Final
Still
SEPTEMBER 2009
A flustered Luhan scolds a drenched Sehun as he offered him towel and dry clothes. "I told you to bring your umbrella all the time! What if I wasn't there?"
"But you were there." Sehun replies and began stripping his wet clothes. He wipes his wet body and hair with the towel.
"What if I wasn't?" Luhan huffs. Sehun turns to him in all his upper body glory. Luhan unconsciously fisted their comforter, creating wrinkles in it. He quickly looked away.
As if you haven't seen me yet, Sehun chuckles and puts on his dry clothes, much to Luhan's disappointment. He walks to his boyfriend and smiles, "It doesn't matter, Lu. You're always there, right?"
"You don't understand, Sehun."
"I do. You love me, I love you. What can go wrong?" Sehun pulls his lover into his embrace and places his chin on top of Luhan's head.
"You'll get sick," Luhan pouts but hugs him back, letting himself drown in the heat that is Sehun.
"I love you, hyung."
Luhan felt himself lightheaded before responding, "I love you more."
"Forever?" Sehun laughs, pulling away from him while raising his pinky finger and Luhan wants to roll his eyes but he links his pinky finger with Sehun's anyway.
"Forever."
It was when they were in first year high school that they decided to date. They were close friends ever since they were kids and Luhan was the first one to confess even though he knew Sehun feels exactly the same towards him. He just thought Sehun wasn't the type of guy who would admit his feelings and do something about it because he is a stupid brat. A stupid brat Luhan fell deeply in love with.
"Oh my god, Sehun!" Luhan panics and untangles himself from Sehun, jumps off their bed and runs downstairs to get some medicine and cold water.
"You're burning!" Luhan says matter-of-factly. Sehun laughs at him and wipes the cold sweat on his forehead. "What are you so worried about? It's normal, I'm hot."
"Shut up. You think having a fever is funny?" Luhan hissed and started dipping the towel on the basin with cold water and pressing it lightly on Sehun's body.
Sehun mumbles a sorry babe and lets his body be dampen with iced water. He complains when Luhan presses a bit too hard, "A-ah, Luhan, too cold."
"Serves you right."
APRIL 2012
Baekhyun casually asks Sehun to be his boyfriend and tells him It's been a year, I think I'm in love with you. Sehun hesitates at first and tells Baekhyun I can't promise this would work out but I'll try and that's all Baekhyun needs to lean and give Sehun a short kiss in the lips.
"I'll make it work out."
APRIL 2010
Sehun arrives home with Luhan fixing his own clothes and putting them on his luggage. Sehun felt confused and nervous at the same time. Where is he going?
"Luhan?" Sehun calls him out by the bedroom door and Luhan stiffens before turning to meet his boyfriend's gaze.
"Where are you going?" He asks. Sehun didn't miss the way Luhan's hold tightened on the cold metal on his luggage. Luhan closes and fastens it. He proceeds to stand up facing the younger one, with his voice shaking he speaks, "Sehun, let's get this over with."
Sehun had his brows knitted together in confusion. "What?"
Luhan looks at anywhere except Sehun and says I'm breaking up with you. Sehun immediately dashes to him and locks him in a tight embrace. "Luhan, what's the matter? Why are you breaking up with me? Did I do something wrong? What happened? I'll fix it. I'll change. I'll change for you. Just- just don't leave me. Please, Luhan. I love you."
"Sehun, I-" Luhan tries to pry Sehun off, but fails miserably. Sehun anchors his grip on Luhan's body. They stay like that for a few seconds and Sehun would never let go. Not even for a moment. He doesn't want to.
"I thought you love me? Why are you like this?" Sehun inhales him and Luhan wants to cry here and there and tell him I'm sorry I'm weak I love you very much it hurts but he can't even open his mouth.
He feels wet tears soaking the back of his shirt and he realizes Sehun is crying. Luhan felt his heart being ripped apart. Sehun's hold loosens around him and he pulls away and he looks at him, tears continously flowing. Dammit, stop crying, Sehun.
"Tell me you breaking up with me is some kind of sick joke," Sehun swallows, tears staining his cheeks. "Or some late april fool's joke."
Yes! Luhan wants to yelp but he reaches for Sehun's face instead and rubs his thumb on his cheeks, wiping the tears he caused himself. "Sehun." He mutters. I don't want this.
"I'm going back to Beijing," Luhan says softly. Sehun brings his face closer to Luhan's and kisses him square on the lips. Luhan kisses Sehun back, slowly and lets himself drown for the last time.
Sehun pulls away and looks at him directly, "Tell me you don't love me anymore, Luhan and I'll let you go."
"Sehun," I can't do it. Luhan looks at him with sad eyes. But if this is the only way.
"I don't love you anymore."
Sehun felt his world crashing down before him.
AUGUST 2013
"Do you really like my brother?"
Sehun smiled and placed his hand on top of his boyfriend's. Baekhyun smiles back at him. "Wouldn't be here sitting across you if I don't."
She nods gleefully in response. "Ah, it's been so long since I've seen Baek in a stable relationship. For how long have you been together?"
"1 year." Baekhyun answers as if on cue and Sehun snickers and intertwines their hands under the table.
"Actually it's been 1 year, 4 months, 12 days, 8 hours and wait.." Sehun checks his wrist watch and huffs. "I'm not seriously good at math but I'm assuming it's been 54 minutes and 12 seconds."
"You did not just make that up, did you?" Baekhyun teases and pinches Sehun's nose, much to his displeasure. "Kidding. You're amazing."
Baekhyun's elder sister had her lips coiled upward while watching the two. She tugs at his brother's sleeves with a hint of amusement in her eyes, "I love this guy already, Baek."
"Me too." Baekhyun replies, eyes glistening with affection.
"Hey Sehun, don't hurt him, okay? Take care of him and make him happy always."
"Noona, you sound like you're about to die." Baekhyun snorts but Sehun squeezes his hand and gives him a reassuring smile.
"While I'm living, I'll make that my goal. I promise that the only time you'll see Baekhyun cry is when there's too much happiness he can't suppress."
Baekhyun's sister couldn't be more glad.
"Hey, you meant what you said awhile ago right?"
Sehun turns to him and casts a questioning look, "What is it?"
"That you will never hurt me?"
Sehun laughs because Baekhyun is seriously asking him this. He frowns at him, "Sehuna, I'm serious."
"Of course, Baek. I can never do that. I won't be able to forgive myself if I do." Sehun takes his jacket off and drapes it on his lover's shoulder. Baekhyun scoffs at him, "Since when were you this cheesy?"
"Hmm?" Sehun hums and threads his fingers with Baekhyun's. "I don't know. Maybe the second I laid my eyes on you?"
Baekhyun scowled at him. Lies. He yawned, covering his mouth with the back of his hand in the process.
"Oh, you're tired? Does that mean we won't get to play tonight?" Sehun pulled a face. "Ah, too bad. Maybe we can-"
Baekhyun smacks him. "I'm tired."
"Hyung." Sehun whines and laughs when he sees Baekhyun's lips pucker. He enters the car and sits on the front passenger seat with a grin on his face.
Baekhyun hates it when Sehun calls him hyung.
Under the bed sheets, Sehun has his arms wrapped protectively around the latter and his head buried on the crook of Baekhyun's neck, silently smelling his familiar scent. Sehun's eyelids were getting heavier by the second and he hears Baekhyun mutter a sleepy, "I love you" and Sehun smiles and falls asleep but not before reciprocating an "I love you too."
MARCH 2012
"You're not even helping me." Luhan pouted at his friend sitting and giggling nonstop in front of the television watching what seemed to be a romcom movie, "You sit on your all day."
Yixing gaped his mouth and glared at Luhan, as if insulted. "Well, why don't you look for it on your own since it's yours and you lost it yourself."
Luhan frowns and continued rummaging the cabinet. "I didn’t lose it, I just misplaced it."
"You're not talking about your feelings for Sehun, are you?"
Luhan looked at him in disgust, "God, Yixing. Shut up and get over it."
"You're supposed to say that to yourself." Yixing paused the movie and stood up from the couch. He walked pass Luhan and patted his shoulder. "Get over it."
"Would it have killed you to keep your mouth shut for at least ten minutes?"
"It would." Yixing laughed and dashed to their shared room before Luhan could throw him dangerous things.
MARCH 2013
"I can’t enjoy this bagel while you’re crying, so you better tell me what the matter is."
"Sehun." Luhan sobbed while tightly clutching the pillow on his lap. "I saw him. And-" Yixing had an idea what he was going to say next before Luhan even chokes it out. "He's already with someone else."
Bingo. Yixing wants to strangle his friend and scream Get over it at his face.
APRIL 2013
"Okay. You're persistent, I'll give you that." Sehun looked at his watch and mumbled lazily, "5 minutes."
Luhan fiddled with his fingers and speaks, "Sehun, I made a mistake. A huge mistake. I just want you to know that when I left you that day it was because I was forced to marry some girl in China. When I knew I got mad at my parents, I told them I'm only going to marry the person I love. They found out about us and asked me to break it off with you."
Sehun didn't seem fazed, he tapped his foot impatiently and gazed at his wrist, "4 minutes."
"Sehun, please. I broke it off with you, told you I don't love you anymore but," Luhan sobbed and tried to reach for Sehun but the latter took a step back. "Sehun, I do. I still do. Everything I said back then that day, 21st of April, I regret it. Every night, the regrets haunt me in my sleep. If you think you had it hard, it was harder for me!"
"4 years, Luhan. You were gone for four years and you did not even contact me." Sehun looked at him and Luhan can't convey what his expression was. He shakes his head and sobs, "I tried to contact you."
"Well, your ‘try’ wasn’t clearly good enough." Sehun replies, irritation clearly visible in his tone. "4 years have passed since then. What's the point of telling me now?"
"I just thought you deserve to know the truth somehow."
Sehun shook his head, "No, I don’t prefer the truth. Seriously, I wish you had kept up the lie, Luhan." He glanced at his wrist watch again and sighs, "I'm with Baekhyun and I don't want to hurt him."
"Do you even love him?!" Luhan yells in despair. His hands clutching the ends of his shirt tightly. Tears cascading down his face.
"Time's up."
Luhan watched Sehun walk pass him. Walk out of him. Walk out of his life and drive away. That was the shortest five minutes of Luhan's entire life.
MAY 2013
"This isn't right."
"What part of I'm still in love with you and you're still in love with me is wrong?" Luhan whispers but Sehun catches it and he turns to face him.
"The part where I have a boyfriend and I'm hurting him!" Sehun howls, his hands shaking. "He pretends it doesn't hurt everytime, but I know it does. I know Baekhyun and I know he knows, it's still you all this time. Luhan, nothing would stop the pain-"
"I love you!" Luhan yelped and it sounded like a desperate cry. As if saying this would make Sehun change his mind. As if telling him this would bring Sehun back to him one more time.
"Godammit, Luhan! It's so tiring to love you. I don't want to love you anymore." Sehun asserts and shakes his head. "I waited for you. All I did was wait. In the end it was all just a complete waste of time." He hadn't meant for that to come out as harshly as it did but in all honesty, Luhan had hurt him even worse.
JUNE 2013
Baekhyun was staring at the ceiling. "Sehun, do you really love me?" He whispers.
Sehun turns to him with a mocked expression. Even when the lights are off, Baekhyun can feel the intense stare Sehun was giving him. "What kind of question is that? Of course. I love you."
Baekhyun looks back at him, "Only me?"
Sehun pauses before exhaling.
"I love you, Baek, okay. I love you." Sehun moves closer to his lover and wraps his arm around Baekhyun's waist. He closes his eyes, "Let's go to sleep."
"It's always like that, isn't it?"
Sehun opens his eyes and looks at Baekhyun, "What do you mean?"
You're not lying but you're not saying the truth either.
"Nothing." Baekhyun fakes a smile. He turns to Sehun and snuggles him, "Goodnight."
"Okay."
Baekhyun wants to tell Sehun that it's not okay. It's very far from okay. They're slowly drifting apart and he is painfully the only one who can notice. He sighs and looks up at Sehun. He's asleep. Baekhyun frowns and runs his fingers on Sehun's bangs, then caresses his cheeks. Sehun's lips are a bit parted and Baekhyun was tempted to kiss them so he does. He lets his mouth linger on top of Sehun's for a few seconds before tugging their blanket closer, closing his eyes and joining his boyfriend in sleep.
It's still not okay.
JULY 2013
Luhan looked up at exactly the wrong moment. Sehun was kissing Baekhyun for God's sake. His hand cupping his face and head tilting for better angle. Luhan wants to cry, seconds felt like minutes and Baekhyun finally was the first one to pull away. It was a horrid and lovely thing all at once, Baekhyun thinks. Sehun kissing him, and him kissing back.
"Why do you always do this to me?" He frowned. "You know I can never resist your kisses and you seem to take advantage of that."
Sehun pecked him on the lips once more, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you."
I love you. Luhan did not want to interrupt their moment and he foolishly tried to go back inside without making any noise but fate was awfully cruel. He his heels and accidentally stepped on a few dried leaves. Luhan cursed himself and the dried leaves for crunching. Why is there even a thing?
Luhan felt eyes boring lasers at the back of his head and he turns around, meeting Sehun's questioning gaze who immediately looked away and Baekhyun who looks torn between being embarassed and glad at the same time. Embarassed that he had to see them in that state but glad because Luhan was able to see that.
"Luhan?"
"Uh- I was, I was just about to go back inside." Luhan smiled and brushed the tears threatening to fall from his eyes as he desperately tried not to blink.
"It's okay. Sehun and I are about to go inside too anyway." Baekhyun flashed him a grin and looked at Sehun, who tried to look at anywhere else but Luhan. Luhan started walking.
Baekhyun wasn't dumb enough to not notice. Too obvious. His heart cringed. He knows it all too well. Sehun loves him dearly but he still loves Luhan, too. Even more, Baekhyun was sure. But he pushed the thought on the very back of his head and placed his arms around Sehun's waist whispering 'I love you'. An honest statement that have become three painful words for Baekhyun to say.
The three came back inside, with Luhan advancing a few steps before them. He sat beside Kris and Baekhyun sat across him, and Sehun followed beside. Once again, Luhan found himself in a very awkward situation.
"What took you guys so long?" Kris beamed as he filled their empty glasses of red wine.
NOVEMBER 2013
Kris shoved Luhan and pinned him down the couch, his eyes boring holes through Luhan.
"No! Stop!" Luhan pushes him with all his strength but it's no use. Kris leans in and Luhan can smell alcohol in his breath.
"Shh, keep quiet." Kris chuckles and holds his chin to face him and keep him in place. Kris kisses him on the lips, hard enough to bruise. Luhan whimpers and closes his mouth. He can't move, Kris is so much stronger than him. He tries to push him away but Kris just pushes his body closer.
"Stop! Let me go!" Luhan screams and he feels hot tears threatening to fall. "Stop it!" He closes his eyes and the tears streamed down.
Before Luhan even acknowledges, he hears a loud thud on the floor and a groan. He opens his eyes and he sees a raging Sehun hovering over Kris.
"What the , Sehun?" Kris grimaced and held his stomach in pain. "What the is wrong with you!"
Sehun clutches his collar firmly, "Lay a finger on him again and you die."
"Why?" Kris mocked. Blood dripping from his nose as he wiped it with the back of his hand. "Does little Sehunnie want Luhan and Baekhyun for himself? Don't you want to share Luhan at least?"
Sehun felt himself boil in anger. He lands a hard punch on his face and Kris chokes out blood. He still had the guts to laugh, "A-ah, what a selfish bbastard."
Sehun was about to blow another punch at Kris when Luhan held his wrist and begged him to go. Luhan whimpers, "It's okay. He's drunk. Let's go."
"Are you hurt anywhere?" Sehun asks in panic and worry. He holds Luhan's face and examines his body. Luhan's lips are bruised. "That bastard." Sehun clenched his jaw and took his handkerchief out to wipe his lips.
Luhan looked at him, "Why are you like this?"
"Why am I like what?"
"Like this."
Sehun realizes what he was doing and immediately pulled away. "I'm just protecting you!"
"Why are you protecting me?!" Luhan presses further. Tell me.
"Because I want to, dammit!" Sehun yells and messes his hair up. "If you don't want then why don't you go back to that piece of and let him touch you. God, you clueless bastard."
Sehun shoves Luhan away and enters his car. I still love you.
FEBRUARY 2014
"Are you okay?" Luhan asks while placing the seatbelt properly on Sehun. All week he'd been telling himself that going to this party was a bad idea, so why had he come? Simple. Because Sehun was there and Baekhyun was out of town and this was his chance.
Sehun laughs and Luhan can smell the alcohol in his breath. "Yeah, I’m totally fine with the fact that you ripped my heart out of my chest and sprinkled salt into the wound. Why wouldn’t I be?"
Luhan fastened his own seatbelt and shook his head, "Sehun, you're drunk."
"I'm sober enough to know I still love you."
Luhan was taken aback by Sehun's words but chose to keep quiet and ignore his heart thumping hard in his chest. He started the car's engine and stepped on the gas. Thankfully, the ride was silent.
"Hey," Sehun mumbles. Ok, maybe not. "Luhan?"
"I'm a genius, you know." Sehun continues. Luhan listens and lets him speak. "And yet, I don't know how to unlove you."
Luhan felt his cheeks burn. He tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "Is there a formula? An equation or something? My brain kept telling me to get over you but my heart just couldn't." Sehun swallows hard and curses himself. ", why can't I learn from my mistakes?"
Luhan hears him heave a deep sigh. He glances at Sehun and saw him drawing hearts in the condensation on the window. Sehun scribbles two letters: S and L.
Luhan brushes it off, Sehun was drunk after all.
APRIL 2014
Baekhyun is awakened by the sound of an alarm clock ringing. He presses the button lazily and opens his eyes. He frowns when he feels an empty space beside him. He glances at the time; 12am. Where is Sehun? Baekhyun sits up and he sees a sticky note on their bedside table messily written.
B,
Did I wake you up? Ah~ sorry
I prepared something for you downstairs
Happy Anniversary babe
I love you.
Baekhyun sees a little scribble and always♡ at the end. There was also a doodle of two stickmen, hands linked together. Baekhyun makes a strangled noise. Don't let it get to you, Byun Baekhyun. Don't.
He enters the bathroom and washes his face. He stares at his reflection on the mirror and breathes out. "What have you gotten yourself into?" Baekhyun takes one last look at his face and opens the door. He walks downstairs and his eyes widened.
"Hi?" Sehun greets and flashes him a smile, holding a huge stuffed toy on his left hand and a balloon at the other. "I hope you like it."
The living room was filled with balloons. There are some glued at the ceiling and some on the floor, Baekhyun can't even count anymore. He jumps at Sehun and hugs him tightly. Mumbling I hate yous and You're the worst while sobbing uncontrollably, tears soaking Sehun's white polo shirt.
"Hey hey, you're happy right? There's just too much happiness you can't suppress that's why you're crying, right?" Sehun panics while pulling away to get a good look of Baekhyun. "Your sister would kill me if I don't keep my promise."
MAY 2014
"Thought you wouldn't come," Chanyeol welcomes them at the entrance and gives Sehun a bone crushing hug. "Thanks for coming."
"Of course, Yeol. Wouldn't want to miss out my long time friend's birthday." Sehun grins.
"Hey, you came alone? Where's Luhan?"
"No, Chanyeol. Ha-ha." Sehun tried to laugh the awkwardness off. "I'm with my boyfriend. His name is Baekhyun." He tugs Baekhyun closer to him and placed an arm on his shoulder. "Baek, this is Chanyeol. We've been friends since high school. Chanyeol, this is my boyfriend."
"Oh." Baekhyun gaped and Chanyeol shook his hand. "Nice to meet you!"
"Nice to meet you, too."
"I'm really glad all of my colleagues and friends came tonight. Thank you all for accepting my invitation. I don't really have that much to say so, welcome and let's all enjoy the night." The crowd applaused and Chanyeol went down the mini stage.
The party went on and on, Sehun met his old classmates and even shared a small talk. From time to time, Baekhyun and Sehun would nonchalantly exchange glances and smiles.
"Before this party ends," Chanyeol announces. "My close friend, Luhan, is going to sing for us."
The people cheered and Sehun was surprised. Luhan was here? He peers at Baekhyun and frowns, "I'm sorry, I didn't know." Baekhyun smiles and mouths an "it's okay".
Luhan searched the group of people and stopped when he met Sehun's eyes.
He smiled and closed his eyes,"请仅听我说." (Please listen to me only)
The music started playing and Luhan held the microphone tightly. Sehun did not understand his mandarin but why did he possess the feeling that whatever Luhan said was directed to him?
A soft and gentle voice led him back to reality. He felt chills run down his spine.
내 말 들어 줄래 아무 말도 하지 말고 나 사실은 너무나 불안해
Will you hear me out, don't say anything yet
네가 없는 하루 어떻게 견딜지 정말 몰라
I’m actually so nervous, I really don’t know how to go through a day without you
우리 끝이 아니라는걸 알아
I know it’s not the end for us
내가 없는 빈자리에 혼자 아파 울지는 마
At my empty seat, don’t cry and hurt alone
내 맘속에 오직 너 네 맘속에 오직 나
It’s only you in my heart, it’s only me in your heart
서로 닮아가는 모습이 사랑에 빠져 있다는 것
We’re resembling each other more and that means we’re in love
같은 하늘 다른 곳 우린 잠시 떨어져
We’re under the same sky but apart in different places
지금 이 순간 영원히 잊지 말고 기억해
Never forget this moment and remember it forever
Sehun felt his heart beating violently against his chest. He was afraid everyone inside the venue would hear it. Why am I feeling this way? He looked at Baekhyun who was staring right back at him, face unreadable.
내게 보여줬던 네 사랑을 기억할게 그 누구도 대신할 수 없는
I will remember the love that you showed me, the love that no one can ever replace
단 하나의 사랑 내 가슴 깊이 널 담아 둘래
I want to keep you deep inside my heart
오래 기다리게 해서 미안해
I’m sorry for making you wait for such a long time
내 평생에 하나뿐인 너는 정말 특별한 걸
The only one in my life, you are really special
사실 너도 알지 너 그래 난 너 아니면 안 돼 너도 나 아니면 안 돼
You also know that I can’t go on if it’s not you and you can’t go on if it’s not me
네 생각에 찢어지는 가슴 깊어지는 한숨 누가 그래 차츰 차츰 나아질 거란 말 뿐
At the thought of you, my heart rips, my sighs grow deep ,who says that things will get better little by little?
사랑해 사랑해 사랑해 너 듣지 못해도
I love you, I love you, I love you, though you can’t hear me
미안해 미안해 미안해 후회스럽게도
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I regret so much
FOREVER 네 손 잡을게 첫 눈에 꽂힌 그날처럼 우리 사이 새로 고침
FOREVER I will hold your hand just like the first time, let’s refresh our relationship
Without realizing it, Luhan's tears started falling and he laughed bitterly, wiping it with the back of his hand. He risked a glance at Sehun who was looking directly at him.
오직 내게는 너뿐이야 너도 알잖아
It’s only you for me, I know you know
차가운 바람이 불어오면 손끝에 스치는 그 느낌이 네 곁에 늘 있는 걸
When the cold wind blows, that feeling that brushes your fingertips I will always be by your side
내 손 잡아주던 너 발 맞추어 걷던 나
You held my hand, I synced my footsteps with yours
다시 너를 만날 그날엔 네 두 손 놓지 않을 거야
The day I see you again, I won’t let go of you anymore
Baekhyun can't take it anymore. The stupid eyecontacts both of them were sharing is more than enough to tear his heart apart. Baekhyun taps Sehun's shoulder and excuses himself. Sehun looks at him and nods, failing to notice the tears that continously fell from Baekhyun's eyes when he walked out.
Why do I feel like I'm the third wheel in this relationship?
Luhan finishes his song and looked straight at Sehun one last time. He hopes Sehun received the message he was trying to convey. The four words he wanted Sehun to be aware of. I still love you.
JUNE 2014
"Sehun." Baekhyun whispers and Sehun hums a response.
"Sehun, Let's get this over with." Let's get this over with. The same hurtful words.
"W-what? You want to go back to the cabin already?" Sehun tries not to panic. Baekhyun and Luhan aren't the same. Get a grip of yourself!
"Sehun, I love you." Sehun immediately answers an I love you too almost desperately. He reaches for Baekhyun's face and carresses his cheeks. Baekhyun frowns at him and holds Sehun's hand in his face, he kisses the center of his palm gently Sehun immediately knew something was up.
"And I want you to be happy." Baekhyun murmurs and closes his eyes. Don't look at me like that.
Sehun frowns, "I am happy when I'm with you."
"I know," Baekhyun heaves a sigh. "I know, Sehun. But I want you to be the happiest. And if letting you go-"
"Don't do this to me. I love you. I love you." Baekhyun was shaking his head frantically as if what Sehun was telling him made no damn sense. Sehun felt him his insides churn, "Is this about Luhan, again?"
"Sehun, when it comes to you, it will always be about Luhan!" Baekhyun weeped. He knew that whatever Sehun was about to say next was going to be a complete lie.
"I don't love Luhan anymore."
Baekhyun felt his heart cringe. "Why does it sound like you’re trying to convince yourself?"
"I'm not." Sehun replies and scoots closer and hugs him.
"Stop being so stubborn, Sehun! Stop lying to yourself! You're making it harder for me!" Baekhyun cries while hitting Sehun's chest repeatedly.
Sehun holds his wrist and prevents him from raging. Baekhyun fisted Sehun's shirt and he felt horrible and in pain. He speaks slowly, "I love you, get it? I don't want to be the one holding you back, Sehun. I'm letting you go because I love you."
Sehun shakes his head and croaks, "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life."
It is the stupidest decision to ever make but Baekhyun decided it would only hurt the both of them more if he kept this longer.
JULY 2014
"Before I go, I just want you to know that our time together meant the whole world to me, Sehun. And I did not regret a single thing." Baekhyun smiles. "Take care, always."
Sehun nods. He hugs Baekhyun for the last time. "I'm sorry, Baek. I'm really sorry."
"Hey it's not your fault, Sehun. Nobody can dictate who their heart truly wants. Don't be sorry, I just happened to be there when Luhan wasn't around."
"Oh wait," Baekhyun mumbles and took a piece of crumpled paper from his pocket. "Here."
Sehun took it and smoothened out the the paper to find a place scribbled on it.
"If Luhan leaves again, you know where to find me." He laughs but Sehun doesn't find the humor in it. You're too good for me, he shakes his head and smiles.
"Take care, Baekhyun."
AUGUST 2014
"I love you, Luhan. I did, I still do, and I always will. I can't promise you anything right now but one thing, and that is I'll continue to love you." Sehun kisses his forehead and tugs him closer. "I have something for you." He smiled and pulled out a small envelope from his pocket and handed it out to Luhan.
"Do you really have to go?"
Sehun nods and gives him a sad smile, "I'll see you soon, Luhan." He means it. He'll see Luhan soon whatever happens.
Sehun waved his hand as he walked down the aisle to the plane that is about to take off. He hears Luhan say a faint 'goodbye' but it took his every fiber of being not to look back at him because if he spares even just a second glance at Luhan, he was positive he won't be able to leave anymore.
I need to leave. I wish you wouldn’t cry like that, this is not goodbye.
AUGUST 2015
Luhan opens the small envelope Sehun handed out to him in the airport last year. It is a set of three polaroids. Luhan smiles and took the first one.
He checks the back of the picture and sees a scribble.
April 12, 2009
Happy Birthday to me♡
Ah~ Looking at this, I suddenly feel warm and fuzzy~
Luhan snorts but the corner of his lips tugged upward. He picks the second polaroid and gasps,
Luhan snorts but the corner of his lips tugged upward. He picks the second polaroid and gasps,
January 14, 2008
I will keep this polaroid forever kkkk
You nearly killed me when I took this photo! It doesn't look that bad♡
oh on second thought... it does? hhhhhhh kidding don't throw this away!!!!
Luhan restrains himself from throwing the photo in the trash bin. If only Sehun did not about it. He halfheartedly puts the polaroid at the back of the first one and looks at the last one. He felt his heart beat faster.
April 20, 2010
♡♡♡♡ Happy birthday,
I'll call you hyung for now~ since it's your day. I love you hyung!♡♡
I will say this again tomorrow but it's not going to be hyung anymore!
Luhan stares at the last photo. It was the day before he left Sehun to go to China. He felt a sudden rush of guilt inside him. He settles the polaroids on the table and sighs. I still miss you.
DECEMBER 2015
"Sehun?" A voice calls out to him and Sehun turns around. "Oh my god, Sehun! It's you!"
"Baekhyun?"
"Yes!" Baekhyun lounges at him and hugs him. He pulls away instantly to take a good look at Sehun. "It's been so long, why are you here? How are you? And Luhan?"
Sehun beams at him, "I'm great. I'm here to finish my course. Luhan is in Seoul-"
"Babe?"
"Oh!" Baekhyun flinched in surprise. Sehun turned to the man who placed his arm around Baehyun's shoulder casually. Oh wow. Sehun's smile grew wider.
"By the way Sehun, this is my boyfriend-"
"Jongin. Kim Jongin." Sehun continues. Jongin laughs and highfives him. "Sehun, you haven't changed a bit."
"Same goes to you."
Baekhyun sulks and looks at the both of them, "You two know each other?"
"Yes. Sehun here, is my childhood friend." Jongin explains. "Actually he started ignoring me when I said I had a crush on his best friend! His name is Luhan. I was kidding though, I was just trying to get him to confess to Luhan hyung. But then, it happened the other way around!" Jongin laughs and shakes his head. Baekhyun laughs as well.
"So, is it still Luhan?" Jongin asks, half amused even though he knew the answer already the moment Sehun's lips coiled upward.
"Of course."
SEPTEMBER 2016
"You're spacing out again." Kyungsoo complains and Luhan winced in surprise. "Stop popping out of nowhere, I'm not."
Kyungsoo looks at him, expression full of scorn, "Really, Luhan? You would notice me beside you if only you weren't thinking of something so deep!"
"I wasn't, okay."
"What's his name again?" Kyungsoo questions. "Is it Shun?"
Luhan rolls his eyes at him, "It's Sehun. Oh Sehun. Get it right!"
"Ha! So you were thinking of him?"
"Goodbye, Kyungsoo."
APRIL 2017
A lot of things changed. Sehun and Luhan haven't had any contact and knowledge on how the other was doing but both held onto that tiny string of hope that both will meet again. They became a lot better. Sehun finished his degree in New York and Luhan got hired and met a few friends who helped him in work.
Just two months ago, Sehun came back to Seoul. The first thing he did, was of course, look for Luhan. But after two straight weeks of asking his old co-workers, and mates, he still wasn't able to know where Luhan is. Maybe if I stopped searching and let fate do the work for me I'll be able to find him, Sehun told himself one day. He hopes Luhan waited for him. He hopes Luhan thinks of him every night before he goes to sleep. He hopes Luhan thinks of him all the time. He hopes Luhan still loves him.
Sehun looked on his left and on his right. The street lights turned red and he crossed the street, bumping to a few people here and there. Seoul is still a busy place, after all. The clouds darkened and it started raining. He rummaged through his bag and , where is my umbrella when I need it?
In a second, Sehun feels himself being shielded from the rain.
"Didn't I always remind you to bring an umbrella?"
A spark of hope was lit when Sehun heard that old familiar voice call out to him from behind. With his heart beating abnormally fast, he turned around and saw a pair of two overly familiar doe eyes. Luhan. "What if I wasn't here?"
"But you are here," Sehun smiles and snatches the umbrella, shading them both from the rain, away from Luhan's grasp and kisses him softly on the lips. All unsaid feelings for years put into the movement of their lips.
Seconds and minutes have passed. They kissed, not bothering the busy people here and there. They seem to have forgotten that it's raining.
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