask you on a date?” You suddenly got quiet and flustered, mainly because never in a millions years would you say that to any man, but all you could think was that this man must be worth it. Kai laughed and said,”Whenever you want,” and walked into his house.

 

 

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iAmAnonnymous #1
Chapter 1: I actually liked the story though it didn't pull me the way it should have.

Can I be the critic?




The pull wasn't there because the plot for your story isn't for one-shot. Why not try making it longer?
This story has a very promising plot and a very tragic ending. Which is actually very good.
The problem is, it wasn't meant for one-shot.
It's like you wrote a summary for the whole story. And that kind of ruins it.


I would like to see how the main character tries to catch Kai's heart for the whole six months. Their bond that grew stronger and the smiles they shared.
Given the ending, your story would be a real tearjerker if it was much longer. Especially if Kai was given the chance to speak (have a POV or something) and explain to the readers that he was planning a big event and make her cry of joy on Friday--not knowing that he really made her cry that day because of SOMETHING else.


Oh, imagine the tragedy!







But putting all those factors aside, I really loved it.
Sincerely.
I mean, it always frustrated me how long stories could get. It;s even more frustrating when I'm frustrated due to a story's very fast progress.
This one-shot was like a summary to a story ( as I've said) and has really touched me. Seriously!
You wouldn't know how I imagine the whole thing and internalized it.





So there you have it!
Thumbs up. :D
(y) (y)
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