A rainy Sunday was my partner from the day since, as weird as it sounds, I was lazily sitting in the couch watching some random program that was on, but immerged deeply in my thoughts, I wasn’t paying much attention to the loud voices speaking in front of me. I was happy that, after the endless practices that all we have to make in order to show a perfect performance and the sleepless nights, that were something normal now, I was enjoying a day off. But suddenly free time wasn’t a thing that I was wishing for.

Our comeback date and concert were getting closer, just days before we were told that we will be split in two again to promote our new songs too, but how could we do it if our leader wasn’t here?

Even thought everybody did their best trying to hide the notable fact of you absence, fans eventually discovered, tons of questions were asked, demanding for answers but sadly no one, not even me knew how to respond them.

Flashback

Today, was one of those days were I missed the most the feeling of being in the stage. Getting the opportunity to sing a new song, being able to hear the passionate fan charts of our fans

Checking some fan pages was when I realized how much the they have been missing us, I was aware of that, because I deeply miss seeing them too. Soon, just wait a little bit more, I told myself quietly.

Suddenly, the feeling of a pair or arms hugging me from behind, abruptly stop the thoughts of my mind.

-Thinking about me? – A smooth and deep voice whispered seductively in my ear, sending shivers through my body.

-Hey! I was really serious here- I said, lamenting how the colors of my cheeks betrayed me, even though nothing related to him was crossing my mind at that moment

-Well, I know you and me it’s something important to think about Tao- he start saying – But stop doing that faces, I don’t want to have a boyfriend with wrinkles, you know?

-Well, then I don’t want to have such an expressionless lover either you know? - I said teasing him, giggling a bit.

-Mischievous panda- he said playfully – You are going to regret your words-

Out of nothing, my lover started tickling me without any mercy.

-You admitted that you regret what you said right? - He said with a winning grim on his face

-Fine, Fine, just let me breathe Kris- I said while, trying to gain oxygen again afterward the horrible torture.

After our little fight, only our breathing and quiet laughs resound in the apartment.

-You can be so ru..- I wasn’t able to finish my sentence when I felt the heaviness of your head in my shoulder and the tickling feeling of your hair in my neck. You didn’t know how happy that little action made feel, it showed me that you could trust me enough to leave all your guards down and just be my Yifan.

-You know why I don’t smile to other people so much right? - Kris asked me in his serious leader tone.

-Because you don’t want to let the fans blind with it…?- I said not sure about my answer

Kris just laugh – Maybe, but also because I only smile when I am truly happy or…-

-Or? - I asked him expectably

-Or when I am with you- He said with so much confidence

I could feel the heat in my cheeks growing again, worsening at the moment I turn my head just a little to find your gaze with mine. In a quick and sudden movement, you regained a sitting posture, getting closer to my face, with only a few inches left. I decided to help to finish what you start, just moving forward a little bit, and our lips met.

-You know Tao-

-What do I have to know Kris? - I answered him, while playing with his golden locks

-I will never leave, and if I do it someday, promise me, you are going to use your wushu on me ok? - Kris told me playfully

-It would be my pleasure, and actually I was waiting for a good opportunity to do it so…-

-You really want to get punished again panda-

And both us laughed.

End of flashback

You are such a great actor Kris. I believe every single word you said.

I could proudly announce that I became the first one, aware of the vacancy you left in our apartment.

Everything happened so fast. In the night, we were sleeping comfortably, while I was being embraced with your warmness. But when I wake up in the morning, it was completely different history.

The bed was cold, and your presence there was being replaced by a paper occupying your pillow. Next thing I remember was the image of the paper hurled on the floor, the memories of our kiss and the salty tears descending down my cheeks. But, I wasn't mad because you left, but at the fact, that you didn't even said goodbye or tell what were you planning to do. It seems that I wasn’t important enough to really deserve an explication.

 

Even If you weren’t here with us, I have to continued and carry all our activities, like I was still living under the same circumstances. Like nothing ever happened.

We continued making new memories together, the perfect example was Sehun graduation; gladly we have the chance to assist to the event and support our younger member. Almost all our group were gathered together in the stage smiling and congratulating him like there was no tomorrow. He did a really good job.

Times like that were the only ones were I could truly smile, and forget a little bit about you and all the pain that was increasing each day that I didn’t knew anything about you.

Even thought, I was aware that nothing of this would ever be enough when I reach that place that we call ours. It was never sufficient to replace loneliness you left me.

Later that night, again alone in our apartment, while reading again trough some of our fan pages, I discovered that you were in Canada. I was amaze. Did you really hate me that much? Going so far away from where I was.

After a month, one day while we were practicing and joking with each other, our manager announced that we will have to prepare for our comeback, without you. Everyone was smiling and hugging the closest member that they found. I force myself to do the same. This was what I wanted right? Seeing our fans was enough to make me happy.

I was getting the courage to ask the only person who seemed to know your location, our manager, but again, our supposed secret relationship let me without an opportunity to do it. As if being the only one constantly saying your name, wasn’t suspicious enough.

After reading it again and still processing the new information, I decided not turn on any of the lights of the apartment. The clock announced that the midnight arrived and the only thing I could barely see was my hand being illuminated by the moonlight entering by one of the windows.

The computer was now resting beside me on the floor. I promise myself that I wouldn’t cry for you anymore, but it was one of those promises that just keep getting harder and harder to accomplish.

Suddenly, the tick tack of the clock marked 3 am; I finally have stopped crying; the tears were now replaced by quiet sobs. After feeling a little bit better, I forced myself to get up, when a suddenly shower of light blinds me and all the glow around me became alive again.

A sweet and worried voice calls my name.

My eyes, used to the darkness, couldn’t properly see through all the luminosity that they were witnessing, but even like that I could definitely tell who the person in front of me was. I could not simply forget how that deep voice sounded when I used to hear it every day. 

I heard the sound of desperate steps and something plastic meeting the floor. After all became silence again, long arms were now embracing my body, while a soft yet sad voice constantly repeat “I’m sorry” over and over again.

You wrapped around me now, you really were there, I felt the urge to smile but none of my current emotions got the opportunity to reach my face, so I just close my eyes, realizing how this love that painfully ate me while you weren’t here, the distance and the non-send messages, still weren’t capable of changing my feelings.

Because, even if it hurts, even if you make me cry, I would still love you

Maybe the darkness will finally become light again, demonstrating that nothing could truer than this love.

But still, you should know me better than anyone Kris; I don’t forgive so easily. But I supposed I could just wait a little more.

 

 

 

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Hello! This is forbidden rose :D

I apologize for taking so long to update this ;;; School just start consuming my time with all the finals projects and exams ~ But I managed to survive ;w;

Another thing I want to apologize for, is the theme of my history, I wrote this before all this issue with Kris lawsuit began, I’m sorry is this might be upsetting for some of you, that wasn’t my intention at all  ;_;

About all this issue, although I like exo, I’m more focus on exo-m so it really hit hard when I opened my social medial pages just to found Kris face everywhere accompanied with the word lawsuit. Also the problems that as a consequence occurred, like how the fandom divided, a part against Kris, other that was by his side, while a part remained in the middle of all this confusion.  Of course, insults as well as hurtful comments were made like how selfish he was, the fact that he has planned this for a long time or why he didn’t at least talk with his bandmates about this and sadly really stupid rumors began also for the other exo members ;_;

Kris is one of my biases in exo-m, however I chose to maintain quiet, because I could only base my opinions, right now, just in rumors that people start circulating, and I don’t there’s need for more controversies:c. I’m aware of sm comments and also read what the members have expressed in these days, but again I always think that we only get to see what happens in front of the cameras, but we really don’t know what events are being held behind them~ I’m going to stop here, I’m sure already you already too much about this >__<

However, I expect this to end as quickly as it began and hope that this issue will be finished in good conditions ^^

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